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  • Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

    By Lori

    Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices flowing; A daily journal about your life and experiences
    A journal documenting when you go full time
    A journal to document your gender reassignment surgery
    Dating experiences and tips
    Crossdressing tips
    Experience with makeup
    Passing in public
    Your experiences when you go out in public
    Restroom experiences
    Transitioning at work
    Dealing with counselors or medical personnel
    Introspection about your particular gender identity
    Dealing with or overcoming self-limiting beliefs
    Dealing with addictions
    Dealing with self-destructive behaviors
    Interactions with police or government workers
    Changing your drivers license, birth certificate, etc.
    Applying for jobs
    Your big day, when you go full time
    Hormonal development (please don't discuss dosages or make medical type recommendations)
    Experiences with electrolysis
    How other members of your new gender react to you, and your experiences
    Your recommendations to others about to follow your path
    Your thoughts about whether surgery is necessary to be your desired gender
    Differences in how you feel dressed or not dressed
    What your life would be like if you still repressed your inner identity
    Poetry or prose
    These are a few ideas to get you started. Feel free to leave comments to suggest your own ideas, or just start a blog and share with everyone. Just log into your control panel to start your own blog. This could be interesting!
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  1. new to the site here. guess the best way for others to know me till I get more pics up. make a blog of the things I have faced trying to become the person I have always felt I should be. still do till this day. lot of things may sound clecheish. but these things do pertain to me.

    on a nice cool monday morning there was a son born in houston texas. 8:00am in the morning. at a hospital which has been closed since then and now the herman hospital in houston. the year was june 24, 1968. time approximately 8:00am in the morning. young brian was born. some people can remember back to the day they were born. me I can remember back to about when I was four. that was when playing with my sister. playing with boys never felt so right.

    when playing with the boys the games and what not. never felt comfortable. at home playing with my sister in her room. felt more natural. now growing up my family. they are the family who believe that boys should be boys. and girls girls. not boys be girls.very set in their ways. there were many of times when with my sister I let her fix my hair. we played with the makeup when our parents were not around. when our parents caught us. they came down n me the most.

    even at that young age I have always felt like a sister. my mother a year after my sister was born was pregnant again but after 6 mon ths had a miscarriage. it was a lil girl. they tried again and then came their son. I always wonder if the child they lost was really supposed to be me. I was just given a second chance to be born. but was born in the wrong body. was the girl she miscarriage was that the true me. for I have always felt I should have been her.

    I grew up in a very country home. predujice was at a all time back then. someone like me ever was to be found out. could very possibly be in grave danger for being who she is. so whenever my parents were not around. I always dressed as the girl I knew I was.

    in school say like in physical education class. I was always uncomfortable about dressing in gym clothes in front of others. when we play team games. they would split the boys into two teams. one make them take their shirts off for skins. the other left their on for shirts. that always petrefied me the most to be on skins. always wanted to cover my chest. so flipped my shirt over my neck so every chance i had I could pull my shirt down.

    never really wore shorts cause shaved my leggs alot. and being a boy with shaved leggs was not right for a boy to have. I hated so much knowing I was getting body hair. I do have to admit the emotions I felt inside. I did give a thought or two. suicide but believed in god and made it through.

    I never had the attractions to girls like a boys should have. the emotions to girls was the emotions a girl would have. the new clothes that were out. fashions such as dresses, tops, pants and shoes. what kind of makeup was out and the latest perfume. things I only wish I could have. my parents never would get it and I was too young to buy.

    15 I got my first job. I was getting my own money. had my beginners permit to drive. father gave me his lil truck to drive. it was then I started to buy my clothes for the first time. couldn't buy many cause I had to keep them hid from my parents. my parents were not rich and always struggled with what they had. so if I wanted something. I had to get it myself.

    things had gotten complicated at home when I was 17. 3 months after school I was forced to leave by a choice I didn't want to make. when on my own. I started to buy more clothes. the high school I went to last made me cut my hair cause i always had long hair. I got my first wig at 17. I started to adventure out. live several places around close to home. moved back a couple of times. I started to hang out at a church for students at a major university they have in that town. I was catholic so did do alot for the church. one time I was back at home my mother found my clothes. all hell broke out. they took everything I had and got rid of it. they acted like I was possesed or something. took me to the priest at the church I was hanging out at. devastated me so much. my secret was out.

    my mom was getting rid of some of her clothes remember she asking me if there was something I wanted. she didn't mean it. I told her yes and she made sure I knew she was messing with my head when I was being serious. 2 weeks later moved out for good. never lived at the house again.

