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  • Lori

    Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

    By Lori

    Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices flowing; A daily journal about your life and experiences
    A journal documenting when you go full time
    A journal to document your gender reassignment surgery
    Dating experiences and tips
    Crossdressing tips
    Experience with makeup
    Passing in public
    Your experiences when you go out in public
    Restroom experiences
    Transitioning at work
    Dealing with counselors or medical personnel
    Introspection about your particular gender identity
    Dealing with or overcoming self-limiting beliefs
    Dealing with addictions
    Dealing with self-destructive behaviors
    Interactions with police or government workers
    Changing your drivers license, birth certificate, etc.
    Applying for jobs
    Your big day, when you go full time
    Hormonal development (please don't discuss dosages or make medical type recommendations)
    Experiences with electrolysis
    How other members of your new gender react to you, and your experiences
    Your recommendations to others about to follow your path
    Your thoughts about whether surgery is necessary to be your desired gender
    Differences in how you feel dressed or not dressed
    What your life would be like if you still repressed your inner identity
    Poetry or prose
    These are a few ideas to get you started. Feel free to leave comments to suggest your own ideas, or just start a blog and share with everyone. Just log into your control panel to start your own blog. This could be interesting!
    • 28 comments
    • 7,590 views
 

Christmas Eve Eve

Here it is five months now since Sue died, and it's Christmas, and I am on my own. One of our Christmas cactuses is actually blooming. We have never had one bloom at Christmas, so I took a picture and posted it on Facebook. I got a comment from Sue's sister and her cousin that it's a sign that she is here. I'm not much of a believer in those kinds of things, but it is odd. Also, the hanging orchid I bought her for Christmas last year is also blooming--for the first time since. We celebrated Christmas less and less over the years. Sue was glad when it was over. We weren't in a position financially to afford big surprise presents, but we were well off enough to buy things we wanted or needed at the time. So, we really wanted for litlte. We even gave up baking, although Sue would usually fix something special for Christmas dinner. I did get an invite from my neighbors to come for dinner on Christmas Day. I see them just about every day. We were good friends before Sue died, and I have become closer since then.  I have been keeping busy with my work. Together my boss, Rich, and I have completed some enrollments, and I now have three active accounts. I am just short of my next goal which I need to make by January 12. Rich has been doing some finagling to help me get there and will pull some more strings if necessary, but I'd like to get there on my own. I have a good pipeline built up, and it's just a matter of closing them in time. The nolidays are throwing a little bit of a monkey wrench into my timeline. I don't want to be in this position again. I don't just want to get by. I want to KILL IT!  See how this job has changed me. Maybe it was there all along and just needed coming out. Speaking of which, I expect to have lunch with my sister this coming week. I saw a review on Public Television about a Chicago style pizza restaurant in Jupiter, FL. Since we are from Chicago, I thought it would be fun to meet her there. She is coming from Vero Beach, so I'll have the lions share of the driving, but I really don't mind. If she comes without her husband and the feeling is right, I might open up to her about being a crossdresser. I just take if for granted now. Maybe someone in the family should know, or not. I'll write about that later. So that's my little bit for tonight. I am well. I try to stay mindful and let my thoughts go as they come. I am happy with what I am doing. I will learn and do well--I am already, although I don't know fi I'm quite up to minimum wage yet. LOL. That will change. Later.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Life Continues

