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  • Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

    By Lori

    Create your own blog at It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices flowing; A daily journal about your life and experiences
    A journal documenting when you go full time
    A journal to document your gender reassignment surgery
    Dating experiences and tips
    Crossdressing tips
    Experience with makeup
    Passing in public
    Your experiences when you go out in public
    Restroom experiences
    Transitioning at work
    Dealing with counselors or medical personnel
    Introspection about your particular gender identity
    Dealing with or overcoming self-limiting beliefs
    Dealing with addictions
    Dealing with self-destructive behaviors
    Interactions with police or government workers
    Changing your drivers license, birth certificate, etc.
    Applying for jobs
    Your big day, when you go full time
    Hormonal development (please don't discuss dosages or make medical type recommendations)
    Experiences with electrolysis
    How other members of your new gender react to you, and your experiences
    Your recommendations to others about to follow your path
    Your thoughts about whether surgery is necessary to be your desired gender
    Differences in how you feel dressed or not dressed
    What your life would be like if you still repressed your inner identity
    Poetry or prose
    These are a few ideas to get you started. Feel free to leave comments to suggest your own ideas, or just start a blog and share with everyone. Just log into your control panel to start your own blog. This could be interesting!

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    one of the things that happened to me right off when i came out was bulimia. i was performing online and was superconcious of my body. i succeeded in losing pounds but it was difficult. its easier now in some ways. i gain and i lose and thank goodness i'm not performing online anymore. but as a woman i am taking steps for health and looks. interestingly i ran across a bulimia check sheet from the UK as i was researching social anxiety. i'm into databases and quickly applied the form to a database and began taking notes. i noticed over time that binge eating was the real problem with weight gain. so i began tactics that would eliminate binge eating. the other thing that came out of the study was timing. i knew about this already; that the evening is horrendously bad for binging, but had not been able to do much about it. in fact i binged on purpose in the evening for awhile as i couldn't fight it. my tactics now are to reduce swelling in my abdominal region. while i really am fit and there isn't that much swelling, i want a killer body and so am trying for that. exercise, brushing teeth and drinking liquids also help strategically timed to stop binging. i was impressed that one form could have this effect on me. but i as ready for it. i had spent years struggling with binging and it laid the basis for success with the form. also of note is that there are levels of binging. snacks, meals and three levels of binge. this knowledge helps greatly over the period of a day. i space out my meals and snacks in such a way as to avoid binges and keep on the edge of weight loss if necessary. i am eating about 4 times a day now and its rather comfortable. when i do feel like binging its rather obvious its a mental thing and not really hunger.

    bulimia can be very serious. its not just vomiting, but obsession with weight gain and loss. i still have that obsession, but have managed to calm things down quite a bit.

  1. Yesterday I Also Uploaded My First Vlog! What Embarrassing Footage Of My Studio Before Remodeling! :)

  2. Today I have realized that people of transgender experience need to quite being hateful to each other. How can we be taken serious if we can't get a long with one another? I am starting to believe that before people transition they should educate themselves on what it means to be transgender and think hard about if that is the reason they want to go through the transition.

    From the time I was 21 until I was 27, I did my research and because I did so as well as some soul searching, I came to two conclusions. One, the gay lifestyle didn't even fill the void. I knew I was attracted to men but I didn't feel like a guy. And two, I realized that all my life I felt I was born in the wrong body. I knew this at a very young age but didn't know what it ment. I didn't tell a soul. Instead I kept it to myself and acted like I was expected to act.

    So I went to New York City and transformed myself to who I am today. I consider myself a hetrosexual female and only date men that consider themselves straight because they do not find gus attractive.

    My creator didn't make a mistake. I was born to be a strong person and my mom was able to raise who she needed to have a complete family.

  3. Ok, I'm going to make a quick list of pros and cons of being Trans* in high school and as a teenager... Even though there really isn't anything good about being trans*


    - You get to educate people and make a difference.

    - You can pick your own name.

    - GSA for support.

    - Guidance counselors to talk to.



    -Getting the wrong pronouns.

    - Not being old enough for HRT.

    - Being called by your birth name on the first day of school...

    -Gym class..

    -Locker rooms.

    -Un-supportive parents? Nothing you can do about it.


    -People still using your birth name either because they always have or they are assholes.

    -Friends that know your trans* but STILL use wrong pronouns.

    -trans* phobic people >.<

    -Can't get Top Surgery yet.

    -The feeling of being alone...

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    You either love or hate me.You call me ‘tranny’ ladyboy, shemale to mention just a few.

    I am one of those people who have risked and lost all by answering a call so deep perhaps even primeval certainly genetic, that it has confused even me. But I have embraced it with a conviction so solid, so passionate that not even the most wilting, derogatory ridicule and physical assaults on and against my person my every waking minute, from people of every strata and age in our society has not and will not quench. It is likely that many of my persecutors will neither read nor hear of this letter.

    You insist I do not have a right to live in your communal paradigm of who should be living in it. Your concept of society and its mores condones and espouses some of the most extreme sexual expression yet you shrink from a topic still cloistered in a shroud of taboo and ignorance. In your unmitigated prejudice that is your moral bench mark you have concluded that I am a blight on society, nature’s freak and that I should be spat at, slapped, ridiculed, insulted.

    You may have been in that group of 13 year old school boys who, after passing me suddenly felt that surge of indomitable courage and cast insult at my back reassuring yourself that your dad will be well pleased with your effort to denigrate these obvious social misfits.

    Perhaps it was you in that group of young people who sniggered, jeered, mocked and insulted me. I wonder if you would have the same courage if you were alone. And why is it that when finally i decide to confront you that suddenly it is some else that you are shouting at.

    Where are you my attacker, who ran up behind me whilst I was window shopping and pulled my legs out from beneath me and ran off jeering in unison. And those of you who walk past me or deliberately change your direction so that you can pretend to heave and vomit as you pass me.

    Or, perhaps it was your exclusive fashion boutique that I visited, and whose select clientele do not include anything like me. You didn’t have to say anything to reveal your impression of me, your demeanor alone did that and your contempt of my effort to try on a garment expressed in comment to me whilst I was changing that the item was delicate was enough to tell me that I wasn’t welcome and even when you accepted my cash custom with an attitude that belies your desire that is you’d would have preferred to see such an expensive dress on someone more appropriate, your disgust and contempt of me is still so apparent.

