1
First Bloom
Posted by
lilybf
,
19 April 2012
·
76 views
So. Here I am. With a new blog. I'll be honest - I most likely won't keep it up for long. I'm useless at being a regular poster.
Let's see, you'll want to know something about me, I imagine. I'm twenty... twenty... twenty... twenty-something (not a great start) twenty-four, and was born and raised a male. That was, in hindsight, a mistake but who could have known? I am, in fact, a woman though I don't blame anyone for being mistaken when they first meet me. Easy mistake to make.
I first began to realise that I wasn't quite what I appeared to be, what I thought I was, in around Febuary 2011 after a couple of suicide attempts. Nothing serious, really, certainly nothing at all effective though the scars along my forearm from attempt #2 are not unimpressive. I couldn't say if it was these events and qualities - of depression, heavy drinking, utter lack of motivation in university - that led to the realisation but more likely unexpressed gender dysphoria was a contributing factor to my state of mind.
If I had to point to one thing in particular, it would be the LGBT comic KhaosKomix and the community surrounding it. I found parallels with the trans characters Tom and Charlie and with the feelings and histories of other peoples' stories from the forum. I am still amazed that I never realised what I am before.
Since then I have appealed to psychologists and doctors for help in transitioning medically, and been refused, appealed again and been referred to a second clinic and am waiting to hear of an appointment date. Otherwise, I have deeds of my change of name and am distributing them around whoever needs to know.
Why, I wonder and perhaps so do you, do I feel the need to detail my history every time I enter a trans community? Am I trying to prove my credentials?
Anyhow, with all that out of the way, I hope to use this blog to detail my progress in transitioning and to thrash out issues which come up. Hopefully someone will find it interesting enough to read from time to time.
Let's see, you'll want to know something about me, I imagine. I'm twenty... twenty... twenty... twenty-something (not a great start) twenty-four, and was born and raised a male. That was, in hindsight, a mistake but who could have known? I am, in fact, a woman though I don't blame anyone for being mistaken when they first meet me. Easy mistake to make.
I first began to realise that I wasn't quite what I appeared to be, what I thought I was, in around Febuary 2011 after a couple of suicide attempts. Nothing serious, really, certainly nothing at all effective though the scars along my forearm from attempt #2 are not unimpressive. I couldn't say if it was these events and qualities - of depression, heavy drinking, utter lack of motivation in university - that led to the realisation but more likely unexpressed gender dysphoria was a contributing factor to my state of mind.
If I had to point to one thing in particular, it would be the LGBT comic KhaosKomix and the community surrounding it. I found parallels with the trans characters Tom and Charlie and with the feelings and histories of other peoples' stories from the forum. I am still amazed that I never realised what I am before.
Since then I have appealed to psychologists and doctors for help in transitioning medically, and been refused, appealed again and been referred to a second clinic and am waiting to hear of an appointment date. Otherwise, I have deeds of my change of name and am distributing them around whoever needs to know.
Why, I wonder and perhaps so do you, do I feel the need to detail my history every time I enter a trans community? Am I trying to prove my credentials?
Anyhow, with all that out of the way, I hope to use this blog to detail my progress in transitioning and to thrash out issues which come up. Hopefully someone will find it interesting enough to read from time to time.
Any ways Hun I want to thank you please Dont drop your Bloggin IF I have found one thing out it is to make sure to put down your thoughts it helps others and as well helps your self , you may come across your posts at a later date and giggle a little or cry because it was such a hard and precious moment that you had a large amoun t of emotion reflected within that post , so Keep at it hun it helps.
Hugs and Welcome
Stephani