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About this blog

This blog is dedicated to telling those who read the entries about my journey in hopes that something can be learned. 

Entries in this blog

Spent the day with an old friend

Performed my first dilation of the day, zero issues. I did learn that the mirror used to see my vagina could be used for keeping the tool from sliding so I tried this out and worked like a charm. Spent the day with an old female friend whom I have not seen in 30 years. We did a whole lot of exploring and lost track where we went to but some were not tourist attractions as she has been living out here for 25 years. She was very surprised at how I looked and said I looked great and complimented

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Healing note

It has been nine days post surgery noticed the following which I really should had mention two days ago. Date of surgery, no black and blue at the site, near end of day two, ugly black and blue. Two days ago, zero black and blue, two tiny areas that are medium red under the site and each day are getting smaller and smaller. Pain, I was out all day where we were sitting 95% of the time, after about six hours or so one side of the public area was bothering me and had to readjust how I was si

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Heading home

It is finally that time when I can leave California and so happy. There was one glitch, about an hour ago Alaska airlines diverted my flight from one airport which is ten minutes away to another one which is 1.5 hours away. Called the limo service and they said they would take me to the other airport.

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Visited with ex-sister in-law and children last night

I texted her last week and said how about we get together? She said, next Sunday and why not come for dinner. When I arrived there was no mistaking that I had transitioned and this was the first they heard of it but she had figured it out from cryptic post I made on Facebook over the past six months. Her husband took it in stride but later confided in my he was very surprised. Her daughter and grand-son were there too who just heard from my daughter. We spent abound two hours chatting in t

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Facebook cleansing

Don't know what got me started (Kevin Gallagher account) but I went into my albums and decimated most of my photos of my former self but could not bring myself to remove them all which where the one's I was teaching self-defense with. Think I will wait on those until I have pictures for my other (Karen Payne account) FB account. I did first save the photos off to my backup drive, you never know if for some strange reason I might want them but by all intense and purpose they are now buried in the

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Give yourself a break

Smiling and laughing can but not always brighten attitudes and well being. I was one for ignoring this for many years but have in the past few years learned to be a happier person both before and after GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) which I think can lead one away from being sad or depressed. I could not believe how much "The Other Woman" movie could make me cheerful and smile. Perhaps that is not your cup of tea, may be instead it's treating yourself to a lovely dinner with cheerful frien

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Dilation helper

One of the worst things about dilation is setting up. Currently I place two pillows in front of a chair, in front of this a pad design to ease the pain of sitting down then two pillows in front of that which I fold in half and place under my calves to position properly. Get out the KY and butter knife plus the dilator. Lastly turn on the timer on my cell phone. Do the dilation, clean up. Takes about 5-10 minutes to setup, 15 minutes to dilate then another five minutes to clean up. All this

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Setting my new goal, breast augmentation

I have been research who to select for doing my breast augmentation in the latter part of this year. I would really like to do this here in Oregon but not sure who to trust as I have heard some not so pleasant stories. For instance one of the woman who cuts my hair told me her left breast was royally messed up and been battling with the surgeon for months now. I am not taking this lightly by any means. Very shortly hope to have my new countdown and be done with this before the end of this year.

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

UPDATE Dilation break through

I have been working on a good method to work on dilation with the largest dilator which I was having not so great luck with. As mention before I need to dilate three times a day for 15 minutes. Small and medium dilator were fine but the larger one I only could manage a few times with then tried 15 minutes with the medium then gave up after five minutes with the larger size dilator. Last night I believe I have found a simple method to start with five minutes with the medium dilator then 15 min

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Pulling stitches

This morning I had a very difficult/painful dilation session. It was painful enough to contact Marci which resulted in sending her a snapshot. I noticed a blood blister, she asked me to pop it. So I serialized a needle and popped it, no pain, fair amount of blood. She then said, I see you still have some stitches, please pull them out. I had tried several days ago but did not put much effort into it. Today I did and got them (four) out. The hard part is working tweezers with a flashlight and mir

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Two months post surgery

Things that come to mind without blinking an eye, yes, surgery is a big deal but pales (at least for me pain-wise) in comparison to dilation. No sugar coating it, it really hurts. On the bright side it gets better but not before you have done this about 300 times. For me the next thing is cisgender females will talk to you about things you would never even guess, it’s a totally different world. Even cisgender females that you don’t talk to but notice in a glance or passing by on the street, for

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

It's a slippery slop

I was responding to a post titled Courage of Being Transgender in Public and decided not to respond there as my response seemed better off as a blog entry, more visibility. I have no issues passing and if I was not passable I would still had gone through my journey. Sure it's nice to pass and not be mis-gendered but focus should be on what makes you feel proper.  For some Vaginoplasty is the only option, others might go with Orchiectomy and in rare cases Penectomy. Vaginoplasty needs two therap

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

New tattoo

Yesterday morning I was thinking about covering up one tat for another and got lucky, the artist told me she is backed up until mid September but had a cancelation so about one hour later I had a dolphin covered up and a butterfly in it's place. Since the new tat is on my back need to get a friend to take a picture which I will post when that happens. Went for coffee this morning and the girl there took a picture for me. Any ways now have butterflies and flowers on left and right side on my uppe

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Teaching certifications

I thought that attempting to do my instructor certifications was going to be difficult, and it has but yesterday one of the people I was certified under took it upon himself to do a new certification for me and extended past the normal one year certification. Happy to get another one out of the way.

