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  • Lori

    Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

    By Lori

    Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices flowing; A daily journal about your life and experiences
    A journal documenting when you go full time
    A journal to document your gender reassignment surgery
    Dating experiences and tips
    Crossdressing tips
    Experience with makeup
    Passing in public
    Your experiences when you go out in public
    Restroom experiences
    Transitioning at work
    Dealing with counselors or medical personnel
    Introspection about your particular gender identity
    Dealing with or overcoming self-limiting beliefs
    Dealing with addictions
    Dealing with self-destructive behaviors
    Interactions with police or government workers
    Changing your drivers license, birth certificate, etc.
    Applying for jobs
    Your big day, when you go full time
    Hormonal development (please don't discuss dosages or make medical type recommendations)
    Experiences with electrolysis
    How other members of your new gender react to you, and your experiences
    Your recommendations to others about to follow your path
    Your thoughts about whether surgery is necessary to be your desired gender
    Differences in how you feel dressed or not dressed
    What your life would be like if you still repressed your inner identity
    Poetry or prose
    These are a few ideas to get you started. Feel free to leave comments to suggest your own ideas, or just start a blog and share with everyone. Just log into your control panel to start your own blog. This could be interesting!
    • 28 comments
    • 7,598 views
 

Beginners Luck

I am supposed to be working on the computer this week learning how to use the AFLAC enrollment platform--which by the way is pretty cool if I can ever figure it out. However, I have been plagued with technical issues. First, I couldn't log into the system, and after a day and a half of trying, I finally got in so I could take the required courses. Now, I can't get the learning lab to work. Oh well. Support is closed for the day, so I'll call them in the morning. You'd think their training would be a little more user friendly.Technology is great when it works; not so much when it doesn't. (I like to use semi-colons. I don't know many who do.) Anyway, rather than sit at home and be frustrated, I have been going out in the field and approaching businesses like I was told to do. I wrote about yesterday's endeavor--most of which got lost in cyber space--20 approaches with one appointment set. This morning I did a small industrial park. In a little over an hour, I made 22 approaches, made contact with 11 decision makers, and set three appointments. I should do pretty well if I can keep this up, but you never know. I could make 40 approaches and end up with a zero. Still, I am encouraged. My boss asked me what I'm telling them. He said I don't need him anymore--not true. Now we'll have to see how many of these prospects convert into clients. I can't do that on my own yet. Still learning. In other news, I finally got a knee-length pleated skirt that I ordered ages ago. It's cute and fits so I'll keep it. I'm just not sure it's my style. I think I like maxi skirts better and dressy flowing pants. So anyway, I'll keep trying. Happy International Day of the Girl!

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Feminist Group event

Hi everyone, I'm pretty excited about an upcoming event that I'm involved with - it's part of a feminist Meetup group that I belong to. Each month we have a moderated discussion on some issue within the feminist movement (last month was about racism in feminism). This month I'm moderating the discussion on transgender issues - the title is "Are trans women real women?" (the title is meant to be a little provocative, and to have a very obvious answer - the organizer was worried about using it, but since I was ok with being identified as transgender in the blurb about it she was ok with the title). We're going to show a couple of short videos - one by a TERF explaining why she doesn't accept transgender people as women, and then one by Janet Mock, explaining how she realized that she was a woman (well, a girl, she was 5 when it happened). Then we'll have a discussion about it! The topic is really "what is a woman?" which should be pretty interesting - I expect some discussion about nature vs. nurture ("Female brain" vs social construct). This is another example of where I've gone over time, since it was only within the last year that I was trying to pretend I'm not transgender - now I'm openly leading discussions about the topic. That of course is another huge thing - I told a friend about this, she's known me for 8 or 9 years, and she was thrilled, but also recognized how far I had come, back when we met there's no way I would have been willingly doing a public speaking event. More later! xoxo Chrissy

Chrissy

Chrissy

 

