Activity Stream

Activity Stream

  1. bluemoon added a comment on a blog entry Letter   

    Of all the things in the world to be upset and offended by. Sad for you but pathetic for them. Yeah, maybe weak minded or insecure along with narrow-minded and perhaps judgmental. Emma has a good point, though, that it might turn into something of an opportunity to inform and educate others. Some people really do not understand how someone can be a different gender than the anatomically assigned one or can be both male and female genders. However, they can often come to have some acceptance and understanding with more information or personal contact rather than it just being an unfamiliar, abstract, and maybe even absurd idea.
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  2. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry Letter   

    Didn't you send out a press release recently that you are transgender? (I didn't really understand this and asked if you would post a copy on your blog...) And then, wouldn't you expect pretty much everyone you know to learn about you?  Anyway, I agree with Karen. I wonder if you could contact the event management (even after tomorrow is fine) to have a private meeting to talk about their concerns. I think it's best to calmly understand their assumptions and then see if you can educate them, always politely of course.
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  3. KarenPayne added a comment on a blog entry Letter   

    Sorry to hear this has occurred, must have been done by a weak minded person.  
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  4. Andrew added a blog entry in Charlotte   

    Hi Everybody
    I hope you all have a great weekend. It has not been a good start for me, sadly somebody (I don't know who) has told lots of people in my area that I am transgender and I have received a letter this morning that has asked me not to attend a local event tomorrow as being transgender might upset and offend others at the event. I was not even planning to attend
    Just wondered if anybody has ever had a letter like this asking them not to attend an event due to being transgender.
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  5. KarenPayne added a comment on a blog entry Providing my local community classes on self defense   

    In regards to keeping in a state of readiness, what happens when you are trained and disciplined is readiness is not in the fore front of one’s mind but is now instinctive in nature. I tend to be more in tune with what’s happening around me from “oh, those flowers are pretty” to “that person is acting in such a manner to be on alert”.

    Living both genders provides both a unique insight into how people perceive the opposite gender thinking prey, an easy target to “don’t mess with that person”. In my former life I remember when first beginning as an instructor my demeanor to students was for lack of better terms was “don’t mess with him” while countless times people would ask me if I was FBI, CIA etc. LOL. Then in my current life that pretty much never happens which is kind of cool. For instance my manager at work was talking about self-defense to another co-worker and I found a time to inject myself into the chat with a demonstration to show how I would handle the situation they were talking about. I remember his face, never seen me do this before. He is about thirty pounds more then me and several inches taller and boxes. I had him in a position where I could walk him around without any chance to escape using one hand to control him. Months later his boss joined in on a conversation and I asked for someone to volunteer for a similar demonstration, my boss stepped back and pushed his boss forward (lots of giggles came next).

    My point is not to say how good I am but instead to prove a point that a female/cross dresser or transgender can have the upper hand on an attacker because the attacker does not see it coming.

    Back in the day when I was training rough and tough military types we would train to the point that afterwards there at times were serious black and blue marks, blood and soreness between the legs (if you catch my meaning). The point here is I believe if a student really wants to be prepared they need to go past the clinical classroom setting to become inoculated to a sudden attack. I did my first such class for non-military and afterwards only a third of the students (all females) were a little disappointed that I did not go harder on them (as I did with military types). I told them that you are the minority and would offer another class to up the force-on-force level but sadly the class didn’t get more than eight people while my normal class would be 15 to 20. I’d hear back from the more dedicated students, not many which is good that they actually had to use the skills I taught than they all reported the force on force made a difference. Heck even my daughter told me this too when she had to fend off a frisky men.

    When I think of ingrained, that comes with training outside of the classroom. For one year I offered free follow up training once a month to students. Not many took me up on it but month after month the same six or so people showed up and progressed with their skills. Then there was a fortune 500 company who saw value in continual training and contracted me for a year to ensure employees had a set of skills that would possibly save their lives in a violent situation from various confrontations.

