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  • Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

    By Lori

    Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices flowing; A daily journal about your life and experiences
    A journal documenting when you go full time
    A journal to document your gender reassignment surgery
    Dating experiences and tips
    Crossdressing tips
    Experience with makeup
    Passing in public
    Your experiences when you go out in public
    Restroom experiences
    Transitioning at work
    Dealing with counselors or medical personnel
    Introspection about your particular gender identity
    Dealing with or overcoming self-limiting beliefs
    Dealing with addictions
    Dealing with self-destructive behaviors
    Interactions with police or government workers
    Changing your drivers license, birth certificate, etc.
    Applying for jobs
    Your big day, when you go full time
    Hormonal development (please don't discuss dosages or make medical type recommendations)
    Experiences with electrolysis
    How other members of your new gender react to you, and your experiences
    Your recommendations to others about to follow your path
    Your thoughts about whether surgery is necessary to be your desired gender
    Differences in how you feel dressed or not dressed
    What your life would be like if you still repressed your inner identity
    Poetry or prose
    These are a few ideas to get you started. Feel free to leave comments to suggest your own ideas, or just start a blog and share with everyone. Just log into your control panel to start your own blog. This could be interesting!
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Our community blogs

  1. To different photo I found while was looking for wallpaper for my cell phone. So I merge them together.

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    Michel hereNever knowing if I shouldnt fight for my rights or if I should be a helpless damsel in distress. But I could never even give the perception of being helpless. Foolish at times, but not helpless.Got 9 more days on the lower level of hormones, and then the new beginnings will come on a higher level. Hope that the increase would give me the better part of not getting anymore migraines.I'm currently in that funk of solidarity. Yes, the 8 day migraine made me want to be left alone as it had the probability of 85% that I would end up with the pain dulling my senses by taking away my vision, which would end in me either having to sleep over or hoping that I get home safely.On a lighter note, seeing that I dont have anyone to play with or satisfying me. I now need to play with my own breast, yes my own boobs because I scare the crap out of men! How can a 5'8, 125Lbs female be scary. Okay Cynthia Rothrock is shorter and lighter and oh so scary if people know that she is a capable, more than capable of kicking the mens behinds without to much struggle.Now who wouldnt want to love my flat stomach. Do I care if my prime real estate isnt being picked up by any guys that view me as a good possibility. But I dont want another woman's man. As happiness cant be built on someone elses misery.

  2. "Leelah Alcorn, born Joshua Ryan Alcorn, walked in front of a tractor trailer in Warren County, Ohio and scheduled a suicide note to be posted on Tumblr after her death." - http://www.christian....suicide/45253.

    I don't usually start out this way, on a sad note, but no matter how many times I play these words through my head, there is nothing but the same sad song coming out.

    As a person who has lost multiple people to suicide, I am going to say what needs to be said; the living be angered and the dead be damned. It needs to be said.

    Dearest Leelah,

    I am angry with you, kid. Maybe other people won't say that to you, because you are dead, but I will, and I can, because you aren't here to defend yourself, so I can say what ever I want. I have read your note time and time again. I mourn you loss with the rest of the world of people who know what you have gone through, and felt your pain at one time or another, and some who maybe even today, this very moment know exactly what you went through.

    I am sad that you are gone, and angry with you. You are not a martyr. I won't follow suit behind the people who say you died for a cause. No You died because you had some Romeo and Juliette romantic fantasy about changing the world by walking in front of a truck. Great. Now you're dead and some innocent semi-driver has to live with knowing he was the one who ran your body over. Didn't see that one coming in your attempt to change the world for the better, did you.

    When you were a child, you realized you were different. You told and no one believed you. You said the words and others refuted you. You KNEW WHO YOU WERE.. a gift that so many don't ever get to receive, and instead of staying the course, and hanging on just a little longer, you left. Took your life and ruined the lives of the driver and the people who depended on him. You were suffering, and you made others suffer because you were too selfish to hang on just a couple more years until you could get out of your parents home and live a life of your own.

    No, I will not be more kind to you because you are dead. It's the harsh reality that the kids I work with and talk to on a daily basis who feel like their lives are twisted tragedies of maladaptive behaviors and undesirable, unlovable masses of waste now feel like they have an 'out'.

    "Leelah did it" [speaking of your suicide] "And people are noticing her!"

    My response started out as one of compassion for you when I first heard your story, Leelah. But now it is compassion wrapped with truth. None of this candy coated "Poor Leelah". Rather "Yep Leelah did it and now she will never have a chance to tell her story to other kids going through what she went through, or how she made it out, and really learned to change the world"

    A martyr dies for a cause he believes in, and goes to his or her grave with the full knowledge that nothing more could be done on their part, that they fought the good fight until the very end.

    You, Leelah gave up.

    And now you are a misguided symbol to the transgender kids I work with and talk to; that if things get too tough, their fifteen minutes of fame and admiration will come through their death... NOTHING CHANGES IF YOU GIVE UP!

    How many years will people know who you are? How many months will your name roll off the tongues of the youth? People know who Martin Luther King, Joan of Arc, Jesus Christ, Buddha, and Nelson Mandela (Who suffered greatly for his cause though not put to death) because they stayed through the hard times, fought for their freedoms, fought for their rights, and the rights of others.

    The problem is not that you were a transgender woman that no one understood. The problem is that you decided you would walk away, take the easy way out. "Mom and dad fuck you" are not words that can be held in high regards. Nope, they didn't listen to you. Nope they didn't treat you with the respect you believed you deserved. Yep that does make them sorta shitty parents. Nope, I don't agree with their actions, nor do I completely condemn them. As parents they did what they felt they could do to make their family whole on a level that they understood. Nothing more nothing less.