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Ripples have consequences

Directly after my surgery I had a mandatory visit with my doctor who takes care of my current female needs which includes administering my hormones which I wrote about in an earlier entry. Well she changed my dosage and also changed my prescription from every thirty days to every ninety days with an expiration after six months for now as she wants to see how I am doing since surgery which may at that time lower or up the dosage. Why bring this up, only because it seems the doctors want to kee

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Breast augmentation

I am scheduled for breast augmentation on May 20, 2015. Had my pre-operation appointment today where they went over the highlights from my initial consultation several weeks ago along with what they want me to do the week of surgery and the weeks following surgery. After the appointment I handed over my prescriptions to the pharmacy so they are ready for me well in advance. Specifics, I was interested in a B cup but with their measuring system looks like I will have C cup. Guess I will need to g

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Another validation

I was just reading Christie's recent blog post which brings me to the following (it was a jog to my short term memory). My girl friend was watching the season finally of Survivor while I was napping on my recliner. I woke up, she looks at me and says "even with you sitting there with no makeup (she is use to me with mascara as I don't wear makeup) and in pajamas I can't begin to imagine you as a dude and I have known you since 2007." I turn to her, give her a thumbs up and smile. She says No, th

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Morning at the my hair salon

I always enjoyed going to my hair salon prior to becoming female but it's so much better now as I am included into chit-chat that only woman engage in. Was there for three hours getting my roots and highlights done so there was a good deal of chit-chat. Two things worth mentioning, one of the stylist who (just learned this today) has been there for 13 years (and I have been going there for 20) ignored me so I thought then the stylist doing my hair said to me, do you know Jean (the other stylist)

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Marci Bowers surgeon

I had a session with my therapist today where part of the conversation lead to a junction on a post I did this morning "The Opposite Sex, Rene's story" and she said that many letters being written by her are for Marci Bowers. Then the conversation turned to male to female clients and that in recent months she wrote letters for clients for Marci Bowers.  Even though she asked before, she asked again, where you happy with your results from Marci? No hesitation, yet I am completely happy with the l

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Trans March Portland Oregon

I am not the type to attend a trans parade at all but felt the need to see what is was all about.  Well for a while there it seemed like we would not make it as my friend's husband got intoxicated and did some really stupid stuff to his wife and young daughter, When I got to her place her daughter clung onto me for safety and the husband immediately settled down to some extent as even though he is much bigger than me he knows what I am capable of. I could write an entire entry of this but declin

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

You can make this stuff up

In my elementary school days there was a bully who would tease me, "hey sissy" or "hey little girl" to no end. When one day a new boy came to class and while walking home the bully started on me and the new boy intervened by knocking the bully on his butt. I remained really good friends with the new kid until several years after high school then reconnected with him on Facebook several years ago. I started counting down the days to GRS but would only post on Facebook that I was heading to Califo

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Fun with physicians

I've been on a schedule to have blood work done every four months since starting on hormones where I don't see the doctor, just the tech for drawing blood out. Today I did see the doctor, gained one pound since I last saw her woohoo. She goes over the normal things than says she want to examine me down below. She said I had excellent depth and width but said my urethra was a tad under size. Asked me if I had any issues, I responded truthfully, no issues. When done she said I will see you in 12 m

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Halloween

I use to find halloween a sanctum for no-bars outings before gender reassignment surgery. Would dress up, go to work then out to parties or bars and be extremely happy in that nobody would bother me, a male dressed as a female. My first time in Oregon, I dressed in a just above the knee skirt, white blouse and high heel pumps that I would call very business-like where many employees did not recognize me. Heck even one hit on me. This halloween will be my first as a female and the year before it

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Hair salon

Since I am leaving for a week long trip in Seattle I wanted my hair to look great so I went to the hair salon to have a professional conditioning done and bangs trimmed.  They wash my hair, put the conditioner in then under a dryer. When I get out from the dryer one of the regular stylist comes over and says "I didn't see you come in or see your name in the computer, how are you?" We chatted for a bit then we get talking about sex and trade a few stories having great jiggling going on. This lead

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

Post-op ten months almost

Wow, just about ten months since my reassignment surgery.  In no special order somethings I have noticed. Yes I admit this, have gained 20LB since December when I was weighed last. My doctor said it's the hormones. So without hesitation I started running for 45 minutes each day and completely cut out anything one would consider food that encourages weight gain. The nice thing (if there is any) is that the weight is evenly distributed because if nothing else I still fit into my clothes and only r

KarenPayne

KarenPayne

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