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Just when it goes up, it comes back down


WarrenG

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So, I went north (3 hr drive) and got my little sister for a week with me. So far it had been great!

I finally got her to eat (shed been basically starving herself) and she's been eating randomly the whole time, which is awesome. (She's 16). She's kept up her end of the deal and hasnt done any self harm, and neither have I. We've both behaved.

I've been spoiling her rotten, and I love it ^_^ Bought her a new necklace which she hasnt taken off since we bought it, new earrings since none of her other ones match anymore, and did what she'd always wanted and took her to a salon to get her hair cut. She loves it! We also went and bought some hair dye and dyed our hair (one bottle was enough for both of us to do the same color XD).

We look so alive now LOL

But the day was full of surprises. We were at a store, and I moved aside for a man. And in return, he said "Excuse me, sir" which caught both me and my sister offguard. And I loved it!

Later that day, we were wandering another store and someone asked me "Can I get you anything, sir?" again. Loved it.

This happened about four times, and I was so excited!!

Well after a day full of shopping and whatnot with her, we headed home. It was all good, she was really happy, and she headed to bed.

So I went to my room, and that's when it crashed.

I cuddled with my boyfriend for a little while, we hung out and whatnot, and then he hit me with an acid bomb to the heart.

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked me. I said "sure" and thought not much of it. Then his response was "Can you wear more dress up shirts? Like when we go out somewhere its fine, you can wear your normal stuff. But otherwise..."

He wants me..to dress like a girl again.

I'm not going to lie...it hurt. It was like being stabbed in the chest with a rusty dagger someone found in the mud. I tried to ignore it, and I tried to keep calm about it. But when he was trying to be affectionate and whatnot and my "blahness" was part of the attention, I couldnt take it anymore.

I hate them. More than I've hated anything.

So I got upset, he got upset, I bawled and left.

Why is it that no matter how much he says he understands and any progress we make on it...he still somehow reverts back to wanting me to do something girly. To wear certain things or do certain things or act a certain way....It hurts.

I dont know how much I can deal with.

-Warren

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Hey Warren,

I'm glad you had such a nice time with your sister and sorry those feelings went down the crapper with your boyfriend. That just sucks, especially after having such a great day, with your being recognized as a male.

Sounds to me like you need to have a heart-to-heart adult-to-adult conversation with your boyfriend (after you're both calm) about your feelings, and see how he reacts and what he says. It's painful to go through these things but we all do with our partners. After, you'll have a sense of whether or not you see yourself staying with him and no matter what, you can say to yourself that you did the right thing. I hope you take this as friendly advice from a friend, that's all it is. I may be reading the situation all wrong, which would be no surprise.

Good luck,

Emma

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I agree that the two of you need to sit down and really talk about your relationship and each one's identity. I don't know if "couples counselling" would help or not.

Thing is... I get the impression your b/f is not gay, and probably not even " While we often hear of wives who remain with their MTF spouses even though those wives are not lesbian, or even bisexual for that matter, I think it might be a bit rare for straight males to remain with their FTM partners.

Work on the relationship. Get help if possible. But you should also be prepared for the relationship to end if your b/f can't see himself in a relationship with man.

-Michael

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Unfortunatly we've had a sit down and talked about this together. We even attempted to break up and go seperate ways, but that only lasted a few days and we were together again. He insists that he's fine with it, that he's willing to cope and adapt, and that he's not going anywhere. He tells me all the time that it's fine if I want to change and that he's not going anywhere because of it. Yet...he does that. And that's not the first time. Saying I looked better with long hair, looking at my liscence with my long hair and saying that picture is better, saying he misses my old clothes, etc. I've become self concious around him and wear my boxers to bed, and he's even caught me wearing my compression shirts to bed. Love him to pieces, but I'm not sure what to do.

-Warren

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Warren, I think it's great that you had a sit down and talk with your BF. I'm afraid there is no other way if you and he hope to grow in your relationship. And from your experience with a trial separation it seems that you both do want to stay together. So keep talking!

I know what you mean about being self-conscious. I think that comes from the doubts we have about our partners true acceptance. In a perfect world we'd be so self confident that it wouldn't matter what he thinks or says, but that's not the world we live in. You are already displaying a lot of courage to be yourself and now, understandably, you're looking for support.

Perhaps in one of your talks with him, ask him more about what's going on for him. What support and affirmation does he need? Maybe by supporting him some of his urges to comment on your longer hair or old clothes will diminish. I hope so for your sake.

Be well,

Emma

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