    Socrates was a man who could have avoided death. There were people on the ready to give up their wealth, their families and their homes to help him escape prison. Other People hated him because he told the truth, and made people see their own hypocrisies. He was the snarkiest man of his day.. He chose to fight the good fight and follow through with the right thing to do. People listened to him, thousands of years ago, and even today. Newsflash.. he was a shitty parent, too and is rumored to have been a terrible son. You were not a terrible son, or a terrible daughter. You were a kid who needed to take more time to grow up.

    You had a voice, you gave it away. The last words you wrote were words of deep emotional sentiment, and anger, and hurt, and mistrust. Your words wont last, because there will be another, and another and another who will follow in your footsteps of giving up. You will be in a long sad line of quitters. No one ever remembers the runner up. If you wanted to change the world, you should have stuck around, used your beautiful emotional talent to encourage others to be strong, and go on. Change comes through proactive measures. Not by giving up.

    I am sorry you are gone, you had a lot to offer the world. You were obviously someone who had powerful things to say, but now, you can say nothing, and I have to contend with your actions through the kids I work with who say "But Leelah did it".

    ********************************************************************

    To everyone else who would read this, I say this to you. Hang in there. Today may be bleak, and full of sorrow, but you are not alone. As trans people, we have all experienced the feelings of isolation, loneliness, and maybe the shame put on us by others.

    If you know a youth going through a hard time physically show them this website:

    http://www.thetrevorproject.org/ The Trevor project is for LGBT youth who see no other way out. If you are the one having a hard time there are a number of ways to get help.

    On Facebook, there is a group 'Tri-States Transgender Group' it is a private group- Contact: Emilie Jackson Edney.

    There is always another way. Suicide is not the answer, no matter how bad things get. Ask me someday and I'll share my story. Today though, it's about you.

    You matter on every level of humanity. And somewhere, you are the single most important person in the world, to someone else. Don't give up. Don't give in.

  3. I have asked some of my women friends and about half swear that semen does not have a scent or flavor to it. I believe that it does have scent and flavor. Kind of like a sweet and honeysuckle scent! I would like to hear from all of you in the community as to this question only through your own experiences. You don't have to give details but rather if you noticed that there is scent and taste. I am wondering is it me or are other people's sense of smell off. Thank you and have a great day!!!

  4. 2017

          A New Line Drawn In The Sand

     

    So here we are, yet another year. 2016 was to say the least not a year that brought much happiness or progress in my life. It’s funny to think just how life works out; at the start of 2016 I was in such a good place. I felt I had done the right things and had done what people had told me to do to succeed in life: however the thing is no matter what you do in life, no matter how much you plan, pray, achieve or succeed, the world, life and maybe even destiny has a completely different road for you in store that will end up leaving you clueless, scratching your head wondering why?

    My journey has not been a straight line and I know it sounds cheesy but quite often has been up and down, zig zags, twist, speed bumps and sometimes even at time complete 360’s. As of this time last year exactly I wrote in my (what is a very expensive diary) by Demi Lovato is   this following entry

    ‘Dear Diary… First things first I can’t believe I'm actually writing in the 35 dollar book. TBH it is a big rip off. Are the pages made out of the most exquisite paper? Anyways what’s going on with me? I kind of love this busy period of my life. It makes me feel that I have a grasp on life. Work is going good and I am little excited to see where this will leave me. Summer school tomorrow. Hope I can continue the motivation and complete everything I need. Frightened yet excited…”

    This is compared to a diary entry I wrote in late august 2016 of some lyrics I quoted of a song that represented everything I felt to the core of inside me.

    ‘Your memory is breaking my heart. Ill pretend I'm okay with it all. Act like there’s nothing wrong. Is it over yet, can I open my eyes? Is this as hard as it gets? Is this what it feels like to really cry? “

    My 2016 self was to be very correct in her concerns and she sure should have been frightened for what would soon come. Who knew the person writing this would have left school only 2 months later, on a bender of drugs and crime that never ended.

    It’s a very hard thing move on after you've had so much pain, loss and suffering followed with making bad choice after bad choice and crossing that line so many times, that you’re so far distanced past that line you begin to barley remember it exists, why it was there to even begin with. I’ve been travelling over that line since I was 13 and sometimes I do have to wonder if I’ve travelled so far past it and stamped so many times across it, that my own line doesn't exist or it is so far dusted out that if not at all gone, barely visible where I'm far beyond ever getting back to that little girl I left behind that line. Maybe it’s time to take my own advice and acknowledge that little girl, the pain and damage I and others have inflicted and draw a new line in the sand with a hope of a better tomorrow'

    This is 2017 though I remind myself, let’s try and reflect as much as we need to in order to learn, process and move forward with our lives however not dwelling on the past and finding that balance between reflection and then moving forward. A lot of my previous blog post since deciding to get clean have been about self-reflection and about the bad times throughout 2016 and telling some of the impacts of those bad times and choices throughout 2016 had on me from physically throughout to socially, emotionally etc. I admit to you that I do write those blog posts in order to try and help others on their journeys, bringing some awareness and doing whatever I can by speaking out. I also admit I get more out of writing it for my readers then my readers get reading it. I thank all my readers who read my stuff whether it be friends, family or someone from around the globe. You all help me get to a place where I am now, I can’t even express in words what I get out of writing this.

     

    This moves me onto my next thing I wish to talk about in my new year, a new chapter. Being in my second detox stay. Being herein such difficult times such as being in here throughout new years and being in here with such strong incredible people and hearing their stories has washed over a me a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the life that I lead and all the gifted things I have been blessed with and not just from now but since I was brought into this earth. So many young people out there have been dealt such a shit hand in life since the beginning whether it is from physical abuse, being in foster care, being kicked out of home or even left homeless. I hear such sad Stories and even remarks...

