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first try at blogging


jennifer38

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All right!!! I think I'm getting it now. Thanks, Emma. Jenny's blog is up and running. I am very grateful I found this place where I can escape my manhood and be one of the girls a while. I am just going to write random thoughts, whatever is pressing on my mind at the time. Since I'm new at this site, I will allow my first entry to be a sort of intro. In the real world, I am a man, but I've always felt like a girl on the inside, and I'm deathly afraid to tell my family and church members outright. At least I won't be judged or criticized, on here. I like my short hair and men's clothing, and I do not want to wear makeup. I don't want to keep on pretending my inner woman doesn't exist, either, and so joining this site is allowing me to express these internal feelings like I never have before. I've begged and begged Jesus Christ to take this cup of internal female feelings from me, but they persist just as my blindness continues, for I was born blind, 38 years ago. In spite of this, I will keep looking to Jesus for my help, and while I wait for Him, I will just have to be honest with Him and myself. For this reason, I must be glad I found this site and I am learning about it as I go. I feel like I already made a friend on here, and I want to be as much help as possible. If you were to see me, you'd see a man, but my inner man feels womanly, hence the reason I am signed in here, obviously using a girl's name, unlike in the real world, where I fear judgment and condemnation. god knows my heart and how I've prayed and fasted for years, and still feel no relief. Yet, I cannot keep pretending to be comfortable in men's restrooms. I'm just glad that there is a TG category called non-op, because I don't want to be cut on, and I couldn't afford it, anyway. Anyway, that's enough rambling for now. I will write, later.

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Dear Jenny,

Congratulations! Your blog looks fine. I'm sure many here would agree with your sentiments about having a feminine existence inside and a masculine on the outside. I certainly fall in that camp.

I suggest that you try to watch/listen to a 20/20 episode called "My Secret Self" that is available on YouTube here at this link:

It's mostly about children who also experience gender dysphoria but I found it very affirming because I also felt similarly to these kids. But I had an automatic shame response that prevented me from talking about any of my feelings to my parents or anyone else for a very long time.

Might I also ask if you are seeing a therapist, or if you can find one? Especially people like us very much need someone we can confide with, share our feelings, and gain some understanding. Therapists are not all the same, of course, but one has to try to find one that works. I highly recommend your taking this course if you can.

And yes, please write later. We look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Emma

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