    I bought alot more clothes and makeup and started to take trips around town. never could go to public places still cause of the predujice all around. you had the typical country back woods rednecks. you had the infamous kkk which was very strong at the time. white supremisives, and the black panther and other black groups then.

    I moved to a town 65 miles away. seemed like everyday my parents were there. so being on my own never felt that way. the town I moved to did have a gay community. but still had to becareful what I did of all the other radcial groups. that was when I went to my first gay club and met robert.

    now in this town the gays were in a group all of their own. when I learn about drag queens, tv, and ts's. back then transgender wsn't in the dictionary I guess cause noone ever mentioned it.

    back to robert. I always had my idea of what or what I thought my life consited of. the club was called chances r. I sold things to clubs around town and so scared to death of this place cause going in there I never knew what to expect.

    I walk in with the girl I was replacing. when going they say always back then go with someone of the opposite sex. if not the gays would test you if they saw you were straight. first person I came up to was what I thought was a talking wall. his name was robert. 7' 6" 500lbs. we shook hands. lokk up at him. with his blue eyes he looked into my blue eyes with my knees trembling. he replied, you have really pretty eyes. my throat sunk in my stomach. he knew I was nervous then he whispered to me. he had my back. come to him and he would back me up. after that point. being in that kind of atmosphere I then felt like this is where I belong. watched the drag show and the others. felt like it was at a new home. this was where I belonged.

    somehow I got into the strip club scene. that was such a learning experince for me. seeing the girls naked never really affected me. I actually had talks with the girls like any other girls would have. I watch how they did makeup. how they did hair. for 20 years I worked those clubs and learn so much.

    whenever I wanted to spend time as female my parents always came around. got where it didn't still feel like I was away. so I moved to south texas. 400 miles away. I always did miss seeing them but kept in contact and visited when I could. going to south texas I had more chances to go out more. I was so happy.

    I know now when doing hrt. always go through a doctor. so I was ordering overline my female hormones and estrogen. and my steroid blockers. I always worked trying to make a living. all dead end job. had two good ft jobs but got laid off at both. parents always say need anything just call. yea right. when I did they gave me slack about it and lots of time never got it. my nephew was grown and he asked so much that when it came to me. it was always no. many of times I thought I was going to be homeless. I took the pills when I could. afford them that is.

    as time went on. started to hear the word transgender. so did alot of research on my own on the transgender community. got really familiar with it. for I was transgender but never had to income coming to pursue it. still as of 4/19/2012 I do struggle alot. I wish I won the lottery so I could do my hrt. I have already contacted a hospital in california for the srs. when that happens I would like the ffc as well. I am hoping to get implants this year so far. I have a psychiatrist lined out for my therapy. but she is like 25 miles away and the cost is alot for me on my income.

    the job I have now. I have tried to transition some but they won't see it. I can't really go against their rules even those it is against the law for denying what I am becoming. my skin is softer. hair is thicker but need to do so transplants to get it to grow right. at work all my under garments are females. bra, panties, etc. if I could know of a job they would let me transition and paid good with benefits I would go. but right now stuck here at this dead end job. so at work I have to portray my male side. but at home I live all female. the hospital in california said even if it is just at work I am not female but the rest of the time I am. after the therapy and year on hrt. they would do my srs for my. so when they said that it did give me more hope.

    I feel female. I live female. everything I do away from work is female. being female is the life I only know. so hopefully one day I will win the lottery and I can quit here and go ft as the women I feel inside. long time ago I was petrified going out in public. now its only natural for me.

    so the obstacle I have faced in life. the banishment from the parents. the predjudice of the many radcial groups. surviving everyday doing what came natural for me. thinking of my friends that are like me that didn't make it. I miss them everyday. helps make me stronger everyday.

    so if you ask me today what I am. I would reply transgender working on my transition. but with the obstacle I face with money and challenges with others. just takes so much longer.

    my biggest dream is this. when I die. I want to leave this world full female. I came in as male but always felt the body that was given to me wasn't the right one. the miscarriage my mother had. to me that was the body that was meant for me.