    You could very well be that security officer who as a self appointed guardian of our morals you wage a private war against the scourge of society who attempt to enter a place of recreation and entertainment by telling me that I cannot enter because I am too drunk. And even when I tell you that I suffer with advanced Parkinson’s you deny me entry. Or maybe you are a little less subtle and all you feel you have to do to send us scurrying is to turn your face away and point to some indeterminate point - I guess your conviction that we are freaks of nature that deserve no more than a dismissive gesture to convey the hatred and contempt you have for me.Besides your attitude for these despicable people must be justified because you are so fair and perform your duties so well. And my manager will always look back me because he told me, albeit in the alley next to the club, to - “keep these wierdos out”

    You could have been out on a night of fun who decided to jointly mock and ridicule me using derogatory terms because I look in your eyes an idiot certainly worth a good rollicking or you snigger because everyone else is doing it and the cloistered anonymity allows you to just do enough because you were not taught to mock others and you’re really not sure about all of this.

    Was it you that walked past as I sat on a bench and had this irresistible urge to call me a filthy trannny and continuing to say it until you reached a point that you were out of sight. You reminded yourself to tell your pub mates about your brave deed.

    Were you that policeman on duty that night who when “I reported the abuse I had endured that evening simply sniggered and walked away or perhaps the officer in uniform standing next to the security officer that denied me entry and refused to even look at the proof of my illness I had purposely brought with me.

    Maybe you prefer to just give me an accusing stare hoping that I see your disapproving expression, because your pastor says I am an abomination before God. Jesus also said ‘let he who has not sinned cast the first stone.’

    Look across now at that person who has committed his or her life to you in matrimony and whom you love dearly. Are you sure he/she is not trying to make sense of the conflict within that calls to their spirit to question his/her gender identity,

    It is not a midlife crisis, a flight of sexual fantasy, a spin-off or side effect of my medication or a mental health issue that fuels me to now live as a woman and walk into a barrage of scorn, ridicule, hatred and contempt every-time I leave my home. Neither is it - a ‘gay thing’.

    Perhaps you are son or daughter or relative or brother or sister or mother or father of who has disowned that wayward member of your family at a time when they needed you the most. When they cried out for acceptance and love and received rejection instead.

    Nothing will turn me back except my death but then I will have died being the person I have always wanted to be. You may kill and injure my body but you will never quench my spirit and desire to become the woman I want to be.

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    Hello to you dear reader and, I hope, after reading my blog you will consider me a friend or at the very least a fellow traveller. Let me begin by telling you why I decided to call my blog 'The Soft Side' I suppose it seems self evident that the soft side I am talking about is the feminine part of my personality which needs to be expressed, and to an extent you would be correct, the soft side is certainly that part which I cherish because I can associate it with the inner woman however, it is also masculine. This my seem confusing but let me try to explain. For many years I believed I was a woman trapped in a mans body and it seemed logical that to correct this biological mistake I should move towards transforming my body to that of a female.

    I embarked on my journey with hormones and quickly became aware of the ways I was being transformed, the physical softening and shaping was wonderful but the mental changes I found more profound. By suppressing my testosterone levels and flooding my body with female hormones I found I had to deal with a confusion of emotions, the fact that tears came easier, that rather than aggression I found I acted in a more introverted, contemplative way. Ultimately I think I began to question my actions rather than stride toward my goals with masculine indifference to the consequences of what I did. I became aware of the feelings of other people.I learnt how influential hormones were on my feelings and my actions. For the first time in my life I could genuinely understand what it is to be a woman.

  4. I won't be going into all the background here. You can find that in my previous entry, "Why I Told Mom"

    I'd been advised by my therapist that I should just wait for Mom to contact me. I'd followed that advice until this week. The day after Christmas, I called her to wish her happy holidays. That wasn't all we talked about.

    Near the end of the referenced entry, I described call the woman I thought was her best friend in the area. At the beginning of the new conversation, I asked Mom how she felt about that. She'd been shocked that I had told Judy at all. I told her I'd done it only because I'd been concerned that she would be behaving as I would, taking on all the guilt, no matter how undeserved, and beating herself up emotionally. I repeated that I'd called Judy for her, not for me.

    I next asked how she and Judy had gotten along. Mom said they've become even closer. I'm pleased. I think I did something right this time.

    After that, I explained why I'm estranged from my brother. It's because he is just another bully. Throughout our adult lives, at every opportunity I've given him, he's told me what I should do and how I should live. When we were facing eviction several years ago, my wife made me call him and ask for his help. He didn't agree. Instead, he went behind my back and made an arrangement with the apartment complex. Each month for 4 months, I had no way of believing that we wouldn't be evicted and the stress was incredible. They had also agreed that I was not to be told anything at all and the manager lived up to that.

    Eventually, I found a contract and was able to pay the rent myself. Unfortunately, that contract too ended too soon and we were unable to save for the future. Once again, my wife made me call my brother to ask for help. I also checked if he had been the rent fairy before and he admitted he had. This time, he agreed to lend me more money. Thankfully, I needed only one month's rent that time.

    Another contract, another job search, another time unable to pay the rent. Another call to him. One too many trips to that well, though. Instead of the help we needed, he was angry at me and yelled that he wanted his money back right then. He pulled a complete 180 degrees from telling me to "pay it forward" to "pay me back!" That was the last time I've spoken with him.

    I didn't give Mom all the details I've described here but I made it clear that I feel he is a bully and has been since high school, that I won't put up with that kind of treatment anymore.

    She told me that she was going to stay out of what happens between us. Apparently, she figured out that it could do no good. And I'm good with that.

    I'm still employed only on short-term contracts, there will come a day when I will need help again, but there will never come a day I will turn to either of them for financial help.

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    "Somedays aren't yours at all. They come and go as if they're someone else's days. They come and leave you behind someone else's face." -Regina Spektor

    9 months ago, I began exploring my gender on a public scale. I'd always been interested in it, and had explored it, but for a combination of factors, never explored it publicly. Long story short, I went to a GenderFuK back in March and since then have embraced that there is another side to me, and that it's ok to let it out. I did some writing on it a while back. Recently, I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago at a Halloween party and he asked a lot about this side of me, stating that I'd never formally come out as being genderfluid. Since that first GenderFuk party, I've been slowly revamping my image. I figured it'd take people a while to get used to this idea that I'm not a boy sometimes. I go out regularly to events as a girl. At least half of my male pictures on here are "friends only", even my twitter is a blend of both m and f. I'm not transexual. I'm not in a period of permanent transition. While I'd like to start hormones I think to call myself transexual would disrespect those who have put in the time and effort of transitioning. Sure, I fall under the trans umbrella. Right now, I live between the lines. I'm genderfluid and this is who I am.

    Sentimental Boy is my nom de plume" -Panic! At the Disco

    Even through this period of change I've put it out there, that no matter what, I'm still me. Despite what I look like, I'm still the same person. While it's new to you, this honestly isn't new to me. If you look at my pictures and go down to the pictures I put up when I joined fetlife there are pictures of me doing the rubberdoll/femme thing from 2007. I was always afraid of being judged, not look good enough, that nobody around Colorado really wore hoods, or that I'd be put into this box that is called "sissy" when I've tried to portray my femme self as strong, confident, and a role model. Not some societal stereotype of what a female is "supposed to be". There is no definition of what it means to be a girl, there isn't one body type, or way to act. That's not me. I don't "get off" on this like many "sissies" do. Gender is not the same as sexuality. For example, assuming that all transgendered people like men sexually is no different than assuming the only people who are attracted to women sexually are men. In the real world, thing aren't so black and white.