Into the

I didn't write yesterday as I had an eye appointment, and my eyes were still dilated. Makes it hard to see. I was in AFLAC meetings all morning and into the afternoon prior to my doctor's appointment. I didn't even have a chance to grab lunch which is a rarity for me. I'm not much of a snacker, but I do like my three meals a day. I would say that the meetings were fairly typical for sales meetings. Goals were laid out; top producers were recognized; contests announced; plans set for the week ahead. It was a little bewildering the first time. Every industry has it's own jargon and acronyms, and it takes a little time to even know what everyone is talking about. After the meeting, I met with my sales manager to lay out my schedule for the week. It was supposed be a week doing lessons so that I could be credentialed to use the policy writing platform--it's all cloud-based now. While not best practice, you can even write a policy over the phone and have a signature texted. Paper is so 20th century. LOL. Well, that was not to be. I was finally able to log onto the AFLAC website, but then it asked me to change my password, and all I could get was an OOPS! message. So, I spent almost two hours with tech support--when I finally was able to get ahold of someone--and my issue is still not resolved. Maybe paper was better? Anyway, I had previously told the folks where I used to work that I would stop by to say hello. I haven't been back since I lost my job at the end of June, although some of the staff did come to my wife's memorial gathering. I felt it was time to check in. I got a warm welcome from staff and the students who were still there. I feel that they were genuinely happy to see me and I liked seeing them too. I even got invited to their Thanksgiving dinner. I don't know if I had mentioned, but I worked at PACE Center for Girls for almost 14 years as an English teacher and guidance counselor as well as special needs support. It's a program for girls who need extra acacemic and emotional support. I was often the only male figure there out of 40 staff and 80 girls. I seemed to fit in. Before I left, we did hire a facilities guy, Mr. Jose. He was really sad to see me go. So, we plenty of time on my hands, I figured I might as well get to work. I had read through and practiced how to approach businesses at the one-day sales school, and I had seen how my manager worked. All that was lacking now was for me to get out there and give it a go. The worst that could happen would be that people would say no. I picked areas that didn't look overly promising because I needed the practice. Mostly the business owners weren't there, so I would have to go back. Most of the ones I talked to weren't interested and I couldn't even convince them to see me for 10 minutes, but that happens. In the end, I did make one appointment for next week and even had to call and reschedule. At least I got 

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Sunday Again

I did my usual dusting and vacuuming and bathroom cleaning this morning. I also made a hamburger helper dish with the pound of hambuger that was in the freezer. I am trying to work my way through all the food we have on hand. My wife was a great one for stocking up. I can eat for a while on what we have on hand. My foray into cooking is going well enough. HH is not that big a deal. I didn't have any milk on hand so I substituted Eagle Brand Sweetened condensed milk which made the dish somewhat richer and heavier. I do need to keep a few things on hand, or at least read the directions before going shopping. My manager gave me a homework assignment for tomorrow to make some lists of people I know and businesses I deal with. So, I worked on that. This afternoon, I called on several of my neighbors to fill in some of the blanks. It was hit or miss, but I actually did get one positive response from a neigbor I don't know well who wants to look at my policies. So, you never know. I'm in meetings most of tomorrow and I will be doing coursework for AFLAC for the rest of the week. Back out to do follow-up and more prospecting after that. I'm just taking it easy tonight. I did start a new book, a P.J.Parrish crime fiction novel. So far, so good. I'llcheck in with the girls. It has been quiet there lately. We'll see what happens tonight.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Ho-hum

I guess everything is finally catching up with me. I have been pretty much in a whirlwind since my wife died in July what with one thing and another. I have kept myself super busy  while at the same time trying to make room for some social life which consists of daily visits to my friends down the block and chats with the girls. I have not minded being alone for the most part, I have to admit. I have enjoyed the freedom to be able to dress when at home and wear whatever feels right at the time. Otherwise, my life hasn't changed a whole lot. I am a homebody for the most part, and anyone who has a house knows, THEY ARE A LOT OF WORK! Most of which I don't mind doing--I like it when the place looks good, and I like being outside. Even when Sue was alive, I spent a good part of my day doing household chores.  Today, I got my new checks in the mail with only my name on them. Maybe that brought home the fact that I am truly on my own now. I'm not going to apoligize for feeling a litte down or sad. I think I'm entitled to some of that and I don't want anyone who reads this to feel that I need a lot of sympathy--well, a little maybe, but I'm basically okay. I read recently that it's not even healthy to try to be super positive, rah-rah, all the time. It's not natural. We all have our rhythms, and this is part of mine. I must say that it feels better just to write about it and put my thoughts and feeling on paper.  i did make the effort to get cleaned up tonight, and that felt good. I am dressed pretty casually, still in girl clothes but simply. I think I need something fun to read. I haven't read a good book in a while. I'm missing that. I say hi to the girls and crawl in bed with something good. Nght all. 

