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  • Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

    By Lori

    Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices flowing; A daily journal about your life and experiences
    A journal documenting when you go full time
    A journal to document your gender reassignment surgery
    Dating experiences and tips
    Crossdressing tips
    Experience with makeup
    Passing in public
    Your experiences when you go out in public
    Restroom experiences
    Transitioning at work
    Dealing with counselors or medical personnel
    Introspection about your particular gender identity
    Dealing with or overcoming self-limiting beliefs
    Dealing with addictions
    Dealing with self-destructive behaviors
    Interactions with police or government workers
    Changing your drivers license, birth certificate, etc.
    Applying for jobs
    Your big day, when you go full time
    Hormonal development (please don't discuss dosages or make medical type recommendations)
    Experiences with electrolysis
    How other members of your new gender react to you, and your experiences
    Your recommendations to others about to follow your path
    Your thoughts about whether surgery is necessary to be your desired gender
    Differences in how you feel dressed or not dressed
    What your life would be like if you still repressed your inner identity
    Poetry or prose
    These are a few ideas to get you started. Feel free to leave comments to suggest your own ideas, or just start a blog and share with everyone. Just log into your control panel to start your own blog. This could be interesting!
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Our community blogs

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    So it has been a interesting couple of days. some of it pretty good I mean I was suprised when I went into a corwed room of people I never knew had to give them my real full name and the lady and everybody still was calling me sir and him. People are probley really dumb or I look that good xD. And then again to day. This guy came to pick up our broken washer and he was doing the same.

    Really helps my confindce.

    Had a little hard time the other day helping my girlfriends family cover there RV. Her mom and dad get it now but her grandparents still say she and I dont say nothing cause there old but it bugs me sometimes. even her dad says things not even realizing it and its way harder when it comes from him.

    They all treat her sisters boyfriends way different then me and it gets to me because for one there all jerks and two i like all the stuff they do but not once do I ever get taken on a guys trip kinda lame.

    And the Bad.

    My sister's piece of crap husband put his hands on her while she was holding her 1 month old. Now we have her my nephew and niece here. And its ok litttle hard not used to having a baby and my nephew is cool. He actually is like why cant you just be a guy you should be. He just turned 8.

    I'm so full of rage. I punched myself in the face last night not to bad been worse.

    I just needed to do something all that crap in my head, first time being alone with the baby, my girlfriend was leaving for work at a later time so it was wierd.

    I just want to go up there and break the door in and see how much he likes it.

    I know this is stuff for my theripst but thats not till the 2 and I really think I should call or something. but I need to get it off my chest and I know you guys wouldnt judge.

    Oh question how do I repley to messages? I pushed repley and it had the person message but I wasnt sure if i was supposed to erase it and then write or what. Kind of confused me so I will get back to you guys might take a bit.

    Whats your guys take on no shave November? My buddy came over and was like it sucks and I'm just thinking to myself I wish I could do it love to have one my girlfriend wouldnt she doesnt even like my little hairs that i do have lol told me once that if I do grow one shes gonna shave it while I sleep told her I was gonna shave her eyebrow lol.

    It does suck though because its almost an autonomic out atleast in this town everybody has one even some of the bigger burley ladies do xD

    Sorry for the spelling and grammer I have learning disabiltys and my dictionary isnt here lol so this is what you get today :)

    Later

  1. So, I get in another crash this week. The car in front of me decides at the last moment to make a left turn from my lane and hangs out into it. I stopped in time; the car behind me did not. He tried to avoid hitting me, but no luck. The offending car took off, and the two of us waited for the police to show up. Anyway, my car is back in the shop and I have a rental. My car has SiriusXM and I always listen to music, either rock or classical. Now I have regular radio which I can’t stand, so I listen to NPR. Lots of interesting stuff.

    I heard two stories today regarding Pakistan. One about Malala returning, it seems triumphantly as it should be. The other about a transgender person becoming a prominent television news anchor. It turns out that Pakistan is a conflicted country, at once progressive and tribal in nature. And although it is somewhat striking for a transgender person to have a high-profile position, being transgender in Pakistan is taken for granted. Homosexuality is not. Go figure. It seems to me the acceptance of gender and sexual differences is all about culture and custom. It can change—even here.

    BTW, no one was hurt in the crash. Fortunately, I won’t have to pay the $8000 repair bill.

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    Here is my blog.I am currently a pre op ts started hormones at age 14.My life as a boy was a living hell and had feeling I was a girl at an early age.I began raiding my mom's closet trying on her pantyhose and shoes.My mom found them out of place a few times and caught me when I was 14.Finally came out out and she did not accept it at all including my father.They kicked me out for good telling me I was not to come back.I thought I was a lost cause after that.I recieved a second chance thanks to my Aunt Bev,said I was welcomed in her house.After that saw I was not happy at all and I could not take it living as a boy anymore.It came down going through my closet throwing my male clothes out and replaced with girl's clothing.It was the transformation too,began growning my hair out and got my ears pierced including my nails done.I was much happier when I saw the new me and moved on.My Aunt Bev got me help too,diagnosed with gender dysphoria at age 14 and began hormone therapy 3 monthes after I was diagnosed.I approved for the SRS when I was 19 and turned it down.I wanted to keep what I was born with and and knew it would be a huge regret having the SRS.Love my life now,have a boyfriend Brandon of 2 years and he does know I am a pre op.Told him 2 weeks before we dated and he had feelings for me after I told him.He does love me and we live together,is a very open minded person.My journey has been going well and keeping this way.I have a special friendship with my Aunt Bev ever since,still loves me and would not give up on me.

  2. Hi

    iv had a interesting week, two week ago I told a friend about me over email and spent the rest of the week answering questions every thing was going fine she was cool with every thing and keep tell me we should meet up and talk properly about it. so I have booked some time off work and told her I can come and see her any time over that week. and now I haven't any thing for three days I'm hoping she is just to busy but have a feeling I'm not going to hear from her again. just have wait a bit longer if I haven't heard from her by next Wednesday I'll email and see what's happening.

    Emma

  3. One of the members here recently was feeling down (I hope that you feel better today:) and discouraged. One of the things was that men are sending her unwanted friend requests and messages on social sites.

