Activity Stream

Activity Stream

  1. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry caring   

    Hi Kitrah,
    You wrote, "I am reluctant to tell people I'm transgender but it not a stretch for the mind if they just look."
    I spent decades afraid that anyone would become aware of my gender dysphoria and feelings. I decided several months ago to come out to virtually everyone I know. I am lucky in that I'm retired (at least for now) and independent so I felt like it was better for me to just put it out there. And maybe I would help other trans people because those who I came out to will have perhaps their first awareness of someone they know (and hopefully like/respect) that to be transgender is just an example of normal human diversity. Most people (out of about 150) responded very positively.
    I'm also very fortunate that I have relocated to an area within Seattle that is very accepting, and I've told all of my new neighbors as I've met them that I'm trans and that they will likely see me in either men's or women's clothing. We talk about my names and stuff and I assure them that I'll not be offended whatsoever if they "make a mistake." The funny thing last night was that as I parked my car in my driveway I saw a woman on a bicycle coming up the street. I was tired and just didn't want to deal with anything, as I was wearing a long blue skirt, grey tights, and a maroon top. But I realized that I needed to roll a garbage can back to the house so I grabbed it and not looking at the woman, stated heading up the yard. In a friendly voice she called out to me, saying something like, "Oh! I didn't realize there are two of you here. I heard a single man had moved in." I walked to her and gently shook her hand. She introduced herself as a neighbor two doors down, and I told her my name is Emma. Nothing in her friendly manner changed but I went ahead and told her that I'm trans, snd that I have another name too. We both laughed as she realized that indeed I'm only one person, although both genders! And we want on to have a short conversation.
    You also wrote, "Part of my solution will be to move to a more supportive environment after I finish transitioning physically." If you can I'd highly recommend that you move much sooner than later. Transition is hard and we need our support networks. And, what is your definition of "finish?" I'm not really sure there is such a milestone. At least not that I can see for me. Sure, there are stages and I guess you could select one to be the final one. But there is so much more than physical transition, don't you think?
    Take care,
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  2. Kitrah added a comment on a blog entry caring   

    i never think you try to tell me what to do. I'm just alway been reserved and there's lot of transgender that aren't like that. 
    When it come to the medical staff, my recent dealings have been positive. I think I am always me dressed one way or other. My therapist and I have talk a lot about how I have come a long way. 
    It make me proud because I can feel deep issues resolving. People who aren't transgender will never understand this fully just like I can't understand substance abuse. Do for those without the awareness it always will seem strange or not to make sense. 
    My confidence is result of being in a world that is reluctantly coming to accept trangender people and my own awkwardness within this because I don't like being transgender and I don't want to be in this body. 
    Trying to live up to an identity I never embraced created problems. I know I am not meant to be a man.  I am starting to embrace being a woman. 
    Part of my solution will be to move to a more supportive environment after I finish transitioning physically.  I just think it will be better to be around others like me. 
    I continue dressing modest working on my voice and other things. Painting my nails or light makeup. People notice I'm sure but it makes me feel more like I'm blending in than draw attention. 
    I am reluctant to tell people I'm transgender but it not a stretch for the mind if they just look. I don't think I'm much to do this for attention from others. It's nice but some of my best moments are just being secure in the home to be who I am without worry.
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  3. MichelleLea added a blog entry in Random thoughts and ideas   

    Evening Ritual
    My life on my own is following pretty much the same pattern as when my wife was alive.  I normally am en homme during the day while I go about my daily work and chores and my ineractions with the outside world. At 5:00, evening begins with feeding my two poodles and having dinner myself followed by a walk with Henry, the older dog--Preston used to go, but he doesn't like to walk in the evening so he stays home. After the boys have had their "special treat," I plop in the recliner for a short nap--we both were famous for doing this and I have not changed my habit.
    It's after nap time that thngs have changed. Now it's time to bathe and shave and get dressed for the evening. This can take up to an hour depending on what I decided to wear and how fancy I get. Tonight, I'm fairly simple in capris with a halter top, necklace and bracelet. I did take time tonight to paint my toenalls which have been bare for a week.  That is a bit of a challenge for me to get them right without being too messy. I still have to do some clean-up where I brush over. I can see where it would be so nice to have nails done. Maybe one day.
    Anyway, then I have been taking pictures of me in whatever I'm wearing so I have a record of my progress, ot lack thereof. This takes a little time, since I have to arrange the shots and get my camera and tripod set up right. I must say I am delighted with the tripod. It gives me so much more freedom to shoot the kind of pictures I'm looking for. After the shooting, I go to my computer to arrange them in an album by date. I am using an iphone 6 to take pictures and this page won't let me upload them. I'll keep trying.
    Next, I log onto the forums page and write my little blog for the day. This will be a little different now that I am studying to take my insurance license exam. I did finish my lesson and got a 93.3% on the quiz. Darn! i am supposed to get 100%. I'll do better next time. And lastly, I log into the CD chatroom to visit with the girls. Hopefully, there will be someone to talk to tonight. Au revoir.
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  4. Shewear added a post in a topic Need advice re: anesthetic cream so I can use Epilady on my face to get rid of beard   