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Ho-hum

I guess everything is finally catching up with me. I have been pretty much in a whirlwind since my wife died in July what with one thing and another. I have kept myself super busy  while at the same time trying to make room for some social life which consists of daily visits to my friends down the block and chats with the girls. I have not minded being alone for the most part, I have to admit. I have enjoyed the freedom to be able to dress when at home and wear whatever feels right at the time. Otherwise, my life hasn't changed a whole lot. I am a homebody for the most part, and anyone who has a house knows, THEY ARE A LOT OF WORK! Most of which I don't mind doing--I like it when the place looks good, and I like being outside. Even when Sue was alive, I spent a good part of my day doing household chores.  Today, I got my new checks in the mail with only my name on them. Maybe that brought home the fact that I am truly on my own now. I'm not going to apoligize for feeling a litte down or sad. I think I'm entitled to some of that and I don't want anyone who reads this to feel that I need a lot of sympathy--well, a little maybe, but I'm basically okay. I read recently that it's not even healthy to try to be super positive, rah-rah, all the time. It's not natural. We all have our rhythms, and this is part of mine. I must say that it feels better just to write about it and put my thoughts and feeling on paper.  i did make the effort to get cleaned up tonight, and that felt good. I am dressed pretty casually, still in girl clothes but simply. I think I need something fun to read. I haven't read a good book in a while. I'm missing that. I say hi to the girls and crawl in bed with something good. Nght all. 

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

First day

My district manager met me at our local Dunkin Donuts to help me get started today and show me the ropes as it were. Basically, we went around the shopping center stopping in stores and restaurants, day care centers, you name , it in an attempt to set up appointments with the owners. In the end we actuatly did get to talk to three owners and set up three appointments. The next step is to go to the appointment and present our product line and see how it works for each business. My manager, Rich, is an old shoe kind of guy, a bit on the heavy set and pretty down to earth. His casual approach and easy-going manner work well for him , and is something I can easily adapt to. He bought lunch for us a Hurricane Grill and after lunch he let me do a few approaches on my own. It will take some practice, but it really isn't that hard and it is kind of fun to meet new people and get acquainted with all the shops and stores in my area. Next week, I will be completing more courses for AFLAC to get fully on-board. I'm finding that there is a lot to becoming an agent. Getting there. He wants me to start making money soon. This is a good thing.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Book Project

Hi all, I met on Tuesday with a person who is working on a book project about "transformations." Although not gender-specific, she indicated that most of the people she thinks will be featured will be female. One section of the book will be dedicated to trans-identified people, and it looks like I'm going to be one of them  Each person featured will have a short blurb, something about their story of transformation, and then a few related pictures. I'll write the initial blurb myself - my slant on it, as of now, is the idea that what started as a transition that I viewed as being to "become a woman" turned into a transition that I viewed as being to "become me." I'm also going to write the general introduction for the transgender section - her goal is to elevate our stories through this book, so that should be a really awesome project to be part of. More later  xoxo Chrissy

Chrissy

Chrissy

 

New B

Well, it didn't have to wait long to get started. This morning while I was chatting with Andrea and Cassandra, the AFLAC District Manager (DM) called to determine my availability and to get the ball rolling. I spent most of the morning filling out paperwork to be signed on with AFLAC and talking to people in the office. So, tomorrow I am in training all day, and then on Friday, I go out with the DM to make some calls and get my feet wet--pun intended. I am excited to start and a bit nervous as well. I believe I can be good at this, but I will feel better after I sell my first policy. I will keep my followers--Monica, Emma, and Chrissy--up to date.  

