Activity Stream

Activity Stream

  1. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry I wish our bodies came with manuals.   

    The pods moving won't really solve the main problems here, along with the there is absolutely no place to even put one where we are staying currently (the yard is tiny, and so is the driveway, and we have three cars crammed onto it and there is no street parking while a pod was here for a day, the back tiny yard is fenced, no way to put anything in it, and the front yard has a drastic slope.  Secondly, Nikki really doesn't want to carry all the boxes OUT of the basement.  I don't blame him.  So movers is the way to go this time, and let someone else do the schlepping.   And, ​I'm cheap.  Why pay a storage fee for my pod when I can continue using the storage it's in now for free. LOL
    I have brought them to my doctor, but most of them don't seem to have a cuase, she ran a bunch of tests and checks over my food diary and sleep log from my fitbit, and can't find a pattern or basic cause for most of it.    So ​apparently I age weird.  She's still plugging away at it though.   So ​I'm getting the same result you are, 'everyone ages different, and that's probably the cause!".  Meh.  On the bright side, still only have the smallest amount of gray hair in my roots.  (hair is currently blue, but I can see a bit of root).  It doesnt' really matter to me, if it all went white it would be easier to get the crazy colors I like, but it drives certain annoying members of my family who went gray in high school crazy. 
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  2. Kitrah added a comment on a blog entry On mute.   

    I just unerstand my place. It can be better but it can be worst. My life was better in the closet. I have girl role. I not sure how all this ppl think they empower. Nd when I’m free this situation where I going to go what I going to do. I unerstand why you just take the abuse. Cuz it alway can be worst. I think I will alway have friends until I wake up and can’t get one pick up the phone. When u don’t have family or normal life this is what there is. You get to loud and ppl just say I don’t want the drama and that’s it. 
    I get it. I’m not the only one. My ex constant torture me say she going tell ppl things and in that way I’m glad I transitioned cuz nothing to say now. No more blackmail. 
    I wish they will bring back term Gender Identity Disorder. Because I have keep up two identities to surviving. And unless u did it you don’t know. Newest trans ppl not going have that apply to them they get be who they are.
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  3. Emma added a comment on a blog entry On mute.   

    Dear Kitrah,
    Please internalize Monica’s message. It’s how I feel too. 
    Best wishes,
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  4. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry I wish our bodies came with manuals.   

    Dear Bree,
    Bring my physical changes to my doctor's attention, only to be told, that's a normal part of aging.
    Am trying to be as active as I can, as you are doing, Bree.
    You may consider PODS moving, where they drop off a container in your yard, you pack your own boxes, and put them into the container, they ship the container to your new house, in your yard and you unpack your own boxes into your new house. The containers come in different sizes and are priced accordingly, along with the distance they are being shipped. Haven't used them, so I can't vouch for them, but it is an idea you can consider.
    Your friend,
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  5. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Being Autistic and transgender   

    Dear Natalie, Emma and Bree,
    Didn't take the test because I found it confusing, but some of it resonates with me.
    Have epilepsy, and I can spot people with epilepsy on the sidewalk, especially if it is not well controlled. About half of people with autism have epilepsy.
    Took care of a man with Asperger's Syndrome for 10 years, and I learned a lot taking classes, taking him to support and social groups and attending symposiums on the topic.
    Have issues with loneliness, and I am not sure if it has to do with the fact that I am disabled, poor, or that I am average looking. Must confess I felt more accepted when I lived in Florida (there are many more disabled and poor people there, and, amazingly, they are much more T/LGB-friendly. When I lived in Brooklyn, I was almost as well accepted and well-treated as I was in Florida, and here in upstate New York, I seem to have much greater difficulties than I had in Florida and Brooklyn.
    Thank you for allowing me to share.
    Your friend,
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  6. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry On mute.   

