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Public Bathrooms vs. "Hold it"

Anyone newly transitioning will nod a big "YUP" to me about this issue, and maybe some of you trans-vets out there too. Public Bathrooms. The lou. The resty. The bowl of salvation, the think tank, the throne. Call it what you will, but the issues remain the same. Where the hell do we go? I'm FTM. I DREAD the bathrooms. I will literally try to be as stealthy as humanly possible to sneak in the door, find a stall, and wait there until people leave before I rush out and wash my hands then run

WarrenG

WarrenG

First Day of Therapy & Need a New ID???!

So today was my first day of therapy EVER, and it goes without saying that I were a nervous wreck. I got up much earlier than I even needed to, and wandered around the house like a bored lunatic. When I finally decided to leave and went as slowly as I were comfortable, just killing time and cruising along, I still showed up at the office a little more than half hour early. Signed in, no problem. So I was sitting there for a while and the secretary comes over and sits next to me. "I overlooke

WarrenG

WarrenG

I'm Still Here

Like the title of one of my favorite songs, "I'm Still Here" I havent forgotten anyone, and I havent fallen off the face of the planet either! This month has been rather hectic for me, in truth. December begs to be a difficult time for everyone, naturally, since everyone has SOMETHING going on for the holidays, no matter how much of a hermit you plead to be. For me this year, I was blessed with the company of my little sister for the month. For me, it's a huge thing, and I were doing my absol

WarrenG

WarrenG

5am and a lot of mixed blahness

As I said, it's 5am. 5:47am to be exact..... I wanted to write a blog, and try and toss down some of the emotions that are keeping me awake but at the moment...I feel like my brain has shut off completely. I'm not sure what to say, or how express myself right now. I had a breakdown last night...I'd been wearing a lose sportsbra to bed at night because I absolutely HATE the feeling of "them" having any freedom while I'm trying to sleep. But last night...I knew I had to take it off. It needed

WarrenG

WarrenG

Frustrated but hopeful

I'm not going to lie, I'm extremely frustrated. Maybe from not taking my meds last night, maybe from being tired, maybe even from just being restless. I'm so frustrated at the moment that I could just scream and start a fist fight. This whole month has been one big bowl of rotten, festering cherries in my face. First I had that fight with my sister, who has now decided that I'm a bad influence around my nieces, therefore she doesnt want me around them so long as I'm going to be warren, not k

WarrenG

WarrenG

Dramatic day of chaos but YESH!!!!

Ok so I figured I'd start out by jumping right into my pool of angry venting and oblivious flailing. Sort of like a seagull who just witnessed some scumbag stealing "his" crumb. You ever watched a seagull in a McDonalds parking lot, when someone throws a french fry and some other gull grabs it? He's all "AAAAAH!!! YOU SCUMBAGGGG!! I SAW DAT FIRST, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! YOU-oh, hey, that hooman has another one!?" That's how I imagine it anyway. Well let's start off with today, and I'l

WarrenG

WarrenG

Muddy Trenches

Sometimes I cant help but wonder why I bother trying. Why I push so hard to make things right... Today's my birthday, yes that much is true. And it werent a 'bad' day, and my bfs family and whatnot did what they could to make it nice for me. But I'll admit, it was a little hurtful not to see "Warren" or "Ren" on my birthday card. Due to butting heads about it, they left it blank...Instead of a birthday cake, they did a various sliced cheesecake...most likely to avoid the name situation again. Wh

WarrenG

WarrenG

Just a quick thought

I've been seeing a lot of hate lately towards the gorgeous Caitlyn Jenner, and frankly...its saddening. I know it is difficult for people to understand the gravity and complexity of being Transgendered unless they have LIVED it. No one will understand it unless they have witnessed it in their own lives, or gone through the judgement of something in which you have no control. Many saying she is no hero. She is not courageous. Well what you may not realize, is she is a hero. Perhaps not a metal of