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Holding pattern

Yesterday was a busy day. The debris pile in front of my house leftover from Irma was finally picked up. Quite an operation! Big truck with a big clamshell picker-upper. I still had to do some raking and cleaning for the smaller stuff and leaves, but at least it's clean now. Today, I'll pick up some top soil to fill in the holes left from the tree trunks, and then coax the grass to fill in. I also had a maintenance call for my ac--routine. It's pretty new and everything checked out. I spent the rest of the morning cleaning up my palm trees which needed a lot of work. We overcommtted with palms really not having any idea what we were doing. They are pretty, but messy and require a lot of maintenance. I'm going to start paring down. I also received my insurance license from the state, so now I'm ready to start work as soon as I hear back from the folks at AFLAC. I let them know, but no word as of yet. One of the first jobs I applied for, and didn't accept, when I was laid off from PACE Center for Girls sent me an email asking me to apply for a different position. I declined. I might have looked into it had it come sooner, but I am looking forward to my new endeavor. One other thing that is happening is that I have reconnected with my son. His mom and I divorced when he was 8, and since then we have had a very distant relationship at best. I made several half-hearted attempts over the years to reach out, but with no results. But, it's been on my mind since my wife died, so I thought I'd give it another shot. I sent him and email, and, wonder of wonders, he responded with a nice letter back. We have communicated a couple of time since then as I needed his SSN for my life insurance policy, but I am relieved that maybe we can get on with our lives and be in touch again. He lives in California so I doubt I will see him anytime soon, but this is good for now. Oh, and I did get a package in the mail from Light-in-the-Box--two blouses that I had ordered ages ago. For the most part I like their things, but it takes like forever to get here. One of the tops will hve to go back, unfortunately. The other is on to stay. Better than anticipated. Very soft and feminine. I don't mind being a man out in the world, but I sure like being a gurly-girl at home.  We'll see what kind of trouble I can get into today. Later.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Mission Accomplished

have not written for several days it seems because I have been in a full-study mode to prepare to pass my insurance license exam. I took it this morning, and (drum roll)--I Passed! Yeah.So. now the next step is to get my license from the state of Florida and get to work. The folks at AFLAC have been great about helping me through the process, so I imagine it won't take too long before I can start earning my keep again--it's been three months now--a long time for me. And with all that, I did get my closet done and have officially changed bedrooms. It is working out just great.  The room is more feminine which suits me and i have all my man/work clothes in my old bedroom. I haven't made things too obvious as everything is in drawers or towards the back of the closet--well except for my nighties, but oh well. My neighbor lady who will be letting my pooches out during the day when I working is something of a snoop sister, so the cat may get out of the bag at one point. If it does, it does. I'm not going to worry about it. I do ;like the way the house is shaping up, though. It's working so much better for me. I did some picture re-hanging today to finish things up. So, tonight, I was really feeling worn out and there is always a let-down after taking a big exam, and after my post-prandial nap, I was ready for an early bedtime. But then my step-daughter called to check in, and I got moving a little again. I bought a co rset on ebay a few days ago, and haven't had much chance to wear it, so I thought I'd try it on. What a trip! One of the girls in the CD chatroom encouraged me to buy one. It's tight enough--breathing is an issue--but it definitely makes you feel womanly. It works well under my sundress, too. So, here I am still at it.Time to check in with the girls in the chat room.
 

