the way i see this, the only thing your "gay" doctor has done is treat the depression and bi-polar condition and has done little to help you with TS issues. makes me wonder if one day the medications he has you on will no longer be able to keep your feelings suppressed, and then one day - BOOM! - you fall irretrievably into some dark abyss, never again able to function as a human being. your doctor ought to be strung up. he is NOT truly a gender therapist in my opinion. and if you've been seeing gay doctors for 40 years and only now have achieved the emotional level you are finally (happy?) with, that doesn't say much for the track record of these gay doctors you've been seeing.
unless the decision to continue to hide was your own idea, i know of nothing in the guidelines of the HBSofC that suggest a therapist should help a person suppress their feelings of transsexuality. it seems to me that he is simply treating the depression, perhaps knowing that your TS feelings would be somewhat suppressed because of the "i-don't-give-a-sh*t" meds he has you on.
i think this is the wrong thing to suggest to others, especially the young. this is almost like watching a candle burn at both ends. at one end there are those who fight against us with everything in them, and try to keep laws from being put in place to afford us the rights that everyone else has and the protections we deserve; and at the other end, there is someone like you giving people ideas about how to keep transsexuality from being recognized as it should be and accepted as any other treatable medical condition without prejudice or persecution by finding ways to hide and just survive.
by the way, i'm not saying ALL gay doctors are like the one you're seeing now (or all the ones in the past 40 years), but in my opinion, this doctor has two strikes against him the way i see it: 1. he's gay. it's well known that many homosexuals, whether male or female, do NOT recognize transsexuality. to some degree, they are no better than many non-TG people when it comes to TG/TS people and issues. 2. he's male. it's well known that men in general are less accepting or understanding of transsexuality than women are - ESPECIALLY when it comes to MTFs.
i think all your doctor has done is address and treat your depression and bi-polar condition. the meds have merely made you not care anymore so much about who you really are.
i wish you luck. i hope sad's husband finds something better than this.
Have you ever thought about having him see a gay psychiatrist? I am manic depressive and bi-polar and also wishing I was born a woman instead of a man. I'm now 56 and feel its way too late to even consider ever changing. The reason to see a gay Dr? I have been seeing them for 40 years and until 7 years ago and after trying many different medications, I can finally say, my emontional feelings are level. He knew I was in total turmoil inside and was able to treat me properly.
I now no longer find the need to runout and buy clothes and make-up, etc. Only to throw it all away, as to hide it from everyone.
You can see I'm not claiming I totally cured by meds. But, under-control. I still have the desires and doubt they will ever go away. How can they, since I can remember them going way back to when I was about 12. Proper medications can help. The one that keeps my mood level is (depakote).
I've noticed that everyone seems to have a particular form of womens clothing that they prefer the most. The largest category seems to be some form of panties. Does anyone know why there's such diversity?
Hmm. I grew up in a very un-accepting area, but I managed to try crossdressing anyway. Here's what I did to avoid problems:
Order off ebay. Email the person who you're buying from and ask them to send whatever you've purchased in a cardboard box. When it arrives at your house simply tell your parents that it's a "...". (in my case, warhammer models)
Also make sure you buy via money order, so nothing can show up on your parents bills.
I don't think any ordinary human being sets out to intentionally hurt another human being. I think that circumstances that lead us to fear end up doing that.
Example...My wife really doesn't care about what I do with my body. She says it's my mind and body. She actually likes the idea and sometimes even welcomes it. Her biggest hang up is what other people will think and the ridicule that she will have to go through. And. How she will have to go through that alone, because I won't be able to protect her...This is what men bring to their world...a sense of security and protection. I don't necessarily like the answer but I do understand it.
We all need to learn more compromise. We can't get our cake and eat it to, without loosing something. At least this true with me. I love my wife with all of my heart and can't imagine living without her. That is why I try and find a way to work within the team that I have helped create.
If life were easy then it wouldn't be interesting.
No need to apologize. But I'm not sure I understand your posting. I guess all I'm trying to say is that any good outcome of a hard situation is compromise of both parties. Both parties can't take and not also give. Each must look deep down and find the common ground.
TG/TS are usually very strong willed individuals and will get what they need no matter what. We all must do what we need to, too survive. But. When those same individuals are in a relationship. Shouldn't they be able to work within that union/team that they helped create? And. The non-TG/TS should be able to understand and compromise so that they can stand by their spouse. I don't think that one should hold themselves totally accountable and I also agree that society has enforced many stupid and rediculous labels. Creating fear and stigma is never a good thing.
It is true that TG/TS individuals have already sacrificed a lot, especially those that have waited a long time to come out. But. That doesn't mean that we should be vindictive and hateful.