    The more I delve into this world, the more I see things that bug me. It takes a strong person to walk out of the house as a "chosen" gender as opposed to a "birth" gender. You see things more and more that you take for granted as a cisgender individual. I've been asked if this is one big act of trolling. I'm not doing this to mess with people. It's not for attention. It's not! If I was trolling why would I for the sake of being myself, open myself up to discrimination? At parties, or out and about around people I don't know, sometimes I become an introvert. I get quiet and feel like if I look like a girl, but open my mouth and sound like a boy that I'm somehow outing myself and going to be judged.

    I remember coming home from the Spanktrum Halloween party last month. I wore my Snow White outfit out for the first time that night. It was a good party. I came back to my apartment at 2am. We parked to drop me off at the door and there was a group of guys outside. My heels were a little big, and when I got out of the car I stumbled a bit, before saying f it and taking them off. It was 2 am, I didn't care what people thought of me. I opened the gate to my complex and suddenly the group began following me giggling. They got in the elevator with me snickering. We all rode up in complete silence. All I could think was that these people were going to follow me to where I live, I felt threatened and afraid that I was going to get my ass kicked for just being myself. Eventually they got off the elevator on the third floor when I lived on the fourth. As they left and my elevator I could hear laughing. That's something nobody should have to deal with. I don't care who you are. Nobody should be afraid or feel threatened for just being themselves. I don't care who you are, it's not acceptable. I get that these were vanilla people and I was no longer in the safe space of the party, but the point is vanilla or kinky you should educate yourself that transphobia isn't cool. You should never spread hate to somebody for just being themselves, and being brave enough to show the world who they are. It's definitely not something to joke at.

    "High heels in her hands, swayin' in the wind while she starts to cry, mascara runnin' down her little Bambi eyes" -Lana Del Ray

    I was at a different party a few weeks later in the same outfit at a friends house. It had a white skirt liner, and when I got up from a chair a friend said, not knowing what it was, "there's something hanging from your dress." At that moment another party goer standing nearby said, "yeah probably his dick." Seriously, what makes anyone think that's right so say things like that? Is there no filter in the brain that says, "this may be really hurtful." I put in so much effort to go out. I have spent hours learning to do make up. When I hear things like, "wow, you're pretty passable." I get that it's supposed to be a compliment, but there's no definition of what being a woman is. The idea of passable doesn't exist. You make it sound like I'm Loki trying to put on a dress and trick the masses. To me, calling somebody "passable" implies that one must pass by societies standards otherwise they fail as a person. It's an offensive cis word. Being seen and accepted as yourself is not "passability". It is acceptance. It is people actually being decent to you

    "I don't want you to hate for all the hurt that you feel. The world is just illusion always trying to change you." -VNV Nation

    Honestly, some days I love who I am as a guy. It's awesome. Some days I don't feel like a boy very much at all regardless of how I'm dressed. It gets confusing trying to walk both lines. You get frustrated, depressed, anxious. I try my best to just show the world who I am. There's been an out pour of support over the last few months. People within my circle of friends seem to embrace who I am, and appreciate it. People I didn't expect to have my back have had my back. Words can't sum up how much I appreciate each and every one of you. This exploration has burned a few bridges with people, and I know that I can't please everyone. That's life, and I accept that.

    When you see me out and about, I get asked all the time what I want to be referred to as. What do we introduce you as? If you want to get specific, when I'm out and about as a woman you can call me Britney. I have been for a while. Some of you reading this have used this name regularly at this point. I do ask that out of respect for the use of female pronouns. I put all this effort into getting dressed up for events whether it's in latex, hoods, dresses, or everyday girl clothes. I use the women's restroom. I try and present myself socially more femme. It's the least you can do. To do the opposite almost invalidates all of the work I've put in for myself. If the person standing in front of you looks like a woman or is trying to look like a woman, address that person as a woman. If the person looks like a man, then consider that person a man. Worst case scenario, if you see me out and have questions, ask.

    "Ask me, ask me, ask me, If it's not love than it's the bomb that will bring us together." -The Smiths

    This is who I am. My name is Brian. This is the name I was born with. My name is Britney. This is the name I've chosen. I am the same person I've always been no matter the name. I'm multifaceted. Kinky, movie addicted, karaoke enthusiast, model, porn star, friend, human. I'm not some box you can put me in. This is who I am.

    "When it comes to being true, atleast true to me, one thing I found is that I'll never let me down." -Kanye West

  5. Latest Entry

    I am so tired I can't even get my thoughts together to blog today, so this might be pretty short.. Anyways, check out the funny picture I attached to this blog entry...terrible grammar, but you get the idea.

    I tried listening to that hypno stuff last night. It's OK at some parts, but most of it is just so dumb. It has to be just a gimmick, but there is so much out there on the forums and blogs about it, so I thought it had some merit. I laugh when they say something like, "You are a woman." I am like, "Yeah, no kidding, and..." I am not wasting my time was entertaining, though.

    I have to say that the transgendered lifestyle is way too over-sexualized. It really isn't a sexual thing for me, but rather me just trying to be who I am. There is just so much garbage out there that brings you down and makes you feel like a freak or something. There is a part for sexuality, but we can't allow ourselves to be defined that way. That's just me....

    For the past week, I have been totally out of touch with the news, which from what I hear has been a good thing because of all the media coverage of the shooting in CT. It's sad but those things are going to keep happening until we change our culture....and that will never happen. I don't mean more gun control, because that won't do anything, especially when you think of how many guns are out there right now. My personal feeling is that we need to do more to encourage people to carry a weapon and possibly start training children on weapons at a younger age so that they have more of a respect for them. I know it sounds crazy but you are not going to get all the guns off of the street, so what do you do?

    Is it 2013 yet??

    Later everybody,


  6. After almost a lifetime of hating it I finally got the nerve to start removing my facial hair on a permanent basis.

    I have always wanted to get rid of my facial hair, but like many others, I guess, it always seemed like a bigger step than getting my legs, chest, etc waxed. After all that grows back after a while and if you discover that you are not as trans* as you thought then no permanent changes are apparent.

    Of course getting rid of a few hairs is not as big a deal as GRS but it is a visible change!

    Ever since puberty I have heard about electrolysis and been fascinated as to where you get it done and how do you even find someone who has had it done for advice (I have spent most of my life pre-internet). Also as a child I don't think my parents would have signed the consent form or stumped up the cash!