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Transgender "Community"

This is a topic I've been thinking about a lot, and have been wanting to write something about - so here goes!!! It's the concept of a transgender "community" - does it exist?  Should it exist? It came up during the support group that I facilitate on Saturdays, so I thought it might be time to look at the issue myself a little more deeply - and see what others think :-) In 2 separate contexts I was told by people - who knew I was in the process of transitioning - that they knew trans people who would "disappear" after they transitioned. In one case it was with the LGBT tennis group I belonged to, that person wasn't talking about anyone with the tennis group, just a trans person they knew who basically left their entire social world behind as they transitioned. The other was a trans meetup group, where a member (who is a cross-dresser), commented that members who transition tend to disappear from the group. Well, in both cases I did exactly that. I joined a new tennis group this year, a non-LGBT group. I was going to maintain both memberships, but there isn't enough time to play matches with 2 groups. And I've pretty much stopped going to the meetup group. It should be noted that the person in the meetup group who made that comment also, on another occasion, half-seriously criticized me for dressing "boyish" (I wasn't, I just wasn't dressed up since I had been out doing things all day). Part of the reason for dropping that group, beyond the fact that it's essentially just a bar-hangout group, is that it mainly seems focused on people who really want to get totally dressed up. I'm not criticizing that, but it's not what I particularly want or need right now. So aside from this website, I'm not really part of a transgender community - and I feel ok about that? (I also co-facilitate trans support groups, but as a facilitator I don't consider myself to be part of the "community" that might arise from membership). To me it makes sense that gay men and lesbians have their respective communities - beyond the need to support each other socially and politically, they want to date each other (pardon the binary language). While I could certainly see dating a transgender man, it isn't my only option. On Saturday, after the group, I made another foray into the non-LGBT social world. I went to a bar where they show NC State football games - I'm happy that I went since I felt nervous about it, but disappointed as there didn't seem to be any other NC State people there :-(  (Worse still, the few people there seemed to be Syracuse people!!! I was not only alone as an NC State fan, I was in "enemy" territory). I suppose all of this is really just me trying to reconcile my transgender identity. It's been a source of strength, since living it out has required some level of courage and persistence, but it's also a source of depression - I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I had just been born a cisgender woman. There have been times that I've tried to pretend that I'm not (if you look through my blog entries there will no doubt be a gap of a few months, that's when it happened), but then I do the support group, and I'm pretty open about it at school and my internship and even socially - so clearly I'm not trying to run away from it anymore. But still, living with it hasn't gotten particularly easy yet. So that was a bit of a ramble I suspect - but let me know what you think :-)

xoxo Chrissy

Chrissy

Chrissy

 

Being brave and turning a cheek

Two of my girlfriends and I went out to go dancing and let our hair fly on Saturday night. It was great, we arrived to the club and were welcomed with open arms. Guys were buying us drinks and we danced our asses off.  When it was time to leave we had a 6 block hike in our 6 inch heels to the parking lot, but some young kids decided to harass us while walking to our safe zone. One of my girlfriends, who will remain nameless, was assaulted one time by a man who continuously called her a freak while she was walking alone to her car after work a few years back.  Because of that terrible attack we walk in numbers — ALWAYS. When being harassed by these punks I took a photo of their license plate causing them to stop in the middle of the road threatening to run me over with the car. Here's where the story elevates; as they made the threat two deputies were coming out of a diner and heard the words spewing from the mouths of these thugs. It only took them seconds to react and the trio were taken into custody.  The deputies said it didn't matter that we were CD/TG, we were people who needed help and that's what they do. I love the Emerald City. The moral of the story is simple: Walk in numbers and don't be afraid to ask for help.  

Olivia68

Olivia68

 

Two year anniversary coming up

With my two year anniversary in regards to physical surgeries coming up I have been reflecting on recent changes along with my comfort level has changed in the past few months. Although I've been very comfortable since surgery over time there are things that change which are not always easy to describe, for instance, how I view the world as a whole then how I view my part as a female in every aspect of my life. I know not everyone has positive outlooks, some have constraints of various kinds that have no control over them while others have the capabilities to overcome them where decisions are made to break them or move past them. Me, for the majority of them I have broken past them and part of this comes from self confidence. A good example (as per the image below) is me wearing a red dress out with several friends whom I made over the past two years, none of them know of my former life.   Next up, I believe part of my mother is surfacing in me. She always dressed smartly during the day as a bank manager, when out for the evening with my father always turned heads (as my father would say) first from her beauty and also from how she dressed. With that, recently I wrote about my clothing style and I have continued by purchasing more dressed and shoes to go along with them. Yesterday I decided that the next element that needed to change was outerwear. So off to Macy's to look at winter coats where my goal was to find one something classy along with keeping me warm when it gets cold out. Never would I have guessed that the color shown below would be my final selection as in the past I've always gone with black but I think that all goes back to how one changes over time from the effects of hormones, physical surgeries and confidence. Back to the coat, the price tag said 275 USD with a 25 percent discount which should have brought it down to 207 but not sure how but it rang up as 154 (sweet), no complaints from me and decided not to ask how it got that low.