    Next week, at work where I’m part of the agency I work for we are putting together life like training for “Active shooter”, oh how this will be fun training 1,000 people. The head of security is former SWAT with an open mind which many law enforcement people are not to civilians and transgenders. 
    Seems I got a tad long winded here, my apologies.

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  6. bluemoon added a comment on a blog entry So, i'ts been a year. Aka How things are now. :)   

    I am so glad that you and Nikki accept, understand, and support each other so strongly and are always finding ways to grow together and make things better, more in keeping with what you like and who you are. That is mainly where you find your peace and belonging, plus maybe also with a few close friends rather than with family and people in general. Many are set in their narrow, binary ways and still have their own limitations and prejudices or judgments no matter how much they consider themselves unique, unconventional, or enlightened. I feel that Nikki shows an exceptional degree of self-awareness, honesty, courage, and bravery by accepting and exploring varying and multiple gender states. Too bad it’s like gender heresy to some.
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  7. bluemoon added a comment on a blog entry Providing my local community classes on self defense   

    Karen, read a little of your blog and wish I could train with you and had those speedy curves to play on with my own very fast, nimble little car. You seem to excel and test the limits in everything you do by design and with control.  I am in awe of your self-defense skills and teaching experience. That must also help keep you in a state of readiness by demonstrating tactics and responses necessary in times of condition red. The more ingrained or overlearned the better in case of a real-life situation. It is also great that you have the capability to scale way up for students willing and able to go beyond the basics into more advanced self-defenses methods and firearms. I love that you carried forward these skills and interests into your transition and the lgbtx community since they are often gender-typed as masculine, although that is a ridiculous, narrow-minded stereotype. They make you even more attractive as a woman.
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  8. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    So, i'ts been a year. Aka How things are now. :)
    As a couple: We're good.  Our marriage is strong, and we've been doing a lot of study on interpersonal skills as well as how brains, both the male and female, work in social relationships.  Some of our issues and misunderstandings cleared up from a really good Ted Talk about the role of hormones and physiological gender differences in the brain.  We're learning to communicate better than ever, and when and how to have deeper talks.  I'm super excited that Nikki landed a really good job the day after a different company made a really insulting payscale offer(literally a little less than standard entry pay for his field, but they wanted all his skills and experience to even apply, and wouldn't disclose pay til way late, they knew it was bad).  That was messy.  Current corporation Nikki works at for six more days is launching a massive reorganization of his department in a few weeks and STILL have not told anyone if they have jobs, where they have jobs, and what changes they can expect in their pay scales (if they get shunted to other departments, there can be significant reduction in pay).  It's stupid and just another reminder that corporations really don't care about their employees in any meaningful way.  And they're all surprised that Nikki is jumping ship.  But this has led to us finally choosing where we're going to live once this place goes, and we have been spending freetime jaunting around chosen town getting to know it (well, he is getting to know the layout, my internal navigation is confused but I'm getting to know my choices even if my phone will have to tell me how to get to them).  The town pool has two amazing looking waterslides that I plan to hit up next summer (hopefully my house won't sit on the market for years, crosses fingers) from time to time in addition to time in my own pool.  The park is huge, got horribly lost in it.  There is a house I'm eying, good price nice big house.  Here's hoping, but I'm not getting attached, it's just one option.  We culled my zillow list hard due to unsuitable backyards.  The stairs I've whinged about came out amazingly.  Epic pinterest success instead of a fail!  Now we're working on painting things.  Oh, the smell of paint.  *gags*  But having a direction and choices has been great for us both.  This summer is not really cooperating with my pool, it's either really cool, or really astounding hot and storming like mad, and neither of us are into death in pool by electrocution as a great way to spend an evening.  The storms are also making the yard crazy hard to maintain, so Nikki's been busy in our backyard jungle.   We're struggling with mad mosquito craziness after several years of very little, vampire bugs are eating us.
    Nikki: Nikki has found confidence and comfort in himself despite continuing attacks on his state of being on the internet (the there is only binary male/female and if you move back and forth you're a liar sort) so Nikki's backed away from most things like that online.  He's focusing on his art, new job, life changes, love of movies, and doing whatever he wants while working with his therapist to continue to control the depression and has found a lot of peace with everything.  Some days it's full boy, some days full girl, most days a mix, but very very rarely is it a bad depression day if at all in the last several months.  So he's healthy again, and that is what matters most.  He's super proud to have gotten new job, which is both a promotion in duty and pay, and has been doing amazing work in the house.  At this point his depression is well controlled and Nikki's been pretty happy.  
    Me: Still fighting losing internal battle with the dismorphia and my family issues getting poked on a regular basis, but have regained my footing in my day to day life and my marriage.  People sometimes seem to think of marriage as disposable in a very real way, and even if I don't go into full disclosure and just gloss it over with 'there were secrets and we're rebuilding' and let them think he cheated on me or whatever they read into that, they're all astounded that I want to fix things instead of bailing.  And I think that is a partial factor of our societal marriage rates, but I like that we worked it out and all the secrets have been aired out and worked through.  I did have a stupid where I agreed to too much change for my personality in too short a time frame ,but I am surviving this and the more direction there is to work towards the better I feel inside.  My asthma has improved dramatically, so we are more and more active, and I expect it will further improve in new town, since it's about 90 miles south of here and well outta swampland.  I'm super excited to go to a new place and just do new things with new people.  My internal life in my house is wonderful, so next step is obviously to make the life outta the house match. : ) 
    Edited to add:  I'm really looking forward to getting away from Christmas decoration, lawnmower, and grill stealing neighbors and their creepy behavior>  WOOHOO!
    That's where a lotta stress, communication, therapy, education, new friends, old friends, and sorting out the important from the fluff and fixing health issues has taken us.  It's been a ride, and I'm happy so many people here shared in it and helped make it a bit softer on those bumpy tracks.  *hugs to all*
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  9. KarenPayne added a comment on a blog entry Providing my local community classes on self defense   

