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    EmmaSweet


    Hi Kitrah,

    You wrote, "I am reluctant to tell people I'm transgender but it not a stretch for the mind if they just look."

    I spent decades afraid that anyone would become aware of my gender dysphoria and feelings. I decided several months ago to come out to virtually everyone I know. I am lucky in that I'm retired (at least for now) and independent so I felt like it was better for me to just put it out there. And maybe I would help other trans people because those who I came out to will have perhaps their first awareness of someone they know (and hopefully like/respect) that to be transgender is just an example of normal human diversity. Most people (out of about 150) responded very positively.

    I'm also very fortunate that I have relocated to an area within Seattle that is very accepting, and I've told all of my new neighbors as I've met them that I'm trans and that they will likely see me in either men's or women's clothing. We talk about my names and stuff and I assure them that I'll not be offended whatsoever if they "make a mistake." The funny thing last night was that as I parked my car in my driveway I saw a woman on a bicycle coming up the street. I was tired and just didn't want to deal with anything, as I was wearing a long blue skirt, grey tights, and a maroon top. But I realized that I needed to roll a garbage can back to the house so I grabbed it and not looking at the woman, stated heading up the yard. In a friendly voice she called out to me, saying something like, "Oh! I didn't realize there are two of you here. I heard a single man had moved in." I walked to her and gently shook her hand. She introduced herself as a neighbor two doors down, and I told her my name is Emma. Nothing in her friendly manner changed but I went ahead and told her that I'm trans, snd that I have another name too. We both laughed as she realized that indeed I'm only one person, although both genders! And we want on to have a short conversation.

    You also wrote, "Part of my solution will be to move to a more supportive environment after I finish transitioning physically." If you can I'd highly recommend that you move much sooner than later. Transition is hard and we need our support networks. And, what is your definition of "finish?" I'm not really sure there is such a milestone. At least not that I can see for me. Sure, there are stages and I guess you could select one to be the final one. But there is so much more than physical transition, don't you think?

    Take care,

    Emma

    2 people like this
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    Kitrah


    Emma, 

    i never think you try to tell me what to do. I'm just alway been reserved and there's lot of transgender that aren't like that. 

    When it come to the medical staff, my recent dealings have been positive. I think I am always me dressed one way or other. My therapist and I have talk a lot about how I have come a long way. 

    It make me proud because I can feel deep issues resolving. People who aren't transgender will never understand this fully just like I can't understand substance abuse. Do for those without the awareness it always will seem strange or not to make sense. 

    My confidence is result of being in a world that is reluctantly coming to accept trangender people and my own awkwardness within this because I don't like being transgender and I don't want to be in this body. 

    Trying to live up to an identity I never embraced created problems. I know I am not meant to be a man.  I am starting to embrace being a woman. 

    Part of my solution will be to move to a more supportive environment after I finish transitioning physically.  I just think it will be better to be around others like me. 

    I continue dressing modest working on my voice and other things. Painting my nails or light makeup. People notice I'm sure but it makes me feel more like I'm blending in than draw attention. 

    I am reluctant to tell people I'm transgender but it not a stretch for the mind if they just look. I don't think I'm much to do this for attention from others. It's nice but some of my best moments are just being secure in the home to be who I am without worry.

    3 people like this
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    EmmaSweet


    Kitrah,

    I hope you don't get the impression that I'm just carefree and out and about, and thus telling you that you should too. We all have to follow our own heart and pace. I'll also add that I do look forward to and cherish my evenings and nights when, home alone in my nightgown and robe, I'm cozy, just reading or watching a show. 

    Best wishes,

    Emma

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  4. caring

    EmmaSweet


    Kitrah, I share your concern about what I think about what others may think about me. I'm lucky that I have a pretty good network of friends but even with them I wonder at times what they think. I am also nervous about going out and just doing whatever it is I need to do in public... as Emma. I'm getting better at it, with more confidence, but I wonder if these worries will always be with me. I sure hope not.

    I recently had an amazing experience that might give you some hope. I attended the Gender Odyssey conference in Seattle several weeks ago, and earlier this week as I entered a nearby Lowe's store I did a double take when I saw one of the moderators also walking into the store wearing a pretty blue dress. I was wearing jeans and a tee shirt because I was working at home and don't have women's clothing that's suitable for that kind of work. She saw me notice her and as I veered off to grab a shopping cart I worried that she thought I clocked her instead of just recognizing her. I intended to catch up with her in the store and introduce myself but as I entered I saw that she was busy talking to a returns clerk and I didn't want to hang out and wait for her; I didn't want her to think I was some sort of stalker! And then as I walked around the large store I didn't see her and I assumed that she made her return and left, and I'd probably never see her again.

    But when I returned to the check out area, there she was again at the returns counter. And as she left there I walked up to her and asked if I'd seen her at Gender Odyssey, that I recognized her from one of the sessions. She immediately brightened and we hugged, two sisters who happened to find each other. This afternoon I'm going to visit her at her home in between my therapist appointment and my electrolysis appointment! 😁😁

    The moral of the story is that I agree, you and I are on our right paths. And the more that we get out there we increase the odds that we will find and make new friends. I sure hope so, for both of us!