    Even as a young teenager I would shave my body hair, I come from the Planet of the Apes it seems, but I have never been able to get my face clean shaven.

    So roll forward a few decades and I find myself living in Edinburgh, Scotland.

    I now have the internet and after years of uncertainty as to why I have always been drawn to wearing what society calls 'women's clothes' I have now learned about words like transgender and dysphoria, so I realized that to have any level of inner happiness I would have to be true to myself and admit that I am a trans* woman. Whenever I say that I feel so happy, and also a little sad that I didn't come out years ago.

    Anyhow, I was fed up with shaving my legs and getting razor rash on my chest so I looked online and found a trans* friendly waxing salon not ten minutes drive from my apartment.

    I had had a couple of waxing's, when I asked Sam, the therapist, what the machine in the corner was for. She explained that it was a Intense Pulse Light machine, a kind of laser for removing hair.

    When I asked if it worked on facial hair I was expecting to be told that It only worked on genetic female hair, I was half expecting disbelief that I would want it done. Instead Sam just told me to go away and think about it for a few days.

    When I went for my first appointment I must admit I was having second thoughts, and very nearly didn't ring the doorbell. But I knew that if I didn't do it now I never would and would always regret it!

    I had to have a skin test the day before so I knew what to expect, but the real thing is painful.

    It is like touching your skin with a hot wire. Luckily the pain only lasts a second while the 'gun' is touching your skin, but I couldn't help jumping a little bit each time. It was the anticipation as much as anything.

    I am now waiting for the results to start to become visible. Apparently the hair will start to fall out after ten to twenty days, then when it starts to grow again I will get the next session. It takes about six in all, maybe a couple more if the hair is stubborn!

    What I am looking forward to most is not having a semi permanent red face from having to shave twice a day, and of course looking that little bit more feminine.

    (For younger readers when I was a teenager we called the police the Fuzz, I consider my facial hair to be a gender policeman, trying to keep me in my prison cell)

  7. I have been on this site for awhile now, and have met some great people and a very supportive group. Just a little about my self, I am an MtF crossdresser/transgender, not totally sure where I fit in there, I have been doing a lot of soul searching these past couple of weeks and am still not sure where I am going with this side of my life. I go to work in boy mode, dressed for the most part androgynous, as that is how I feel comfortable. Always underdressed with a bra (padded) and panties on, cause I can get away with it for the most part un-noticed. I am looking into finding a therapist to explore this further, as some times I really feel like this is what I should be, and others I'm not sure. I have had this side looked in a closet for more yrs then I would care to count, and am now finally able to express it. Sometimes I wish that I could full time, at work I have to catch myself at times when going to the restroom not going in the wrong one, or wanting to stop at the mirror to check my makeup, as I typically wear eyeshadow. It's one of the little things that I can get away with it at work, since it's not really noticed with my glasses on.

    I have come out to some people out side of my friends on line that I know and the meetup group that I belong to, and for the most part they are very supportive of me. I even came out to my ex wife, and she was surprisingly very supportive and understanding when I told her that I really need some time to myself on a weekend, so have been cut back to getting my kids every other weekend, which gave me a lot of time to think about what I want for myself and where I am going in my life. I haven't really come out to my younger 2 boys (ages 4 and 7), but I have talked to my oldest son (13), and of course he had the hardest question to answer of "why?" I tried to explain to him some of the reasons why that I did know.

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    It seems to me that it is every girl's right to dress as she pleases. I did from the age of 10 or so, and

    it has always been natural to me. Yes, men look at me, but isn't that one of a woman's perks?

  8. Well dear readers! they say that time and tide wait for no man .. well woman in this case!.. I`ve read more blogs than i care to recall and i`ve done a lot of soul searching these last few weeks, enough to really give a therapist nightmares in fact ... I`ve found a few things along the way i thought i`d share with you ..

    1, My hair arrived and monday i tried it for the first time.. hmm me and the girly who made it need a little alone time in a dark room!.. cant see out of it . cant do anything with it and well basically nearly set it on fire when i went for a smoke!.. oh i can see the head lines now .. tg woman found with melted head in night club land .. Dangers of smoking blahg de blah

    ok so today i took it out of its bag, and thought hey time to do something drastic i bought a pair of scissors.. !.. but as usual a friend whispered a bit of advice ( " oi karen styling you tube lfw " ) and well i got to watching a gazzilion coloured girls show me how "dey do dat thing wiv the bobbles and cremes and walla theres my new hair all sparkly nice.." so i tried it ..

    now me i am not a hair dresser, i`m not camp enough .. for it .. i think .. but after a few trial and errors i got it sorted. A little hair styleing on my lacefront hair . and .. yeah not bad!... the proof of course will be what happens when i step out to the meeting tonight.but i do have a few thing sin my favour.. a its all hallows eve.. an b, its gonna be dark"!

    Anyway back to the plot of this blog umm.. where am i .. monday .. wow what a night .. ok not a massive crowd at the lounge but enough to make it homely and a couple of glasses of shampoo and well hey it was fun!..was gonna meet samantha and sat there pondering things wig hair lippy all dolled up .. no sign of her. then i heard her behind me just after of course the obligatory fb message " sammy where the heck are ya ?"..turn round shes sat behind me and didnt recognise me with my hair in place!.. woot! so yeah we talked a bit sipped a bit cava mmm cava voddy mmm cava voddy coke.. . discussed a few topics i wont share here!.. and enjoyed each others company .. for once its nice to just be.. ya know?..not judged not sneerred at .. just be.. well taxis here for my lift to the station so time to sign out a lil bit might and i do stress might try a bit more later when i get back...

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    Latest Entry

    Happy Halloween

  9. First of all, I would like to invite you to visit my blogsite. Do not worry, this site is a non-money-maker site. It will not bombard you with different advertisement. My site has become my tool in order to express myself so that I could survive our difficult situation in our society today for the reason of being different. This has become my political statement and vandalism as I resist the position I stand vis-a-vis my community. is the link to my website. 


    The blog entry I am posting today has been already posted recently on Thank you so much and I hope to be able to get in touch with you. 


    Thanks for your time. 



