I have sat here wondering, "should I write this story, and, will anyone actually believe it?" Well, here I am making a start, and hopefully, a finish at some later date. And, if you believe it or not, is not something that I can control. All I can say is, its true, every word. No matter how dramatic, or, how much like an Hollywood movie it may seem like. This is a true story, written as it actually happened. And this blog, is by no means, the whole story. But maybe I will get around to that later, if you enjoy this little snippet.
Oh, and please forgive my bad grammar etc. I have dyslexia.
So allow me to begin at the beginning, the beginning of the end! I went on a six month contract, However, 18 years later, I was still there. I worked in Saint Peters burg and Moscow, the two disputed capitals of Russia. I was a croupier by profession and went to work in one of its many grand casino's that had sprung up, after the wall had fallen down. However, that is another story. My story, for this entry, starts 10 years later, in the very polluted, industrial city of Zaporozhye, in Ukraine.
I was married to a beautiful Ukrainian girl, her name is Olea. I never lied to her about who I was, in fact, I told her on our second date. She was fine about it, and not only that, she went out and bought me a dress. A black velvet cocktail dress that must have cost her a whole months salary, at least! We were happy together, very happy. She became my best friend, soul mate and, after a year, my wife. I thought it would never end, as I suppose, everyone does.
So, here and now, I will hold my hands up and take the blame. Why? Because the reason I went to Russia in the first place was to save enough money to pay for my Gender reassignment. But instead of saving, I had lived the high life, spent the lot on Drink, girls, guys, fancy hotels and big cars. So, I decided to move to the Ukraine, start again, and save for my Gender reassignment. So, allowing myself to be distracted again, was absolutely crazy, Especially when my gender identity was beginning to drive me out of my mind, as it does us all, eventually! And the problem is, no matter how hard people try to understand what it i to be transsexual, unless you are transsexual, you simply cannot.
Olea tried to understand, she did her best and gave it her all. However, I was getting worse by the day, my fem me side was becoming more and more demanding, and as a result, I was falling into depression. I was angry and my mood swings were beginning to drive us apart. I was giving up on life as a whole, and began to spend hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month and now year after year, with my head buried in World of War Craft. From being a means of escape, Azeroth, had become my whole world, my reality, my home. My female character had become more than a character, she was me! For 3 years or more, I don't remember exactly how long it was, I lived my every waking moment in Azeroth, my life had become a cartoon character in cyberspace!
In all honest I had become completely oblivious to the real world.
It was a warm August evening when I finally dragged myself out of Azeroth and checked my e-mails. There must have been 30 or 40 unread mails, mostly junk mail. I started to go down the list, ticking the junk as I went, for deleting. Until one e-mail caught my eye, "Hi Roxy, do you really know your wife?" It was strange because only a hand full of close friends knew my fem me name, and I had never used it online, anywhere. I re-read the title again, then clicked the link to open it.
It simply read, follow the links below if you want to know the truth! My curiosity was pricked.
There were 5 links in total, all containing the words, sex, naughty, even school girl and Daddy's Girl. But the most striking word of all was my wife's name. I sat back and gazed over the links, again and again. Studying them, not wanting to open them in case I did find a truth that I didn't want to know. Casually, I scrolled the mouse over the first link and double clicked. The page opened, and the page content appeared. In the top right hand corner of the screen was a picture of my wife, she was kneeling on a bed with her legs open. She was dressed on a school girls uniform, she had pig tails in her hair and she was sucking on a lollipop.
There was a description of herself, and what she enjoyed doing in bed. And what she was willing to do, and how much it would cost. There was pages of reviews, all good reviews and a page full of pictures. All the other links took me to similar sites, showing my wife naked, half naked and wearing school uniforms. My stomach began to turn, I felt sick. Rage was building up inside me, it was a good thing she wasn't there at the time I exploded. I picked up the monitor and slammed it down onto the desk again and again until it was smashed to pieces, then I kicked the processor repeatedly until I had smashed all the plastic off it, then I pulled the drawers out of the cupboards and thew them at the walls. I pulled cupboards over and smashed pictures on the walls. I lashed out at everything, until I fell down in the middle of the wreckage and cried. I lay their, crying and sobbing like a baby, until I couldn't cry any more. That was the first time in my life that I had considered suicide, and seriously wanted to die. It was also the first time in my life that I had seriously considered killing someone. And she was due back, at any time.
M.T. F Soon!!!!! Watch this space.