Good day   Let me start off with saying, I know that I haven't been active in a long time, and I might not get to say this...   Merry Christmas to all of you celebrating the festive season.  May this bring you everything you thought it would and more.   I had an eventful few months and that is so going to get me disowned if I'm not already disowned...  But that is another story for another day, when I probably need to vent.   I got engaged in the last few months and only my niece, also the one I call my child, and she agrees that I'm being disowned and flung out like last years fashion that will never become a craze again.  So yes, engaged and I do love him, flaws and all.   Then, I started working on shifts again, and my time is so occupied with work and love life that I barely have time to think about what to tell you.   Ooooh, did I mention that my one doctor finally gave me the letter that is required to change my gender marker on my ID, and that only took something like 4 years to get.  And now the other doctors that said they would assist me are the problems in doing what I need to do.  How can this be so difficult to get the letter required for the change.  I also said that I will only marry once these changes have been executed on my ID.  But I also might subconsciously want to wait a while for making certain that I made the right choice in giving my heart to someone.   So yes, my medical check ups for script renewal has changed to once a year, but I need my script rewritten every 6 months.   I tore some ligaments in my right hand and could use it properly for 9 weeks, okay it's 12 weeks already, and it is still painful to do some moves, and to fight properly with my hand.  Okay, it happened because I was in a fight with a guy who's face was harder then the back of a pickup or brick wall.  Okay, it was also justifiable that I knocked the guys teeth out, after all he was beating a teenage girl with a golf club and he was a grown ass man.   What else did I not mention that I think you should know about???   Really can't think now, but my operation was a success, seeing that I got through the complications that I faced for a time frame afterwards.  Developed blood clots that just didn't want to go away, and bled like a leaking bottle for a bit more then 6 weeks, and it freaked me out the few times I woke up covered in blood, and that my precautions didn't even help me.   Did I mention that my hair is now slightly over shoulder length. I settled down to around 135-140Lbs no longer 145Lbs.  Doesn't help my breast development, but I also thought of having a discussion with the endocrinologist on the possibility to change me to another estrogen form, cause I can't figure out what is making me nauseous.  Might be the medication, or something else, like stressing.  Yes, you would also be stressing if you knew the man that you love is kinda, sort of, disliked by your family, because I can't figure out how to convince them that he is right for me.   Having my legs licked and probably telling me to stop having a discussion with myself, I will be doing the following.   Merry Christmas my sweets, stay as kind as you are.  I've not forgotten you, so have constantly thought of what to tell you, but when I had the words, I definitely didn't have the time to write anything. Keep safe please, as I don't want to hear of another death of someone I knew.  Okay, two so called family members, wait was three if recall properly.  Father's brother (no he wrote each other off one Xmas, after he decided to attack me for being trans, so not family), cousins husband (didn't know him, and I think I stopped at the accident without knowing about it, and was working), aunt's brother (she married in so does that make him family), and the same aunt's boyfriend (yes she turn 70 this week, in the last 2 months we had to deal with him that got a stroke, and I was the last person around him as his last 2nd and last stroke took his life.  He was so looking forward to her birthday and Christmas, but just made it to December).   So be safe and enjoy the festive season.  I will be watching over those of you close to me.   Kind loving hearts blossom Friends, family and loves We gather in a time of giving Not the giving of presents But the giving of hearts We are all here Not just waiting, but Fighting for what we were taught The teachings of what is right and wrong And I guess, that we have finally started believing Believing in our dreams and what our hearts are telling us So go forth and be who you were meant to be.   Cheers Michele

Michele800226

Michele800226

 

Dressing

It's funny, but for the past several weeks or so, my female dressing has taken a minimalist phase. When my wife died, and all the flurry of activity that accompanies a death in the family quieted down, I went on a buying binge of sorts. I was aided by the girls in the chatroom, especially Andrea, but also Penelope and others on what exactly I needed to get. I also had my own wishlist and pretty much filled out a wardrobe of sorts. For the most part, I am happy with what I bought, and it is fun to see all my feminine wear hanging in my closet. But now, instead of spending my evening hours getting all dressed up and taking pictures and chatting, I am content to dress simply and read or watch some TV or catch up on my paperwork. I am also watching my budget, but even so, I don't have any great urge to buy any more at this point. I'm sure that will change, and I realize that I may come across something that I must absolutely have to have, but for now I'm content. 

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Pros an d

Well, the good news is that I (we) opened another account yesterday. This makes two for the week, three total so far. My "boss," Rich, is amazing. He can turn a no into a yes. I need to keep learning from him. We certainly don't get them all, and we have had our share of disappointments over that past several weeks. On a whim, after one such disappointment, he decided to try one more time on a prospect we had just about given up on. As luck would have it, we ran into the brother who is a partner in the business, and he has agreed to see us again on Monday. I'll bet we get another one. So, the result is that after about two and a half months, I'm finally seeing some money coming in. Even though these new accounts don't become effective until January 1, and AFLAC doesn't get any payment until February 15, I get paid immediately. We open the account one day, and the next day my commission is in the bank. Nice. I get most of it up front, and then the balance as the account does make monthly payments. I will also get residuals from the account as long as it is open. I need to keep doing this. As it stands, if I had gotten a "regular" job, after I had gotten laid off from my last job, I would have been much further ahead financially. To date, I don't think I'm even making minimum wage although that seems to be changing. On the other hand, I wasn't getting hired in education, and I wasn't getting any inteviews for other jobs. This was at least something. I also have to say that at my life stage, I like the fact that I don't set an alarm clock, and for the most part, I can set my own schedule. I also have control over where I work which means I'm not driving to hell and gone to get to work. Often, I can come home for lunch and let my puppies out--my neighbor does when I can't make it home--and still get my work done.  All in all, I think I'm good where I'm at. I keep le