WarrenG

WarrenG

Friend Issues

So, I'm kind of at a loss and need some advice or something, though I'm sure others here have way bigger issues than I do right now.I have a friend whom I have been friends with for just over a year. In the beginning, we were great friends and she helped me out a lot with my transition and acceptance and etc. But ever since my downward spiral, it's gotten.....weird.Originally, we'd planned that I would fly out to her state and hang out for a week (mind you, I'm on the east coast and shes all the

WarrenG

WarrenG

Celebrity Losses

Whats all ya'll, hows it going? Not too much going on over here, pretty uneventful which is pretty good considering what could be going on  Though I'll admit that this week has been pretty harsh on me for somewhat unreasonable reasons. Death of celebreties usually ends up being over publisized and over thought of and etc, and a lot of people just get so sick and tired of hearing about a star who passed away. But to people like me, who never really attached themselves to people near them and inst

WarrenG

WarrenG

Anxiety, Doubt, Friend problems and Dysphoria

I havent blogged in a little bit...Mostly due to being sick, really. I took on several extra shifts for my boss because she came down with a flu-like sickness (which is sadly going around.) and now it seems like I got it. Thankfully it's gotten better over the past few days with some help from bedrest and Ginger Ale. And of course, binge watching Supernatural. Almost 2 seasons in the course of 3 days   But with the new year starting out and my new insurance starting in Feburary, on comes a new(e

WarrenG

WarrenG

Whats the point...

So... Insurance said no. For the fifth time. My favorite beach is closed. My birthday plans have been cancelled. And I literally cant think of many reasons why I should even bother to keep trying. Please dont message or comment with 'keep your chin up' or 'keep trying' because that literally only ticks me off. Ren.  

WarrenG

WarrenG

Whiney Update

Anyone miss me? Yeah, me either. You havent missed much but I figured I'd post an entry just so people dont think I died or something. Not sure if I'm even relevant anymore but, yeah. So here's an update. No surgery. No responses from insurance, no responses from GLAAD or any of the LGBTQ+ Advocates for NH nor anyone else I wrote to. No one seems to give a flip and that doesnt really surprise me... I'm still dealing with the MPD stuff, all eight of the obnoxious whiners -,_,- My life in a nutshe

WarrenG

WarrenG

Long Time, but I'm still here

It's been an extremely long time...but yeah, I'm still here. Nothing much has changed and I lost the ambition to blog because it was an endless parade of the same thing every day. It felt like a waste of time to keep repeating myself. Not sure why I'm here again, but I think maybe on the rare chance that anyone was wondering where I went or, by chance, was worried; I wanted to let everyone know that I'm alright. Whats New: Just over a year at my job in Security, and nothing has changed too drast

WarrenG

WarrenG

Firsts

So this is my first time with this...First time even blogging, actually. At the current moment I am several hours overdue to go to bed before a trip back north to see my mother, and perhaps this is why I have finally convinced myself to perhaps seek some guidance and support from others 'like me'. I say that as if I'm damaged cans at a grocery store..that's rather shameful I suppose. So, a little about myself I guess? I'm 22 years old, I love horseback riding and enjoy writing in my own books,

WarrenG

WarrenG

Paperwork can be Triggers

I never thought of paperwork as a trigger. For anything really. Depression, anxiety, etc. But I came to realize it today. I woke up extra early and left to run some errands, knowing I had to build up some courage. I paid my bill (some of it at least) to the hospital, and stopped by the local pharmacy for a few things for my costume on friday, then I made one more stop. The councilling building, where I'll be going. After pulling into the driveway that I nearly passed by because I were nervou

WarrenG

WarrenG

Halloween!

So halloween went epic as ever One of the challenges I faced as a (attempting) FTM is costumes...Sadly many costumes are gender based or seperated. Originally I were trying to go for the werewolf look, but it turned out to be a zombie from The Walking Dead. Either one was fine with me I was one of the only ones who dressed up at work, and must say that I put the most work into mine. One person was a Professor from Hogwarts and she looked really cool, another was a nurse, and the head manag

WarrenG

WarrenG

What do you really want?