I think that we all have a lot to learn from each other. That's what makes being a human being so interesting.
by changing the way the non-TG/TS world views us, and eliminating the stigma associated with TG/TS that causes so many of us to try to live within the confines of the roles assigned because of one's physical sex. the TG/TS world and a handful of organizations and lawmakers are trying to change society's attitudes, but most aren't buying it - and we can't do it alone.
if the world was as accepting of us as any other people, would you have gotten married and tried to live the role of a woman or man? no...you'd have pursued, or been allowed to pursue, the goal of becoming the person you truly are. or maybe if we were just accepted for who and what we are... there wouldn't be any goals to have to pursue, and transitioning or SRS would just be a choice that simply made us feel more comfortable in our own bodies.
i didn't do what i've done to hurt anyone. i did what i've done with the belief that i was sparing everyone the pain, humiliation, disgust and embarrassment of what i am. i did what i've done to spare myself being the recipient of hate, unacceptance and fear of possibly being alone. i ended up being sad, angry, bitter.
way too many of the non-TG/TS world look in from the outside, condemn us and try to tell us what we SHOULD have done. the thing is... how many of them would have accepted us as even friends, let alone as boyfriends, girlfriends or spouses, had they known from the very beginning that we were TG/TS? very few. we ALL know this...and this is why way too many of us hide and try to conform.
seems to me the non-TG/TS world needs to change - NOT us. then NONE of us would be in the predicament like the one sad and her husband are in now. and i wouldn't be going from day to day wondering how the hell i will break this to my own spouse, and how it will be received, and the pain that will surely come of it.
Rene raises a HUGE issue: that of transgenderism and low self esteem.
The thing to always remember is that when you choose to transition, you do so to save your own life and NOT to try to ruin others. There comes a point when we HAVE to be happy in our own skins, otherwise what's the use? If you can't love yourself what earthly good are you to anyone else?
And the whole concept of sacrifice for the sake of others is WAY overrated. Self secrifice will get you nothing but an uneasy grave with a name above it that you disdained all your life. Forgive my outburst. This topic hits home with me.
I agree with each posting. This is something that is difficult and unsettling for all involved. There is no easy solution.
While my wife and I were in therapy session she said that she felt that all that she had worked so hard for and at, was all gone in the exact moment that I told her that I was woman stuck in a man's body and that I want to persue my life long dream of living my life as a woman.
As strange as this may sound I totally understood her. I was and have been living my life as lie, trying to fit in, but never really getting it right and now all of a sudden I was laying this etire lie on one person.
It isn't the persons fault that you are tell the truth to, they didn't make you tell the truth to them or make you live your life in lie. So why do we take it out them?
At the same time we must be true to ourselves and try and accomplish what ever we feel is neccessary in life. My question in all of this is...How do we do this without all the negativity and remorse?
When I first joined this site I had asked the same question. My situation is competely different than yours but the need for secrecy is the same. Annie advised me that I should do two things, get a PO Box (which Jo'C is also suggesting) and get a credit card with my initials on it rather than my first name since it's male. You may be too young to get a credit card, I'm not sure.
I now order through the internet and charge to my separate card. All items are sent to the PO Box and my credit card bills are also sent there. Nothing comes to my home. The only problem is getting the items into my home. Since I have a car I can hide the items in my trunk until it's safe for me to bring them into the house. You may not have a car, so that would be a problem.
Another problem I just thought of would be that the postal outlet needs a phone number, I have an office number I use, you may not work or have an accessible phone if you do.
You're also asking if anyone has items they can give you. How would they send them to you if they had any and in what sizes? Just a thought.
For clevage, that's difficult to pull off without actual breast tissue. A padded bra looks fairly convincing, with proper coverage, even without being stuffed.
As for hiding your penis, you'll probably have to learn a technique called: "tucking." Basically, you have a cavity above your penis where your testicles descended from; you are born with them inside your body... So, just grab your scrotum, position your testicles so that they kind of hold in place, pull your penis back inbetween your legs and then pull up your panties... Sorry if that was a bit graphic, but... :P
My parents basically approached me and told me to explore this kind of stuff if I wanted to, and then to purge it... Which, I knew wasn't going to happen by that point. I just satisfied their desires at the time, and came out to them about a month later. After I came out about being trans, they took about a month to learn tolerance (they had acceptance...). They wouldn't even let me take a WALK around my neighborhood, dressed...
I'm 17; only 24 days away from turning 18.
I often wear skirts and blouses; pants during the colder months...
I live in the Denver metro area of Colorado; right on the Front Range.
Welcome to the forums, and feel free to ask any questions that you might have; it's good to have you here. I'm sure many of us want to be here for you. :)
When my mom found out she basically said. "Hmm. That surprises me. I thought you were gay." My dad has never talked with me about the issue. Discussing anything remotely sexual freaks him out and he has a way of talking to me about what I'm going through without actually talking about what I'm going through. Though you would never know it, he does know because I do talk about it. When my mom told him about thing in more detail his reply was, "I'd much rather have a six foot seven daughter than a son who is suicidal." So my dad basically avoids the situation as though nothing has happened while my mom is more willing to come to grips with it, though she is also having a hard time.
As for what I wear; I still present as a guy. For the most part I wear jeans, silk shirts, and long coats. I also often have wild, anime inspired, hair; though right now I'm wearing it down and trying to grow it out. I'm in between looks at this point, trying to figure out what I'll do next.
I am 20 and live in Alberta.
Currently my female wardrobe consists of a couple of blue old blue dresses and some women’s shirts that were kindly donated by my mother. It's fun to put them on, but there are only one or two peaces that are really "me", the rest of them just don't suit my style. Besides those two pieces I wouldn't wear them in public, but they're nice to have anyway.
what did your parents say when they found out?how old are you as well and what do you wear?sorry about all the questions just im very interested as you sound in same position as me apart from your parents know. WHere abouts do you live as well?