    Dear Kitrah,
    No one deserves abuse, physically or emotionally, even though it is epidemic and pandemic in our culture, toward both women and men (men's dirty little secret). 
    We are all healing here, and we are here for you.
    Your friend,
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  7. Kitrah added a blog entry in Kitrah   

    On mute.
    I’m exhausted. It’s ben one thing after other today. Sometimes when I’m talking I feel like everone has me on mute. Like I’m stupid an airhead. I feel like I’m on this ship, making all this compromises, trying to be heard and no one listening. When I get louder so do everone else and when I’m upset, why r u yelling. 
    Im terrified. Like being stuck with bad driver everyday. Your like please don’t put us in the ditch pay attention. So in sense That’s the control I have.
    im on the ship at sea. I’m not the captain and the only thing I do is pray there’s no typhoon.
    i get whole supporting role thing cuz you got to trust this other persons decisions and I am about had it with this. Say your not afraid to eat alone cuz that’s going be one uncooked meal. 
    Day after day do things your way. Fine but I’m not appreciated. Tell me I’m scare the meal ticket going run out one more time. Yea I’m not happy w this living arrangement cuz I’m doing things I never thought I do and saying things I shouldn’t say. Put me back on mute. No I’m just wear my own headphones. Only when I’m quiet I get what’s wrong. 
    What u want me spill the beans? I can’t say what I want. I just keep going. Just one task after the other. I’m not insensitive. That’s u. I’m not bullying that’s u. I can’t show my emotion. Just continue live out whatever part I’m suppose to play. 
    I can take the abuse. I’m made for it, but u better try to remember my real name. It’s Kitrah. I’m not a bitch. I’m one who cook and serve your meals and do laundry and run errands and have no say what happens. I constantly write my life around this so I’m not on streets. 
    My name mean something. It all I got. And u and everone else not going use it like a dirty word. That how u make me feel. 
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  8. Natalie added a comment on a blog entry Being Autistic and transgender   

    Agree with you about vaccines Briannah, Its well known about Andrew Wakefield and his flawed research, families who have genetic autism like mine we just feel sorry for those who can't accept that their genes carry the answer. Like I pointed out, they would blame the family dog instead of themselves or their relatives  
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  9. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Being Autistic and transgender   

    I would just like to pipe up ant say, the claims about autism with vaccines?   The original author made it up.  He made up the study, and it came out on scrutiny originally that the tests were poorly controlled and done, but he later admitted he'd pretty much made up most of it.  Unfortunately, there is a large population of the population who will not hear that, or all the studies about it.  My best friend's son has autism, so I sporadically follow the new related to it, and often get directed to interesting things by her.  
    I'm glad it brought you peace.  Learning what my disorder is and isn't(add), and where I can separate out behavior issues alongside it and improve as well as coping mechanisms for the actual disorder has brought me much peace.  I have not asked for concessions from people, just let them know I have the disorder and that is why I need to make so many notes for myself learning a new position for example.  So when my brain is jumping around like crazy I have a visual reference to reorient with.  I still get accused of playing the 'add' card.  People get weird with a mental disorder.  Like the brain is some sacred incorruptible organ, rather than a flesh and blood organ that can go wrong like a kidney or a heart or lung.  Mental health really is just another form of physical health at the end of the day, something has gone wrong in an organ, and we have stigmatized it to be something else so we can blame victims instead of helping them it feels like sometimes.   You can't find a solution or treatment for an illness wtihout understanding the illness, adn it's causes. 
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  10. Emma added a comment on a blog entry Being Autistic and transgender   

    I took the test and here are my results:
    Your AQ Test Score is: 31. The official criteria for Asperger’s Syndrome is an AQ score greater than 32. According to statistical analysis, 26 – 31 Is a borderline score. 86% of people with a score of 26-31 can be correctly classified as having Asperger’s Syndrome.
    Wow! That's so interesting. I think it's accurate to say that I'm borderline if anything. Still, maybe this adds some perspective and context about what I've experienced in my life. I may very well bring it up with my therapist next week to get her viewpoint. She's amazingly perceptive. 
    I wonder what therapists feel about this test. For example, the COGIATI test is available for people to "test" whether or not they are trans. IMHO it's hogwash. More like a parlor game than anything substantive. 
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  11. Natalie added a comment on a blog entry Being Autistic and transgender   