    I work hard everyday on my transition. and look for others girls, ts tv, and women that can except me for who I am and let me be me. as for men I would like to meet one one day. but he has to see me as me only. that is what is on the inside not the outside and treat ne with the highest respect that way.

    there is so much more about me than what is listed here. I could go on for days. even though it just seemed I did. I am always open for questions. cause I studied so much on my lifestyle. I never mind giving advice to others. only thing I regret in life. I wasn't more informed on the steps and was able to become a full women much earlier. my life is good. but if I could have transitoned earlier. I would have been so much happier.

    well hope this gives you the background of me and the challenges I had to face and stil have yet to come. feel free to ask anything. I am very open to all aspect of my life. I appreciate you all take the time and reading. hope you find what you seek when it comes to me.

    samantha christine

    ( friends call me sammie)

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    I started dressing when I was 5 or 6...I used to wear my moms panty hose and heels...I just love the feel of the silkyness of the hose against my skin..And loved the way walking in high heels felt...My mom suspected something when she went to put on a pair of heels and there were none in her closet...She found them all under my bed..."Stupid kid" LOL....I continued to wear her clothes,gradually expanding to her panties,bras and dresses..I just loved the way wearing womens clothes made me feel..When I went to visit and stayover my grandparents Id sneak into my grandmothers rooms and go thru their stuff...My dads mother had this amazing bodyshaper I just loved...It had shoulder straps and came down to an opened crotch with garter straps....I would have it and thi high stockings on the entire time I was there...I just loved looking at myself in the mirror.....As I got older and started going over friends houses I started looking thru their moms stuff...There was nothing like finding sexy panties and lingerie...Id always try something on....And once I got caught...But my friends father didnt let on he knew till awhile later when I went to see if my friend was home...Thats how I got introduced to the wonderful art of oral sex...But thats another story......KISSES

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    Hello everyone, and welcome to my first blog.

    I am so happy to have found this site to share my thoughts, my story and whatever advice I can with all the other TG people out there. I wanted to start off by sharing my story so far with everyone and we can go from there.

    Once upon a time....j/k thought that would be kind of funny. Anyways,

    Ever since I was about eight or nine I have always enjoyed wearing my sisters clothes, it wasn't anything sexual, it somehow just felt normal. I also want to point out that I was also brought up with two sisters and two step-sisters, this will come up later on. My childhood was pretty much the same as any other boys childhood was, I played in Little league (although at the time I wasn't that good), I played street hockey, I did what any other boy my age was doing. Now that I've come to the realization that I'm trans, I have realized that I was quite different back then, even if I did grow up just like the other boys.

    I was never one of the "cool" kids, actually I was one of the ones they picked on, I was always teased about how I crossed my legs (even though guys DO cross their legs).

    As I hit puberty the usual things happened, getting erections, attracted to girls, changing of the voice, etc. I don't need to explain eveything (or do I?) j/k. I never really had any girlfriends, I had girl friends (if you know what I mean). I also had boy friends, they were the ones I grew up with I never really made any new guy friends at my new schools, but somehow always connected with the girls.

    My teen years were to be as expected, go to high school, get in trouble, (although I got into more trouble than most). I got older and eventually moved out on my own. This is where it seems I was finally able to spread my wings and fly.

    A friend and I had got an apartment together and we had people over had the parties and what not. One day we were all talking about sex and other things and one of the guys who was new to the group had said that he masturbated a lot, and he thought about being with a guy, and that he might be gay, or at least bi-sexual. Everyone had made fun of him, but not to the extent of hurting his feelings, I know because I asked him about it later.

    Although everyone was making jokes about his sexuality, it got me thinking about my own sexuality. After awhile he became "one of the guys" and then one day, I went over to his house to talk about the situation, and well I won't go into detail, but one thing lead to another. I have been with girls before and this just seemed to fit, I was actually happy and I was actually satisfied. That was the only time with that guy, not because of what had happened but for other reasons him and the rest of us just sort of drifted apart. Ever since then I was always curious about what if I am, or maybe because it was different, I wasn't sure. I eventually had gotten my own apartment and one night sitting alone I decided to try one of the phone chat lines, I started with the single girls side and after awhile I switched over to feed my curiosity. I quickly met up with someone that wanted to get together and BAM, I was hooked. I felt total gratification in what I was doing and it seemed normal (to me). Although I can't say I'm proud of it, but I turned into a slut, I wanted it from any guy whenever and so forth. Ok I'm getting carried away.

