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Background....

I've been wanting to do this for my own purposes anyway, but since I have a blog now I should use it! In exploring my gender I've thought a lot about the past and anything that might have been an indicator of what I really was (am!). The earliest item is my very first best friend (only friend for awhile) - Missy (totally ironic that I now use that name for my drag name). I'm not even sure when we became friends, we were both younger than 5 years old though. She lived down the street from

Chrissy

Chrissy

Woke up with doubts...but...

Good morning everyone, Before I get to the main point, I have an anecdote from last week (I share this with a couple of people already) - I was going to be hanging out with my friend Mindy on Friday night, so at lunchtime I went to get some wine (to go with the nachos we were planning).  When I was at the store I heard the clerk say to me (I wasn't facing him at that moment, but I was the only customer in the store), "If you need any help maam just ask." I woke up ridiculously early today sudden

Chrissy

Chrissy

NY Pride - reflections

Hi all, It took me a little to figure out how to get my pics on here (apparently I can't do it on my phone, it has to be on a computer so that I can resize the pics).  Below are three pics - two of them show the top that I wore for Pride - they gave us the t-shirts for marching with NYU, I modified mine, cuz ya know, boobs. It worked out nicely since the "Y" in "NYU" is centered so that I could cut the V into the top of it. One of these also shows the Trans pride flag that I had for the march :-

Chrissy

Chrissy

...but this time...

This is basically part 2 of my previous entry about work issues. I totally agree with everyone who followed-up suggesting holding out until surgeries are done, I can't imagine starting a new job and then telling them I'm going to be out for X weeks, so better to do it now, which also lets me get more experience. The problem is that that's an "exit strategy," but it doesn't address how to cope on a daily basis with a job situation that I find basically humiliating.  I don't like the idea of tryin

Chrissy

Chrissy

New job

Happy Saturday everyone! I just finished my second full week with my new position and my mood is so much better than just a few weeks ago (when I wrote about feeling any lack of purpose). The new position involves managing the school's website and social media accounts.  I thought what I had been missing was making a meaningful contribution, and that was true, but more specifically what makes this so good is that it calls on me to make independent editorial decisions, rather than just doing cler

Chrissy

Chrissy

Top Surgery

On February 8 I have an appointment with a surgeon to discuss top surgery  I'd have to wait until August for insurance to cover, but I wanted to start seeing what's involved.  He's in Albany, but that's not too far and he's in-Network for insurance.   Unrelated - today in Jersey City  

Chrissy

Chrissy

A sweet gesture by a stranger

Good morning everyone, I've many times heard the suggestion about doing a random act of kindness for a stranger and this morning I learned from the recipient end what a wonderful suggestion it really is! I was on the PATH train coming in to work (I had amazingly gotten a seat!) and I was reading "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism." A few minutes in, the woman sitting next to me handed me a note, it read: "I saw title of your book. I think your courage to be who you want to be

Chrissy

Chrissy

Electrolysis and ....

I just made an appointment for electrolysis - yay!  The part that hurt the most was that she said I'd need to let the hair grow out a little (she said enough so that she can get it with a tweezer).  For me that will take a couple of days, I hate that idea but I guess it's worthwhile for the ultimate gain (or loss). Also contacted my doctor for a referral for an endocronologist (not sure how you spell that) - another yay! Have done both of those things I'm trying to read my feelings - at first it

Chrissy

Chrissy

"Transition"

Hi all, So I wanted to throw this out for discussion - I've been thinking recently about the term "transition" as it relates to the trans community. For starters, I hope nothing that I say here will suggest that I think everyone needs to use the same terminology, particularly for their own experience and journey - it's our story, it's our terminology! But in a broader perspective, I have some concerns about the term "transition."  Transition is defined as "the process or a period of changing fro

Chrissy

Chrissy

On transitioning...

Good morning everyone! Happy Tuesday! This might be something of a "stream of consciousness" entry, but it's been a few days and I feel like I need to post something. I just had a long weekend, it's the end of the semester here so I took off Friday and Monday. Over the weekend I did an inventory of my wardrobe to see what exactly I need to buy in order to dress properly on a full-time basis. In hindsight I probably didn't need to do that, I basically need more of everything. I'm qui

Chrissy

Chrissy

Updates - coming out, and orientation epiphany!