    Thanks Emma, it really is something I have studied and researched about since my kids diagnosis. It would appear that there is a significant number of people who deny everything, like its some kind of fatal disease when their children get a diagnosis. They would blame the family dog if they thought it was possible, not their genes, but it has to come from somewhere. People like me on the spectrum are amused about this because its given me so many abilities, I am a detailed colour pencil artist, I know that is something  I could or couldn't be regardless of my dis 'ability' but its also something that autism has enhanced. I never stop learning, its something I have to do, ask questions all the time, #neverstop thats me, No.5 is alive.....need input

    It does have its negatives, isolation, lack of face to face and telephone communication skills, unable to read social cues, (big one that, I talk too much, or not enough and eventually say nothing at all) I misinterpret other thing that we all do on the spectrum when looking at a face, its always the mouth/teeth that we concentrate on, the eyes are almost totally avoided. I'm not unhappy being trans and autistic, it makes me who I am   

    For anyone who is inquisitive enough, here is a test, it means nothing but its a standard test that gives someone an idea about their personality.

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  12. Emma added a comment on a blog entry Being Autistic and transgender   

    Very interesting, thank you Natalie. I looked up autism traits to see if I might have any. Some are a bit familiar but on the whole I don't seem to fit. I well understand how much better you feel having your own diagnosis. Perhaps it similar to how I felt as I came to understand that I'm trans, it's not my fault or some sort of predilection. What if it was? I think I'd have a much harder time claiming my space in the world. 
    Sorry, I didn't mean for my comment to be about me. I just wanted to give you some support.
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  13. Natalie added a blog entry in My journey through the years   

    Being Autistic and transgender
    Is there a link between autism and being trans?
    Yes, there is.....we are in the scary part of the process where there is lots of denial and misinformation around the issues. A lot of research has been going on in Cambridge University UK by Professor Simon Baron-Cohen. Its quite a common comorbidity yet those individuals who deal with both issues are undiagnosed a lot of the time because transgender is identified first. Dealing with trans issues covers up the autism traits, and of course, the gatekeepers are only focusing on one problem. 
    A lot of autism in adults is misdiagnosed with differing mental illnesses BPD, a common misdiagnosis in girls. Autism can cause no end of mental illness yet in itself is simply a developmental disorder. A lot of transgender M2F's appear to be highly computer literate, have a narrow range of interests and can be obsessed with exactly the kind of interests that are normally found in autism. I speak from experience, autism has been in my family for generations, nothing to do vaccines, and it can be traced back to my father, although I suspect it was one of his parents who had the gene pool, my aunties (his sisters) were much like him and so were their children, my cousins. F2M's are often diagnosed with both and it was the 'Extreme Male Brain' theory that showed how the F2M's could indeed be affected.
    I was diagnosed with that I am talking about Aspergers Syndrome only in 2010, but that was because one of my children was on the spectrum and it was noticed that I was indeed the gene carrier. So I wanted to find out if some of the difficulties I had were all down to being trans or something else (that I knew anyway) and sure enough I am firmly on the spectrum. It is life changing and empowering to discover what has been really going on, and brought so much enlightenment to why my life had been this way, and provided answers to the decisions I make. 

    Vaccines as the cause is still unproven, families with autistic children who have a long established history of autism in their gene pool will tell you that IF vaccines are involved, there is a big difference in the effects. Gene pool autism is far more systemic and its affects are wide spread throughout the daily life of the individual. The claims about vaccine induced autism appears to be more narrowly based on learning difficulties but less on the behaviour and other traits. 