    Hi Lisa, I'm on a similar track re. Anaesthetic creams. Im currently trying a cream called LMX4, which i bought from amazon. 
    I tried it today for the first time.
    I spread about 5cm of cream on one cheek and under the chin. I left it on for about 50 mins, then wiped off with a baby wipe.
    The good news is that my cheek became very numb. The bad news is that epilating was still quite painful, and I could only tolerate a few minutes worth! Which removed only about half the hairs.
    My cheek hair is quite sparse, and probably the least painful area - i suspect chin and upper lip will be a lot more painful. 
    Im going to try again - I'll probably apply the cream twice to see if the numbness is increased. This usually works at the dentist, so i'm hoping  it will help using the LMX cream.
    I'll let you know my progress.
    Good luck
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  5. Chrissy added a post in a topic Legal Name Change Resources in NYC and Elsewhere . . .   

    There is also the Silvia Rivera Law Project - 
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  6. Chrissy added a blog entry in On Being...Me   

    Bringing my life together
    Last Friday I was having lunch with a friend from school - he and I were at the same field placement last year and got into the habit of going to Taco Bell for lunch every Wednesday, we've moved the day around but have continued the practice. I would say he's the best friend that I've made so far in school, we always have great conversations - if neither of us have anything else scheduled our lunches often turn into all afternoon things (we don't stay at Taco Bell the whole time, we walk around).
    Anyway - last week we were talking about the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual - a guidebook for mental health diagnoses) and Gender Dysphoria vs. Depression. We were in pretty complete agreement on the topic (see below), but I was still getting a bit energized by the topic. As I was talking at one point I noticed that he was smiling - when I finished my thought he said "I really like this side of you." The "side" he's talking about is basically the activist side (the thought I was on was something critical of the DSM). Later that evening I texted him to specifically thank him for that segment of our conversation - I like all of our conversations, but that one in particular helped me connect some dots that had been wandering around loose. Along with the general thank you and explanation I mentioned that it was an area that brought together my personal, professional, and activist life, which I really liked.
    It then occurred to me that that happens a lot now. For example, when I was at the Trans Health Conference a few weeks ago, that whole few days were about all of those parts of my life. But in school, at my internship, and in other places I feel like my personal, professional and activist lives are all coming together. This is compared to say 5 years ago when my professional life was a job I hated, my personal life was virtually non-existent, and my activist life was completely non-existent.
    The reason for bringing this up in a post is that all of this is a result of coming out and transitioning for me. We talk about being "authentic," which is what I think is one of the most important aspects of coming out (and transitioning if that's what you do), and this reflects on what being authentic has meant for me.
    Side note about Gender Dysphoria and the DSM - Gender Dysphoria (GD) is a step in the right direction for the DSM, away from Gender Identity Disorder (GID). With GID they were basically pathologizing being transgender (the diagnosis just called for the person experiencing a dissonance between the gender they were identified with at birth and their experienced gender - it didn't matter if that dissonance had any negative effect on them). GD requires the presence of the dissonance, but is only diagnosed if it causes some problem in the person's overall functioning. So that's a good step, but my criticism of it is that it seemingly disregards the impact of bigotry on the person. There are passing references to this, but it doesn't seem that important that much of the dysfunction that can result from being transgender is in response to how it is perceived, and often stigmatized by others. So it's virtually (but not quite) pathologizing a perfectly reasonable response to bigotry. The question I've asked people is, if transphobia dissappeared tomorrow, would GD still be a problem?  I think it would, but a much much more manageable problem - someone saying that they're transgender would be greeted with "ok, so what do you want to do?" That could still be a difficult question, but easier to deal with if you weren't also facing rejection from family, friends, and society as a whole.
    Ok, I'm done :-)

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  7. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry caring   

    I hope you don't get the impression that I'm just carefree and out and about, and thus telling you that you should too. We all have to follow our own heart and pace. I'll also add that I do look forward to and cherish my evenings and nights when, home alone in my nightgown and robe, I'm cozy, just reading or watching a show. 
    Best wishes,
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  8. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry caring   