    This is such an annoyance for transgender women and makes us all to aware how we can be objectified as fetish objects by a certain type of guy who don't really see us as real people, let alone women. Sometimes you just get so fed up with it, and at the wrong time, it can really get to you. They all seem to say and ask the same or similar things which can run the spectrum from ignorant, to insulting, to just so creepy that you feel like you need to take a shower after reading them. I'm thinking why not have some fun at these creep's expense. I'm going to list some of the typical things, usually the opening line from a message that I've gotten. Tell me if it sounds familiar and add some of the ones that you've gotten, ok? Of course, I can't include the more X rated comments that I've gotten.

    1. You a tranny?

    2. I'm curious and want to "try" a tranny, you want to be my first?

    3. Do you Skype?

    4. Text me. 555 555 5555.

    5. Send me pictures.

    6. Send me naked pictures.

    7. Do you still have "it?"

    8. Is 67 too old? (I'm 19)

    9. Give me your number. (like I'm going to give a complete stranger my phone#!)

    10. Give me your phone number and I'll send you a picture of my.....

    11. What are you wearing?

    12. Do you have boobs?

    13. How big is your....

    14. Hi, do you like me?

    15. I'm on he down low, do you want to be my secret thing? (yeah, I want to be somebody's "thing")

    There are so many more that are probably worse, and many too creepy to say here on tgguide. These are a few that I've heard over and over. On a dating site that I tried recently, some of the user names tell you right up front what these guys are all about. I also can't write most of those here, but for example, how many girls are looking to meet a guy that calls himself "freakdude69?"

    It can be so frustrating, I so understand why this gets to other girls. At first i was actually a little flattered that guys were (I thought) interested in me, but I got onto what they were about and really got so sick of it.

    So girls, are there any particularly weird, clumsy, funny or bizarre things that guys have said to you? At least things that you can say here, but nothing to "graphic."

    Again, I'm leaving out those that are too creepy, sexually graphic or disgusting....which are most of the comments that girls like us get.

    La la la:)))

    KML

  4. I set pondering upon the time I have spent here , so many questions so many answers , what to hold onto what to let slip away , I know that I cant take all this information with me because it slips away like the sands held within my grasp , am I mistaken , do I reatain the guideance I have learned from so many here , I would like to think that some where within this cluttered mind within my skull it is all their waiting for the moment it is needed but I grasp to remember and nothing comes forth , am I simply growing to old to draw on it or has it been dumped for some thing newer and more relevant to the time I am currently passing through , The next shinny piece of information I know holds the answer to my question , oh how badly I feel when I cant recall every thing I have learned , I poke I prod but nothing dribbles out .... So sorry I have drawn a blank what was I talking about .. LOL , oh yeah My mind is to full time to organize this stuff any one know how to dewy decimal this stuff I failed Library in grade school , LOL . I know just another bit of rambling but hopefully it took your minds off of a days worth of information over load like it has for me .

    Love ya All .

    Steph

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    Hello, my name is Myralee, an out and proud trans woman living in Kentucky! I want to welcome everyone to my blog. Please enjoy yourself and feel free to respond to my posts and have a conversation. I am open to any topic ideas as well. So once again, welcome.

  5. I did it! Two weeks ago my daughter and I went to the mall and we both got our ears pierced. I conquered another fear of being different and it was great. I now haver a shared experience with my wife and daughter that I will remember as a fun thing we did together. What I didn't know about pierced ears was how they have to stay in for about 6 weeks without taking them out. How many of you have taken this plunge? I got both ears pierced because I don't believe in any of the attached meanings about 1 or two or right or left ear. I got both done because I like things symetrical and it is what I really wanted. I inherited my mother's earings and she had a beautiful collection. Now all three of us can enjoy my mothers collection. I used to buy my mother earrings and always wished I could wear them, now I am one step closer to feeling prettier and more comfortable with who I am. The earrings are obvious and so I realize I may get some comments, however in two weeks so far not one person has said a thing (that I know of). Experiencing new things in life can really be exciting!

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    Today was my big day at the hairdressor. For 30 years I have been going to salons, but I never really got the style I wanted. Whenever I went in I always had the same perm. If I ever had a chance to look at the picture books they would always hand me the guys haircuts. Though I didn't want to be teased in those years I really wanted the hairdressor to style my hair with a feminine touch. But I never was able to get the words out. A long time has past and I realized I can no longer go on holding back with the person who has the most potential to help me feel better about myself.

    When I called for the appointment I first mentioned that I was going to be sharing something confidential with her when I came in. I asked for an appointment when it wasn't so busy. I managed to tell her that I would be wanting a woman's style and that I was comfortable with that. She said she would have some choices ready for me when I came in.

    Appointment day came (today). I got there early so that I could be relaxed. There were two older ladies over 70 and they immediately smiled when I came in. I figured half the smile was for my new earings. One of them asked me, "so are you the hairdressor?", I calmly said No, just here for a haircut.

    Then the owner came around the corner and did the usual. She saw the girls cuts I was looking at and she said, "too long for you and handed me the guys book again". This time however I was prepared because knew I had talked about this earlier with my hairdressor. I was polite, but immediately placed the guys book down when she went back behind the counter and picked up another girls book. This time I saw a few pages were marked with light blue paper. I looked at the styles and said, "this looks pretty good I wonder if these marked pages were for me". A few moments later my hairdressor called me up and I brought the book with. I showed her the cuts I liked and she agreed with me and told me she had marked the pages. I mentioned that before we selected something she needed to see one more set of pictures. From an office file folder I presented her with the Close-up head shots that I had recently posted on this site in my photo gallery. This was the ultimate adventure for me because I had no idea how things were going to go. I said, are you familiar with transgender? She said yes, and she immediately pointed to my favorite picture of the group. She started talking about the picture in the third person. I stopped her and said, you know that's me right? and she nodded her head. I asked if she was ok with all of this and she said yes. The next 5 minutes or so she began to explain my options and talk to me like she would have to any other woman in the shop. We settled on a style that gives me a lot more options than ever before and then got to work on my hair.