Today is tuesday, and as some of you know, tuesday is my therapy day. The day I suck up my blahness, climb out of bed, and go sit and chitchat with my therapist about...basically everything and anything. But this time, I broke down after I left her office. I sat in my car, gripped the steeringwheel and attempted to get a grip on myself, before finally breaking down and bawling my pathetic eyes out. I feel like she gave up on me already. I were originally instructed to see a therapist for my

WarrenG

WarrenG

Turkey stuffing and Tragic Staring

As you all know, tomorrow is thanksgiving, and like most of you I have a few things that need to get done. Obviously. This year I'm going to my boyfriend's family's get together in an Inn at the top of a mountain. We've been there for last year's gathering and I'll admit, it's gorgeous and the view is absolutely the best (I'll post pictures when I can!) But this year is going to be different for me, personally. Last year I were still enduring the dressy clothes and makeup and doing my hair and

WarrenG

WarrenG

I'm not giving up, and I hope theyre not either

Since I am more able to express/explain myself on paper or online, I decided that since I'll be in town that I should get my butt in gear and suck up my pride. So, I did research. I wrote emails. And...I wrote a letter to my therapist. I'm gonna share it, since I figured it might give others ideas, and hopefully what I did was right. "Dear _____, I hope your Thanksgiving went well and you didnt get buried in all the snow. I talked to a few online friends about my last visit with you, and d

WarrenG

WarrenG

Busy and Hectic Day, but looking up

Tuesday, Again. By now you've figured out (most likely) that Tuesday is my Therapy day. I'll be honest that therapy has not been as horrible as I had imagined it to be, and honestly it kind of feels good to sit there and just talk. We dont even have to talk about anything important, really. But knowing that what I say wont really leave her office, and we're by ourselves...it allows me to open up and talk freely. It's really nice, and I end up leaving with a weight off my shoulders. Not say

WarrenG

WarrenG

Disheartening but it's Progress

So today I made very slight progress, though it put me in a bad mood all day and made things very disappointing. After exchanging very brief emails with the plastic surgeon center at the nearest large hospital in my area, I finally decided to call them and get a quick estimate on what I'd be looking at for a top surgery plus anything else that may or may not be required. To be honest, I'm not sure exactly what I was hoping for. It's not like they'd start giggling like the littlest elf and off

WarrenG

WarrenG

An Update on your new Guard

SO, Long time no see lol Sadly I've not had the chance to upload any youtube videos but I'm hoping to do that tomorrow while I have the day off. Oh yeah, the day off....I LOVE MY JOB. So far the people I work with have been INSANELY AWESOME. They're so laid back and cool, and I love it. I started my first short-night last night with helping at the bar of the academy (yeah i know what you're thinking. A bar? At a school? But during the summer we host scientists and adults so they get drinking nig

WarrenG

WarrenG

Ups and Downs and a Crutch

Well theres good parts and of course, bad parts, to life in general. It started out where a lot of stress comes from in any average american, regardless of sexuality, gender, or lifestyle. Your workplace. My mind was deadset and my plans set, and I walked in with confidence and pride. I wanted my name tag officially changed away from my feminine name and to my male nickname of 'Ren'. I was so set on it, I had my whole heart bursting with excitement. One little tiny piece of plastic to wear e

WarrenG

WarrenG

Breathing Optional

So, first off I want to apologize for my last blog post, I apparently was having a bad day/night and needed to vent. I do want to thank everyone for their words of encouragement and assure you that I am less RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWRRRRRR today and more ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz JUST BECAUSE IM THAT BIPOLAR. Yup, that is my life.   SO, on another note, it IS Wednesday, and as some of you may know, it is my YOUTUBE POST day. So I have posted my weekly youtube post, and here

WarrenG

WarrenG

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