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

The Vagaries of Sales

My mentor, Rich, and I have been spending a lot of time together lately doing employer presentations on the appointments I have set. Admittedly, it has been a little disappointing. Those who looked to be good prospects have been playing hard to get and unwilling to commit. We can only do so much, and you do reach a point where it is time to move on. Then last week, on a whim, I stopped in again at the barber shop in our local strip center and finally caught the owner. I made an appointment with him and yesterday, Rich and I made our pitch. He talked to his barbers that day, and when I called him later that afternoon, we were a go for this morning. As the morning progressed, we were able to see all five in the shop and they all bought at least one policy. It wasn't a huge account, but a really successful one. The four guys and one gal were really nice, and the owner couldn't have been more accommodating. So, it goes to show that you never really know how things will work out. I also have a new place to get my hair cut. We had our office holiday party at Rosie's Bar and Grill in downtown Wilton Manors. It started at 5:00, but I didn't get there until a little after 6. I wanted to feed and walk the dogs before going and then I ran into construction traffic. It also took me a while to find it. I don't see really well at night, especially when it comes to reading address numbers and street signs. It turned out to be okay. I am getting to know everyone pretty well, and I can usually keep up my end of the conversation. We had a white elephant gift exchange. I have the worst luck with these things, but I always feel obliged to participate. I will make use of the Starbucks gift card, though. Anyway, I have a chance to open another account tomorrow with a dentist's office. We are still on. We'll see how it goes.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

"Most of the Time"

My title is the same as a recent Bob Dylan song which is very beautiful and poignant--as in, I'm doing well--most of the time. I realize that this is a trying time of year after losing a loved one, and even though we haven't celebrated the holidays that much for several years, it's still difficult. Spending Thanksgiving with my sister was nice, and I'll probably spend Christmas Day with my neighbors--although that's not a given yet. I have been staying super busy, and I do require a fair amount of alone time, but maybe I do need to get out a little. I have such a routine and I hate to vary it. I am going to the staff Holiday Party this Thursday evening, although I have never been big on office gatherings. I don't want to be a stick in the mud either. Hopefully, the food will be good and I can find someone interesting to talk to. Business continues to be a bit of a challenge, although I have a full calendar for the next two weeks and expect to open at least two more accounts. That would make my month for sure. Of course, I had to through a stupid mishap into the works by back into a parked car of all things. I have a rear-view camera which I use, but not this time. Ouch.! It will cost me. For dumb! I feel like I"m going backward in my finances. At least, I have a car rental on my insurance policy so I'm not grounded.  I do find that if I keep going that things do brighten up. I've been watching movies occasionally on HBO. I saw Hidden Figures which was very good, and also Deepwater Horizon,  good as well. What a disaster that was. I just haven't been in the mood to dress much lately, although i did put a skirt and blouse on tonight. I just do whatever feels right. All the best to everyone. 

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Walking Back from Lake Washington

People in Seattle take advantage of sunny/rain-free days and I'm no exception. I love walking from my house through a local park and then along Lake Washington for several miles. It's very large, with a total shoreline that's probably around 60-70 miles and of course I come no where near that. It's ringed with parks and walking/running paths and just lovely. Today I was talking with my wife (via phone) while walking. She's in California and has never seen me presenting authentically. She asked if I was wearing my "lady clothes" and I assured her that yes, that's what I always do. Today's no different. She asked me to have someone snap a photo and send it to her. So here it is: no makeup, hair's a mess, but it's me, very comfortable in my own skin. Wow, I just happened to notice that I joined TGGuide just over three years ago. What a long space trip it's been!

Emma

Emma

 

Into

Hi I’am new to site. My name is frank and I’am 23. On the outside Iam a male but inside I feel like a female.  When I was kid I always been attractive to girl stuff like painting my nails/toes, wearing makeup, wearing high heels and dresses. I felt pretty and happy when I look    myself in the mirror. As I grew up I felt ashamed of myself because I was a male who was more like a female and I didn’t know why and hoped those feelings would eventually leave so I can be “normal”. That never happened but couple years ago I did a lot of research and I realize it wasn’t my fault. I always denied my female self but Iam finally ready to  turne that page and admit that I’am ready to be a women. Just don’t know what to do now? I could use some advice.

Frank09

Frank09

 

Bumps in the Road

I told my District Sales Coordinator (DSC), Rich, who has become my friend and mentor, that, in my opinion, the hardest thing about sales is rejection. But now, I think that one learns how to deal with that; it's disappointment that's the hardest thing, and last week was a disappointing week. I had a fair amount of potential business in my pipeline, but they seem to be withering away for one reason or another. It boils down to getting people to make a commitment, and we are not a priority for them at this time. So, it becomes a matter of keeping one's head up and soldering on. I'm doing my best. I still have quite a few prospects lined up, so I'm not exactly washed up, and I did make another couple of appointments today. They would be small accounts, but they all add up. I'm going to start doing employer presentations on my own on Monday. Rich has been great about helping me out, but he has other commitments, and it's time I spread my wings and learn to fly on my own. We'll see how I do. A couple will be even more challenging as I will need to use my limited Spanish to do some of my explanations.  I'll have some help, but it should be interesting. As I have mentioned previously, I have dropped out of the chatroom for which I feel some guilt, but it wasn't working for me anymore. I feel bad about leaving some of the people I met behind, but I think it is a good decision. I felt too stifled, and it was becoming too much of an obligation and an effort. I think at some point I will need to find another group to join, but I'm not much of a joiner. I like my routine and it's difficult to break.. I should do more on weekends.  Anyway, I am watching a little more TV--news and movies--and reading more. I like Public TV. I watched a Ron Howard documentary on the Beatles touring years last night which was a lot of fun. I sitll like the music after all these years. We'll see what the coming week brings.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

"Over the River, and through the woods..."

