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What popped into my head

Entries in this blog

Life Continues

Good day   Let me start off with saying, I know that I haven't been active in a long time, and I might not get to say this...   Merry Christmas to all of you celebrating the festive season.  May this bring you everything you thought it would and more.   I had an eventful few months and that is so going to get me disowned if I'm not already disowned...  But that is another story for another day, when I probably need to vent.   I got engaged in the last few months and only my niece, also the one I

Michele800226

Michele800226

Tears I shed

Why tears.  Well I've always been an emotionally strong woman.  Yes, strong as in vocalizing what I think and how I do thigs, as well as not needing a Knight to save me I can save him too...  I'm a fighter after all.   Well in the last month I've been disciplined for not informing my commander about a lone child on street late at night!  I asked if that wasn't part and parcel of my work to serve and protect, and if so.  Give me a written instruction stating I should leave a defenseless five year

Michele800226

Michele800226

Girls can be tough too

The police haven't sent me on training in while, and here its for the newest entry at work. So having had training in Shotguns, R5 Assault Rifles, RAP401 and Piettro Beretta Mod92 9mm Pistols a decade back, was like funny to for me the only girl with the hard ass guys I work with and some men I can sneeze over. 5 minutes later firearm training over, I know my firearm, so off to the shooting range. Why didn't you train the other stations people. This guy looks like he is afraid in front of

Michele800226

Michele800226

Annual Symptoms

Well, each year this time I'm faced with the same feelings and emotions, that got amplified after my father passed away. February strikes, everything seems fine, and as the nears the last week emotions run wild, literally and figuratively. Okay, my birthday and I have never seen eye to eye. Yes, I know it's just a day, but somehow it manages to find a way to screw me over. This years isn't so big, but I can't find a place with available space, so romantic weekend away is spoilt. To

Michele800226

Michele800226

35 Today

Quite frankly a birthday has never been at the top of my to do list, unless the list is on how to evade a birthday. Today, Thursday 2015-02-26, I turned 35 years old. This Capetonian trans lady sometimes, grabs the bull by its horns, make that balls. And then there are days that started off like today, I cried and just couldnt understand why. Now most of the times when I go through this day, I cant wait for it to be over. Like today, so a normal day that I hate this day. One, I was bor

Michele800226

Michele800226

WE ALL HAVE TO, DON'T WE???

Generally Speaking   No matter if you CIS, Trans, Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Queer.  All of us went through the phase of exploration.  Be it to discover your gender or sexuality or which careers we wanted to follow, because you don't look, behave or think like everyone else you talk to.  Sometimes, not even your parents have an answer for you, make that most of the times.  And when you finally got an answer from somewhere, it takes us all different timeframes to accept or initiate the change we so desire

Michele800226

Michele800226

With or Without Support

Got asked about documentation my mom couldn't find, so I handed her what I stored away in the safe.  After finding the documents, I reiterated that it might be difficult to do what she wants as my gender marker and first name are being changed slightly.  And all I got was, it's your life and your problem when I'm dead.   I've always known my support came from my father, so with the lack of support from the one we call Hammie (what my siblings and I call our mother).  But I also know, that out of

Michele800226

Michele800226

To Topdeck or Not To Topdeck

Everyone will ask why you asking about chocolates, right.  Actually wrong.   I've never been bound by race or religion, when it came and still comes to men intriguing me.  But I've always had a thing for someone taller and bigger body structured then my 1.74m (5ft8) structure and around 140Lbs.  The top criterion above all else, is he needs to have respect, love and adoration for me.   Okay, I grew up in a time when interracial relationships were a no no, but I am grateful my dad crossed all bou

Michele800226

Michele800226

PMS once more

Seeing that I have the time on my hands let make this one clear.   For 5 days out of the month, I am on a lower dosage of estrogen, and it kinda makes me cranky as hell.  Reason being is that I have decided to go the medically induced period cycle, and I know it is motha of all hell pain cramps, because I've always had these cramps from my 9th birthday.  Some months it's good and I'm just cranky as hell.  Other months it is so bad, I cramp and start crying from the pain.  But I know it is now in

Michele800226

Michele800226

Greater things to come

Hi there all.   I have mentioned that I was applying to an internal post at work, and that it implies that I will by an acting fleet manager.   On the 30 September 2015 I was officially informed that my application for the post was successful.  The amazing part was, that all my competition were butch guys and little feminine old me won the race, and I didn't come second, third or any other number other then number 1.   I started on 7 October 2015 at 07:30 and my first day was a blast.  I enjoyed

Michele800226

Michele800226

Months Away, with new challenges

Hi all, haven't been around for a while and yes.  I still hope that everyone is doing well.   One of the most recent things that happened was a dreadful birthday, where I was feeling depressed and violated to the extend that I stayed indoors as I got home the day before and didn't leave my bed except for bathroom breaks and eating obviously, (from the Thursday evening till the Monday around noon.  Didn't even answer any calls, just played games on my tablet and basically slept the whole time.  