    <a href="" rel="attachment wp-att-1354"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1354" title="Scan 14" src="" alt="" width="490" height="342" /></a>
    Today is the 4th of September. It is a very special day. The moment I opened my eyes as I wake up this morning, the first thing in my thought is this: <em>"Today is my father's birthday."</em>
    My relationship with my father is the most sensitive aspect of my life. For that reason, I will not discuss the details here.
    I was named after my fathers name. I am Raymond Jr. my father the Sr. Bearing the same name would not mean being actually the same. My father and I have a lot of differences. At least that is what I thought. Now that I am old,old enough to understand the complexity of life, I realized another irony and contradictions in our lives. I thought, that those differences I have with my father did actually made the two of us almost identitcal. Yes, I am Raymond Jr. and I am my FOTHER'S SON.
    My father is one of the most intelligent person I have known in my entire life. His ideas and views in life is diffrerent than the main stream, His ideas are indipendent. He is the first one I have heard who challenged THE BIBLE after reading it from cover to cover. His courage is unmovable that even that proclaimed to be the man of God was confronted with the questions my father seeks answer.
    He is different than the people of his surroundings. These people around him misunderstood and judged him. Even me, his own first born son, misunderstood and judged him specially during my puber years.
    However, as I see things from different perspectives, very different from what the society has induced on us, I saw a totally different angle. As I stop basing my reasons and ideas on the moral code of what is good vis-a-vis what is right (things happen for a reason naturally, it is just the way things happen) I am starting to understand and also impressed with my father.
    Raymond Sr., my beloved father, HAPPY BIRTH DAY.
    Raymond Jr.
    From my Father's Youth:

    <iframe width="480" height="360" src="" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

  10. Latest Entry

    I have been in transition for over 2 years steady now. I have found out the understanding and misunderstanding of so many people in our wonderful planet. If you don't fit the norm or the cookie cutter style you are wierd. If you don't have a look that is the perfect or the standard you are not normal. I feel so sorry for the people that have had to live their lives with a abnormal look or something that is different than the Preama Dona or the Pierce Brosdon look. They have to try even harder to feel good about themselves.

    I have found out their hardships the hard way. I have been given a slap in the face as it would be of how the way other people have had to survive with the out of the norm mentality.

    I have told my therapist that going through the final phaze of my transition is like a pubesent teen girl haveing to realize her body is changing and now she is going to be observed by all as she begins to grow breasts and her hips widen and she becomes a woman. With this I now understand why so many young women are so reluctant to be open with their life and enjoy themselfs.

    As I look in the mirror and see the person that I am becoming and the person that I have been. I see a happier person and a more confindant person. I wish that all trnasgendered people could understand that it is not as easy as they make it out to be. It is harder for the older transgender community to go through the changes because we have established a long term family. We have so much more to try and get across to others. We understand more than the younger generation, we have lived through it.

    When I watch the younger people look at me I see them laugh or even make comments about the way I look and they are generally the young teenage girls with no clue in life whether or not they will be happy later on or be left in the dust of life. They laugh and play all the time because that is what they know. I feel sorry for them. If they only knew that they have what they want now and maybe in the future. It makes me wonder if they had to be androgonyous for a month if they would have a different attitude.

    I am a happier person and wish all the best that I can. I hope you can become a better person in life than those that think they are so important.

    Hugs and Kisses to all.

    Tracy N

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    Last weekend, my spouse went to a city about 3 hours away from where we live, to break the story of my transition to her mother. Her mum is 90 plus years old. We had delayed the announcement for several moths since the poor lady is so old that she may have perished before the announcement became necessary.

    My spouse, lovingly, calls her every Sunday to speak with her and cheer her up. It was getting a bit old referring to me in my former gender. After facial feminization surgery, there's no going back. That was in January.

    My spouse's visit went very well. Her sister, who is a big supporter of mine was there with her, and helped their mum to "get it". And the ancient lady did get it, and in a kind and loving way. She was the last relative to get the message, and I'm so glad that that has been done.

    I consider that fortune has blessed me greatly. I still have the same job. The relatives that cared for me before transition - still love me. and I am with a person who chose me years ago, and has chosen me again.

    If you are entering transition, know that you must be prepared to lose everything, but you may be surprised - let love be your guide and remember that it will be more difficult for your loved ones to understand where you are going that it is for you. I know that I never found a reason or justification for being transsexual. I just know that it is something that I must do, or die. Retain and enhance your fine qualities, and your will be valued. Life may be kinder than you expect.

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    Well to begin with, i always felt like there was something different about me. When i was young i would sometimes look in the mirror and wonder what it was like to be a girl, but at the time i didn't give it much more thought than just "what if". When i started going to middle school i was paying a little more attention the the girls clothes. I remember thinking "why don't they make stuff that pretty for us"? Puberty went by pretty much unnoticed. Not sure if that's normal for some TG's but no real problems so i don't often question why i don't remember puberty. Anyway, around age 14 or 15 i found an old dress in the back of a closet. I tried it on and looked in the mirror. When i saw myself i got really self-conscious and confused so i tried to repress it and keep it out of my head from then on. I can recall a few times between then and now that i did a little more experimenting(panties, bras and eventually dresses again). It was still very scary and confusing and the shame kept me from talking to anyone about it. A few years ago i met an Australian woman named Caitlin (which is how i chose my name. Her idea and i loved it). I felt a connection with her that i never felt with anyone before and eventually i felt safe enough to tell her all my innermost secrets. She couldn't have been more supportive. After several long and deep talks(and a few dress-up sessions) over the past few years i have become much more comfortable with myself and i can identify myself as TG (tho i have to admit i don't like the title) without shame. I even found the courage to tell my best friend. She didn't take it too well at first but has accepted me for me. I asked Caitlin to marry me not long ago and she said yes :D. I'm looking forward to the many changes this new life is gonna bring. My mother is undergoing treatment for leukemia at UCLA so for the sake of keeping her stress to a minimum i have decided not to come out to my family yet. I'm not looking forward to the reactions but i will cross that bridge when the time comes. I know i can expect to loose alot of my family and the thought of that is so depressing. I love my family and there is not 1 relative that i am prepared to loose. My fiance tells me if they don't accept me then its their loss. Well thats the problem. Its not just theirs. Its my loss too. But which is worse? Ridicule from the ones you love most or the constant torture of hiding yourself for fear of ridicule? I have lost so much sleep just trying to find that one answer. But in the end the only one that can answer that is me. Maybe it wont be as bad as i think (coming from a baptist family i can imagine some pretty harsh scenarios) But for the first time in my life i like me and i don't want to give that up. Thanks for reading


  11. Tr{Anndy}

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    {A Word to the Wise: the last time I wrote a blog was for a class about the Social Net in which we read Gregory Ulmer and were introduced to his "puncept;" therefore, I apologize in advance for my frequent use of puncepts in my writing. And while we're on that topic, I apologize for my terrible writing, period.}

    I suppose this is my introduction, and despite my ability to write a mean essay (present thesis excluded), I'm really rather horrible at writing about myself. Anyway, I imagine that my story isn't unlike most of your stories... although I tend to imagine that most of you are much further along your trans* journey (my therapist calls this projection, I believe). The first time I remember thinking I was boy rather than a girl was in kindergarten when all the boys got to be loud and fun and the girls were expected to jumprope or whatever it was that girls were supposed to do. I never did it.