    To elaborate (thinking about what bluemoon mentioned).
    One of the most important things as an instructor to understand is where students are coming from along with what they are willing to do or not do.
    With that I refrain from teaching firearms as a self-defense tool for this class but instead focus on
    Awareness OODA loop as a foundation codes Judo hand techniques to stop and attackEmpty hand techniques to control an attackImpact tools (flashlights for instance) to assist with larger attackersDealing with bystandersDealing with law enforcementI have lots of experience (including teaching firearms ranging from handguns to shotguns)
    I do understand those not willing to participate but at the same time many walked through the doors where I taught with either or physical or mental scars who would tell us they were the type not to take these classes but after an attack that changed everything.
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  10. bluemoon added a comment on a blog entry Providing my local community classes on self defense   

    Karen, I have great admiration for your self-defense skills and willingness to share them. It not only benefits your students but the entire lgbtx community by helping to change the stereotype of us as easy targets and make others think twice about trying to bully or hurt us. By the same token, Emma, your friend not just protected himself on those occasions but may have stopped them from going on to victimize others. Bullies rarely pick a fair fight. They choose what they believe is a sure thing and avoid what they consider a risk. They often have a keen sense of others' vulnerability. It is key for everyone to know their capabilities and limitations. For example, carrying a gun can be a life-saver for some, but place others in greater danger. Some can become experts in martial arts, but most are better off with the kind of class Karen offers. Of course, self-defense means not just fending off attackers but learning ways to minimize risk and escape or gain assistance in a bad situation (such as sounding a loud whistle and not getting coerced into a secondary location). Thank you again, Karen.
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  11. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry Ups and Downs   

    I've also had several people tell me how brave or courageous I am for coming out, and for being, transgender. And as you say it's wonderful to keep those people in mind especially when we have down feelings or worries or are criticized. 
    Why shouldn't we just be happy and live accordingly? We should but each of has his/her own personal responsibilities, inner demons, and social considerations that they need to try to balance and come to terms with. Like myself, I endured for more than a half century to confront and understand myself and to slowly push the boundaries toward transition. In the US (and, it seems, in some European places) younger people are growing up with more open-minded parents, and are thus coming out and being themselves earlier and more naturally. And, they also have puberty-delaying drugs that enable them and their parents to mature into having a more confident decision about which gender they really are. 
    So, the answer? There isn't a single answer. As all people, transgender or cisgender, are different, each person's situation is unique and their own.
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  12. Andrew added a blog entry in Charlotte   