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

 

Will and Grace RETURNS!!!

When the original series of Will and Grace entered my life on television back in the 90s I was still serving in the Army. It was a different time. If you knew someone who was gay you became an outcast and if you watched the show you became the target for bullies. Luckily I'm not a small framed person and I lived off post so nobody knew my secrets and I'm not one to be bullied by anyone. One thing that show taught me was that no matter who you are it's always acceptable to be your true self as long as you don't purposely hurt others.  The return of this hit comedy airs tonight on NBC and I can't wait to see Will, Grace, Jack and Karen reunite for serious discussions on sex, politics and every day life.  Enjoy the show GIRLS!! 

Olivia68

Olivia68

 

Closets

Just a quick update to my closet project. I did get the shelving rearranged. Ended up drilling more holes than was necessary, but, hey, I got the job done, right? Anyway, the big job is still ahead--namely making some order out of what I have. I thought my wife had a lot of clothes. Well, I am no slouch in that department. I need to divest myself of things that I haven't worn for years. I continue to find things that I thought were lost as well. My closet goes way back into a dark hole where nothing ever sees the light of day. It is useless and I am going to use it strictly for storage. Short blog tonight. We'll see how my organizational skills are tomorrow. I have a feeling that I will be moving things around for some time to come until I get it right. By the way, I did pull out one of my thrift shop dresses to wear tonight. I forgot whose advice it was to put the dress on backwards to zip up and then wriggle it around to the front. It worked. I'm not sure about the dress. It's kind of a mother-of-the-bride type affair, strapless, full-length and chiffony. Still trying to get it to work. Might not be my look. Later.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

A life lived, a life to live

I was born a woman in a mans body. I've known this since my earliest memory but growing up during the 70s and 80s in Southern California and being raised by two very conservative parents made life heartbreaking and filled with pain. I wasn't strong enough to go against my parents and now at the young age of 50 it's still difficult.  I think about how different my life will become and it excites me to think that one day I'll be able to transform into the woman I've always hidden from the public. It's going to take a lot of work—surgical and hormonal— but the end result for me will be liberating and glorious.  When I was younger I would wear my sisters dresses as often as I could. One day in my sophomore year of high school my mother caught me in a dress. I spent the next two years in counseling being told it was unacceptable to feel the way I did. In 1986 when I graduated from high school I was forced by my parents to enlist in the United States Army in order to make me a man. I retired after serving 25 years. During my career I fought the urge to be who I was inside. I married three times but that never lasted. I was always jealous of my wives. I wanted to be a wife too.  I've begun the necessary steps to happiness. Will it be easy? Absolutely not but anything this important shouldn't be an easy process to traverse. I have several roadblocks ahead of me; weight loss, the looks I'll get when coming out in public for the first time (I'm 6'3" 250 lbs) but I even though I know tough times are ahead I'm still driven to become the woman I was born to be.  ​I quit my job and moved 1,400 miles to Seattle with the hopes of finding a job where I can transition and continue on with becoming Olivia. This will be the first of many blogs depicting my journey. I hope you'll join me by following in on this new grand adventure. 