    Kitrah, I share your concern about what I think about what others may think about me. I'm lucky that I have a pretty good network of friends but even with them I wonder at times what they think. I am also nervous about going out and just doing whatever it is I need to do in public... as Emma. I'm getting better at it, with more confidence, but I wonder if these worries will always be with me. I sure hope not.
    I recently had an amazing experience that might give you some hope. I attended the Gender Odyssey conference in Seattle several weeks ago, and earlier this week as I entered a nearby Lowe's store I did a double take when I saw one of the moderators also walking into the store wearing a pretty blue dress. I was wearing jeans and a tee shirt because I was working at home and don't have women's clothing that's suitable for that kind of work. She saw me notice her and as I veered off to grab a shopping cart I worried that she thought I clocked her instead of just recognizing her. I intended to catch up with her in the store and introduce myself but as I entered I saw that she was busy talking to a returns clerk and I didn't want to hang out and wait for her; I didn't want her to think I was some sort of stalker! And then as I walked around the large store I didn't see her and I assumed that she made her return and left, and I'd probably never see her again.
    But when I returned to the check out area, there she was again at the returns counter. And as she left there I walked up to her and asked if I'd seen her at Gender Odyssey, that I recognized her from one of the sessions. She immediately brightened and we hugged, two sisters who happened to find each other. This afternoon I'm going to visit her at her home in between my therapist appointment and my electrolysis appointment! 😁😁
    The moral of the story is that I agree, you and I are on our right paths. And the more that we get out there we increase the odds that we will find and make new friends. I sure hope so, for both of us!
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  9. Kitrah added a blog entry in Kitrah   

    One my biggest struggle w this transition is care what other people think. This include my friend and family because i want something to look to for advice and there not there. So I try to be less caring what the other people think because im never going be like them. My own isolation prevent me for making any lasting connections so i watch the world go by. People say oh you can make things change, but i think there is more to fate. For first time in my life, i feel im on the right track. 
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  10. EmmaSweet added a post in a topic Gender Identity Disorder vs. Gender Dysphoria on the Transsexual Forum   

    Good catch Chrissy!
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  11. KarenPayne added a comment on a blog entry Decisions   

    ​In regards to not having access to surgery, point in fact, in Oregon you can use F for a male who identifies as female and M for a female who identifies as male. This is really the reason for the question (and may not have been clear about that). If a female who identifies as male uses M for their gender marker and is in a prison which places them in with men that is not a good situation or must be pat down at an airport etc.
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  12. Chrissy added a topic in Forum Help & Support   

    Gender Identity Disorder vs. Gender Dysphoria on the Transsexual Forum
    I just noticed that in the blurb at the top of the transsexual forum it still indicates "gender identity disorder." I think perhaps that should be updated to "gender dysphoria" to reflect the current status (the DSM has dropped "gender identity disorder," recognizing that it basically pathologized transgender identity).
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  13. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry Hurry Up and Wait   

    Same here, I've never been a big chat room person (I think I've looked into the chat rooms here once or twice, and very briefly both times - possibly because nobody was there)
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  14. ToeMay added a post in a topic Making Up for the Wrongs   

    This is such lovely news.
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  15. ToeMay added a post in a topic Victoria Secrets   

    In such case, it's Kohl's and Loft for me then.
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  16. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry Hurry Up and Wait   

    You didn't drive me away! I've never been much of a chat room-er!
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  17. MichelleLea added a blog entry in Random thoughts and ideas   

    Hurry Up and Wait
    I had hoped to be doing something work-related today, either working on my insurance license course or substitute teaching. Neither happened. Instead, I did more clean-up around the water feature in the backyard and got the fountain going again. I'm still getting things back together after Irma. Fortunately, it looks like Maria is going to miss us. Things were going well enough until I tried to get my generator started again. No go. So, I called neighbor Dave to see if he could help. He gave me some ideas over the phone. Eventually, going back and forth a few times, he decided to come down and have a look for himself. He's pretty good with this stuff, but he's also 82, and he had never worked on a machine like I have. So, it was a learning experience for both of us. After several attempts to get the carburetor float valve bowl to stop leaking gas, and turning the generator upside down everytime we tried to get it back together, Dave thought it would be a good idea to pull the carburetor off so he could work on it in his workshop. Now we were getting somewhere. Except we had to figure out how to get the careburetor off--not that easy. So, I looked on Youtube and found out I needed to take the two holding bolts off with a 5/32 wrench. Pretty small, and I didn't have one.
    Fortunately, Dave did, and after more struggles, we got the darn thing off. I went and bought a new spark plug as well. It was prett fouled. And so at this point, the machine is still torn down. but I think we're making progress. We'll see if we can get it running tomorrow. I have a roofing guy coming at 9 to fix my leaking roof. I also have to go to the eye doctor tomorrow for my monthy eye injection. Sounds like a fun day.
    so, here I am tonight in my new polka dot summer dress. I'm wearing pantyhose and a slip and have my heels on. Feeling very femme. I took a lot of pictures. Now that I have a tripod with a holder for my iphone, I can change my locales for picture taking. The tripod also came with a remote bluetooth shutter attachment which means I can just pose and snap away. Really neat. It's been very quiet in the CD chatroom that last two nights. I have waited for someone to join me, but no luck. I hope I didn't drive everyone away. I try to be a good guest. We'll see what happens tonight. 
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  18. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry Decisions   