    But this story really starts a number of years later, when I was 14 (15? the years are blurred thanks to PTSD, but that's another subject all together). I spent a lot of my younger years on dial-up AOL pretending to be a guy: first a straight guy, then a gay guy. For a while there I was extremely obsessed with gay guys, and my "bff" at the time, Ro, was a gay guy (unfortunately he was/is in deep denial about this). He was the first person I came out to. "I want to be a gay guy." (I probably confessed this to him during one of our makeout sessions on my grandfather's golf cart--I was a wild child *insert sarcasm here*.) Being the kind of friend he was (and the kind of mom I had, who thought all my friends were hers as well), he told her my secret. I grew up in an ultraconservative part of South Carolina and my mother, of course, was slightly disturbed at this new information. Give her some credit, it was 2001, and even though I have these fantasies about going back and coming out at a younger age, the truth is, it was a totally different time then. So, she swept me off to a therapist.


    Social Anxiety.

    And the biggie...

    Borderline Personality Disorder.

    My life from then on was defined by this diagnosis. I got away with dressing like a guy for a long time because I was goth in high school, which, oddly enough, my mom loved. Things changed when she died in 2006. My mother never knew me as the daughter she always wanted (in fact, she lost 2 daughters: a miscarriage before I was born, and me... the odd, in-between daughter). To cope with her death, I became the person I thought she wanted me to be. Ultra girly. Happy to go shopping, polish my nails, play with babies, or whatever it was that I thought defined the feminine.

    I still played boy online. It was my only escape.

    It used to be that you only ever heard of MTF trans*people. In the months after my mother died (I remember this clearly because I was living with my dad) I ordered a copy of "The Big Gay Book of Erotica" or something. The last story was about a transman. What? (I'm imagining Jack Skellington singing "What is This?!") So there it was. I was a FTM. It took me 5 years to accept that. And here I am.

    And I will leave you with some lyrics from Jack's Lament. Because I can.

    Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones

    An emptiness began to grow

    There's something out there, far from my home

    A longing that I've never known.

    And finally... I'm Anndy.

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    I have sat here wondering, "should I write this story, and, will anyone actually believe it?" Well, here I am making a start, and hopefully, a finish at some later date. And, if you believe it or not, is not something that I can control. All I can say is, its true, every word. No matter how dramatic, or, how much like an Hollywood movie it may seem like. This is a true story, written as it actually happened. And this blog, is by no means, the whole story. But maybe I will get around to that later, if you enjoy this little snippet.

    Oh, and please forgive my bad grammar etc. I have dyslexia.

    So allow me to begin at the beginning, the beginning of the end! I went on a six month contract, However, 18 years later, I was still there. I worked in Saint Peters burg and Moscow, the two disputed capitals of Russia. I was a croupier by profession and went to work in one of its many grand casino's that had sprung up, after the wall had fallen down. However, that is another story. My story, for this entry, starts 10 years later, in the very polluted, industrial city of Zaporozhye, in Ukraine.

    I was married to a beautiful Ukrainian girl, her name is Olea. I never lied to her about who I was, in fact, I told her on our second date. She was fine about it, and not only that, she went out and bought me a dress. A black velvet cocktail dress that must have cost her a whole months salary, at least! We were happy together, very happy. She became my best friend, soul mate and, after a year, my wife. I thought it would never end, as I suppose, everyone does.

    So, here and now, I will hold my hands up and take the blame. Why? Because the reason I went to Russia in the first place was to save enough money to pay for my Gender reassignment. But instead of saving, I had lived the high life, spent the lot on Drink, girls, guys, fancy hotels and big cars. So, I decided to move to the Ukraine, start again, and save for my Gender reassignment. So, allowing myself to be distracted again, was absolutely crazy, Especially when my gender identity was beginning to drive me out of my mind, as it does us all, eventually! And the problem is, no matter how hard people try to understand what it i to be transsexual, unless you are transsexual, you simply cannot.

    Olea tried to understand, she did her best and gave it her all. However, I was getting worse by the day, my fem me side was becoming more and more demanding, and as a result, I was falling into depression. I was angry and my mood swings were beginning to drive us apart. I was giving up on life as a whole, and began to spend hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month and now year after year, with my head buried in World of War Craft. From being a means of escape, Azeroth, had become my whole world, my reality, my home. My female character had become more than a character, she was me! For 3 years or more, I don't remember exactly how long it was, I lived my every waking moment in Azeroth, my life had become a cartoon character in cyberspace!

    In all honest I had become completely oblivious to the real world.

    It was a warm August evening when I finally dragged myself out of Azeroth and checked my e-mails. There must have been 30 or 40 unread mails, mostly junk mail. I started to go down the list, ticking the junk as I went, for deleting. Until one e-mail caught my eye, "Hi Roxy, do you really know your wife?" It was strange because only a hand full of close friends knew my fem me name, and I had never used it online, anywhere. I re-read the title again, then clicked the link to open it.

    It simply read, follow the links below if you want to know the truth! My curiosity was pricked.

    There were 5 links in total, all containing the words, sex, naughty, even school girl and Daddy's Girl. But the most striking word of all was my wife's name. I sat back and gazed over the links, again and again. Studying them, not wanting to open them in case I did find a truth that I didn't want to know. Casually, I scrolled the mouse over the first link and double clicked. The page opened, and the page content appeared. In the top right hand corner of the screen was a picture of my wife, she was kneeling on a bed with her legs open. She was dressed on a school girls uniform, she had pig tails in her hair and she was sucking on a lollipop.

    There was a description of herself, and what she enjoyed doing in bed. And what she was willing to do, and how much it would cost. There was pages of reviews, all good reviews and a page full of pictures. All the other links took me to similar sites, showing my wife naked, half naked and wearing school uniforms. My stomach began to turn, I felt sick. Rage was building up inside me, it was a good thing she wasn't there at the time I exploded. I picked up the monitor and slammed it down onto the desk again and again until it was smashed to pieces, then I kicked the processor repeatedly until I had smashed all the plastic off it, then I pulled the drawers out of the cupboards and thew them at the walls. I pulled cupboards over and smashed pictures on the walls. I lashed out at everything, until I fell down in the middle of the wreckage and cried. I lay their, crying and sobbing like a baby, until I couldn't cry any more. That was the first time in my life that I had considered suicide, and seriously wanted to die. It was also the first time in my life that I had seriously considered killing someone. And she was due back, at any time.

    M.T. F Soon!!!!! Watch this space.

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    Latest Entry

    I wrote this some time back as a letter to many of my friends on Facebook to clue them in on who I am. I also wrote it as an encouragement to anyone else that may be traveling the same road I am. We all have issues, problems or obstacles that keep us from moving forward in our lives. It is only by the grace and mercy God has shown me that I have gotten as far as I have. No matter what journey you find yourself on, I hope I can lend some encouragement along your way.