So now the holidays are upon us; my first since my wife died. We never really did that much to celebrate them, but it's still different. My sister invited me to be with her for Thanksgiving, and I took her up on it. Vero Beach is a two and a half hour drive and even though Marybeth suggested I get a motel room and spend the night, I decided to just go for dinner and come home. I didn't feel like boarding the dogs, and I'd just as soon sleep in my own bed anyway.  Marybeth's husband, Bill, is 14 years older than she is at 86--interesting since my second wife was 14 years older than me. My siblings seem to follow in my footsteps. He is nice enough, but a bit of a stodge--my brother cannot understand why she married him. I enjoy seeing my sister from time to time though. I'm not sure what word would best describe her--vivacious, maybe. She is somewhat perky and bright with a ready laugh. There is never a lack of conversation, for sure. Bill is a retired CPA who now writes novels--he has written two, both self-published. I hve to commend him for doing it.  A lot of people talk about writing a book--few actually do. My sister is also a writer--articles for the Vero Beach magazine. She is good.  They live in a huge, expensive, senior living condo--one bedroom, tiny. It works for them.  I got to VB around 2:30 and the three of us chatted for an hour or so. Then it was time to go to the country club for Thanksgiving dinner. Marybeth has told me ahead of time that a sport or suit jacket was required but no tie. I started to do just that but then changed my mind. I had bought a dress shirt with French cuffs a while back with my wife's encouragement and never had it on. So, I figured, now is as good a time as any. Furthermore, I didn't like the look of a white shirt with no tie, so I dressed up a bit. Felt good. I did mix it up a little. The standard outfit in this set seems to be a navy blue blazer with tan slacks. I wore a tan jacket with navy slacks. I like both looks, but I like being a little different too.  We were joined by Bill's daughter and her husband, who is originally from South Africa. They are recently retired at 60 and I gather fairly well-to-do. They were visiting Vero Beach because Hurrican Irma destroyed most of St. John's where they have a second home. Cindy had to keep reminding herself that complaining about losing their place was a 1% complaint when so many of the islanders lost everything, and now had no work on top of that. But was a cordial evening, and the food was good--traditional Thanksgiving fare. I don't like driving in the dark anymore, but I did make it home without incident around 9. My two dogs were happy to see me.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Karma DOES Indeed SUCK!