    I eventually met one guy who (was supposed to be) a one night stand, give me his phone number. At the time I thought, ah whatever I won't call him, threw the number on my dresser and forgot about it, until the next day. LOL, I know right. Although you laugh, after eight years (and counting) I am still with that same guy. Since then I've come out to my family and friends and seemed happy, until now.

    Although the past eight years I was happy, or at least I thought I was it seems like I was in grade school again, happy with my life, but something was still different, something was missing. I have done a lot of research and finally came to the conclusion that I am trans. Anytime I thought about it or was watching videos, I always came to this realization that I was happy, and it seemed like the missing piece of the puzzle.

    So here I am, at the bottom of the mountain looking up to the achievments (and hurdles) I must get through to reach my goal. I have an appointment already to go talk to my Dr., about seeing a therapist, because I don't know of one that may be experienced in gender dysphoria in my city, so hopefully he can help me out. This is my first step to becoming Melanie!

    Hugs,

    Melanie

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    Here is my blog.I am currently a pre op ts started hormones at age 14.My life as a boy was a living hell and had feeling I was a girl at an early age.I began raiding my mom's closet trying on her pantyhose and shoes.My mom found them out of place a few times and caught me when I was 14.Finally came out out and she did not accept it at all including my father.They kicked me out for good telling me I was not to come back.I thought I was a lost cause after that.I recieved a second chance thanks to my Aunt Bev,said I was welcomed in her house.After that saw I was not happy at all and I could not take it living as a boy anymore.It came down going through my closet throwing my male clothes out and replaced with girl's clothing.It was the transformation too,began growning my hair out and got my ears pierced including my nails done.I was much happier when I saw the new me and moved on.My Aunt Bev got me help too,diagnosed with gender dysphoria at age 14 and began hormone therapy 3 monthes after I was diagnosed.I approved for the SRS when I was 19 and turned it down.I wanted to keep what I was born with and and knew it would be a huge regret having the SRS.Love my life now,have a boyfriend Brandon of 2 years and he does know I am a pre op.Told him 2 weeks before we dated and he had feelings for me after I told him.He does love me and we live together,is a very open minded person.My journey has been going well and keeping this way.I have a special friendship with my Aunt Bev ever since,still loves me and would not give up on me.

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    Although I won't be starting testosterone therapy until Thursday, I have been passing in the community for some time now. My body language, clothes and speech is male. I even have a thick masculine mustache. No one knows how I grew it. I remember one day standing in front of the mirror looking at myself and saying, "I want a mustache" in a rather forceful but positive manner. Before I knew it the mustache grew out. I think that this was due to mind over matter. I am looking forward to the physical changes I will exerience as a result of testosterone therapy. I'm going to post a "Before" photo of myself, and then take pictures every week to record these changes.

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    Well everyone, it's another day in paradise (not). I'm still looking for a job and someway of being Vicki fulltime. I would like to meet some other t-girls for fun and to help me bring Vicki out. Hugs to all-Vicki

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    Hello, my name is Myralee, an out and proud trans woman living in Kentucky! I want to welcome everyone to my blog. Please enjoy yourself and feel free to respond to my posts and have a conversation. I am open to any topic ideas as well. So once again, welcome.

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    I want my HRT really bad and the Dr says I can't have it yet because my kidney function is elevated and my liver enzymes are high, but my other Drs cleared me for the treatment and so I want the hormone treatment, I've had the blood tests to show where my testosterone levels and my estrogen levels were, now it's up to the Dr. :angry:

  2. Today I received a call from a trans center; the person on the phone invited me to a group meeting at 4:00pm to 6:00pm. I called them about a month and a half ago, and didnot here a thing till today, 2/6/2012. So I got ready<as best I could> and I drove over to the adderess I was given.