    I enjoyed every minute of this experience I really started to feel more like Amie as the haircut and perm shaped my hair into something special. We talked about a lot of the usual, because other people were in the room, but sometimes I mentioned things that I knew just she would understand. It was like little code words here and there that let her know I was willing to share.

    Almost at the end of the perm with lots of big rollers in my hair the older customer was beginning to leave, she stopped and said "when can I see how he turns out". Both hairdressors said we know he's young and handsome but he's married with children. For a moment I thought she was spoiling all of the fun but then I laughed when she asked me how she thought my family was going to take the perm. I said, "no problem, I have been doing this for years". You see the big difference was the type of cut and the extra pampering that I got with this style. I begged the client to go without seeing me because I said I'm sure we have more than a few minutes left here. She smiled and wished me a good weekend and then my hairdressor got back to work on the masterpiece.

    When she was finished she took a little extra time to show me the different ways I could show off my new style. I felt so good inside. Another one of those big weights was lifted from me. I also had one of the nicest conversations with the hairdressor and strengtened my relationship with the salon owner. Both Hairdressors new I was more nervous today and really helped me feel at home. Before I left, they assured me that I should not be too worried about other people because I carry myself well. They said they like my personality and that looking different on the outside didn't matter to them. It was at that moment that I realized that they let me into their circle. I was accepted as one of them. A real woman. We entered into that sacred circle of trust and I felt a real sense of finally belonging. If I never made that phone call ahead of time and took a chance with showing Amie's picture I would have had the same old haircut and would have missed all that fun.

    My good experience had a lot to do with the salon I picked. This was a small salon. I was told that sometimes its harder to maintain a sense of privacy at the bigger salons. If you are someone trying to hold on to your current job before getting something different as the new you, it makes sense to do just a little careful questioning and research before jumping in.

    Earlier this morning at work an older woman friend of mine noticed my earings. She point to her ears and said to me "I like the new addition". She also made me feel so good inside. I said no one had commented about them yet and she said they looked nice. Today was a good day, considering the way the week started, I have confidence that I can do this now, I just need to start using my women's intuition.

    Finally, I realized that with all the people that may reject me, when you find someone who really cares it makes it all worth while. While the hair dressor and I were talking between perm applications, I came up with a statement she liked so much she wrote it down on a note for herself.

    It reads: "Sometimes when you overthink things, you can miss opportunities".

    This was one of those days. I took a chance and gained two new friends today. Just one day at a time.

    I hope you enjoyed reading about my experience I hope to share more stories as they unfold.

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    As I entered into my middle age a little over a year ago I noticed that I had had more breast tissue than I ever had. I did a little research and found out that a lot of men go through some of these physical changes naturally. Since I always wanted breasts I embraced the changes that were naturally occuring and discovered a way to feel more feminine than ever before. There is information online about male lactation and male breast-feeding if you look for it. I tried various techniques of nipple stimulation for long periods of time both manual and using a breast pump. After regular intervals for about a week I was absolutely amazed at the results. Even though I did not produce milk as of yet I seemed to start a process in my body that caused changes in my nipples and breast similar to a woman who is pregnant. My wife confirmed with me a few weeks later that my nipples were taking on the characteristics necessary for lactation. Using a breast pump was not pleasant at first, but getting past the unpleasant stage brought comforting feelings that one has to experience to truly understand. After some time I could express some liquid from my nipples and it is fascinating. The reason I have started this blog is not to try to guarantee results but to mention something that has brougt me closer to being feminine naturally, without having to actually take a prescription. Pumping the breast made me sleepy and relaxed. Feelings of motherly love, especially when imagining a baby actually suckling from my breast. The feeling of let down even though the breasts are not yet fully ready for this. The very gradual but noticable increase in breast size from practically nothing to at least an A cupsize. Since I used these methods I feel more like a woman than ever and have accepted these physical changes rather than worry about them. Does anyone else have an experience like this to share?

    I have eaten a lot of carrots and cucumbers and chicken over the last 10 years since my wife has been more interested keeping us healthy I do not know if some of my diet has also contributed to an increase in my natural hormones or not. I have heard that some men and women can lactate from intense desire as well so I do not guarantee results this has just been my own personal observation. I am not concerned about a medical problem because the breasts are shaped uniformally and the nipples have increased in size and they have become darker pink in color.

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    My grandma's 15-year-old Collie isn't doing too well. His back legs aren't working at all. It's like he's paralyzed. We aren't sure what happened but we think my uncle-in-law had something to do with it. I visited my grandma's house yesterday and saw her dog's condition. He was shaking and panting while he was laying in front of a fan on the floor. It was obvious he was in a lot of pain. He has hip dysplasia and a twisted back.

    My grandma is in a retirement home that doesn't allow animals so my family is taking turns taking care of her dog.

    Things were going well until yesterday. My dad went over to pressure wash my grandma's patio around 2pm yesterday. He said when he got there, my uncle-in-law was there. They talked for a bit before my dad went to get the pressure washer out of his car. As my dad was walking back to the backyard, he saw my uncle-in-law holding Duke (the collie) like a sack of potatoes. My uncle's arms were around Duke's chest and Duke's back legs were dangling while his front legs were out in front of him. Duke is a very old dog and is fragile. You would think my uncle knew to handle Duke with care.

    My dad was furious, as was my other uncle (my dad's brother). They think the way my uncle-in-law was holding Duke, damaged his back even more and caused his paralysis. My uncle-in-law is a big man, tall and rough. He usually handles everything (other than humans) roughly. He has a dog of his own but it is a small dog. I understand that my uncle-in-law doesn't know how to handle big dogs, but it's common sense not to hold a dog like that, especially an old collie!

    My uncle-in-law and aunt (my dad's sister) live all prim and proper. They do what they want and don't really help out much unless it involves their nieces has nephews. My aunt and uncle-in-law have pissed my dad and his brother off a lot but this has gone too far. My uncle (my dad's brother) was close to tears after he saw how much pain Duke was in.

    Since yesterday was a holiday in the US, Duke's vet wasn't at work. We considered taking Duke to the animal hospital in town but he was in too much pain and we were afraid to move him. Today though, my dad is going to call Duke's vet's office once it opens. I haven't heard anything from my dad yet so I don't know if the vet is going to visit my grandma's house or if my dad will have to take Duke in. I will update my blog once I find out though.