    Emma

    3 people like this
  5. KarenPayne


    I did change my gender marker pre-surgery on everything except my birth certificate (NJ requires bottom surgery before you can change that, but that should change next year when we lose our current pathetic governor). 

    Another consideration for a lot of people is access to surgery, not everyone has the resources to get them done. 

    ​In regards to not having access to surgery, point in fact, in Oregon you can use F for a male who identifies as female and M for a female who identifies as male. This is really the reason for the question (and may not have been clear about that). If a female who identifies as male uses M for their gender marker and is in a prison which places them in with men that is not a good situation or must be pat down at an airport etc.

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  6. Chrissy


    I did change my gender marker pre-surgery on everything except my birth certificate (NJ requires bottom surgery before you can change that, but that should change next year when we lose our current pathetic governor). 

    Another consideration for a lot of people is access to surgery, not everyone has the resources to get them done. 

    1 person likes this
  7. Chrissy


    I remember after Sandy my power was out for about a week, and the most frustrating thing was seeing that it was coming on near me, but I went another couple of days without 😞 Not a fun experience!

    2 people like this
  8. Kitrah


    well that nice for him to do that. sometime when people talk to me, they real dont understand gravity of what they talk. i do the same thing some time also because i only can see thing from my perseptive. i try sometime to see thing from other point of view. when i first start this transition i had intent to keep thing the way it is because it is how i was made. my view have change and this remain interesting for me. i rememer when i first start to come to tgguide. i didn't care what people call me shemale or tranny. i think sometime this come from fact that i was bullied for be this way. so now he knows more so there is no worry. :)

    3 people like this
  9. EmmaSweet


    I agree, Kitrah, if I had just told him that I'm trans. But I had done it earlier, he'd provided his support via email, and earlier in the dinner told me that he'd told his parents who knew me well when I was a child and in high school. His father remarked that I'd make a pretty woman - which was a big surprise! I thus think that his "genital mutilation" comment came from what he really thought although it wasn't given with any disdain or negative baggage. 

    He did respond to my email and apologized, saying that his ignorance was really on display. So, we're all good!

    2 people like this
  10. Kitrah


    Hi,

    it sound like the hurricane real affect you. i watch some youtube video on it and it don't look good. sound like you lucky in this consider how terrible this hurricane can get. 

    2 people like this
  11. EmmaSweet


    Good for you, Kitrah! Tomorrow I'm meeting a doctor where I hope she will prescribe what I need to start HRT. I am very much looking forward to it!

    3 people like this
  12. Kitrah


    Great job Chrissy with your presentation. My thought for trangender medicine are as follow. The body with introduction of hormone of opposing sex make things to happen regardless of personal beliefs. There are cases when thai boys are given estrogen and sold as lady boys into prostitution at young age. Because of the suceptible nature of children and the growing popularity of the internet and a growing amount of transgender people as a result, i question if this is awareness as much as it is going be about issues like insecurity, being bullied, or blindly following others down a long road that unwittingly lead to sterilization. It's also possible that the awareness has made it easier to talk about. Had things been different for me, maybe I would have fathered children. Given my roll of the dice, I dont think that going to happen.

    Medical tests that should have been perform for me, were not and i had to live in secrecy for year and years afraid to tell anyone. Because of the length of time I have not been expose to tetosterone (almost my entire life) and the already existent amount of estrogen within my body, it easy to see why I chose the latter even though I am biological male. I do not want to put myself through the upheaval of dealing with large amounts of testosterone now when i have lived my life without it. That why I am a TransWoman because I choose to be it. It makes sense to me why I could not be a man and why I dont want to take the elixir of T. 

    Whether my identity as a transwoman arose at young age due to the lack of testosterone or was inherent in me since birth is a mystery. I'm not focus on that. I'm happy to live as I am now. The estrogen was scary for me as well as changing genders, but illusions fall aside and the truth reveals itself. This internal conflict of living a false identity resolved itself and I felt PEACE. I did it for myself and not others. I hope those who choose to transition, consider the same. The estrogen gave me confidence in myself and made me love who I am and I never experience this when i identified as male.

    3 people like this
  13. Chrissy


    Wow, "genital mutilation." What does one say? My GCS surgeon was on a panel I saw yesterday and my thought was "she's the person who made me (physically) right." Far cry from "mutilation" ☺

    I'm not surprised on the sexual orientation part, even LG people seem to often have a problem knowing the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation.

    2 people like this
  14. EmmaSweet


    It's certainly worth it! Have fun, that's the most important prime directive!

    That said, try to look and be aware of how women dress in your area for various errands, nights out, etc. Yesterday I talked with another trans woman who's planning to attend a gender conference soon. My advice to her was to wear something comfortable (and sure, pretty) with flats. 

    You're certainly prepared for a night out on the town, though. Don't be shy to strut your stuff girl!

    Emma

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