    Ups and Downs
    Just a quick update sadly yesterday one of the press I emailed about transgender and bullying rejected my story. But I will keep going.
    The other thing I have noticed is that the few people who I have spoken too about coming out as transgender have said how brave and heroic it is that I have been open about it. I do not if I am brave or heroic but it is wonderful to  have people who say such nice things. I know that I am truly blessed to have such kind people to support me and I know not everyone is so lucky.
    Also all these people who have said such nice things have also asked me "why is it such a problem if you are transgender if you are happy and it does not hurt anybody then you should be who you are and not have to hide it" I wish I had an answer
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  13. Andrew added a comment on a blog entry 4th July   

    Hi Chrissy
    Thank you for your kind words. The two year wait in the uk is just to see a transgender centre. I am very lucky in one way as I live quiet close to one of the few centres in the UK. Sadly like in the USA and in other countries that I have been looking into lots of people have a very long way to travel. This part of my reason to try raise awareness of the situation in the UK and if it raises awareness and helps children and adults in other parts of the world that are transgender that would be a huge bonus. But I am sure there are other wonderful people working as hard to make it work as well.
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  14. olcharlie added a topic in Transgender Rights & Political Activism   

    Parent fights to keep gender off baby’s birth certificate
    July 03, 2017 7:33 PM By Teresa Welsh
    A baby born in British Columbia, Canada is thought to be one of the first in the world not to be recognized as either a boy or a girl on their national health card.
    Searyl Atli’s parent Kori Doty, who is transgender and nonbinary, is now fighting for British Columbia to issue a birth certificate without any specific gender, according to CBC. Doty, who uses the pronoun their, said they don’t want to assign the baby a gender until the child can decide for themselves who they are.
    More here:

    Read more here: 
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  15. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry Providing my local community classes on self defense   

    I think that's really neat, Karen. To be honest I would be reluctant to attend your class because I'd be afraid as I always was of physically fighting, whether for my own protection or what. I well remember fearing the wrestling class in PE that lasted I think 1 or 2 weeks every year. It seemed like it was such a joke for the coach and the rest of the class to witness my quick humiliation. I just wanted it to be all over with.
    A problem for me is that I don't really see the "bad" people out there who might harm me. I'm meeting a friend in Anchorage late next week and talked to him last night. He told me that in California he always carry's a pistol. He's licensed, trained, and all that. He says it makes him feel better, and he has a couple of stories over the years which he uses to show its need. (He's not shot anyone or pulled the trigger.)
    I get it, I think. But I have no desire to carry a gun, in my car or anywhere. So it's much better to be at least trained in self-defense by someone like you. I'm relocating to Seattle so Salem is kinda far, but who knows, I may sign up for your class one of these days. :-)
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  16. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry Providing my local community classes on self defense   

    I wish I was close enough to take your class :-)
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  17. KarenPayne added a blog entry in Karen's thoughts   

    Providing my local community classes on self defense
    My background includes certifications in what I call common defense that does not require years of training but does requires that my everyday students (I have professionals in military and police students). Two years ago I went under the knife to transition and after 12 plus years of teaching I put a pause on teaching.
    Over the past decade or so I've read about people in the LGBT community murders, bullied and so on. This gave rise to me seeking out in the past few months a place to teach that would be okay with the establishment allowing me to teach.
    Friday night I was given permission by the most popular LGBT club (I know some here are from Salem so it's South Side Speakeasy( to use their large back room normally for a card club (poker I believe is the popular choice). I provided my bio to the owner, told him what I would be teaching and the cost. He was very happy with me putting on this class and said it's been a long time coming.
    Note that the cost is nominal, more to get the interested to come as I've done free classes before where my assistants and myself noticed differences in commitment between those who paid and those who did not. 
    If anyone here is within the Portland/Salem Oregon area feel free to respond to when the dates will be. My first idea is to wait until after most people have finished their vacations and have the class on a Sunday mid-day into the early evening.
    Lastly, hopefully others here that are capable of teaching such a class are doing so in their area.
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  18. bluemoon added a comment on a blog entry 4th July   