    Wait scratch that, NOT SAD stories BUT courageous, strong and inspiring stories of such young courageous lionhearted beautiful people. These stories and remark s make me so grateful for all that I have been given, such as loving and kind parents and family, a roof over my head with heat and food plus filled with privileges of nurture and celebration. I think it is so important to have a grateful heart. I have written before in a previous post about the importance of gratitude and appreciation but I feel each day I learn just how much this is true.

    I am thankful for my second chances, the ability to be able to live in a world filled with services and places that are graciously there to help you along your journey, my second chance at VCE and like above my loved ones followed with finally my sobriety.

    Thank you so much for reading this, like I've said I've gotten so much out of this and I appreciate all the kind and supportive comment and messages. Please if you think my blog can help anyone out there please put them on to it. I am always free for a chat if anyone wishes to talk.

     

    ‘Dare to be something more’

     

    Hunter hayes

     

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    I was reading a blog on google+ today and it was about george michaels to how i was a big fan and had a very big crush on. any ways he's in the hospital with severe pneumonia were as a group of christians were praying for his passing on while he was in recovery. i thought to myself what has this world come to they wanted him to die because his belief was differnt than theirs no i sent him a message on the internet "please get better michael we need your music in this world " as a christian i think we need to pray for a persons health and well being not their demise that aint no way for a christian to act and i wanted to let each and all know this.

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    Well to begin with, i always felt like there was something different about me. When i was young i would sometimes look in the mirror and wonder what it was like to be a girl, but at the time i didn't give it much more thought than just "what if". When i started going to middle school i was paying a little more attention the the girls clothes. I remember thinking "why don't they make stuff that pretty for us"? Puberty went by pretty much unnoticed. Not sure if that's normal for some TG's but no real problems so i don't often question why i don't remember puberty. Anyway, around age 14 or 15 i found an old dress in the back of a closet. I tried it on and looked in the mirror. When i saw myself i got really self-conscious and confused so i tried to repress it and keep it out of my head from then on. I can recall a few times between then and now that i did a little more experimenting(panties, bras and eventually dresses again). It was still very scary and confusing and the shame kept me from talking to anyone about it. A few years ago i met an Australian woman named Caitlin (which is how i chose my name. Her idea and i loved it). I felt a connection with her that i never felt with anyone before and eventually i felt safe enough to tell her all my innermost secrets. She couldn't have been more supportive. After several long and deep talks(and a few dress-up sessions) over the past few years i have become much more comfortable with myself and i can identify myself as TG (tho i have to admit i don't like the title) without shame. I even found the courage to tell my best friend. She didn't take it too well at first but has accepted me for me. I asked Caitlin to marry me not long ago and she said yes :D. I'm looking forward to the many changes this new life is gonna bring. My mother is undergoing treatment for leukemia at UCLA so for the sake of keeping her stress to a minimum i have decided not to come out to my family yet. I'm not looking forward to the reactions but i will cross that bridge when the time comes. I know i can expect to loose alot of my family and the thought of that is so depressing. I love my family and there is not 1 relative that i am prepared to loose. My fiance tells me if they don't accept me then its their loss. Well thats the problem. Its not just theirs. Its my loss too. But which is worse? Ridicule from the ones you love most or the constant torture of hiding yourself for fear of ridicule? I have lost so much sleep just trying to find that one answer. But in the end the only one that can answer that is me. Maybe it wont be as bad as i think (coming from a baptist family i can imagine some pretty harsh scenarios) But for the first time in my life i like me and i don't want to give that up. Thanks for reading

    Kaitlyn

  5. So, I've been here at my Mum's house long enough now that the time came to get my vehicle's license plate replaced.  I've got a new plate and now I blend in with the locals.   I've also been here long enough that my old driver's license was about to expire and I had to prepare for a new one.  Being that I was going to end up getting a license in a new state, I figured I'd go online and see what all would be required... what paperwork/documentation, or whatever, to prove I'm a legal citizen of the good ol' U.S of A.  While doing my homework, I discovered that I could actually start the process for getting a license - online.  Okay...that was cool.

    For getting a license for the first time in this state, you have to fill out an application and then go thru the list of required documentation and pick out the ones you are able to provide, or must find a way to obtain.  While filling out the application, the Devil crawled up on one shoulder, and David Michael crawled up on the other shoulder.  Being that most humans have only two shoulders, naturally, there was no place for that little Angel that likes to be across from the Devil to counteract any of his shenanigans... LOL.  The Devil and I were gonna get along juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine.

    Anywho... I came upon two boxes - one for male and one for female.  There have been many a story about people who's driver's license had the wrong sex marker on them.  And of course, anyone can make a mistake...  so, I accidentally on purpose hit the box for male, 'cause, well, the idea of having to check female yet again, was distressful.  It's becoming more so, more and more.  I figured the hell with it - if anyone asks, I'll simply tell them I was in a hurry at the time, only half paying attention, an' obviously hit the wrong box.  <shrugs>

    The days were dwindling.  I had only about seven days left on the current license.  Reluctantly, I hauled my sorry butt to the DMV to get a new driver's license.  Armed with BC, marriage license, application number and current DL, I stood in line waiting for the next available agent.  Finally, a free agent.  I walked over and sat down, layed all my stuff on the counter, said "hello," and gave the lady my application number.  She pulled up my application and went to work.

    Now... this woman had three documents in front of her that clearly stated my birth sex.  I assumed she either didn't see the "M" on my application since she didn't question me, or she just took it upon herself to make the "correction."   I sat quietly while she got everything filled out and entered into the system.  She pulled a sheet of paper from her printer and advised me it was a temporary license and that I should keep it on me until I get the permanent one.  I forked over my money, she collected everything I had given her,  the temporary license, and handed it all to me saying that my permanent license would arrive in the mail within 15 days.  I thanked her, we wished each other a good day, and I left.