Olivia68

Olivia68

 

Next project

Well, the big news today is that Dave and I got the generator running, finally. It was not without a lot of words that I can't print here and some assembling and reassembling, but in the end, the thing ran like a top--like a new engine, as we replaced a lot of the key parts. What a relief! I've been fussing with this thing for almost two weeks now. I also got my house foundation shored up so the water doesn't pool against it. I am hoping that prevents any further seepage when the next major storm hits. Two big things off my plate. So, anyway, as I have previously mentioned, I am planning on moving into my wife's old bedroom and have now donated virtually all of her clothes. (I did find yet another box of shorts that she made. She was making a pair everyday for years and they did pile up.) So, now I have all of her clothes out of the dressers and her walk-in closet, and I am beginning to move my things in. It was then I began to realize how poorly set up was the shelving in her closet. I wish I had realized it sooner. The previous owner--who did a lot of things on the cheap--had placed one set of shelvingso high that you needed a step stool to reach anything down. Then the shelf under it blocked the hanging of anything long. This is going to be a major consideration for me as I plan to buy some formal dresses and gowns as I can afford them, and I want them to be able to hang out. So, this afternoon, I took the first step and took out the shelving on one side. I only need to take out a small shelf on the other side, but when I am done, I should have the closet configured to be much more user friendly. As you can see, it may be a little longer before I make the move. ​Be back soon. Stay where you are, and don't touch that dial. LOL

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Full Speed Ahead

Life seems to have gotten exceptionally busy of late. I just have a lot on my plate, and I may have to take a look at what's most important that needs doing. The aftermath of Irma is still claiming a fair share of my time. I have been working with my nrighbor, Dave, to get my generator going again so that it is ready for the next hurricane. The part that I ordered did come in today, but that was another hour and a half to run up to Green Thumb to pick it up--after waiting 30 minutes in line. Tomorrow we'll reassemble the generator and just hope it runs. It should--we've replaced all we could. Then I had some water seepage in my bedroom from the storm and I have been working around the foundation to try to alleviate and future water damage. It wasn't severe. The carpet got damp and it dried rather quickly. I just don't want to deal with mold and mildew. Hopefully, my fix will work. Oh, I also had a tree taken out yesterday. It had broken in half and cost me $300 to have it cut down and removed--big tree. Fortuanately, this is coming to a close. I also have been moving ahead to clean out all of my wife's clothes, and today I took most of them to the Women in Distress thrift store. I thought I pretty well had finished, except I found more clothing under the bed in plastic containers. Little by little, I have been going through all of my clothes as well. I have a lot that can go. I am making progress on moving into the other bedroom. It will take several more days, but at least it's underway. In the meanwhile, my male and female attire are a bit scattered and in need of more organizing for me to start dressing up a bit more in the evenings. A main priority right now is completing my insurance license course. There are 18 sections to the course which covers Life and Health insurance, and it does require some serious study to understand all the concepts. It's a lot of material, but I am making headway here as well and should be well ready to take the exam next Monday. I just want to make a word here about dressing. It goes without saying that I love to wear women's clothing and accessories. I am a crossdresser, after all. On the other hand, I don't mind my male role in which I spend most of my day. As long as I can express my feminine side, I am okay with it. I am also definitely heterosexual. I like women in all shapes and sizes. In my previous confused state, I often wondered whether I wanted to be with a beautiful woman, or be that beautiful woman. As it turns out, I want both. I'm not a either or kind of person. And on top of that, I now have more of a social life which needs tending. I make it a practice to see my neighbors, Dave and Jeanie, at least once a day, even if it's only for a short visit. My brother and my sister as well as my two step-daughters have been more active in texts and phone conversations. And then, of course, there are my new-found friends in the CD chatroom. I do feel an obligation to check in daily to at least say hello. So there it is as of now. I don't see things slowing down at all. I will be starting work soon, and that will be another new ball game. Stay tuned.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Dressing

On my feminine journey,  I am constantly trying on new clothing and changing it around to see how it works. While going through my wife's things, I had try on just about anything that I thought would work. To my delight, many did and are now stashed away before my well-meaning friends and neighbors can send them away. My neighbor, Jeanie, did come yesterday to get a few things for herself. I had invited her to do this as she is a friend as well and has been helpful to me since Sue's death. The remaining items are up for donation anyway. I did give some to Goodwill. I also donated to hurricane relief for Puerto Rico. Jeanie also suggested Women in Distress, and I think the remaining items will go there. Much of what Sue had was either new or practically so. I am glad that someone--besides me--will get some good use out of them. But I digress. Some of the things I purchased myself worked well, and others not as much. I am still learning what sizes to buy, and what works on my frame and what doesn't. I have begun to send some things back that just don't work. I found, however, that some dresses and rompers work as well or better when tried on backwards. For one thing, I am more easily able to zip them up, and they actually look good going the other way. There are times when it would be nice to have a partner, but this works for now. And that's all I have to say about that for now.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