    I arrived a little before 4:00pm, about 10min early; So I desided to sit in my truck and see if I saw any other transfolkes. The reason I did this is, because I learned to be cautious as a serpent, yet mild as a dove.I also, know this area very well, and know it is a known hood for gang members; I grew up there.

    So I sat there ......I didnot see one Transperson; I said to myself, "if I see one of them I go in the building." I waited till the clock read 15 min past 4:00pm; all I did see was a family come out of the place, and many gang members go in; not one of them looked to be trans/nada!!

    So I left then I decided to right this experience down....Be Careful!!

    When you look for a center on line.

    Thats where I found this one, I didnot like the area...Call me a chicken, but I'm a live one!!

    This was nothing like the LGBT Center I belong to!! So in short I just don't want to read in the news paper about another transgender person getting hurt, or worse. I don't like anyone taking advantage of one of us. In my eyes if one of us gets hurt we all get hurt!! I really mean this; it's how I feel.

    Peace Out!!...>^.^<..and be smart & safe!!

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    hi everybody wherever you are love joy happeness be with with you all thisa is my first blog so i know i will make mistakes so plse forgive me if i do at this time im in transition and hrt in the hope that one dayi will be what i want to be its not easy is it for any of us we face lots of problems which we all have to overcome in our quest to be ourselfs i welcome all comments good or bad so please feel free to do so i look forward to talk with you in the future You know sometimes you have to forget whats gone appreciate whats remains and look forward to whats coming nextl

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    rules of the trangendered is not the same as the rule's of the rest for instincts if a transfem dresses fem he still has to use the mens restroom because he has both a male lisence and male orgains but why cant there be a unisex restroom every where for our kind there's a handycap restroom every where. If we get pulled over we have to give a given name rather than a name given to our sexuallity, I also know there are those who would take an unlawful advantage if it were so but if a diagnoses were given it should be aloud regardles of the actual sex tell me you're thoughts on the subject.

    a. sex should be law.

    b. sex should adjust by sexuallity.

    c. who cares?

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    I was reading a blog on google+ today and it was about george michaels to how i was a big fan and had a very big crush on. any ways he's in the hospital with severe pneumonia were as a group of christians were praying for his passing on while he was in recovery. i thought to myself what has this world come to they wanted him to die because his belief was differnt than theirs no i sent him a message on the internet "please get better michael we need your music in this world " as a christian i think we need to pray for a persons health and well being not their demise that aint no way for a christian to act and i wanted to let each and all know this.

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    I was always a shy person growing up in a religous family adopted by my grand parents but when my parents died i made new friend in new places one was a gay couple of lesbians i helped raise their kids as though they were my own and they in turn ask me to just be myself note i grew up in a small town in the 70's and 80,s so i always crossdressed in private I'm a trans fem. well one day i went out side without thinking and took a walk while in full drag by the time it hit me i also realized not many were paying me any mind so i slowly came out by the time i told my family they acted supportive but i havent heard from them since but while on the internet i met this person i thought was a friend from school and reunited the more we talk the more i realize it's my birth mother and i also come to find there are 4 other gay relatives on that side of the family. The moral of this story is for every bad thing that happens something good happens in return and for every hater there is a new friend in return.

    p.s. read my book forbidden life of dainna it is about the bad in my life and how we over come those diversities i really need the feed back and thanks for reading this my thought.

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    Well, I suppose that i am writing this blog not only as a journal, but also as a bit of a release of the feelings, emotions and experiences that have led me here!

    This is the story of the transformation from a supposed‘normal guy’, who had given everything, physically, emotionally and mentally, to try so desperately to save his marriage! All he recieved in return was simply to be pushed away by his wife, who said that she didn’t love him any more, and step kids, who simply used, or abused him (verbally with threats of physical!) I knew that it would be a slow process. The healing, which had to take place, would take time, before the rebuilding could come, mentally, and emotionally, I had nothing left, I was on the verge of an intense breakdown, a black hole from which I knew there would be no escape, I no longer knew who I was, who I wanted to be, or what lay ahead.

    The only thing I did understand that to stay would push me over the edge, and I would never come back, so I did what I had to, I got out!

    There were many tears, many screams, times I just sat there numb. My new place is peaceful though, with lots of areas for walks and solitude, just what I needed to help me discover myself!

