What if it came to
light that you really weren’t a woman in spirit? That none of this
transgender life is about “being” a woman in a man’s body, but rather just
thinking you were? And what if that thought (of being and feeling female)
was biologically “hard wired” into your brain? How would that make you
feel? Are you happy that this can no longer be considered an action of
choice, or does it make you sad knowing that “being wired biologically”
means it is likely something you will never be able to change?
Most of us have spent
our entire lives wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” And then after decades
of purge and repeat behavior, mixing shame, guilt and the need to search our
soul for the truth of these internal feelings of self identity, some of us
have slowly learned to accept in ourselves that which society often mocks,
or worse, condemns. If in fact being transgender is a biological trait, like
having blue eyes or blond hair, does that relieve us of this heavy load?
Transsexuals, prior to
GRS, have often described themselves as woman trapped in the body of a man.
And although I feel the same way -- and used that explanation as the best
analogy to explain what being transgender felt like -- I still could never
reconcile what that really meant beyond theory in my own mind. When we say,
“I am a woman,” are we referring to the current essence of our soul? Or
perhaps we have the memories from a previous female existence? Or is our
(societies) notion of life and existence simply wrong, and gender expression
merely another form of experience as I suggest in “And
They Burned Witches Too!” Abstract thoughts like these fascinate
me, and I actively participate in “what if” scenarios all the time. But
beyond the rhetoric of the conversation, what does any of it mean in the
practical sense?
I have friends that
have transitioned and currently live the fulltime lives of the woman they
have become. But were they woman all along? Some say yes, while others say
no.
Transsexuals (often
thought of as those that have graduated transgender camp) are split in two
on the issue and have drawn a line in the sand. There are two common
positions that have been recited to me repeatedly:
1)
Some say that they were transgender woman when
they were women living in a man’s body, but post-op no longer are,
suggesting that now they are simply women, no different than any other
biological woman, and therefore, no longer trans.
2)
Others identify as women, but recognize that the
mere fact that they were born into a male body makes them different from a
biologically born female.
For the sake of this
article let’s refer to them both by the acronym “WODO” (Woman of a different
origin).
A biological female has
lived her whole life female. Beginning from early childhood she evolved
through adolescence into adulthood. Many WODO’s on the other hand simply
“become” woman midstream. Does this make a difference? Some WODO’s will
argue that they have been women since birth, just trapped in a male body due
to a cosmic mistake. Did being predominately male (even if they were just
pretending and playing the part) have an impact on the woman they are to
become? Another position by some WODO’s is that they can never really be
100% woman (even though they have an almost exact replica of a female body
to accompany their female mind and spirit), because they didn’t have the
life experience of a woman. They certainly are no longer male and therefore,
by default, are transsexual women.
It has been theorized
for some time that being transgender and/or homosexual, is something you are
born with, not something you learn, or acquire a taste for (no pun
intended.) Recently, scientific reports are emerging that support these
theories, linking transsexualism to biological conditions that occur during
the “hormone spray,” in the womb. In 1995 Dutch researchers discovered that
a structural difference existed within the brains of men and (M>F)
transsexuals. A small cluster of cells in the brain -- the bed nucleus of
the stria terminalis (BST) – is smaller in transsexuals (as it is in women)
than in men.
Most recently
researchers announced links between certain genes and sexual orientation,
which it says is also hard wired into the brain. Perhaps with the advances
of medical sciences, we will come to know for sure the reason for our
actions. So in the future when people say, “How come you are transgender, we
can say guilt free, “Because I was just born that way.”