Michele800226

Michele800226

Long time coming

Hi there everybody   Can't say that it's been a long time, but I've been busy and attempting to get this done for a while now.   So I recently got my medical aid bill, and low and behold i underwent radiology for the week I was in hospital without me knowing.  I know precisely which drip it was in after thought, but still I like my doctors to be open to me because that is what I do.  If I wasn't open, I would've let them put me with the guys, and never have told the medical staff I was transgend

Michele800226

Michele800226

Knowing myself

Hi there   Blessed be to all.   As I start off thinking about myself, I know if I could change anything about myself, it would be: My gender by protecting myself from having to experience gender specific issues the world have, Keep my height and weight Be fit and limber, a perfectionist when it comes to kungfu, tai chi, tae kwan do, and numerous other martial arts formforms Speak language I stil understand and more, German, Dutch, Italian, French, Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean, Taiwanese,

Michele800226

Michele800226

Validation or Continuous Fight

Hello all   This question is now running through my mind, when does validation turn into the continuous fight for acceptance?   Well, validation comes when you original start accepting yourself and other acknowledges this by using the correct pronoun's for you, and also accepts you for being yourself.  Or at least that is how I look at it.   The continuous fight for acceptance happens when resistance is felt by you that others can't accept you, and won't without a fight.  Almost when you know yo

Michele800226

Michele800226

What next

Good day all   I know that I am sometimes just questioning what is happening, but hey, seeing that I am still a young 36 years old that looks younger apparently then my 18 year old self, then how can I say no to being a questioning fiend.   I went in for the operation on Tuesday and to my perk, I wasn't treated as though I was a weird specimen of human trying to infiltrate an alien race.  Operation was done with the highest of professionalism and only afterwards I was asked about being transgend

Michele800226

Michele800226

Medical Week

Tuesday came, and it was the last day of January by that.  Left work early, and got to the endocrinologist.  Marli had her normal  checks and we spoke.  But what made me zone out was, here is a referral, you need to go for a mammogram.  Lucky we already went through the blood works that I took on the previous Friday.   I got to work the next day, as the blood works is showing signs of cholesterol and that my testosterone levels are higher.  Normal male ranges but still half of what I started out

Michele800226

Michele800226

What is right can never be wrong

Having never been in hiding, I cant say how it feels to have come out to the world. It's in your face obvious that I'm special and unique. And this package is a police official too. So lete go through a decade of trials and tribulations in an organization that is male orientated with almost no ability to change.My decade started off with bam, because not only was I attacked and attempted to convince me that I'm wrong in who I am and portray. Gloating to everyone that she has put me in my pla

Michele800226

Michele800226

How I feel about you, Gym...

I clearly don't need to go, but I somehow have decided that 35 might be the year things slow down for me. I eat half of what I used to, sometimes anything from 25% and up and I'm filled. Lets rather say, I also started a relationship which I need to end on one or two levels. Therefore I will either just say Gym, which means sex, and Go or Going to the Gym, which has the meaning of the words to exercise. GYM What I like about it is, I've finally started enjoying it, so my hiatus from A

Michele800226

Michele800226

Laughing at Myself. Yes, the Hop, Bounce, Jump, Breath Deep Baby that jeans will close."

Even people.   Clearly this is a clothes issue.  Yes, 137Lbs almost 138Lbs have a problem with certain clothes.   Not a problem buying.  No women can't tell me how a shop or card works.  Todays issue is getting in my clothes.   As I previously informed you, I was on a physical course and seemed like I lost weight.  Not the case.  Weird right.   Today, I grab a jeans, 32inches, and the bugger didnt want to go over my bum.  My lady humps were in the way of my jeans.  I pulled harder, and what I on

Michele800226

Michele800226

Just realized (n Bek Vol)

I never thought of it like this...   Okay, we all probably never thought of it, okay make that the persons who never gave the world a chance to influence and change your gender.  I've always been trapped in a body with a body part belonging to someone else.  And even as a child I would ask everyone, "WHERE DO YOU SEE A BOY, BECAUSE IF YOU TALKING TO ME, I'M NOT LISTENING AS I AM NOT A BOY!!!"   So did I give my parents the chance to grieve the loss of a son they never had, or is my mother just t

Michele800226

Michele800226

Increasing the specialist range

Hi all   Well, yesterday I had an appointment with my GP.  Got there for a routine checkup and mentioned that my right boob is tender too, checked for lumps can't feel anything, but she is now recommending because my boobs are so dense I should go to have them checked out with sonograms.  But yeah they always start about 10 days before my cramps start and that just seems normal to me.  After that she said, welcome to women problems, boobs feeling sore that time of the month and all the bloatedne

Michele800226

Michele800226

To make-up or not

Hi everyone   Apparently I'm loving these to do or not to do's.  But let's just say, they come after experiences I've gone through.   This week that passed was no different from others.  Seeing that for my last few weeks at work I've been going to the shooting range, with the only difference that I actually got to shoot.  So 1 less day of actually working for me, because I'd normally return to work after a long drive.   Friday, as per usual.  I got up earlier to be at work before 06:00 and get w

Michele800226

Michele800226

And again

Good day all   I am again in this same situation that I was, but not as bad, just this captain wants everything in writing.  Fine by me, and here is the chance again to make everyone around me squirm.  Yes, I will be the bitch again.   No it is actually a short thing, just to vent that I need to get everything again, just to be myself.   Seeing my doc on Tuesday, so will be asking again for other documentation to just make the world stop and gasp again.   Not venting just saying, as the stupid a

Michele800226

Michele800226

Bye bye reproductivity

Hi all   Went for my bi annual endocrinology check at the end of January 2017, and all went well.   Then for a urology check up, more like an appointment date for my bilateral orchidectomy on 2 March 2017.  And got an appointment date for 7 March 2017, which was yesterday.   I had 4 days to prepare for surgery so went and stocked up on pads (sanitary towels) for the possible bleeding, paid the doctors fees of basically R4000.00 and the requested the bill from the hospital which the doctor estima

Michele800226

Michele800226

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