    Then, in the depths of despair, i reached deep inside, and remembered a part of myself that i had hidden and suppressed for so long that i had almost forgotten, and, once again, just had she had done so many times before, Suzy reached out, and came to rescue me!

    slowly, piece by piece, Suzy re-entered my life, helping me cope, helping me survive, giving me the strength to continue. Gradually, the realisation began to dawn on me, Suzette de Femme was not ‘guiding’, ‘inspiring’ or helping me to ‘rebuild my life’, no, it was far more than that, ‘Suzy’ was my life, my soul, and it was not Suzy who was helping me to carry on, it was SUZETTE who WAS getting on with my life!

    Life’s still no bed of roses, and, I think, it never will be, though it does seem to be getting more ‘rose tinted’. The friends i’ve made through networking have been a fantastic support (thankyou again, love you all. x x x), and feedback so far has been very positive. I know that some things will take time, and others will hurt, but I’m so used to hurting now, and at least, I suppose, I have some measure of control over what happens next.

    However, i have rediscovered some of my self belief, and I just know I’ll survive and become stronger.

    I don't honestly know what the future holds for me at the moment, or the role i will eventually take, things are still very tense between myself and my ex, who is, at the moment putting immense pressure on me, especially regarding my stepson, whom i love to bits, and couldn't bear to lose, so i have to keep my true self hidden in most ways at the moment! I don't know whom i'm lying to more though, them or me!! Only time will tell, i suppose!

    well, thats part of the story so far, there's more which is too painful to get out at the moment, maybe one day, but hopefully time to move forwards and start enjoying life again!

    XXxxxx

  3. As I write this post, I wonder how many different directions it can go.

    You know I don't often jump into the cat fight between the transsexual and transgendered camps. I don't have time for the bitterness.

    Speaking of bitterness I surfed across a blog that one of you may have seen. Of course I can't seem to back track to where I saw or read it. The main point of the transgendered woman's post was disagreeing with a "gold star" transsexual view of basically the rest of us poor transgendered "wanna be" women.

    The definition of a "gold star" transsexual is a person who assumes the female gender and is absolutely gorgeous. (basically)

    Since I fall into the category of the poor downtrodden transgender "wanna be", I started to think of how I really felt about the situation.

    I know no matter how long I try and how many hormones I take I will never achieve the "gold star" status. I feel so very fortunate to be able just to interact in the world as a female as much as I do.

    Also, when I read or hear a "gold star" put herself up on a lofty pedestal, I always believe somewhere in their male past they always wanted to be really good at something. That something just happened to be a beautiful looking female. Maybe they are just are the best looking guy in the room. (I've told you in the past I knew someone like that.)

    That is just me playing in both sides mud hole and I'm moving on. Life is too short for their petty arguments.

    The discussion does raise other personal questions however.

    As I have posted in the past, I really wonder where my "internal transition" fits with either group. In response I asked my therapist what she thought. What did she think about my recent subconscious feminine reactions to movies, music. language etc. Obviously without hormones.

    My psychologist brought up the "gender cube". Basically, the cube lists nearly 30 different sexual/gender combinations from "straight hetero male" to whatever. When I bypassed the transgendered categories altogether and identified with a masculine feminine female; she simply said I had been burying my true self. My inside self just had never had the need to transition. Just being open to who I really am (I realized) was transitioning without hormones.

    By now, you are wondering what point am I trying to make.

    Since I am not planning on any radical surgery, will the "gold stars" ever accept me as much of a woman as they are? (Even though I am feeling more and more as one?)

    How many of them are still really just guys who became enamored with the pretty girl in the mirror and simply went for more?

    Better yet...who cares? I guess sometimes I do!

  4. I am very happy to have completed transition and become accepted in my new identity. However with very little support from friends and family of the past. The stress of keeping up each day is starting to take its toll on me.

    I was hired full-time in a job in which everyone that surrounds me on a daily basis does not know of my past, Nor do they give me any inclination that they even think that I have ever been anything other than who I am now.

    Because I could not afford any type of hair removal I successfully chose plucking in order to get me by. I pleasantly report that the plucking succeeded in reducing my hair growth dramatically and the hairs come back thinner and lighter. However the only way to completely eliminate beard shadow would be electrolysis or laser. The shadow occurs from the pigment that is located at the base of the follicle.