So, I've been here at my Mum's house long enough now that the time came to get my vehicle's license plate replaced.  I've got a new plate and now I blend in with the locals.   I've also been here long enough that my old driver's license was about to expire and I had to prepare for a new one.  Being that I was going to end up getting a license in a new state, I figured I'd go online and see what all would be required... what paperwork/documentation, or whatever, to prove I'm a legal citizen of the good ol' U.S of A.  While doing my homework, I discovered that I could actually start the process for getting a license - online.  Okay...that was cool. For getting a license for the first time in this state, you have to fill out an application and then go thru the list of required documentation and pick out the ones you are able to provide, or must find a way to obtain.  While filling out the application, the Devil crawled up on one shoulder, and David Michael crawled up on the other shoulder.  Being that most humans have only two shoulders, naturally, there was no place for that little Angel that likes to be across from the Devil to counteract any of his shenanigans... LOL.  The Devil and I were gonna get along juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine. Anywho... I came upon two boxes - one for male and one for female.  There have been many a story about people who's driver's license had the wrong sex marker on them.  And of course, anyone can make a mistake...  so, I accidentally on purpose hit the box for male, 'cause, well, the idea of having to check female yet again, was distressful.  It's becoming more so, more and more.  I figured the hell with it - if anyone asks, I'll simply tell them I was in a hurry at the time, only half paying attention, an' obviously hit the wrong box.  <shrugs> The days were dwindling.  I had only about seven days left on the current license.  Reluctantly, I hauled my sorry butt to the DMV to get a new driver's license.  Armed with BC, marriage license, application number and current DL, I stood in line waiting for the next available agent.  Finally, a free agent.  I walked over and sat down, layed all my stuff on the counter, said "hello," and gave the lady my application number.  She pulled up my application and went to work. Now... this woman had three documents in front of her that clearly stated my birth sex.  I assumed she either didn't see the "M" on my application since she didn't question me, or she just took it upon herself to make the "correction."   I sat quietly while she got everything filled out and entered into the system.  She pulled a sheet of paper from her printer and advised me it was a temporary license and that I should keep it on me until I get the permanent one.  I forked over my money, she collected everything I had given her,  the temporary license, and handed it all to me saying that my permanent license would arrive in the mail within 15 days.  I thanked her, we wished each other a good day, and I left. A couple days later, I pulled my wallet out to get that temporary license - I had folded it up before I had even left the DMV parking lot, not wanting to see the information on it.  But then, I had to see what sex was on it - if it was on there at all since it was, after all, only a temporary license.  I slowly unfolded the paper, and then tried to hone in on where I thought the sex marker might be. MY GOD, SHE DIDN'T SEE IT!  And yeah - - it looked THAT glorious!  I thought my heart was gonna pound it's way straight thru my sternum.  I allowed myself a minute or two of sheer, unadulterated, child-like giddy excitement, then stifled it, and came back down to reality, believing there could be the possibility that between then and whenever the permanent license was created, someone might spot and "correct" that "M."  I re-folded the temporary license and put it back in my wallet. Just a few days later, the permanent license arrived in the mail.  I slowly opened it, bracing for the worst.  I fully expected to find a "corrected" license and a letter to announce/explain such.  Instead, an "M" nearly jumped off the card at me.  I was very happy.  Right or wrong, correct or incorrect, I was happy.  I didn't even care that the name and the sex marker contradicted each other.   I sat at the desk for a moment just looking at the license.  And then I spotted it.  That twit had entered my entire name... not just full first name, but full first name AND middle name - SPELLED OUT.  If there's anything I hate worse than my first [given] name, it's my middle [given] name.  And the bad part is... the application indicated that entry of a middle name or initial was optional, and all that was on the old license was an initial.  I surely wasn't expecting that! Karma. Freakin'. SUCKS!

UsernameOptional

UsernameOptional

 

Q&A: MVP Karen Payne Talks With Us About Being A Transgender Woman In Tech

Several years ago I was asked to speak at Microsoft on "Diversity and Inclusion in the workplace". They wanted my perspective as a Microsoft MVP (Most Valued Professional) being transgender in the tech field. Only a handful at Microsoft knew I was transgender when I would meet with them but my lead at Microsoft asked me to participate and I said yet. From that I did the Diversion and Inclusion speech with a panel which then moved to me being interviewed (which was the second time, first time was the year prior for women in tech). So several weeks ago I was asked to do a write up for a Microsoft blog (which in the first paragraph has a link to another article for the New York Times). Never heard back from them but instead rec'd a tweet from another female MVP saying I should change my Twitter handle from (my old identity) of kevininstructor to kareninstructor. Learned that kareninstructor was taken (strange, may be I created it and forgot about it, will have to see) so I had to pick another one (ended up being a better selection). I then noticed that group Twitter account was cc'd so I went there and found a link to my blog entry. Now in all fairness I belong to the group and if I had checked it out would had know the blog was posted so fair is fair. Q&A: MVP Karen Payne Talks With Us About Being A Transgender Woman In Tech  

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

 