    A couple days later, I pulled my wallet out to get that temporary license - I had folded it up before I had even left the DMV parking lot, not wanting to see the information on it.  But then, I had to see what sex was on it - if it was on there at all since it was, after all, only a temporary license.  I slowly unfolded the paper, and then tried to hone in on where I thought the sex marker might be.

    Image2.thumb.jpg.adebb994503d246562b81f2

    MY GOD, SHE DIDN'T SEE IT!  And yeah - :lol: - it looked THAT glorious!  I thought my heart was gonna pound it's way straight thru my sternum.  I allowed myself a minute or two of sheer, unadulterated, child-like giddy excitement, then stifled it, and came back down to reality, believing there could be the possibility that between then and whenever the permanent license was created, someone might spot and "correct" that "M."  I re-folded the temporary license and put it back in my wallet.

    Just a few days later, the permanent license arrived in the mail.  I slowly opened it, bracing for the worst.  I fully expected to find a "corrected" license and a letter to announce/explain such.  Instead, an "M" nearly jumped off the card at me.  I was very happy.  Right or wrong, correct or incorrect, I was happy.  I didn't even care that the name and the sex marker contradicted each other.   I sat at the desk for a moment just looking at the license.  And then I spotted it.  That twit had entered my entire name... not just full first name, but full first name AND middle name - SPELLED OUT.  If there's anything I hate worse than my first [given] name, it's my middle [given] name.  And the bad part is... the application indicated that entry of a middle name or initial was optional, and all that was on the old license was an initial.  I surely wasn't expecting that!

    Karma. Freakin'. SUCKS!

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    Back to the old favorite...using song titles as blog titles -.-'

    I've manged to do a week of uni without productively doing much at all. I didn't think that was possible.

    This is only a quick blog update with things I've gleaned this week.

    1. One of my old friends from secondary school who i'm close to (in the way we're friends) drunkenly asked me out via text. I was apprehensive and brushed him off but he was persistent. I proceeded to question him about his reasons for doing this because i swear we'd had this conversation before and he'd previously said he couldn't date me as a ftm because he was straight. His views appear to be fluctuating. Although i'm sad that i'm making my friends question their sexuality.
    2. I stayed with my sister over the weekend because i'm photographing her for my course. I've just concluded that if i'm ever in peril or need to talk to someone i just go there. I don't know why i don't now. She's ridiculously open to everything.
    3. I had a lip piercing done on Friday of this week (27/04) I only got round to telling my parents today. From my mothers reaction you'd have generally though i had just told her i was pregnant and i was quitting uni. I thought she'd be more open with stuff like this...but clearly not. This also ties in here, i thought i was making progress with my parents with the whole gender dysphoria thing. Clearly not.

    I think i'll just be staying at my sister's this summer :3

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    Don 't know a thing about blogging but here goes. I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria when I was 19. Started hormones at that time Shortly there after could no longer afford. That was over 30 years ago. Now starting again back on hormones and trying to find a place to get electrolysis done. Finally like myself and although it's a long journey at least I'm getting started.

  6. Here is an update on what's been happenning in my life thus far...Now that I am fast recovering from that awful virus I had, I had an appointment to attended a lung and chest clinic last week where I was diagnosed as having stage 2 COPD, This has had an effect on me more than I thought it would in so much as re-evaluating my transition.

    At the moment my head is just so full of doubt and thoughts about whether it is worth transitioning in the light of this information.

    I am at this time no nearer any conclusion as to my next step, I don't want to fit in anyone's mold's of what they think a person should be. I am who I am, and I'm not sure what that is, but at the moment I am content in my confusion.

    I am currently working on a plan to live my life as female full time, How long this will take is anyone's guess but being transgender is much harder than I had anticipated. I am currently stuck in a state of limbo in my transition, but I have made some serious decisions about what I want and need.

    I know now that I do want to be female full time but I am quite unsure of what direction I am headed.

    All of this coupled with stress of being restricted in my current personal situation and the financial worries has backed me into a corner. Is there a way out of this corner??, Is there light at the end of the tunnel?? (We will see)

    Well I hope all this makes some sort of sense, I am sure I will get to go in the right direction eventually with all the support I have been receiving from my brother and other members of my family and of course my friends.

    Take care my friends, love you all

    Hugs

    Sophie x

  7. new to the site here. guess the best way for others to know me till I get more pics up. make a blog of the things I have faced trying to become the person I have always felt I should be. still do till this day. lot of things may sound clecheish. but these things do pertain to me.

    on a nice cool monday morning there was a son born in houston texas. 8:00am in the morning. at a hospital which has been closed since then and now the herman hospital in houston. the year was june 24, 1968. time approximately 8:00am in the morning. young brian was born. some people can remember back to the day they were born. me I can remember back to about when I was four. that was when playing with my sister. playing with boys never felt so right.

    when playing with the boys the games and what not. never felt comfortable. at home playing with my sister in her room. felt more natural. now growing up my family. they are the family who believe that boys should be boys. and girls girls. not boys be girls.very set in their ways. there were many of times when with my sister I let her fix my hair. we played with the makeup when our parents were not around. when our parents caught us. they came down n me the most.

    even at that young age I have always felt like a sister. my mother a year after my sister was born was pregnant again but after 6 mon ths had a miscarriage. it was a lil girl. they tried again and then came their son. I always wonder if the child they lost was really supposed to be me. I was just given a second chance to be born. but was born in the wrong body. was the girl she miscarriage was that the true me. for I have always felt I should have been her.