    Even cis-gender women can have this problem, so I do not feel completely out of place.. I do spend at least 1/2 hour each day doing maintenance on my face to keep looking feminine and fresh, but there really isn't that much to pluck unless I skip a day. But since I first plucked, I have not shaved and this growth has slowed significantly.

    Since Hormones have also helped me, I do remember reading that over time Estrogen may cause the facial skin to thin out a bit, revealing more of the shadowed pigment underneath the skin. So how does this affect me???

    I feel more self conscious about having a shadow because I do not and cannot have anyone talking about or guessing about my identity. However I have seen cis-gendered women with more shadow than me so half of these feelings may be in my head.

    Words cannot express what it is like to have to dress professionally 24/7. I went from never being able to dress up to having to follow a strict professional dress code which requires things like dresses, skirts, nylons and fine leather shoes. I have gotten used to this now, but I sincerely miss the days when I could just get up and be casual once in while.

    Well I am so tired I can't stay awake. I sleep in hotel rooms every night and end up keeping my makeup on through the night just in case someone were to pull the fire alarm forcing me to leave the comfort of my room.

    More to follow..........

    Amie

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    We are so concerned about our “passibility” quotient that it can at times completely overwhelm us, to the exclusion of many other important aspects of our lives. We beat up on ourselves; become our own harshest critics because of who we see looking back at us in the mirror. Are my shoulders too wide? Thank goodness shoulder pads are back.

    I am guilty of these same self-critiques just as much as anyone else is, despite having gone through great lengths and expense to modify my face and parts of my body to correspond with that of a cisgender female. I am fortunate to say that I never get “clocked”, and I am currently living in stealth mode. Despite this, I sometimes look in the mirror and see nothing but imperfection. Telltale hints of my hidden masculinity. A little too much jaw muscle right there. I am so sorely tempted to do what I have done in the past: throw down exorbitant amounts of cash on the desks of surgeons to remedy what I perceive to be major imperfections. It reminds me of the old joke: “Q: What is the difference between someone who is transgender, and a transsexual?” “A: About $45,000. But where does this end? When do we reach the point where we are finished?

    This is a dangerous time for me, because I recognize that there is a glaring mismatch between how I often perceive myself, and how others perceive me. Have I come to the point where I am “good enough”? Are the standards that I am attempting to adhere to impossible, even for cisgender women?

    There are some subtle hints that my mind gives me that tell me that I am for the most part “just right”. For one, the subject of SRS: SRS for me is not a desired option. I enjoy having a penis for aesthetic reasons, although HRT has rendered it virtually useless. I think that it makes me more erotic, more exotic, more interesting sexually. When at an outdoor concert or event in which Port-A-Potties are present, it’s not a bad thing to be able to take advantage of this biology, given their general cleanliness (or lack thereof). I enjoy being penetrated, but I have never had the desire to feel that sensation in any other area of my body beyond those areas that currently exist. I really do want to undergo an orchi, but not vaginoplasty. In medical terms, it would eliminate my need to take anti-androgen medications. I would not be so susceptible to the discomfort associated constantly “tucking” and all of the attendant skin issues that this brings about. I would finally be able to wear those sexy skinny jeans I bought earlier this year.

    Maybe I am happier therefore to exist as a “third sex”. And being that this is so, can I be more forgiving of my superimposed maleness that may or may not be present in my body and face? Can we all be? Not at this point in time, I’m afraid. Honestly, I am a chickenshit. I’m not that much of a pioneer. I’m not that brave. Until we live in a society in which gender and gender identity are generally recognized and accepted as having great fluidity, we are at great personal risk. We cannot deny that people (men) want to injure and kill us because of who we are. Maybe there will come a time when we are accepted, not merely tolerated, for who we are, the way we are. A day when we can finally dismount this mirrored merry-go-round, where surgeon-saints hold brass rings just outside our reach. Until then, we cannot help but to overly critique ourselves, make ourselves nuts, and spend oodles of cash chasing the rainbow.

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    What I knew

    By: Telzey

    I wonder how it’d be,

    If they were turned to me,

    And wore the world around as I have done

    To feel the pain I’ve felt,

    And know where sorrows dwelt,

    I'd do it all again this time tomorrow.