    Like all people who are in the LGBT community, we appear to have a radar for finding each other, no matter how stealth we believe we can be. Autism is the same, I can spot someone who could be on the spectrum easily, sometimes by just the way they dress themselves, fashion isn't important, comfort is.  My sister has a total aversion to wearing traditional female clothes and only 'dresses up' when the need arises. Yet she is no doubt completely comfortable with her gender and has four children and has been married to the same man for over 50 years. She is atypically autistic, and three of her children too. 

    We are who we are though, regardless of whether we are one or both its how we deal with the issues. all I know is that having both have created a really interesting life, difficult to navigate through but I wouldn't change anything, its all part of who I am and who I can be proud of. What I have achieved, and the talents I have is down to being open and honest and facing these challenges head on. Be yourself, cause you sure can't be nobody else.    
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  14. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    I wish our bodies came with manuals.
    Every time I think I'm figuring out the changes in my body with age, most of which no one ever talked about in my family, something else goes weird.  I'm not talking the "falling apart, unable to live" state like my mom, but the constant parade of guessing how food is going to affect me, sleeping patterns, how easily I injure/bruise myself, changes in the rhythms of my asthma making it harder to predict after I'd had it down to a science, acid reflux crazy, little things that add up to both a medicine cabinet full of things (antacids, gas pills, throat pain suckers since I dehydrate at a moment's whim of my body now, things like that, prescription medically our lifestyle changes are reducing that amount at least).  But we really should come with individualized manuals, this trial and error nonsense sucks. 
    The manual should include actual nutrition too.  Our culture has so obscured what healthy food is it's crazy.  And most people trying to eat well are unintentially eating unhealthy in a variety of ways because packaging and manufactures are allowed to lie and obscure a lot from us.  It's even worse in other countries, china has a crisis of a variety of fake food facing them.  Our crisis is fillers and additives.  One of the many things Trump defunded was an initiative to make manufacturers list how much sugar they ADD to the food.  *headdesk*  
    And, on a note of pure curiousity and interest, I want a manual that tells me how the parts actually work.  So I can look up any organ and see what it's doing, how it does it, interesting facts.  I know I have the internet, but one all collated and at hand would be fun.  I know, I have a weird sense of fun.  
    I'm off, I took a temp job to earn the money for movers, so we don't have to slog with a uhaul this move once house sells.
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  15. Natalie added a comment on a blog entry Getting on the bus 😱   

    Apologies Monica, the description of your transit ride and library gave and what has happened gave me the wrong impression.

    You're right though about libraries, they have always been a place where one can go and find a bit of quiet time for study and reflection, not to be harassed by the worst of society for any reason. Society is becoming worse in so many ways, its not just in your country, mine is much the same, we appear to be going backwards in that regard.

    I hope you have a better day today  
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  16. Briannah added a post in a topic New Rule Allows Discrimination   

    Wow, I must never try to type from my phone again.  *facepalm*
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  17. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Getting on the bus 😱   

    Dear Not Allowed,
    Am not transgender, but a cisgender Lesbian who is an ally.
    Have been mistaken for a transwoman several times.
    Am a member of the Mid-Hudson Valley Transgender Association.
    Seems like the bullying comes in waves. Not surprised that this happened after the New Year, because people get on a high through Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. During these three holidays, it seems people are on their best behavior.
    Am amazed to see this BEHAVIOR in a LIBRARY. Has always been my experience that libraries bring out the best in people, like churches, but no more for either! 
    Had a bad day today.
    Thank you for your friendship.
    Gratefully Yours,
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  18. Briannah added a post in a topic New Rule Allows Discrimination   

    OMG Nikki just told mr that poir womam wasmt even Irush she was just visiting.   Be careful where you vacation lestvit cost you your life I guess from something preventable i huess is that moral.             I wonder if a trans doctor refused to care for an anti-lgbt patient if they would also find protection under this law   i somehow doubt it   
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  19. Natalie added a comment on a blog entry Getting on the bus 😱   

    ​Hi Monica, I really hope that you are able to overcome what appears to be a terrible time you are having at the moment. I don't know your transition history but building up a resistance to these bullies is vital, its not easy but the more you are able to the easier it becomes. Hurtful words and verbal attacks are dreadful but please remember that it says more about them than you. I know thats cold comfort when all you want to do is be yourself, but try not to isolate yourself too much. Is there any transgender support where you live like groups and clubs perhaps?