Not for the Faint of Heart

Here are some more tales from your blogging road warrior. Anyone who has been in sales knows that it is a roller coaster with highs and lows coming almost hourly. This week was no different. I started early Monday morning before our 9:00 meeting and set one appointment right away. It was to be my last of the week. I struggled Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday doing follow-ups and breaking new territory--for me anyway. Nada. I can't say it was a total loss because I did uncover some promising businesses that will warrant a call back next week. But for the most part, it was heavy slogging either not being able to see the decision maker, or getting a flat out no, or finding out that the company already had AFLAC or a competitor. (Note: We don't replace existing policies.  We provide coverage where none exists) So it was a matter of carrying on believing that it would work out eventually. As I mentioned previously, I had four appointments on Thursday to open accounts. The first one went very well, and the owner we dealt with ending up buying just about every policy we presented to her. Unfortunately, her husband was not present. More on that later. The next stop, not quite as well. Our owner here is getting married this month and has a lot on her mind besides opening an account with AFLAC. Still my District Service Coordinator (DSC) persevered and we did establish a group for the company. Enrollments will wait until the middle of December, after the wedding. Our next one required some more deliberation and consultation with outside partners, so no group set up. I think it will still fly eventually. And there was a glitch in our last meeting in that Rich (DSC) had arranged for a Spanish speaker to give a presentation to employees of a pre-school, but he bailed at the last moment, and no replacement was available. Addtionally, the owner of the pre-school was not available so we wouldn't be able to move forward anyway. We'll reschedule. Rich does not have high hopes for this one. We met with one other potential client later that afternoon, however, and that shows some promise. So, here it is Friday morning, and Rich is up early and wants to meet me to wrap up the first client. Our owner, Sophia, is a real gem. She is sharp and a straight shooter. But, the husband wanted to be involved, so we had to wait for him to show up which took most of the morning. Rich had to re-sell everything again, but in the end it was a go with two polices yet to be decided. It was still a good sale, especially for a small company, and the owners made smart choices on their coverage. Rich and I came back to my house to work on the computer. We finally got the other employees enrolled and the account was transmitted to AFLAC.  It was a little messy, but we got her done. Rich says you always remember the first one. So it ended well, and I'll get a nice commission check by Tuesday plus an additional $150 bonus for making my fast start level and I also get free  business cards now. Now that was fun. I have an ambitious goal to  open 10 new accounts by the end of the year. With what I have in the pipeline, that is not out of the question. We'll see. I don't want to get overly excited or optimistic, but I also want to enjoy the moment. I did work for it after all. More and more, I think my involvement with TG Guide is going to be right here. As I have previously alluded to, the chatroom has gotten to be more of a chore for me. I hate to say that and maybe I'm being selfish, but the conversations have gotten so repetitive, and sometimes it's difficult to even get anyone to say anything. I still like to dress, and I am glad there are places where you can go and be yourself, but it's not where my head is at right now. I don't need to be told what I need to do to be feminine. I can do that well on my own, thank you. What I would like is stimulating conversation on a variety of topics. Not really into tweeting though; that seems to get nasty at times. So I'll just hang out here. This works for me  Until next time...

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

the ocean or the beach

so im at 7 months now. i feel great physical but emotional im depressed, lonely, sad. i been doing this transition without support network pretty much alone since i start. i am have a hard time wanting to or trying to integrate into society since job loss. things just keep getting more isolated for me. still dressing as a man in public but i standing out a lot more. my face and skin has soften, my anger is gone, i keep looking out for someone like me but dealing w unemployment and looking for friends who are living similar life to me just make me seem like baggage and problem. i dont know what i doing. i am pretty much go through female puberty now. so many changes to liste i cant even summarise where my mind at. i dont know whether im losing strength in the ocean or afraid to get in the water. i feel like my soul getting ripped in half because i cant give it what it needs. with all this going on im not suicidal, just scared im not going find a way to a meaningful life. having to fight a public perception is like swimming with sharks. i dont regret what im doing, wish i had done it sooner. its just going all the way and not getting stuck in the gender fluid ocean. maybe some are ok w that but it not what i want.

Kitrah

Kitrah

 

The Weeks Ahead

I'm going to ramble tonight which is what I usually do anyway. My 75th birthday on Friday passed quietly as expected. Funny that I got more congratulations from my neighbors and co-workers than my own family. My sister sent me a short text--no card this year; and I didn't even hear from my brother. One daughter texted that a late card was coming--she is always late; the other called a day later. My erstwhile son didn't bother either, but we have only recently re-established communication so maybe that's not surprising. A few congrats and likes on Facebook and Linkedin. Another day in the life. I did reconnect with my chatroom friends. I haven't been dressing as much and don't feel right about entering the chatroom en homme. Also, it has been late when I finally get finished with all my paperwork and organizing that I'm not up to spending a lot of time there. After a full day, I am ready for bed. (I have been tempted to use "just" so many times. I think I am getting better at eliminating it from my usage.) As I have mentioned previously, I have several potential account openings this week. The appointments have been set up, and we are ready to open my first business accounts. I have quite a few things in the pipeline now, so I am hopeful that at least some will happen. I am doing this for the money of course--that's why you get into sales, after all--but even more importantly for me, I am trying to prove to myself that I can do it. I have tried numerous times before, and while I have not been a total failure, I have not set the world on fire either. This feels different in that I am able to give it my all, and even more importantly, I am not desperate for the money--eventually, maybe--but not for quite a while. So, what will be, will be as the song says. My expectations are moderate. I think my sales coordinator is more optimistic. He is now counting on my to make his district quota for new account openings.  Then with that, I have to get my dogs to the groomer on Tuesday morning. I have my monthly eye injection on Wednesday afternoon followed my the Comcast tech coming to install a new internet for me. Friday, I've been invited to a Thanksgiving lunch at my previous employer, PACE Center of Girls. Busy indeed. BTW, I did get dressed tonight for a short visit--skirt and blouse and a pearl necklace. Simple.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