    I grew up in a very country home. predujice was at a all time back then. someone like me ever was to be found out. could very possibly be in grave danger for being who she is. so whenever my parents were not around. I always dressed as the girl I knew I was.

    in school say like in physical education class. I was always uncomfortable about dressing in gym clothes in front of others. when we play team games. they would split the boys into two teams. one make them take their shirts off for skins. the other left their on for shirts. that always petrefied me the most to be on skins. always wanted to cover my chest. so flipped my shirt over my neck so every chance i had I could pull my shirt down.

    never really wore shorts cause shaved my leggs alot. and being a boy with shaved leggs was not right for a boy to have. I hated so much knowing I was getting body hair. I do have to admit the emotions I felt inside. I did give a thought or two. suicide but believed in god and made it through.

    I never had the attractions to girls like a boys should have. the emotions to girls was the emotions a girl would have. the new clothes that were out. fashions such as dresses, tops, pants and shoes. what kind of makeup was out and the latest perfume. things I only wish I could have. my parents never would get it and I was too young to buy.

    15 I got my first job. I was getting my own money. had my beginners permit to drive. father gave me his lil truck to drive. it was then I started to buy my clothes for the first time. couldn't buy many cause I had to keep them hid from my parents. my parents were not rich and always struggled with what they had. so if I wanted something. I had to get it myself.

    things had gotten complicated at home when I was 17. 3 months after school I was forced to leave by a choice I didn't want to make. when on my own. I started to buy more clothes. the high school I went to last made me cut my hair cause i always had long hair. I got my first wig at 17. I started to adventure out. live several places around close to home. moved back a couple of times. I started to hang out at a church for students at a major university they have in that town. I was catholic so did do alot for the church. one time I was back at home my mother found my clothes. all hell broke out. they took everything I had and got rid of it. they acted like I was possesed or something. took me to the priest at the church I was hanging out at. devastated me so much. my secret was out.

    my mom was getting rid of some of her clothes remember she asking me if there was something I wanted. she didn't mean it. I told her yes and she made sure I knew she was messing with my head when I was being serious. 2 weeks later moved out for good. never lived at the house again.

    I bought alot more clothes and makeup and started to take trips around town. never could go to public places still cause of the predujice all around. you had the typical country back woods rednecks. you had the infamous kkk which was very strong at the time. white supremisives, and the black panther and other black groups then.

    I moved to a town 65 miles away. seemed like everyday my parents were there. so being on my own never felt that way. the town I moved to did have a gay community. but still had to becareful what I did of all the other radcial groups. that was when I went to my first gay club and met robert.

    now in this town the gays were in a group all of their own. when I learn about drag queens, tv, and ts's. back then transgender wsn't in the dictionary I guess cause noone ever mentioned it.

    back to robert. I always had my idea of what or what I thought my life consited of. the club was called chances r. I sold things to clubs around town and so scared to death of this place cause going in there I never knew what to expect.

    I walk in with the girl I was replacing. when going they say always back then go with someone of the opposite sex. if not the gays would test you if they saw you were straight. first person I came up to was what I thought was a talking wall. his name was robert. 7' 6" 500lbs. we shook hands. lokk up at him. with his blue eyes he looked into my blue eyes with my knees trembling. he replied, you have really pretty eyes. my throat sunk in my stomach. he knew I was nervous then he whispered to me. he had my back. come to him and he would back me up. after that point. being in that kind of atmosphere I then felt like this is where I belong. watched the drag show and the others. felt like it was at a new home. this was where I belonged.

    somehow I got into the strip club scene. that was such a learning experince for me. seeing the girls naked never really affected me. I actually had talks with the girls like any other girls would have. I watch how they did makeup. how they did hair. for 20 years I worked those clubs and learn so much.

    whenever I wanted to spend time as female my parents always came around. got where it didn't still feel like I was away. so I moved to south texas. 400 miles away. I always did miss seeing them but kept in contact and visited when I could. going to south texas I had more chances to go out more. I was so happy.

    I know now when doing hrt. always go through a doctor. so I was ordering overline my female hormones and estrogen. and my steroid blockers. I always worked trying to make a living. all dead end job. had two good ft jobs but got laid off at both. parents always say need anything just call. yea right. when I did they gave me slack about it and lots of time never got it. my nephew was grown and he asked so much that when it came to me. it was always no. many of times I thought I was going to be homeless. I took the pills when I could. afford them that is.

    as time went on. started to hear the word transgender. so did alot of research on my own on the transgender community. got really familiar with it. for I was transgender but never had to income coming to pursue it. still as of 4/19/2012 I do struggle alot. I wish I won the lottery so I could do my hrt. I have already contacted a hospital in california for the srs. when that happens I would like the ffc as well. I am hoping to get implants this year so far. I have a psychiatrist lined out for my therapy. but she is like 25 miles away and the cost is alot for me on my income.

    the job I have now. I have tried to transition some but they won't see it. I can't really go against their rules even those it is against the law for denying what I am becoming. my skin is softer. hair is thicker but need to do so transplants to get it to grow right. at work all my under garments are females. bra, panties, etc. if I could know of a job they would let me transition and paid good with benefits I would go. but right now stuck here at this dead end job. so at work I have to portray my male side. but at home I live all female. the hospital in california said even if it is just at work I am not female but the rest of the time I am. after the therapy and year on hrt. they would do my srs for my. so when they said that it did give me more hope.

    I feel female. I live female. everything I do away from work is female. being female is the life I only know. so hopefully one day I will win the lottery and I can quit here and go ft as the women I feel inside. long time ago I was petrified going out in public. now its only natural for me.

    so the obstacle I have faced in life. the banishment from the parents. the predjudice of the many radcial groups. surviving everyday doing what came natural for me. thinking of my friends that are like me that didn't make it. I miss them everyday. helps make me stronger everyday.

    so if you ask me today what I am. I would reply transgender working on my transition. but with the obstacle I face with money and challenges with others. just takes so much longer.

    my biggest dream is this. when I die. I want to leave this world full female. I came in as male but always felt the body that was given to me wasn't the right one. the miscarriage my mother had. to me that was the body that was meant for me.