    A great time for us on both sides of the Atlantic and all ponds to celebrate our independence from the rules, limitations, and shackles of anatomical and binary gender determination. Viva la gender revolucion. fireworks in all colors.
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  19. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry 4th July   

    Good luck with your efforts! Very worthwhile. Is it a 2 year wait for anything specific, or is that for any medical transitioning?
    That is a long wait - on the other hand, it seems like it's probably more available than it is in the US to many. I'm not trying to one-up you, just to say that it seems neither country is quite getting it right yet. 
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  20. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry 4th July   

    Hi Charlotte,
    It's great to hear from you and thank you for your kind wishes. I feel there is a rising tide of awareness and appreciation for transgender people. It is coming slowly and there are always obstacles to navigate (e.g., Trump, Pence) but as they say a rising tide raises all ships. 
    I am also hoping to have my hair styled in a more feminine cut. I will go see a stylist in late August which will be five months since my last cut, which wasn't too short. I think it will be long enough to at least present more androgynously, and also be nice while I wait more months for it to grow out more. My hair is very gray and I have some thinning on top and a high forehead, but everywhere else it's thick and healthy. I hope I won't need to go to a hair doctor but I will if necessary.
    It would be fun if you would publish one of your press releases here. Amazing to me that you've done that!
    Best wishes,
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  21. Andrew added a blog entry in Charlotte   

    4th July
    First of all Happy Independence Day to all Transgender people in the USA. Have a great day all of you. 
    Last Friday went to get my hair styled more feminine. Sadly my hairdressers said my hair needs a little more time to grow out before we can do it but we will get there. Also one of my Gymnastics students brought me a wonderful Jo Jo Bow to put in my hair once it looks more female.
    I have sent some emails to the UK press as I am hoping to help raise more awareness in the UK about Transgender issues for both Children and Adults and the two year wait to receive treatment. I will keep you all updated with how I get on.
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  22. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry NY Pride - reflections   

    Dear Chrissy,
    Loved your T-Shirts.  
    Watched the NYC Pride on TV and I look forward to many more televised Prides!  
    A Gaymale friend of mine went to the NYC Pride in person and, as always, he absolutely loved it.  He never misses it.
    Feel the NYC Pride is BOTH a march AND a parade!
    Your friend,
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  23. bluemoon added a comment on a blog entry A Wonderful Experience   

    I'm so proud of you and them. Very faith restorative and hopefully infinitely more similar experiences even while still enough on alert for the occasional crazy.
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  24. EmmaSweet added a comment on a blog entry A Wonderful Experience   

    I have just had a fun experience. In Whitehorse, Yukon, there is a microbrewery called Winterlong, and I walked over there this afternoon. I had an IPA and while sitting there a couple, about my age, walked in and I overheard them talking to a younger (local) couple, and say they are from California. Long story short, we spent the next hour or so talking. They asked what was up with me, I explained that I am transgender, and we really hit it off. Nice people. Excellent beer! 
    I fully agree that we need to be careful and I took a chance albeit small. 
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  25. bluemoon added a comment on a blog entry A Wonderful Experience   

    oh yeah, emma, that's my kind of trip, just what I long for, but hopefully one of these years. the world of trees, mountains, waterfalls and fast rivers, and forest creatures feels like home to me or one of my home bases. there's a serpent, though, in every paradise and it usually takes human form. it is so sad and unfair but a reality to have to wonder about who might be an aggressive predator and having to keep your eyes open for them, even though they are few and far between, I hope. I also hope most of the extra attention is curiosity and even perhaps a little special interest or admiration, but you'll probably find that much more in your expanding Seattle world as the more outwardly feminine you..
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