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    I started dressing when I was 5 or 6...I used to wear my moms panty hose and heels...I just love the feel of the silkyness of the hose against my skin..And loved the way walking in high heels felt...My mom suspected something when she went to put on a pair of heels and there were none in her closet...She found them all under my bed..."Stupid kid" LOL....I continued to wear her clothes,gradually expanding to her panties,bras and dresses..I just loved the way wearing womens clothes made me feel..When I went to visit and stayover my grandparents Id sneak into my grandmothers rooms and go thru their stuff...My dads mother had this amazing bodyshaper I just loved...It had shoulder straps and came down to an opened crotch with garter straps....I would have it and thi high stockings on the entire time I was there...I just loved looking at myself in the mirror.....As I got older and started going over friends houses I started looking thru their moms stuff...There was nothing like finding sexy panties and lingerie...Id always try something on....And once I got caught...But my friends father didnt let on he knew till awhile later when I went to see if my friend was home...Thats how I got introduced to the wonderful art of oral sex...But thats another story......KISSES

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    Although I won't be starting testosterone therapy until Thursday, I have been passing in the community for some time now. My body language, clothes and speech is male. I even have a thick masculine mustache. No one knows how I grew it. I remember one day standing in front of the mirror looking at myself and saying, "I want a mustache" in a rather forceful but positive manner. Before I knew it the mustache grew out. I think that this was due to mind over matter. I am looking forward to the physical changes I will exerience as a result of testosterone therapy. I'm going to post a "Before" photo of myself, and then take pictures every week to record these changes.

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    Hello everyone, and welcome to my first blog.

    I am so happy to have found this site to share my thoughts, my story and whatever advice I can with all the other TG people out there. I wanted to start off by sharing my story so far with everyone and we can go from there.

    Once upon a time....j/k thought that would be kind of funny. Anyways,

    Ever since I was about eight or nine I have always enjoyed wearing my sisters clothes, it wasn't anything sexual, it somehow just felt normal. I also want to point out that I was also brought up with two sisters and two step-sisters, this will come up later on. My childhood was pretty much the same as any other boys childhood was, I played in Little league (although at the time I wasn't that good), I played street hockey, I did what any other boy my age was doing. Now that I've come to the realization that I'm trans, I have realized that I was quite different back then, even if I did grow up just like the other boys.

    I was never one of the "cool" kids, actually I was one of the ones they picked on, I was always teased about how I crossed my legs (even though guys DO cross their legs).

    As I hit puberty the usual things happened, getting erections, attracted to girls, changing of the voice, etc. I don't need to explain eveything (or do I?) j/k. I never really had any girlfriends, I had girl friends (if you know what I mean). I also had boy friends, they were the ones I grew up with I never really made any new guy friends at my new schools, but somehow always connected with the girls.

    My teen years were to be as expected, go to high school, get in trouble, (although I got into more trouble than most). I got older and eventually moved out on my own. This is where it seems I was finally able to spread my wings and fly.

    A friend and I had got an apartment together and we had people over had the parties and what not. One day we were all talking about sex and other things and one of the guys who was new to the group had said that he masturbated a lot, and he thought about being with a guy, and that he might be gay, or at least bi-sexual. Everyone had made fun of him, but not to the extent of hurting his feelings, I know because I asked him about it later.

    Although everyone was making jokes about his sexuality, it got me thinking about my own sexuality. After awhile he became "one of the guys" and then one day, I went over to his house to talk about the situation, and well I won't go into detail, but one thing lead to another. I have been with girls before and this just seemed to fit, I was actually happy and I was actually satisfied. That was the only time with that guy, not because of what had happened but for other reasons him and the rest of us just sort of drifted apart. Ever since then I was always curious about what if I am, or maybe because it was different, I wasn't sure. I eventually had gotten my own apartment and one night sitting alone I decided to try one of the phone chat lines, I started with the single girls side and after awhile I switched over to feed my curiosity. I quickly met up with someone that wanted to get together and BAM, I was hooked. I felt total gratification in what I was doing and it seemed normal (to me). Although I can't say I'm proud of it, but I turned into a slut, I wanted it from any guy whenever and so forth. Ok I'm getting carried away.

    I eventually met one guy who (was supposed to be) a one night stand, give me his phone number. At the time I thought, ah whatever I won't call him, threw the number on my dresser and forgot about it, until the next day. LOL, I know right. Although you laugh, after eight years (and counting) I am still with that same guy. Since then I've come out to my family and friends and seemed happy, until now.

    Although the past eight years I was happy, or at least I thought I was it seems like I was in grade school again, happy with my life, but something was still different, something was missing. I have done a lot of research and finally came to the conclusion that I am trans. Anytime I thought about it or was watching videos, I always came to this realization that I was happy, and it seemed like the missing piece of the puzzle.

    So here I am, at the bottom of the mountain looking up to the achievments (and hurdles) I must get through to reach my goal. I have an appointment already to go talk to my Dr., about seeing a therapist, because I don't know of one that may be experienced in gender dysphoria in my city, so hopefully he can help me out. This is my first step to becoming Melanie!

    Hugs,

    Melanie

  6. I really think I lost it this morning probably because I've been off my estrogen for a week(intending renew prescription soon). But coming into this room I saw only things contaminated with the past. Things that made me angry, or only reminded me of who I was trying to escape. Rather then taking the rational “im the walking away route.” I ignored the option ripped piece of masculine clothing off the hangers even broke a few in a fit of rage I screamed in random protest of growls and liberating grunts covering every inch of my room with fabric. An made plans to go out with friends this week end to burn it. But even though I made this intended progress what to do I do next. Do I really burn though I think this idea is best this is who I need to be to the point of being assured . I want to eventually have to have another day in some kind of work force . Because being paid out of some type of Tax break loop hole, or stealing to get medication is eventually gonna run out. Is it really possible I can justifiably lie on a application and say im just a woman with out the background checks,id's or body examination's to prove the otherwise so soon?Times like this I really miss college or times i really wish i had much more interest in suicide so i didn't have to consider all this.