    I work hard everyday on my transition. and look for others girls, ts tv, and women that can except me for who I am and let me be me. as for men I would like to meet one one day. but he has to see me as me only. that is what is on the inside not the outside and treat ne with the highest respect that way.

    there is so much more about me than what is listed here. I could go on for days. even though it just seemed I did. I am always open for questions. cause I studied so much on my lifestyle. I never mind giving advice to others. only thing I regret in life. I wasn't more informed on the steps and was able to become a full women much earlier. my life is good. but if I could have transitoned earlier. I would have been so much happier.

    well hope this gives you the background of me and the challenges I had to face and stil have yet to come. feel free to ask anything. I am very open to all aspect of my life. I appreciate you all take the time and reading. hope you find what you seek when it comes to me.

    samantha christine

    ( friends call me sammie)

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    On my last visit to the doctor I had my first experience of someone laughing at me in public as a transwoman. I am reasonably sure the laughing was about me but I chose not to look as I passed by the two young men. I felt like I was a little kid again, first day of school where someone made fun of what I was wearing. Following the laughter was some real faint whispering, when the men began to chat more about what they just saw. (what is ironic is that the two men whispering sounded like what you would expect from some little girls, not boys) I mentioned the experience to my doctor and she asked me how I handled it. I thought for a moment and came up with what I thought to be a pretty good plan of attack to this issue in my life. She liked my response and said that it would be good for me to write it down. I hope this thought process can also help someone else.

    For that one moment in time that someone may laugh or discriminate against you is it worth suffering a lifetime in the wrong body by not transitioning, just to avoid those little moments? After all, those little moments will pass again and again. Then you will be left with all of the rest of the time that you must live with yourself. So why not ignore the little moments and decide to be happy in the big moments of life; the moments that go on and on and have you in it. The moments when you really live life in your work, in relationships and personal time.

    Right now it seems like the little moments are big moments, but they are not. The real bad comments or looks are all passing moments usually from strangers. The little moments can turn into big bad moments if I let these things bother me and ponder them for hours or days. For every moment like that where I move on quickly, I become a stronger person. I learn that what matters most in my life is how I feel about myself (am I at peace with myself?)and my ability to live life to the fullest despite the challenges.

    I look forward to the day that I can look back and say I did it! I also look forward to each new day as I wish to try to enjoy the journey to womanhood to the best of my ability. As of now I am more like a little girl learning a new way of life and slightly different method of relating to people than I am used to and I should enjoy all of these moments as realistically as possible as I didn't exactly get to live them out earlier in my life.

    So in Summary... I am the one who lives with myself all of the time, my relationship with everyone else and the majority of my experiences with these people are only small moments in time. Which part in time do I want to enjoy the little moments that pass, or the big moments that can even give birth to smaller little moments that really matter?

    I choose life, my life, my way, my happiness.

    Amie

  8. Hello all, Although I am new to this blogging thing and not much better with computers theres something I would love to get some kind of feed back on so if I make mistakes please bear with me. First off, im a MTF Transwoman and darn proud of it. But where im heading with this is , Im setting here with tears in my eyes over another story of loss in the transgender community. There was a woman who told the story of loosing her trans-son/daughter,:" out of respect for the deceased im going to refer to her, the woman she wanted to be as her or she." The mothers plea was to anyone who has a child of indifferene, or even a friend, hear them out without judgement or ridicule. In the last letter left behind by her daughter, the daughter felt she had no where to turn , that her own family were the worst critics.

    The mother went on to say that where they live there are two suicide support groups but both were for teens, and that her daughter felt because of her age (48 at time of death) that a teen support group would be of little help. Personal note here: as for myself, in my younger years I not only though about suicide on several attempts I failed at my attempts just to make the pain and humiliation go away. Not necessarily a bad thing to fail at. By younger years I mean in my early 30s. And at that point in my life I saw all the teen prevention signs and because of my age there was no way I would have ever approached one,at that age were supposed to be the adults and have it all together.And until I kinda learned to navigate-- OK do a good job of getting lost and confused - a computer I had no idea of what is available out there, and this ha only been in the last 3 years. This mother lost her daughter, and for many others the possibility of a good friend. This settles dear to my heart because I can heavily relate to the thoughts and feelings of her daughter feeling trapped, confused, unliked esspecialy by the ones we love the most, we are taught and programed from birth to stand behind our familys and theyre supposed to stand behind us. My pondering question is are we to believe we are these strong, tough people because of who we are and that we are willing to stand up for ourselves, or are we weak individuals who hide behind a mask of morality in some cases or immorality In others. Only in the end to hide behind our doors just to be ourselves where no one can see us, or announce ourselves in public awaiting persecution by those who in most cases are afraid of who we are? As slow as I type I didn't tell the mothers whole story, But it did not have a happy ending, her daughter-------was the mothers only child

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    ok so I'm 67 years olds .Biologically male really a woman . Have never done anything g about it fear social pressure who knows .Seems a bit late for a sex change or even hormone treatments but I need to do something .Anyone else out there is this kind of situation ? Thoughts? Ideas? suggestions welcome

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    I wrote this some time back as a letter to many of my friends on Facebook to clue them in on who I am. I also wrote it as an encouragement to anyone else that may be traveling the same road I am. We all have issues, problems or obstacles that keep us from moving forward in our lives. It is only by the grace and mercy God has shown me that I have gotten as far as I have. No matter what journey you find yourself on, I hope I can lend some encouragement along your way.