If you are transgender you can run but you can't hide

i remember when i first realized that i wasn't like my brothers, that i was like my sisters. it seemed like a delicious secret  but .it didn't take too long for that delcious secret to become a nightmare. By age 5 i prayed that God would make me a girl (i still do). From age 8 until i was18 i dressed in my sister's clothes daily. It always felt soo right to be wearing girl clothes and always i felt calm, the only time in my days when i did feel calm. Until was 11 i thought that i was the only one like me. At age 11 I read about Jan Morris and for the first time i thought that maybe i wasn't alone. When i turned 18 the impossibility of being me was overwhelming, everyday all day i would see other girls and ladies and feel the pain of not being able to be openly like them. i became angry at being trans and even hating me being me. In the next years i ran from me fell in love, got married had 4 children earned 2 degrees all the while hating the best part of me and always when i would pause i would feel the same pain of not being me only every day every year the pain grew worse, it still does.  For those of you who are young and hesitating to transition please do whatever it takes to transition. You can run from being trans but it won'ty go away. YOU CAN"T RUN FROM THE BEST PART OF YOURSELF no matter how hard you run or how faryou run. Please don't be cowardly like me and find yourself at 59 years of age hurting soo badly because you need to be the woman you were born to be. May we all love the person we are and be willing to do what it takes to be true to ourselves everyday of our lives. i fear that for me it probably is too late but there are some wonderful things that have happened to me. My maternal instinct makes me an outstanding special educator and i now have grown to love the girl i am.   To any who might be reading this, please know that you and i are friends whom i haven't met yet. i will love you forever.  

Kimberlyann

Kimberlyann

 

"Transition"

Hi all, So I wanted to throw this out for discussion - I've been thinking recently about the term "transition" as it relates to the trans community. For starters, I hope nothing that I say here will suggest that I think everyone needs to use the same terminology, particularly for their own experience and journey - it's our story, it's our terminology! But in a broader perspective, I have some concerns about the term "transition."  Transition is defined as "the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another." Put simply, my fear of it's general use, with respect to trans-identified people, is that it perpetuates the narrative of being born X and "transitioning" to Y. In my view, I was NOT a man who transitioned to a woman, I was born a woman with some wrong parts. My "transition" therefore was essentially a medical correction along with a change in my personal presentation. And of course that does reflect a transition, so the word works. The problem is that there is an entrenched history of believing that we were born one gender and changed to the other - and I think that the term transition is linked to that narrative. Perhaps it's time to look for a new word, or stop using the word entirely? I think back over my process and wonder if I could have gone without it - in what circumstances did I need the word? For people who knew, I could say that yes, I'm getting some medical support to correct some things, and I'm working towards living my authentic self. The "trigger" in this case was discovering that my field placement location uses the initials "CGHT" (cross-gender hormone therapy) for HRT that is being prescribed to trans-identified clients. I'm working on that issue, but I realized the big problem I had with it is that it reaffirms that same narrative with staff who see and use that terminology - I DO NOT take "cross-gender" hormones. I am by no means sold on all of this, it's a thought I've been having and wanted to share and see what others in the community think  xoxo Chrissy 

Chrissy

Chrissy

 

A Crack in the Door?

Today, I had five appointments. My District Sales Coordinator (DSC) ran them with me since I am not yet qualified to do an employer presentation. The first two went well, and we are scheduled to open my first two business accounts. The third appointment had to be rescheduled but remains active. My fourth appointment was run by my Regional Sales Coordinator since the DSC was not available. This one also went well and could be a possible account activation. The last appointment was a bust due to a misunderstanding. But, all in all, a very good day that could lead to me actually making some money out of this deal. Of course, nothing is final until the signature is on the dotted line, but our feeling is that it will happen. I have two more appointments set for tomorrow, one with my DSC and one with the RSC since I am now working in two geographical locations. We'll see how they go. I am starting to get more of a feel how this all works, and it seems at this point that my efforts will pay off. In the meanwhile, I'll keep on working and learning. I have more online courses to take so I will be in student mode again. My wife used to say that I am a perpetual student. I don't see anything wrong with that.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Down Time

Today was one of the first days in a while that I have not been running around trying to get things done. Now that I think of it, there were probably some work things I could have done, but I took the time for me instead. So, I read two long New York Times articles, one a free-wheeling interview with John Boehner, former House speaker; and another on the disarray of the Democratic party. I also subscribe to the Miami Herald and the Washington Post,  so this was catch  up on the news day. One thing I read about John Boehner was that he was very meticulous about his dress and irons all his own clothes, which inspired me to do my own washing and ironing. I even polished my shoes. I joke that when I am out prospecting, all I have is a smile and a shoe shine. Even watched a little TV. I never did see Lincoln . Very powerful, but that's Steven Spielberg for you. I had to get the news of the latest shooting from my neighbors. This is getting to be an almost daily event. Nothing will be done of course. I don't know what it will take. There is little moral courage in this country it would seem. We here will do what we can.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Saturday Night Quiet