  7. I have always been a female in heart and mind since I was 7 years old and seeing professional help starting at 11 because my Father told me I was sick and needed help. He was a lifer in the USAF and brought up by a mean Grandmother. I started wearing girl cloths when I was 7 years old, I had a girlfriend and her mother help me discover who I was and helped me be who I was, my Mother stayed neutral, but was confused by my choice. During my life I always found other girls who supported who I was and lived a secret life shared with select few, moving around a lot was difficult. My father continued to get me the help he thought I needed, my professional help told me there is nothing wrong with me and to live as I wish. Most of my young life my Father beat me. Later in life I lived as a Girl with 3 of my Girlfriends for 5 years full time. I was 22 years old and had no problem passing a one of the girls. If I had the resources at that time in life would have made the change then, but things change and I had to change to survive in life. I am 61 now and have the time and the desire to start Hormones, next month I start. Support

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    Beem having a hard time hiding the 5 o clock shadow need some make-up tips my make-up only lasts a few hours can't stand all the hair what are the costs for perm removel

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    So as I mentioned in the Introductions area, I wrote a letter for my teachers to have and/or hang in their classrooms. Here it is:"Hi there! If you're reading this, then you're my teacher. Good for you! I will warn you though, I can be a bit of a handful.Allow me to tell you a bit about myself.The school "knows" (has me listed as) -------------------, and my gender listed as Female.I will tell you now, this is wrong.I identify as Male and prefer the name Andrew ------------HOWEVER.My family has yet to call me Andrew, so if you'd be so kind, use the name -------- and Female pronouns around them.What the term for this is Transgender, or gender dysphoria.Also, I'd like you to know that I am open for any questions you may have, any concerns, and anything else you'd like to know. I'd also like you to know that I am not Google, so up your knowledge a bit before you dump questions on me.Lastly, if you would like to, you can hang this letter in your classroom for other students to read. If you do, please black out my names.These are some points of reference you may use to better understand your Transgender student.Transgender 101: A Simple Guide To A Complex Issue ---- $9.99 on the App Store, may or may not be available in the Public LibraryThe Transgender Child: A Handbook For Families & Professionals ---- $9.99 on the App Store, may or may not be available in the Public LibraryBe Yourself: Questions & Answers for LGBTQ Teens ---- Free on the App Storewww.tgguide.com ---- A forum where trans* people share their stories and offer advice to trans* and cis people alikewww.transstudent.org/teachertips ---- an advice page for teachers of transgendered studentswww.gendertalk.com ---- A page about the Gender Spectrum"

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    We are so concerned about our “passibility” quotient that it can at times completely overwhelm us, to the exclusion of many other important aspects of our lives. We beat up on ourselves; become our own harshest critics because of who we see looking back at us in the mirror. Are my shoulders too wide? Thank goodness shoulder pads are back.

    I am guilty of these same self-critiques just as much as anyone else is, despite having gone through great lengths and expense to modify my face and parts of my body to correspond with that of a cisgender female. I am fortunate to say that I never get “clocked”, and I am currently living in stealth mode. Despite this, I sometimes look in the mirror and see nothing but imperfection. Telltale hints of my hidden masculinity. A little too much jaw muscle right there. I am so sorely tempted to do what I have done in the past: throw down exorbitant amounts of cash on the desks of surgeons to remedy what I perceive to be major imperfections. It reminds me of the old joke: “Q: What is the difference between someone who is transgender, and a transsexual?” “A: About $45,000. But where does this end? When do we reach the point where we are finished?

    This is a dangerous time for me, because I recognize that there is a glaring mismatch between how I often perceive myself, and how others perceive me. Have I come to the point where I am “good enough”? Are the standards that I am attempting to adhere to impossible, even for cisgender women?

    There are some subtle hints that my mind gives me that tell me that I am for the most part “just right”. For one, the subject of SRS: SRS for me is not a desired option. I enjoy having a penis for aesthetic reasons, although HRT has rendered it virtually useless. I think that it makes me more erotic, more exotic, more interesting sexually. When at an outdoor concert or event in which Port-A-Potties are present, it’s not a bad thing to be able to take advantage of this biology, given their general cleanliness (or lack thereof). I enjoy being penetrated, but I have never had the desire to feel that sensation in any other area of my body beyond those areas that currently exist. I really do want to undergo an orchi, but not vaginoplasty. In medical terms, it would eliminate my need to take anti-androgen medications. I would not be so susceptible to the discomfort associated constantly “tucking” and all of the attendant skin issues that this brings about. I would finally be able to wear those sexy skinny jeans I bought earlier this year.

    Maybe I am happier therefore to exist as a “third sex”. And being that this is so, can I be more forgiving of my superimposed maleness that may or may not be present in my body and face? Can we all be? Not at this point in time, I’m afraid. Honestly, I am a chickenshit. I’m not that much of a pioneer. I’m not that brave. Until we live in a society in which gender and gender identity are generally recognized and accepted as having great fluidity, we are at great personal risk. We cannot deny that people (men) want to injure and kill us because of who we are. Maybe there will come a time when we are accepted, not merely tolerated, for who we are, the way we are. A day when we can finally dismount this mirrored merry-go-round, where surgeon-saints hold brass rings just outside our reach. Until then, we cannot help but to overly critique ourselves, make ourselves nuts, and spend oodles of cash chasing the rainbow.

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    Well i heard about it but never believed it until now,I used to smoke and have done since age 9,Hrt made slow to no progress but i gave up only 4 weeks ago and have noticed the skin is sofening and breast buds have enlarged, has any one else gave up and noticed the same,nothing,something or is this just a coincidense :blink:

  8. Latest Entry

    Hurray! I finally finished the album I've been working on for the past two years. It's still not going to be officially released until 7/19/11 because I have to pay for the UPC and digital distribution, but I wanted to let everyone here get an advance listen. After all, this is going to be my most public exposure so far as Maya, it was written as a way of coping with my frustration over living as a man, and I probably wouldn't have been around still to finish this if it wasn't for the support I've found, primarily here!