    You might have seen some of the videos from some famous athletes, politicians or other celebrities. Well, I thought it would be important to add my voice. I’m nobody famous. I’m just someone who understands that your teenage years can seem to be some of the most difficult times of your life. It took a life time to come to the point of accepting myself. Don't make the same mistake I did.

    ALL through high school and for many years after, I denied the world to see who I really was. As a good friend once told me, it wasn’t so much as I 'came out', but I finally let the world in. I finally summoned the courage to let the world know the really me. You see, I wasn’t born Meggan Renee, I was born Mark Thomas.

    Growing up, I truly feared what people might say or even do if they found out the real me, I did my best to hide that I wanted to be a girl. Feeling different kept me somewhat isolated from the other kids – don’t get me wrong – I had my friends and those are the people that have stuck with me for over 30 years, even when I told them I was transitioning.

    All through elementary school, I was the smallest in my class. That alone made me target of bullies from kindergarten all through my senior year of high school. There were times I faked being sick and went home from school just to avoid the bullies waiting for me between classes. In high school, my Christian faith was also a source of ridicule. With all of that going on, I never had the courage to speak up and let people know I felt different – I didn’t want the bullying to get worse.

    Trust me when I tell you that depression and the thought of suicide was a constant in my life. I felt many times that if I just walked off and disappeared, no one would miss me. In my adult years, I dealt with Anorexia and Bulimia, just to feel I had some control in my life. But I have just now started to truly learn that it is not the good and easy times in our life that strengthens us. It is the storms in our lives that help us learn to live. God gives us strength to endure and over come the obstacles on the road of our lives. Many times, that strength God provides us comes in the way of family, friends, teachers, pastors, and even professional councilors.

    I want to tell you, You are NOT alone!! There are so many people around you that want to help if you are feeling isolated, different, or alone. There are three words I want you to remember - It gets better!

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    Hi Everyone. My name is Barbara Michelle and I have just joined this site. I live in New York State and am looking forward to making some new friends.

  9. I would like to ask all the other people out their if anyone has ever tried some of those tanning lotions.Earlier this week I bought some of the jergens brand.I have been using it for about the days and I think I can start to see A difference.Befor I bought it L looked around and none of the people I talked to had anything bad to say about it,But one thing everyone did say is that they all leave your skin with A yellowish color.For me I have only used it on my legs so any change is A good change.Im starting to see that yellowish color but I really hope it well all blend in.Other then that this week was pretty good.The only real downer was my unemploed brother constintly calling to borrow money and now that I have stopped giving hem money he has started stealing from me and my parents.I see myself as more of a lover not a fighter but I have just about changed my train of thought on fighting.I cant say that I would ever hit my brother but stealing from my parents thats it for me.I love and respect my parents but let me ask What do u think u would do.Anyway the weekend well be batter I have plans on going to the beach and just having some fun.

  10. Lactation

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    Lactation for me has always been like a dream, an unattainable dream, something that can be found on the internet, you tube, but I believed it couldn't happen, especially not to me. I was not able to believe, Friday, June 13, 2014. year since I started hormones and here it is. It was a special moment for me and I was happy, but the feeling soon began to fade. How much more I can stay happy with myself. So a special moment, and I do not have anyone to share it. Even talk about it. How would that anyone could understand, when you live in a third world country. How much can I be happy in hiding?

    I only know that when I look down to my chest I know I'm one step closer to femininity, and that must be enough.

    :) :) :) :) :) I am happy :):) :) :) :)

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    Well, I suppose that i am writing this blog not only as a journal, but also as a bit of a release of the feelings, emotions and experiences that have led me here!

    This is the story of the transformation from a supposed‘normal guy’, who had given everything, physically, emotionally and mentally, to try so desperately to save his marriage! All he recieved in return was simply to be pushed away by his wife, who said that she didn’t love him any more, and step kids, who simply used, or abused him (verbally with threats of physical!) I knew that it would be a slow process. The healing, which had to take place, would take time, before the rebuilding could come, mentally, and emotionally, I had nothing left, I was on the verge of an intense breakdown, a black hole from which I knew there would be no escape, I no longer knew who I was, who I wanted to be, or what lay ahead.

    The only thing I did understand that to stay would push me over the edge, and I would never come back, so I did what I had to, I got out!

    There were many tears, many screams, times I just sat there numb. My new place is peaceful though, with lots of areas for walks and solitude, just what I needed to help me discover myself!

    Then, in the depths of despair, i reached deep inside, and remembered a part of myself that i had hidden and suppressed for so long that i had almost forgotten, and, once again, just had she had done so many times before, Suzy reached out, and came to rescue me!

    slowly, piece by piece, Suzy re-entered my life, helping me cope, helping me survive, giving me the strength to continue. Gradually, the realisation began to dawn on me, Suzette de Femme was not ‘guiding’, ‘inspiring’ or helping me to ‘rebuild my life’, no, it was far more than that, ‘Suzy’ was my life, my soul, and it was not Suzy who was helping me to carry on, it was SUZETTE who WAS getting on with my life!

    Life’s still no bed of roses, and, I think, it never will be, though it does seem to be getting more ‘rose tinted’. The friends i’ve made through networking have been a fantastic support (thankyou again, love you all. x x x), and feedback so far has been very positive. I know that some things will take time, and others will hurt, but I’m so used to hurting now, and at least, I suppose, I have some measure of control over what happens next.

    However, i have rediscovered some of my self belief, and I just know I’ll survive and become stronger.

    I don't honestly know what the future holds for me at the moment, or the role i will eventually take, things are still very tense between myself and my ex, who is, at the moment putting immense pressure on me, especially regarding my stepson, whom i love to bits, and couldn't bear to lose, so i have to keep my true self hidden in most ways at the moment! I don't know whom i'm lying to more though, them or me!! Only time will tell, i suppose!

    well, thats part of the story so far, there's more which is too painful to get out at the moment, maybe one day, but hopefully time to move forwards and start enjoying life again!