    I did change my gender marker pre-surgery on everything except my birth certificate (NJ requires bottom surgery before you can change that, but that should change next year when we lose our current pathetic governor). 
    Another consideration for a lot of people is access to surgery, not everyone has the resources to get them done. 
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  19. KarenPayne added a blog entry in Karen's thoughts   

    I have created this poll after hearing a discussion on another forum. 
    There are many considerations e.g. you are born male but identify as female and want surgery, you were born male but identify as female but don't want surgery. Reverse this for female to male.
    Then of course there are binary and non-binary.
    Consider you are male, get F on your state id and commit a crime, go to jail but since you have male genitals you are placed in a male prison and the inmates know about your gender issues. Consider you are female and for the same reasons are placed in a male prison. Both cases there are high probability of ongoing sexual abuse.
    With that one simple case listed above, would you still change your gender marker?    
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  20. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry Decision time   

    I agree, good decision. But you may change your mind in a month, a year, five years. And that's okay too.
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  21. MichelleLea added a blog entry in Random thoughts and ideas   

    Decision time
    About the middle of June of this year, 2017, my boss came to my office to let me know that my position had been eliminated. She said something about restructuring and not having the money anymore for a Guidance Counselor position. My face didn't quite fall on the floor, but it could have. I was in shock. How can this be? I had worked hard at my job for over 10 years, was willing to take on whatever needed doing, and had fully expected to retire from PACE Center for Girls. Alas, it was not to be.
    Not being in a position to retire, I began my job search immediately. I filled out the lengthy applications for the Broward School District and for Florida Virtual School. I sent out applications and resumes to the local universities and charter schools. I signed up for numerous online job search websites. I reached out to friends and former colleagues. My plan was to try to find work as an Exceptional Student Support person, a job I had been doing at PACE for the past 5 years. By mid-July, I was starting to get some response and did get an interview with a local charter school. Then my wife died. Everything on hold.
    For the next several weeks, I dealt with grief and loss. I had a constant stream of houseguests and well-wishers. On August 12, we had a memorial gathering for Sue, and I was on my own again. I was not quite ready to start actively looking again. I  have some savings so I wasn't critical financially yet. But, I did start getting more  requests of interviews with the school district and other charter schools. I was not getting called back, however. Possibly because of my age, 74. No one will say that, but it's there. Anyway, to fill in while I was looking for full-time employment, I went through the process to become a substitute teacher, and after school started again, I began filling in at a boys treatment facility--thanks to a referral from my former ESE Specialist. There was also going to be an opening for an English Teacher in November as one of the staff was retiring. So, this was a possiblility.
    In the meanwhile, I kept getting requests from the local AFLAC office to come in for an interview. My wife had cautioned me to avoid teaching and sales since I didn't have the talent for either. But I thought, what the heck. I've got nothing to lose, and maybe they'll stop sending me emails. It was a group interview, basically to present the AFLAC program for those who wished to go further. I was impressed, and a little spark in my enthusiasm which I thought had died, came back to life. I felt that this was something I could do, and make a decent living in the process. Here was a chance again to maybe make a little money. That would be nice. Michelle would certainly like that since she has many wants and needs. The district manager called me for a second interview jsut as Hurricane Irma was charging toward sothern Florida. I left voice mails but never got any response. Oh well, I thought. Another one of these. But I tried again this morning and call the peson who first interviewed me, and almost immediately the district manager called back. I was on for a 1:30 interview.
    We hit it off. I had pretty much make up my mind that it would be a go on my end if it was a go on theirs. So, now I begin another career as an insurance salesman. I will start working on getting my insurance license from the state tomorrow, and start work after that. I must say that I am excited. I think I will be good at this. I think I made a good decision.
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  22. ToeMay added a post in a topic The Importance of Body Language in Passing   

    ​​This is definitely a great tip. Classy and sassy. 
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  23. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry Dresses   

    Good for you, Michelle! New dresses are always a joy. And broken sprinklers are not!
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