    Anyway, it's meant to be quite soothing, so if you're in a crappy mood, it might just make you feel better. You can listen at: http://michzimmerman.bandcamp.com/

    It's $10 to download the whole album (free for the bonus tracks), but if anyone here would like to download it and can't afford to, I can send a message with a code good for one free download. :)

  9. I find myself in a situation over and over where a transgender person will seek encouragement and advice from me. I love to help people when I can but this is a time when I'm very torn. I want to give hope and encouragement to the person at the other end that I know needs it so much. I know I needed it very badly when I started out and still do at times. However, my outlook on transitioning is a bit sad and dark.

    Its a tough life for most at best. I've seen so much sadness. I've listened to and cried with so many girls like me. I cant help but wanting to say don't do it if you have a choice. It's a giant commitment and in many ways something you cant undo. I fought my transition like hell for years then finally decided to kill myself because I could not reason my way past it any longer. I knew just how rough my life would become if I gave in this powerful need that was completely overwhelming me. I was so mad at myself because I truly believed I could use my mind to over come anything.

    I went to Transgendered meetings and saw a counselor for over a year before I started my transition. I listened to one story after another about people losing entire families and losing everything they owned. Being forced out of longtime careers and often while losing any support system they had before setting out on this grand adventure.

    Transgender people tend to be very intelligent and often have really good jobs before they start out. Sitting in a room across from a TS (transsexual) that had a big house, great career, loving family and then was left with nothing will make anyone think twice about following in their footsteps. Hearing about the family they were always so close to, that now won't even speak to them any more. It was quiet sobering but all normal stories in T-World as I call it.

    We come from all walks of life and back grounds but we share one thing in common, for social rights and acceptance we are the last to the table. Only because of our alarming rates of being murdered, suicide , beatings and discrimination that we are being discussed on any level( and awesome men and women that are fighting the good fight).

    Before I went full time living as a woman, I loved getting out of the house and talking with people. I have always clicked well with complete strangers and have had many wonderful conversations over the years. Now that has all changed, lots of people smile and are friendly but they no longer open up to me like they did before. The first few years of my transition, I had panic attacks just trying to go a few blocks to the post office because you never know when someone was going to go off on you. It might just be them laughing a sort of fake laugh very loudly, trying to make you feel completely stupid or very uncomfortable. Many times its a verbal attack with an intense level of hate and loathing you would never expect from a complete stranger. I have never had a single stranger stick up for me while all that was going on. The general look I get from others watching them be mean to me was a look like, "What did you expect when you left the house looking like that?"

    Many times I have been in a situation where one or more men wanted to beat me up and for no other reason then me breathing really pissed them off. Standing in line in a store with some large, tough looking guy, whos only two feet away from you, that is so upset by your presence his hands are shacking is a trip. I've been in moments like that over and over again. When its a few angry men standing together it gets really scary.

    People cry over the nation anthem, as I have at times, and then piss all over your freedoms without a second thought, like the freedom to just live our daily lives in peace. They all expect this freedom but some refuse to let us have ours. It reminds me of a line from one of my favorite movies, "How can someone say they love America but clearly hate Americans?" (The American President).

    My mind and my heart told me this was the right thing for me. I did however seek help from professionals before moving forward as should anyone stuck in this difficult situation. I truly believe I was faced with three very bad choices. One was to keep fighting a battle that just kept getting worse and was tearing me up inside. Two was to kill myself, ending all the pain and fear. Three was to just give in to something that I knew was going to undo my life on many levels and did.

    I was physically sick the last two years I fought my transition. A saw few doctors because of it and took many different pills, all for my tummy and my stress. I could not sleep, it was hard to eat and was very painful most the time but all went away the same day I decided to give in.

    I never thought I could not reason my way past it until I was sitting in a bathtub, surrounded by candles with a razor blade in my hand. I had a family at the time, a wife and 4 kids so I decided it was not really an option to do that to them. A week before that, a friend had told me once you have kids, its no longer your right to kill yourself. Its never a good choice whither you have kids or not but I decided she was right. She also said if I killed myself I could teach my kids to do that as well, if things got tough for them later on. That made a lot of sense to me and they were, and are, far more important to me then any fears I had about my future.

    The next day I told my wife what I almost did and what I was about to do. She said, "Its about time, you were meant to be a woman," but then asked for a divorce saying, "But I'm not a lesbian."

    I too ended up losing everything I had except for the love of my family and friends. I was very, very lucky compared to many others I know.

    The thing I find to be the hardest part of all this now, is how hard it is to find and keep work. This makes us as a group very unbalanced, causing a dark side to surround T-World from us just trying to get by. It forces many of us to become sex workers, doing porn or risking everything once again but this time out on the dangerous streets. HIV is very, very high for transexuals in some of the major cities. I have never slipped into all this but I have been tempted more then once--having no food can make your mind go into places you never thought it would ever go.

    Discrimination is everywhere we go. Whither its work, housing or even just working with the government trying to get some kind of assistance. The church I went to would never have me now and the party I voted for before openly works against me.

    I had to leave school, over the bathrooms of all things, because some women refused to share one with me. I was assured I could use the women's student bathroom, when I asked, before signing the contract. It took me years of waiting and jumping through hoops to get in that school. I was in school for about four months before it came to a head but it started right off on the very first day. At the end they gave me the choice to use a mens room with no locks in a part of school that was dark because it was an area not used at night. I explaned how dangerous it was for someone like me but was still told to use it our leave school...not much of a choice. I was the top of my class (99% GPA) and well liked but that did not save me for the complete embarrassment of it all and of course the huge disappointment that followed.

    Its a hell of a ride and before you just jump right in make sure you need it more then everything else in your life because everything else just might not be around if you do. Whatever you do, don't hurt yourself. DON'T hurt yourself! Get help. See a psychiatrist. You can see why I try to hold my tongue when asked for advice. I don't want to take the joy out of something that has been for me, so wonderful and fulfilling on so many different levels. However, I could never advise anyone on this huge life changing choice without sharing the likely costs. Some do very well and things go fine I'm told, although I'm not sure I know anyone that fits that description over the first few years. I've had a few girls say it was going perfect with little to no problems in the very beginning but then later I had them tell me everything had changed for the worse.