 

Fear Adapting and Idenity

My fear is heightened and I take measure to insure my safety by living two different identities. One within the house and one with the public. Since there are people in the world who will hurt me if they find out then I am not going to present myself in a dress. So for dress, I continue dress as a man and it doesnt matter for me to do that, although I do like to dress as a girl. I know there is people who think I'm trying to trick people by not be forthcoming, but I that my choice, not theirs. I dont think at the top my list I need to disclose all my life and details to be stalked and harassed when the law enforcement and legal system will do little to protect me. So if my defense is to dress in a manner that discourage people from giving me unwanted attention be in "guy" mode then i have no problem doing that. So my choice in how to dress is more about survival. I think it interesting that guy still seem to think that the reason any girl wear makeup or dress up is to impress them when for my reality it always been about to feel better about myself and make me feel more confident in my own skin. I never think to myself, time to get sexy so i can trick someone into sleeping w me. It do make me uncomfortable because this are the same kind of guys who think the girl is asking for it. When you have spent time on both side of the fence, you know how guys act and honestly, it is a big disappointment. They often just act in ways toward the end result and getting laid. For my girl friends, this never seem to be the case because we can talk for hours and have deeper connection. Again, this have been my experience. This make me think how important men are sexually for me in the grand scheme of thing or the emphasis in fully passing all the time to "impress" them. Then there things that men are just better at than i can be although I have had maculine girls who have been great about standing up for me when other have attacked me, which is nice. I know some people prob think stand up for yourself, but it is nice when you have someone who is able to support you like that. There is something nice about the masculine type and it ability to bounce bricks of negative thoughts and action and it dont seem to notice or care. Where someone say something to me and 5 hour later i try to figure out what they mean or if they real think that about me. Being able to fully embrace who I am seem be ongoing work. It seem get better than how it used be for me. i hated have to be a man. i hated have to sweat or drink beer. It much easier to be myself and do what i like instead of pretend to care about things i dont.

Kitrah

Kitrah

 

Evening Ritual

My life on my own is following pretty much the same pattern as when my wife was alive.  I normally am en homme during the day while I go about my daily work and chores and my ineractions with the outside world. At 5:00, evening begins with feeding my two poodles and having dinner myself followed by a walk with Henry, the older dog--Preston used to go, but he doesn't like to walk in the evening so he stays home. After the boys have had their "special treat," I plop in the recliner for a short nap--we both were famous for doing this and I have not changed my habit. It's after nap time that thngs have changed. Now it's time to bathe and shave and get dressed for the evening. This can take up to an hour depending on what I decided to wear and how fancy I get. Tonight, I'm fairly simple in capris with a halter top, necklace and bracelet. I did take time tonight to paint my toenalls which have been bare for a week.  That is a bit of a challenge for me to get them right without being too messy. I still have to do some clean-up where I brush over. I can see where it would be so nice to have nails done. Maybe one day. Anyway, then I have been taking pictures of me in whatever I'm wearing so I have a record of my progress, ot lack thereof. This takes a little time, since I have to arrange the shots and get my camera and tripod set up right. I must say I am delighted with the tripod. It gives me so much more freedom to shoot the kind of pictures I'm looking for. After the shooting, I go to my computer to arrange them in an album by date. I am using an iphone 6 to take pictures and this page won't let me upload them. I'll keep trying. Next, I log onto the forums page and write my little blog for the day. This will be a little different now that I am studying to take my insurance license exam. I did finish my lesson and got a 93.3% on the quiz. Darn! i am supposed to get 100%. I'll do better next time. And lastly, I log into the CD chatroom to visit with the girls. Hopefully, there will be someone to talk to tonight. Au revoir.

MichelleLea

MichelleLea

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