    You might have seen some of the videos from some famous athletes, politicians or other celebrities. Well, I thought it would be important to add my voice. I’m nobody famous. I’m just someone who understands that your teenage years can seem to be some of the most difficult times of your life. It took a life time to come to the point of accepting myself. Don't make the same mistake I did.

    ALL through high school and for many years after, I denied the world to see who I really was. As a good friend once told me, it wasn’t so much as I 'came out', but I finally let the world in. I finally summoned the courage to let the world know the really me. You see, I wasn’t born Meggan Renee, I was born Mark Thomas.

    Growing up, I truly feared what people might say or even do if they found out the real me, I did my best to hide that I wanted to be a girl. Feeling different kept me somewhat isolated from the other kids – don’t get me wrong – I had my friends and those are the people that have stuck with me for over 30 years, even when I told them I was transitioning.

    All through elementary school, I was the smallest in my class. That alone made me target of bullies from kindergarten all through my senior year of high school. There were times I faked being sick and went home from school just to avoid the bullies waiting for me between classes. In high school, my Christian faith was also a source of ridicule. With all of that going on, I never had the courage to speak up and let people know I felt different – I didn’t want the bullying to get worse.

    Trust me when I tell you that depression and the thought of suicide was a constant in my life. I felt many times that if I just walked off and disappeared, no one would miss me. In my adult years, I dealt with Anorexia and Bulimia, just to feel I had some control in my life. But I have just now started to truly learn that it is not the good and easy times in our life that strengthens us. It is the storms in our lives that help us learn to live. God gives us strength to endure and over come the obstacles on the road of our lives. Many times, that strength God provides us comes in the way of family, friends, teachers, pastors, and even professional councilors.

    I want to tell you, You are NOT alone!! There are so many people around you that want to help if you are feeling isolated, different, or alone. There are three words I want you to remember - It gets better!

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    Hi there,

    I so suck at writing but here goes. I am biologically a male in my early 30s at this point. I wanted to create this blog to be able to write wherever I am about the truth of what goes on in my mind and heart. Truth is I mostly hide from the world in real life and stay away from many people that do not know the real me. I will explain more as I write more here. I used to have another personal diary online years ago where I opened up about things but I got locked out of that one through changing emails and such and then couldn’t recover my password, etc. I tried to start a new one over at this other unnamed site but the format and everything has changed so much and it looks to complicated. Hopefully this one works better. I do have a hand written journal but I am better actually typing things out instead of hand writing them.

    So, I don’t want to babble on about that. I will open up more personally about me (pictures and such along my journey) but not really going to be sharing details such location, etc while I am coming out here and starting my journey. Mainly to prevent any privacy issues with family members and such finding this and reading about what really goes on in my brain, in my heart and behind closed doors. Also, there have been some hate crimes where I live. More on that another time. I am sure one of my closest friends will be reading this blog but I trust them with my life so. Though I am not positive they will.

    A short and not so sweet bio of me is this: I suffered from mental and physical abuse from childhood up through my teen years and the main consequence of this was developing what is called Dissociative Identity Disorder. Most would know it more as having split or multiple personalities. I have now suffered from this since the early 1990s and it is not fun though it has improved greatly to where I can function in society. I have male and female personalities. The most prominent one being female. She is the alter who is in control the most. Sometimes I think even more than me. Her being female and the most prominent alter I know she is a part of who I am deep in my being but being free and happy as a female. I have always related to girls more than guys since I was a kid. I always played with girls in school more than boys and always flocked to my girl cousins as well. I even was more interested in “girl” toys, books, movies, etc while I was alone. Heck, I even wanted to play Barbies, My Little Pony more than the action figure stuff growing up. I remember adopting my Aunt’s baby doll that she still have from when she was a child when I was 7 years old and loved it and wanted it with me always until my parents got rid of it out of embarrassment. My grandmother even hand made me a Cabbage Patch Doll after I insisted on having one like my 3 girl cousins had their own. (they were one of the most popular girl toys in the 80s). That disappeared after a few years as well. I was biologically a boy after all and according to my parents I needed to act like one. Mainly I think because of my father. He was and still is a “man’s man” and yes even a “homophobe” I realise now. My father even forced me to stop referring to him as “Daddy” when I was 8 years old as this was not boyish to him. AS a teenager hearing words like “I wont have my boys being cocksuckers. You have never ever bring home any boys.” So classy. He will never change. Most of his family is the same way. Even my younger brother now.

    To this day as an adult I find myself fitting in with women more than men and wishing I was one physically. Yes, it is also not a strange thing for someone to question my sexual orientation. My main sexual history has been with women though. I have enjoyed sex with women sometimes, though it was less of a “sexual attraction” and more of enjoying having physical love from someone. Experiencing them as the people they are, sharing love and admiring and wishing I had the same biological body as they did. That was always the true me in my mind and in my heart. Then of course there was my female alter fully living female life quietly, though not in a sexual way. There have been some “connections” I have had with males physically but I may talk about that in other posts. Obviously I just spoke about my family, that would have really made the shit hit the fan. I guess officially I can say I am bisexual as I do find myself attracted to guys as well however and if I at this point I can see myself in a relationship with a guy and not have an issues with it. I am open to either gender. At times though I am just not very “sexual” at all. Many times I can see myself also just not having that type of relationship with someone and just living life with out sex I guess. Though I would love to have that strong connection with someone through everything of my being and to share my journey, life and everything with. No matter what gender.

    I would and I and am working towards the possibility of physically transitioning into who I am inside. I do have a friend who is a pre op transgendered female to male. I identify with him a lot and I know my female alter, does a lot being completely female in every way without any confusion or fear, taking that fact and running with it but stuck in my biologically male body. I can say without question if I had a choice to magically change my gender I would make myself female without thinking twice and be thrilled about it. That being said, I havent been out in public in “female” clothes and makeup (except on Halloween). I am in the early stages of transitioning so not decided on, nor do I have the financial resources to go having surgeries or taking female hormones at this point or see myself doing it at any point in the future until I get myself financially secure and living in a more comfortable area. The extent of that so far has been having long hair or my female alter wearing a wig, painting nails, wearing make up, etc when in private or around my closest friends and as I said Halloween where I was in my glory. I do shave what body hair I do have as I have never liked it. That never caused much of a problem as I have never been a super hairy person. Even for a male body. I know that might sound weird to most. I dress mostly covered a lot of the time. As I said in so many ways I am forced to be male but I am starting to take this journey as I need to be happy.

    I have never been really close with my parents, my one and only brother, or any of my extended family as an adult. In many ways it is for the best as I have to pretend to be “manly” around them. I see my brother and grandparents maybe once or twice a year and even then it is not for very long and my mother maybe once every six weeks for a few minutes. My father lives on the other side of the country so it is maybe once a year as well. I smile when my father and brother make a comment “That’s so gay.” about what I am watching, saying, listening to, etc. If only they knew the true me.