    Starting younger helps I think but the average person starts off at fourty, last I heard. I started hormones and went full time at fourty. When I moved to the inner city, it helped a lot. I did not realize how much I lived in fear until I move to LA around people that, for the most part, just did not care either way. It's a bit colorful in LA and your just another flavor there.

    If one of my choices was to not do this and not have the fight that was raging inside me, I would have choose that hands down to keep my kids living with me. Only you know if you have a choice. I cant help you there but there are others that can, again seek help. I do of course wish you all the best in what ever you do.

    Try to remember fear will make you stand out and that is not a good thing. If you do finely do it, don't hold back. You will be on the high dive over the deep end so, if you jump, do it with conviction. I can't stress enough the need to seek help before you start, not after. Don't take hormones on your own, you can hurt or even kill yourself. You should be sure about each step and think each part of it through, clearly and carefully.

    Its my right as a free American to pursue my happiness. The least we can expect from life and ourselves, is to be ourselves, if we lose that we really have lost everything. Its not our fault its so hard, we are not the problem. We are doing nothing wrong pursuing this difficult goal. Its a freedom few would say we should not have. Even most of those who make everyday life so hard for us would not say it should not be part of our freedoms.

    If your reading this and your upset by the subject remember if you believe its my right to do this then don't be mean to me. If you believe it should be a freedom remember you steal a bit of my freedom every time I decide not to go to a birthday party, or decide not to go to a movie and so on because the last time someone went off on me. That is hardly living free.

    I hear them say now and then that free speech gives them the right to say the awful things they sometimes do...sure it is. Its not socially acceptable to say whatever we are thinking and whenever at any cost. If you don't like dogs you don't go around telling off dog owners. If you don't like coffee you don't get to walk into a coffee shop and start yelling at everyone in it. That is not a freedom any decent or sane person would expect.

    My perspective is from ten years of chatting with TG's and TS's. Countless chats with girls like me. I went to the TG club's in LA for many years and met a lot of others just like me. I had two years of group meeting and saw a few shrinks on the matter over the years as well. I've read a lot on it and thought a lot about it of course. I know this subject very well. I have lived full time and on hormones since 7-22-2003 and before I went full time, I was close to full time for a few more years.

    I really love being the woman I always wanted to be, in that light it has truly been a wonderful experience. I've seen a side of life few could ever understand without going through it themselves. It has not all been bad, far from it, just hard.

    If you learn to let the little things go by the bigger stuff will not take such a toll on you. Learn to forgive. Most the people that pick on us are not bad people at all, just very confused. I have won over a few tough cases and became their friends over time. I just went to a St. Patrick's Day party thrown by a couple that really hated me when we first met, I even thought the husband was going to hit me. Try to remember its mostly just a knee jerk reaction and I bet most feel bad later. If you stick to the high road and not be rude back, then you will have clearly won. If I can, I just act super nice and sweet, its not that big of a stretch, and some feel bad right off. This takes a lot of will power because its easy to get angry about so much. Try your best to just let it go and don't dwell on them later--don't give that power over you.

    My goal here was to say some of the things I needed to hear when I was so lost and scared, first starting out. This was not meant to scare anyone off that was really meant to be a transsexual. Reality sets in fast when you jump and I'm hoping that you knowing the water is a bit cold at first will make it less of a shock. Its also a warning to those who just want it and don't need it, be careful what you wish for.

    (An update 12/6/08) I moved back to the area where I fled in fear, for good reason, a few years ago. I'm just coming up on a year and its going very, very well so far. No one picks on me or has been openly mean to me. I still get some unfriendly people but compared to the not so distant past, its only an minor annoyance.

    I have a part-time job on the weekends and school during the week to get certified as an Administrative Assistant. There was a time when I never thought my life could move forward being a TS. I would have swore the two were completely incompatible, but learned if you don't give in to fear and just press forward, they can come together.

    It takes a while to learn to walk the walk and talk the talk. Now that I'm more relaxed and more passable the daily hate no longer follows me around. I've heard again and again that passing is 80% in your head and 20% is your presentation. My advice is just feel your way though and let your inner-self out, without over analyzing everything or worrying about what others think.

    It did get a lot better for me and is likely to get better for you if you can just survive the valleys and the painfully awkward beginning. I meant every word of this with love and from my heart to everyone who is lost and confused at the beginning of this large and strange maze we call transitioning.

    We are moving forward and transitioning has become for more user friendly. Our attempted suicide rates are still so high there is not a close second among any other group. Those that do succeed are far to many--and again, higher then any other group. Seek help and don’t let fear wipe you out. Change is coming and I know if you stick around for it, you will love what you find.

    Your friend Lisa Eve

    ( 12-15-09 My next progress report. )

    Life is better now then ever. I finished school and got my certs. My novel is now out and seems to be doing well. I got a new job a few months back and really like it. My supervisor wanted me to dress gender neutral on the job--in other words, not dress like a woman. She would have had an easier time asking me not to breathe at work. I still don’t see the kids very much and that makes me very sad at times. But over all life has been very good to me.

    I don’t ever get picked on. Most people don’t know I’m a TS, but when they do, everyone has been great about it--other then my pinhead supervisor. Things are changing for the better in the way the public, in general, deals with exotic creatures like us.

    I gave a speech on the Transgender Day of Remembrance (11-20-09). It reminded me its still not a safe world for us. We lose about two a week to being murdered--in the Americas and Europe. In the USA, our safe zones are getting larger and more and more places are becoming far less dangerous. Being safe and smart goes a long way.

    Its 2014 and a lot has happened between now and my last update. I got a bad kidney infection and had to stop my hormones. That lasted from 2009 to 2011. Kept going to emergency rooms and not getting any help...its all better now. Not being on hormones had an effect on me passing--as well as just being beat down for so long. When I stopped passing again the hate followed and I was not up to all that so in Nov of 2012 I went back to living as a guy. I also wanted to meet someone and start a relationship. Being a TS and meeting the right someone was not working for me. I went on countless dates, most turned out to be married, or I would be asked to get married in the first few dates. There was a lot of awful stuff, some really awful so I gave up on looking and dating--its been about 7 years since I dated. Going back to living as a guy was just jumping out of the pan and into the fire. My legal name is Lisa Eve and I have a F on my drivers lic. My body is still very female with breast and hips. So I'm trying to get back to living as a woman fulltime but I gave away all my clothes etc. I don't even have makeup. My family does not want me to go back because for how mean so many people were to me. That job I mention I lost with them just making up something to get rid of me...and it worked even though everyone knew. Don't get me wrong I'm super happy now and at peace. I don't stress anything these days. But I do want to get back to the home lost deep in my heart.