    XXxxxx

  11. I am very happy to have completed transition and become accepted in my new identity. However with very little support from friends and family of the past. The stress of keeping up each day is starting to take its toll on me.

    I was hired full-time in a job in which everyone that surrounds me on a daily basis does not know of my past, Nor do they give me any inclination that they even think that I have ever been anything other than who I am now.

    Because I could not afford any type of hair removal I successfully chose plucking in order to get me by. I pleasantly report that the plucking succeeded in reducing my hair growth dramatically and the hairs come back thinner and lighter. However the only way to completely eliminate beard shadow would be electrolysis or laser. The shadow occurs from the pigment that is located at the base of the follicle.

    Even cis-gender women can have this problem, so I do not feel completely out of place.. I do spend at least 1/2 hour each day doing maintenance on my face to keep looking feminine and fresh, but there really isn't that much to pluck unless I skip a day. But since I first plucked, I have not shaved and this growth has slowed significantly.

    Since Hormones have also helped me, I do remember reading that over time Estrogen may cause the facial skin to thin out a bit, revealing more of the shadowed pigment underneath the skin. So how does this affect me???

    I feel more self conscious about having a shadow because I do not and cannot have anyone talking about or guessing about my identity. However I have seen cis-gendered women with more shadow than me so half of these feelings may be in my head.

    Words cannot express what it is like to have to dress professionally 24/7. I went from never being able to dress up to having to follow a strict professional dress code which requires things like dresses, skirts, nylons and fine leather shoes. I have gotten used to this now, but I sincerely miss the days when I could just get up and be casual once in while.

    Well I am so tired I can't stay awake. I sleep in hotel rooms every night and end up keeping my makeup on through the night just in case someone were to pull the fire alarm forcing me to leave the comfort of my room.

    More to follow..........

    Amie

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    Well everyone, it's another day in paradise (not). I'm still looking for a job and someway of being Vicki fulltime. I would like to meet some other t-girls for fun and to help me bring Vicki out. Hugs to all-Vicki

  12. Latest Entry

    Apologies, I have just realised you can link to your external blog.

    I have now done this I will therefore not be updating THIS blog anymore.

    Please refer to https://daniellaargento.wordpress.com/

    Thanks

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    Here is my blog.I am currently a pre op ts started hormones at age 14.My life as a boy was a living hell and had feeling I was a girl at an early age.I began raiding my mom's closet trying on her pantyhose and shoes.My mom found them out of place a few times and caught me when I was 14.Finally came out out and she did not accept it at all including my father.They kicked me out for good telling me I was not to come back.I thought I was a lost cause after that.I recieved a second chance thanks to my Aunt Bev,said I was welcomed in her house.After that saw I was not happy at all and I could not take it living as a boy anymore.It came down going through my closet throwing my male clothes out and replaced with girl's clothing.It was the transformation too,began growning my hair out and got my ears pierced including my nails done.I was much happier when I saw the new me and moved on.My Aunt Bev got me help too,diagnosed with gender dysphoria at age 14 and began hormone therapy 3 monthes after I was diagnosed.I approved for the SRS when I was 19 and turned it down.I wanted to keep what I was born with and and knew it would be a huge regret having the SRS.Love my life now,have a boyfriend Brandon of 2 years and he does know I am a pre op.Told him 2 weeks before we dated and he had feelings for me after I told him.He does love me and we live together,is a very open minded person.My journey has been going well and keeping this way.I have a special friendship with my Aunt Bev ever since,still loves me and would not give up on me.

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    So it has been a interesting couple of days. some of it pretty good I mean I was suprised when I went into a corwed room of people I never knew had to give them my real full name and the lady and everybody still was calling me sir and him. People are probley really dumb or I look that good xD. And then again to day. This guy came to pick up our broken washer and he was doing the same.

    Really helps my confindce.

    Had a little hard time the other day helping my girlfriends family cover there RV. Her mom and dad get it now but her grandparents still say she and I dont say nothing cause there old but it bugs me sometimes. even her dad says things not even realizing it and its way harder when it comes from him.

    They all treat her sisters boyfriends way different then me and it gets to me because for one there all jerks and two i like all the stuff they do but not once do I ever get taken on a guys trip kinda lame.

    And the Bad.

    My sister's piece of crap husband put his hands on her while she was holding her 1 month old. Now we have her my nephew and niece here. And its ok litttle hard not used to having a baby and my nephew is cool. He actually is like why cant you just be a guy you should be. He just turned 8.

    I'm so full of rage. I punched myself in the face last night not to bad been worse.

    I just needed to do something all that crap in my head, first time being alone with the baby, my girlfriend was leaving for work at a later time so it was wierd.

    I just want to go up there and break the door in and see how much he likes it.

    I know this is stuff for my theripst but thats not till the 2 and I really think I should call or something. but I need to get it off my chest and I know you guys wouldnt judge.

    Oh question how do I repley to messages? I pushed repley and it had the person message but I wasnt sure if i was supposed to erase it and then write or what. Kind of confused me so I will get back to you guys might take a bit.

    Whats your guys take on no shave November? My buddy came over and was like it sucks and I'm just thinking to myself I wish I could do it love to have one my girlfriend wouldnt she doesnt even like my little hairs that i do have lol told me once that if I do grow one shes gonna shave it while I sleep told her I was gonna shave her eyebrow lol.

    It does suck though because its almost an autonomic out atleast in this town everybody has one even some of the bigger burley ladies do xD

    Sorry for the spelling and grammer I have learning disabiltys and my dictionary isnt here lol so this is what you get today :)

    Later