    If I can be of any help with advice etc, please let me know, (((hug)))  
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  20. Natalie added a comment on a blog entry Getting on the bus 😱   

    The first motivation I had was when I made contact with one of my cousins (I have two that are trans) and her voice was perfect. This was way back in 1978, that was my first attempt at transitioning. She explained to me that by pushing my voice to an octave higher is what I needed to achieve. At the time the BeeGees were all the rage, Saturday Night Fever and all the songs that flowed from that album were in the chart. So thats where I began, and very soon I could feel the muscles developing. My throat became sore, and when that happened I allowed my overstretched larynx to rest. But that of course produced a reasonable falsetto with no tonal quality.

    I am autistic too, now that came in real handy because imitating people is what we do, its how we learn to interact with others. I started imitating natural female voices, in fact I pick up accents quickly and accurately, a lot autistic people do that apparently. All of these different exercises helped a lot, like training any set of muscles, and eventually a natural tone developed. I eventually went to a voice therapist because I wanted to make sure I hadn't damaged my vocal chords and what she had to say amounted to a brilliant pat on back. She said, "There is absolutely nothing I can do to help you, in fact your voice is exactly how it should sound. You have achieved what I try to teach people in your position, lift the larynx higher up and then slide it backwards." So what I am doing essentially is to use my throat muscles to squeeze the larynx, and then my oral cavity and sinuses for volume control. 

    A better vocal sound is achieved just by singing along with female singers, or male falsetto voices that have a mature tone, I used my favourite Motown group, the Temptations, their falsetto lead was Eddie Kendricks, (and others) and black singers seem to have that more developed voices at higher ranges. Luther Vandross is another good voice trainer, helps with the tonal values. Once the pitch has been achieved its a case of adjusting the tone to create perfection, the more control of the tone is vital, it gives you the ability to bring emotion into the voice, soften and/or harden how you speak. 

    Having a good voice increases confidence, it is key and I have always recommended this any new transitioners to work on it, because it will confuse those bigots like hell.....and I love taking on bigots  

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  21. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Happy Birthday Monica!!!   

    Dear Emma, Lori and Briannah,
    Thank you for your birthday wishes.  Am proudly age 60.
    Emma, I love the pictures of your cat.
    Will be writing about this milestone soon.
    Yours truly,
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  22. MonicaPz added a comment on a blog entry Getting on the bus 😱   

    Dear NotAllowed and Emma,
    Have noticed that there is a more "rough crowd" riding the bus and subway, as well as visiting the library, 
    As for the bus, I try to ride as close as possible to the driver (in the front).
    In the subway, I try to ride in the FIRST card (by the conductor) but I notice that there are more "conductor-less" cars, but I would still try to ride in the first car.
    In the library, I try to use the computer/tables as close to the librarians at the front desk as possible.
    Always carry a "Five Star Responder," by Great Call ( and if I press the "panic button" for 5 seconds or less, I get a trained operator, and if I press it for 6 seconds or more, I get BOTH the operator and police.  Also,my exact location shows up on the operator's and police's map.
    Just before I wrote this, I was harassed by two Latina/Hispanic young women (for what reason, I don't know) and had to report them to the librarian.
    This is one of the reasons I am saving up to get my own computer, so I don't have to go to the library as often.  Hate using the public computer as I feel so vulnerable.
    The trans- and homophobia here in upstate New York is so oppressive!
    Yours truly,
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  23. Kitrah added a blog entry in Kitrah   