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    wanted to post some pictures so you all know who your talking to (or about) but it will not take them. any help will be great

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    This Blog is to give support to those who have carried heavy guilt and shame their whole lives because many religions and cultures suggest we are disordered and an insult (abomination) to God. What follows "coming out" to a fundamentalist is the idea that God might work a miracle; that some how ones brain will magically become different and see things the way "normal" people do. In these next paragraphs I write for those of you who are troubled because you have lead good lives and worked hard to be the best you can be and yet because of this "one" thing we feel incomplete, secret and maybe even a little ashamed. The thoughts of wanting to right something that is wrong often dominates at least some portion of every day and at some times every moment of our life.

    Many of you have begun to realize that there is nothing to fix on the inside. Rather, by re-working the outside package we better reflect what is on the inside. But when we try to do this we are often faced with rejection or just the fear of rejection from a culture that does not understand.

    To me there is a similarity between "transition" and that of buying an old house or moving to a different apartment. Sometimes we redo our home by just re-painting rooms, and redecorating, other times we literally tear down walls. Some homes have so much work to do that we realize we will be taking each project according to priority a little bit at a time. Other times when time is limited and may go for a major reconstruction and rebuild from the ground up. Whatever the case our reason for doing all of this work is to make the home fit us and our personality. We want to be comfortable in a place where we sleep, work, and entertain at day after day after day.

    If you have finally reached the point where you understand that there is nothing wrong with who you are on the inside then you are well on your way to inner healing.

    Since most of us care what people think, we are constantly kept from reaching our full potential because of what a few people might say. When you reach a point in your life when you think you have heard it all, suddenly you recognize that if everyone left you today, it would just be you and God if you have that spiritual connection. If all you have is yourself, who are you then, what makes you happy.

    I have believed in God my whole life. I pray every day to God in my own way. All of my prayers have been answered over the years, I think because of what I ask for: usually wisdom, strength, learning the real meaning of the word love, help in making decisions in life, self-esteem issues, peace of mind, longing for tears, etc., getting answers to some really big questions that I know only God has the real answers to.

    I recently specifically asked God to help me find out who I really am. I asked God to help me with this identity crisis. I immediately started writing a diary which help me get the thoughts out and then God helped me by leading me to people who have had a similar experience as myself; through this website.

    Two weeks ago I thought I was alone. Now I know there are more like me. We are troubled, we fear, we worry, we are anxious, we are excited, and we are sometimes severely depressed. Together we help one another see how our similarities and our differences come together to represent a new complex being. We are different and yet the same. We are special and unique with gifts and talents yet to be discovered if we are allowed to be free.

    Earlier in my life I wondered about whether or not I should "Transition" to the gender I identified with. The thoughts never really left me and I continued to remain silent to the people in my life. Now years later I realize I have always been in transition. As to how far this transition will go, is yet an unknown, but I do know that however it turns out in the end, I will have the loving touch of God to comfort me.

    What has really been helpful for me spirtually was to separate the purely sexual behavior (and often explicit material that can be associated with this issue) from the more innocent spiritual side of things. I found that much of the secret feelings and unhealthy deceptiveness began to diminish when I finally accepted myself as simply different. I realized it was necessary for me to let the person inside me be a part of the real world. It is the many little risks in life that prove to be good or bad only when you have actually put them to the test.

    Before "coming out" to any difficult person, one needs to know in their heart what is right, between you and God. When you have resolved the person you are to yourself and feel accepted by your own moral self, you are no longer looking for opinions. Once the inner conflict is resolved and you know God accepts you. At that point, when you share yourself with the real world, you begin to find out who your real friends are.

    The research I have done into Gender Identity Disorder has helped me realize some facts about myself.

    I am a very sensitive person who tests and identifies completely with the female gender. Because I have a male body, people expect me to identify as a male. It is their expectations that caused me to take my feelings to the closet and repress this feminine self for many years. I became disconnected with myself, unhappy and even suicidal at various times of my life. As terrible as the roller coaster ride was I seemed to be able to pick myself up over and over again. Constantly trying so hard to be somebody that I was not.

    But the mind cannot handle this forever. Sure, the outside world thinks the problem is solved, because they don't have to see the brokenness, they don't have to look at, what for them may be weird and out of place. Instead you live in anxiety the rest of your life and your own rejection of self begins a process of degeneration to your whole body from the inside out.

    My transitioning started years ago as a baby from day one, when I stroked my favorite super soft baby blanket to when I played house with my friends, my first tap dance recital, when I first put on girls clothes, to when I got my first perm at a salon at 11 years old, to when I first shaved my legs. Every other year or so I became more and more comfortable with the little hints of feminine that I could accept in myself as being Ok for me.

    Eventually all of these little changes I was making in myself added up and I realized that I was still alive. I still had friends, and most people never said a thing or didn't even notice. Currently I am almost completely dressing the way I want. Until two years ago, I had much guilt and shame about my secret and I would purge everything once in a while thinking I was cured forever. Finally, this year, I was able to realize that I would not be cured. God did not make a mistake with me. I am different but no less human then anyone else. There were plenty of other things in my life where I could find my sins, but this GID was not one of them.

    We are living in a society that can finally give us the chance of a little added protection from abuse and discrimination. How we approach what is going on with us to others will have long term effects for generations to come. I have come out to my oldest child of 14 years and he accepts me brokenness and all. He doesn't completely understand yet but he knows that if he has something he wants to share with me in the future I will be there for him.

    Everyone on this site who has written posts is helping me realize what a process this is. One day at a time.

    Thank you everyone for sharing. I hope you will find a similar comfort in your life from the wonderful communications on this website.

    Amie