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Confidence


KarenPayne

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Prior to perusing my current path to transition I did many things correct except one thing which was to try and fit in better. The main reason was, I was sure surgery would not be an opinion as it seems the Benjamin standards were to strict for me in that I wanted to not fully come out yet still have surgery and then come out in the future. I was sure this would work for me but several therapists did not see it that way. With that, I decided surgery would not happen and did not worry about mannerism, as it would conflict with me teaching self-defense.

I still believe I was correct (not saying I am better than the therapists), no different than when I had liposuction, the surgeon said there was not much fat to remove and I thought he was incorrect but did not say anything. After wards the surgeon visited me to see how I was doing and said I was surprised that there was no fat then I thought. I had always been thin but a thyroid issue caused weight gain and never lost the fat no matter how hard I tried so I went for liposuction and was a good idea as it did increase my self-worth. My current therapist felt no different than me but was happy I decided to live as a female as required.

So my point, since last November an important lesson was learned, nuances came to light which I recently self-evaluated within me, all subtle but extremely important in the long run. They run the gambit from walking properly to clothing styles. I recently wrote about going to a Guitar Center and trying to be male but failed, it was because mannerism of me now did not allow it while last year it was the complete opposite.

With that said, I was wrong in thinking the trial period was not needed but was right that I needed to transition with surgery as part of the transition. If not for the trial period, I would still be perfectly happy but would not fit in fully.

So in closing out, at this time the trial has been a success, woohoo. For a while I thought it would never end (yes it never does end) but it has and I am fully confident that I can survive in this world as a female and will be accepted. Times have truly changed and thank goodness for people coming around to people like us.

11/10/2014 addition

Just back from the grocery store and while bringing the groceries in my neighbor stop to chat. As I was walking away, she said that my voice has noticeably changed. I thank her for the compliment as she knows about me transitioning and like true feedback. My evaluation is I have gotten better at voice control without even thinking about it. As anyone who has considered passing the voice is the most difficult part. You get the proper look but for many it fades away when they open their mouth. I am taking this seriously to the point of going to a voice coach after transitioning.

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Good for you, Karen, good for you. We have to always be our own advocates and not simply accept what authority dictates. Fortunately it sounds like yours was open to discussion. If not it's time to move on.

I'm excited for you. What a great 2015 to look forward to!

Emma

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I don't believe in a one size fits all prescription for transition. I was never a fan of the Benjamin Standards of Care. I recall flipping back and forth between male and female in my early transition stages. Like you, eventually I was passing as female even when I was trying to pass as male. One day I made the decision to transition completely and I never looked back.

My life has been more fulfilling and successful since my transition than it ever was prior. I believe one of the keys is acceptance of responsibility for my own happiness and success. It's been a matter of doing what I need to do. Being female hasn't always been a perfect fit for me, and my transition certainly wasn't perfect -- but I have worked it out and life is pretty darn near perfect now. :)

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