    I have been out of work at this point for almost a year due to “health reasons” which have a lot to do with what I have just been talking about. More the DID and depression though my condition with that is improving a lot.I will have to go back to work here soon though. More pretending to get used to but I am feeling very positive about my future and hoping to be able to fully come out sooner than later to everyone and be the happy true female me. So I know this turned into an extremely long post but I wanted to tell a bit about me. I doubt anyone will really be reading this crap anyway. Anyone, who does I think you very, very much as I need all the support really right now.

    Until next time. I hope to post lots more to share what is on my mind.

    Sam xo ♥

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    Would like to say making Davina a smooth sissy was easy, it was not.

    Wax strips worked to a degree but it was a slow process so we resorted to a razor in the bath and just concentrated on a smooth chest and stomach and legs.

    After lots of messing around the result felt good and enpowering and hopefully a more complete hair removal session will happen soon but as they say live and learn.

    The photo taking that followed was great fun and hopefully you like some of the results shown below.


    twitter @davinadiva


  12. Latest Entry

    I recently received an e-mail notice from here that someone had wanted to start a personal message. The e-mail stated that the individual wanted me to use their hotmail account to do so. Under some circumstances I would not mind. Under some I would.

    The person used a screen name and the hotmail address gave no indication who they were. The names did not appear familiar.

    I do not blame people for using screen names. Safety, workplace discretion and families all may play a part when one is transgender. I can understand that.

    I typically do what may not appear to be the brightest thing in the world. I use my real name and tell the truth about myself. I personally do not care what anyone thinks. I have my reasons for what I do and if that offends some so be it. When I am offended I tend to forgive as I would hope others would forgive me.

    I do not try to hide the fact that I am a heterosexual cisgender male minister. That alone causes some to have preconceived notions about me. Some may even hate before knowing anything about me. Sort of how people treat some of you as transgenders.

    Neither do I hide the fact that in accordance with the word of God I do not agree with transgender views.

    You will note that I never openly use the word of God to slam any transgender posts. Neither would I do so in private.

    Some may wonder why I am here then. Not only the transgenders here but people who may know me in real life both in workplace and ministry.

    The truth is that even though I am in disagreement with transgender views I still know that I would want people to treat me right. That means that if I was not sure about anything and questioning I would hope someone just might be around that could help and have the guts to go where some may not.

    That is part of the basics of Christianity. While I may not agree with the views here there may be that babe in Christ that is wondering about some things about what the word of God says. In such a case I would hope that I could give the right answer.

    Not to agree with everyone. Not to disagree with everyone. Just to be honest and tell the truth.

    There are those however on any site that would just love to ask a question so they can set someone up. Run back and tell all that guy is a trans basher or whatever when it isn't the truth.

    I have gay friends and co-workers. I also have some co-workers that I suspect to be transgender but not out.

    I would never out any of them nor embarrass any of them. I merely try to treat them like anyone else. What they are or how they feel about straight, gay, cisgender and transgender issues means nothing at work. If they wish to reveal they are such and such to me at work they will. If not they won't. I'm there for a job and not to please people or gossip.

    The reason I say all of this is because naturally I won't answer e-mails if I do not recognize the person in one way or another.

    If people realize that I am here and open about who I am they should be open about who they are to me in private.

    Anyone in ministry has their life a rather open book to the world. Many watch just to see if they can find fault. Sadly some try to find fault so they think they have an excuse at the judgment seat of Christ. "Well he did this or that" or "Well he said this or that" or "Well he was on such and such a site."

    The truth is that we all give account of what we do and say in this world on that day. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. If someone sees me here let it be known that it is in the hope that should there be a babe in Christ and that individual wants to ask someone that is willing to be here about scripture that I am willing to help.

    I am not seminary educated but then neither were Peter and John. They took note they were ignorant and unlearned men but they were with Jesus.

    I guess in conclusion what I am saying is that if a person ever wants to send an e-mail be honest about who you are.

    I probably have enough enemies and people wanting to either set me up or gossip about me just like you all.

    I don't have any ill will towards whoever sent the e-mail. They evidently joined and sent it and then left. A search of members revealed nobody by either names. The link on the e-mail showed it could not be found here even though it brought me to this site.

    As I said, even though I do not agree with transgender views I hope that the vast majority of my blog posts show I do not judge you all. How you live and what you believe is between you and God. I only drop in from time to time as on other sites I have had people send pm's asking questions about scripture and such.

    To me the most important thing in this world isn't whether or not I am liked. It isn't what I possess or what the Lord gives me.

    The most important thing to me is that even though the Lord shared all glory with his Father before this world was created he chose to come into it and die for the sins of people like me and you who could never repay him.

    He lived a life of poverty and being hated by all men for what he spake and what he did. When he told the truth and rebuked those that were wrong they wanted to kill him. He knew that when he returned and drove the moneychangers out of the temple they would want to kill him. Yet today nobody wants to believe that he will get angry when people insist on doing that which he hates.

    He was so poor that it took a miracle for him to pay his and Peter's taxes. Two hundred pennyworth is not a great wealth. I'd like to see some of the rich ones try to live on $2.00 today. It's a far cry from a mansion or jet.

    He was blindfolded and beaten and his beard was pulled out and yet he stood there silent for those he would soon be butchered alive for.

    They debate if he was white or black when scripture shows him to be the olive tree in the garden of the Lord God. A scourge removed much of that skin and I wonder as they pulled his beard out how much flesh came off with it.

    All fled and nobody was there to even give a word of encouragement as the all this happened and he went to the cross.

    Still he spake forgiveness and forgave the one thief that repented.

    He finished the building of the house of God and gave up the ghost. He never once railed out against those who mocked, beat, scourged and crucified him.

    He was the perfect witness of what Christians should be.

    He was honest and it caused him to live in poverty and being hated of all men.

    I would hope that more would try to be honest.

    Even in a worst case scenario it would never be as bad as what he went through.

    Having said such should anyone lurk and know me or be a member and want to send an e-mail all I ask is that they be honest about who they are.

    It should be clear that would not out nor hurt anyone.

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    Recent Entries

    It's unreal how many times in a day people ask me the same kind of question when they learn I'm an FTM transgender. It seems to be common for people to ask if I want to be a man because I like women.

    No, I like men. I'm highly attracted to men. Gay men. I'm a very dominant person by nature.

    Then I have to explain further. It's not a want to be a man it's a need. My inner self and my outer don't match. I wasn't meant to have breasts and a vagina. I was meant to be a man and it's a deep true feeling. It's not easy to explain but that's about the easiest way to explain it.

    Then they ask me how I have sex. And then it's awkward because I will tell them and they get a little grossed out and defensive. It's not my fault they asked. ~shrug~