    So i been thinking about things most about perception. Major thing to me becuase i do not have protection like normal person. this have lead me to want to just be accepted as a woman instead of this intersex or transgender person. why. because this state seem to attract negative attention. and i think this why people want to fit within binary. passing the option for safety and talking online or anwhere just open the door to attacks and theres no defense. i cant tell u the thick skin u have to have. i was talking one my gf's and i said its sad really i want to live as a girl and even so i can't do it without everone make this big deal about it and it just force me to have to live mental as man even w what im doing. i rememer one my big anxieties antime i date someone was have to tell them right away or its going to become big issue and end bad. since it have been use for black mail me, i learn hard lesson to avoid ppl. i have horrible thing write about me online so of course ppl will believe it. all this things deter me from being myself and i end up keep going back to my instinct of not let someone make me the target by living in shadows. the work environment for me i have alway chose the job not in spotlight where ppl dont have see me and when i lose this job its hard to get a new one. im just perceive as unlikable and distant which is how i have been made to be. even my roomie seem to have this crazy perception of me and because she havent live my life or witness the discrimination she dont know. i rememer one time group of friend went to amusement park and i was wearing makeup, no dress and 2 girls threw their drink at me. like i dont know this ppl and didnt even look at them. this new trans attitude seem to be accepting but thats not society thats not offline thats just the illusion. really i wonder why my future even holds. am i going be able to take care myself? am i going have be dependent on ppl forever? im happy w the changes happen to me but also i feeling like it just going draw more drama and attention. and thats more anxiety. antime i mention any this to my roomie it just blank look and stare. no comment no communicating. i feel like evertime someone look at me they have this pity look. my roomie constant say i am crazy paranoid. and when i explain it shes just like yea but... still. this just make me more defensive say more and it never sink in. how i feel. i cant even look at ppl when i talk to them. im constant want to be somewhere else. it all around how ppl look at me. i no im failure. i dont have skills. i lost my job. and now im in the middle of this battle for identity. i w ant t o be who i am and that the hardest part, everone want me to just stay broken. i feel like i dont even have on RL friend who get me. i look at ppl at its frustrate to me.i feel like things i had going for me have taken away and now theres just this. whatever this is. worst transition ever. have to fight and argue just to get unerstanding. i feel like im just throwed to the wolves. while everone just sit back include my family members for me to just crash out. fuck u family. im just a troll going to live under the bridge now. i cant even keep my thought together to make this plans. yea this is the real problems not some selfie to make ppl want to fuck me on the computer.
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  24. Emma added a comment on a blog entry Getting on the bus 😱   

    Yes, it is a great feeling. I've recently adopted a mantra that helps me a lot:
    Whenever we feel fear we're up against a kind of wall... on the other side of the wall is a kind of freedom.
    I feel these fears fairly often and use the freedom I know I'll feel to motivate me to climb the wall and jump to the other side. 
    I have another trans friend (Joanna Santos, Toronto) who also moves about society in complete stealth. Like you, she taught herself about her voice. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you achieved that. My voice coach is wonderful and I hope to "graduate" within a couple of months. It's pretty expensive and, I believe, I am steadily improving on playing my "instrument" (as she calls it) and will be able to at least join the junior orchestra. 
    That said I'm lucky to live where I am, in Seattle. I dress nicely and appropriately and even though I doubt I pass anyone's scrutiny everyone is very nice to me. My goals for having a truly feminine voice are to remove a cognitive dissonance I feel when I hear myself speak, and to help people I meet more automatically gender me appropriately. And yet, the wall of a passable voice is quite steep and tall for me. 
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  25. Natalie added a comment on a blog entry Getting on the bus 😱   

    Great feeling isn't it? I am pleased that my blog has given you encouragement and hope.

    I have just had a visit to my doorstep of two 'Witnesses' and while I am not into their version of religion, I am a Spiritualist and we had a good conversation about our different views.....they never had an idea I am trans, its something I keep very well under wraps, totally stealth. My voice is indiscernible now from any other woman, eventually they had to go, I had talked them into oblivion. Thats the power of getting the voice correct, great tool to have in your armoury.

    Any other help I can offer please ask, I have many achievements and adventures and if any of the experience can aid someone I would be delighted to describe how I overcame the problems.
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