I mean, I really wasn't going to get dressed tonight--well, maybe some lounging clothes--but nothing serious. As I mentioned previously, some nights this week, I have not even bothered with that and have gone straight from my dog-walking clothes to my nightie for bed.  I have also been avoiding the CD Chatroom for several reasons, mainly because being dressed is de rigueur for being in the chatroom--I do approve of this unwritten rule, by the way. Also, it has become rather boring and one note, I'm afraid. For me, I can only talk about what we are all wearing and how feminine we are for so long. I go along with it, and I have made some good friends there, but it's usually the quietest chatroom. Very few go there. But anyway, after working in the yard, I definitely needed a bath, and I needed to do some shaving, and then I put on some panties and a bra with breast forms--haven't done that in a while. Then I dug out a long skirt and and a blouse to go with it and a little jewelry, and voila! Here I am. So there. I will probably visit the chatroom later. I haven't watched a movie in like forever, so maybe I'll see what I can find.It's nice out tonight, so I might just sit on the porch with my dog and watch the stars. One last thing, this is funny. I actually got asked out on a sort of date today. It was one of the cashiers at Walmart that my wife and I have known for at least 10 years. She is Mexican and is my age--she told me--and as it turns out, her son has the same birthday as I do--November 10, next Friday. So, she thought that we should have a joint celebration, and we exchanged phone numbers. i don't know if i will even happen, but she is a nice lady, and it wouldn't hurt. I am certainly not looking for any relationship myself, and I don't see her as a fit in any case, but I don't want to let her down either. We'll see.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

attaboy

This blog has become more of a journey into my new career rather than a journey into my transition from maleness to femaleness. But that is pretty much my life as of late. I don't mind the male side of me, as I really don't pay much attention to it when out in the world. I don't have to because that's who I am too, and I take pride in being well-dressed and well-groomed as much as I can in the business world. I don't know that I'll ever really be out of the closet as far as dressing goes. Sometimes I get gussied up because it's fun, but mostly I just like more lounging attire to unwind after a long day. I just like wearing whatever feels good to me at the time without anybody telling me that it's wrong. I admire those who make the transition into their true female selves. It takes a lot of courage, which is a shame since we just want to be ourselves. Anyway, all of the new AFLAC associates had individual meetings with our "bosses" and the head trainer today. Although, after my fourth week in the business, I haven't opened any new accounts, everyone is impressed with my work ethic. All they said was to keep doing what I'm doing and the money will come. So, that's what I'll do. I'm going to do some tweaking with my approaches and also call on some of my old contacts to get things going, but other than that, I'll keep at it. If nothing else, I'm getting a lot of exercise and fresh air  and meeting a lot of people. So, we'll see.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

what a great Day

Hello and greetings,    Today L and I took a leap into the tranns world.  We went and picked out a new hair piece together.  220 bucks worth and boy oh boy I tell ya.  We got a baby sitter for the afternoon and went and had our nails done.    then we went out to dinner in Downtown and at a fancy place also.   I felt natural as I ordered dinner and played with my boys and smiled and almost cried a couple times at the total peace I am starting to feel in my skin.      I got home to find my gaff had arrived and I ran into the bedroom shed my attire and put it on.  I then put on some skinny jeans and a shirt and told L to look at me.   never had I felt more alive than when she touched my  nether region and there was nothing there. I felt like a natural woman. It has taken me many years and tears to feel that way and when the love of my life reached down and touched me and kissed me I knew we would spend the rest of our ives together.    I am still working on mannerism stance and stuff but i have 41 years on man crapolla to rid myself of.     Well night all lets see what tomorrow holds   

4EverYoung

4EverYoung

 

Working, working

I can't say that I have had much trans activity this past week. I have just been too pooped at the end of the day along with a lot of follow-up paperwork that needs doing to even think about dressing. The only dress I want to see is my nightie. It's not all bad, really, although it will be better when things finally start to pop. I am making a lot of approaches and setting appointments, but then there are always those that fall through for one reason or another. The two really good ones I have has so far this week won't make a decision for another six months. Nothing happens fast, that's for sure. I have four presentations scheduled for the morning, so maybe one of them wiill come through. I have been working some with a co-worker, Kathy, whom I have previously mentioned. As I said, she is very sharp and was a big person in IT with American Express making major bucks as she tells it. But she loves to talk, and takes soooo looong to do things, that it does get to me. She also obsesses over her prospects that are not happening and just eating up more of her time. I have to keep moving. If you are serious, fine. If not, I have others to see. Some agents do very well working with a partner. I'm so used to being on my own. My wife used to say that I don't really need anybody. It was a harsh statement. Maybe, it's true. I do enjoy good company, but it's hard to fine people with interests similar to mine, or maybe interesting people period. I will say that I have met interesting and alive people here at this website. I am grateful that it is here.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

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