    Trepidation abounds when you step into a new situation, not much more newer than finding yourself all wrong and trying to reshape the world. I know all the words for this one: nervousness, fear, foreboding, terror, a thousand others and none at all. The journey is more frightening than the result and yet we find that it is the only road left to take, and there is no signage that tells the way. What could possibly make that easy, nothing, so trepidation it is, and shall be?

    To that sad story I add that I have found great solace in writing, it isn’t very good but it helps me through the rough times, times I believe we all share one way or the other.

    Finding support is another area, when we're new to the issue and must still find our own way even though it's sometimes not obvious where to look. For these individuals time is of the essences and support all the more important. I was one of these, and found support while standing on the brink. For this I am eternally thankful.

    We are all individuals that only wish the opportunity to be who we are and to live out our lives in peace. But for us, here, it will always be just a little harder, and we're tempered early on to make sure we can handle it, I hope to pass the test and prove my metal, meanwhile I will write my pain and continue with life, all is not lost, the road is but a step away and I have my pin and hiking shoes.

    I realize that this is rather serious and droul, but I hope it is ofset by a little chuckle from my ditty. we all need support, for ourselves and for those still learning the truth. Thank you all for your patience and support.

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    wanted to post some pictures so you all know who your talking to (or about) but it will not take them. any help will be great

  5. Latest Entry

    Howdy,

    I worte a summarzing post about 1st anniversary of my HRT and blogging.

    Hugs,

    Sophie

  6. Latest Entry

    Hurray! I finally finished the album I've been working on for the past two years. It's still not going to be officially released until 7/19/11 because I have to pay for the UPC and digital distribution, but I wanted to let everyone here get an advance listen. After all, this is going to be my most public exposure so far as Maya, it was written as a way of coping with my frustration over living as a man, and I probably wouldn't have been around still to finish this if it wasn't for the support I've found, primarily here!

    Anyway, it's meant to be quite soothing, so if you're in a crappy mood, it might just make you feel better. You can listen at: http://michzimmerman.bandcamp.com/

    It's $10 to download the whole album (free for the bonus tracks), but if anyone here would like to download it and can't afford to, I can send a message with a code good for one free download. :)

  7. I set pondering upon the time I have spent here , so many questions so many answers , what to hold onto what to let slip away , I know that I cant take all this information with me because it slips away like the sands held within my grasp , am I mistaken , do I reatain the guideance I have learned from so many here , I would like to think that some where within this cluttered mind within my skull it is all their waiting for the moment it is needed but I grasp to remember and nothing comes forth , am I simply growing to old to draw on it or has it been dumped for some thing newer and more relevant to the time I am currently passing through , The next shinny piece of information I know holds the answer to my question , oh how badly I feel when I cant recall every thing I have learned , I poke I prod but nothing dribbles out .... So sorry I have drawn a blank what was I talking about .. LOL , oh yeah My mind is to full time to organize this stuff any one know how to dewy decimal this stuff I failed Library in grade school , LOL . I know just another bit of rambling but hopefully it took your minds off of a days worth of information over load like it has for me .

    Love ya All .

    Steph

  8. I really think I lost it this morning probably because I've been off my estrogen for a week(intending renew prescription soon). But coming into this room I saw only things contaminated with the past. Things that made me angry, or only reminded me of who I was trying to escape. Rather then taking the rational “im the walking away route.” I ignored the option ripped piece of masculine clothing off the hangers even broke a few in a fit of rage I screamed in random protest of growls and liberating grunts covering every inch of my room with fabric. An made plans to go out with friends this week end to burn it. But even though I made this intended progress what to do I do next. Do I really burn though I think this idea is best this is who I need to be to the point of being assured . I want to eventually have to have another day in some kind of work force . Because being paid out of some type of Tax break loop hole, or stealing to get medication is eventually gonna run out. Is it really possible I can justifiably lie on a application and say im just a woman with out the background checks,id's or body examination's to prove the otherwise so soon?Times like this I really miss college or times i really wish i had much more interest in suicide so i didn't have to consider all this.

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    i would like peoples opinion on me being able to pass. i think i would if i started hrt but not with out.any advice would be great thank you