Happy Friday everyone! I made several fairly significant steps this week.  In terms of "presentation" there was only one day that I was wearing typically male clothing (and the reason for that has now passed, so it doesn't need to happen again).  In addition to the mascara and lip gloss that I was already doing, I wore nail polish all week (including a very noticeable red on Wednesday).  And I'm getting better at curling my hair to match what the hair stylist did, so my hair style is decidedly m

Chrissy

Chrissy

Motivation...and another (small?) step forward

I had a brief email exchange with one of my bosses yesterday, it started off with me distinguishing between "shopping" and "buying" (I won't go into the boring details of how that came up), and I said - "If only the people in the mailroom knew what was in the many packages I get delivered here…" Her response (she knows about my cross-dressing, but not that I'm TG) - "Ha ha. They'd think you were surprising your girlfriend I bet. You really don't tip off the layperson." I honestly fou

Chrissy

Chrissy

Memorial Service - coming out

Hi everyone, So last weekend was the memorial service for my uncle who passed away in January - everyone was so spread out they delayed it to find a convenient time for as many people as possible. His passing was of course sad, but he was older and hadn't been in good health (mentally or physically) for quite some time. The point of this entry is the fact that this is the first time I've seen many family members since I transitioned. About 10-12 people knew (the most direct of my relatives - my

Chrissy

Chrissy

Good morning! 1 more week, and some fear...

Good morning everyone! For those of you noticing that I don't have a pic (which hopefully won't be the case by the time most people notice), I tried to change it over the weekend, but for various tech reasons wasn't able to. Anyway. The 1 more week in my subject line refers to 1 more week at work in which I'll generally be presenting as male (a male who wears mascara, lip gloss, and JLo jeans on Fridays, but a male). Next week we go into exam period and then summer, so I plan to shift my

Chrissy

Chrissy

Insurance update

I got some relatively good news from my insurance company today (I don't think I've ever written or said that before!). They definitely cover GRS - after I pay a $1500 deductible (which is fine, they cover 100% after that). Initially I thought they didn't cover breast augmentation as it is listed on the "exclusions" list - but then after the agent said that it should be I found a later reference in the document saying that if, after 12 months of hormones, you don't feel they have grown sufficien

Chrissy

Chrissy

Now for something non-Cait

Hello all, This past weekend I spent a lot of time out at the National Tennis Center in Queens, NY (where the US Open is played). The LGBT tennis group I belong to was hosting the Atlantic Cup (which is a team competition between our group and groups from Boston, Philadelphia, and Washington, DC).  Although a shoulder injury keeps me from playing right now I went out to help and to stay in contact with the group (I've been a member for about 4 years, there are so many wonderful people there!). I

Chrissy

Chrissy

318

Hi all, I've been a very bad TGGuide citizen, the new job has kept me much busier than the former! I had an appointment with my endocrinologist yesterday - my testosterone level is down to 318 now (from mid-400s last time) - so it's getting there!  He increased my estrogen prescription to 3mg/day, and said to go up to 4mg in a couple of months, then I'll see him again shortly after that :-) On the less medical side, I had 2 medical professionals (my endocrinologist and therapist) both say to me

Chrissy

Chrissy

A new week...

Good morning everyone! I spent some time this past weekend thinking about my "next steps."  I've exhausted (I think) most of the subtle steps that I can take, I get the feeling that whatever I do next in terms of transition will be quite noticeable, which prompted me to wonder how ready I am for that.  Wondering how ready I am made me then wonder whether it was fear holding me back a little (answer = yes). It helped a little (a lot) that I sat down at one point and wrote out a list of what I see

Chrissy

Chrissy

Some thoughts on depression as I get ready to move on

Good morning wonderful people of TGGuide! Today I have an appointment with my endocrinologist to get blood work, etc. done in preparation for HRT.  I haven't gotten the letter from my therapist yet, but it is being prepared, and she had me complete a consent form so that she can send it to the endocrinologist as soon as it's ready.  I also have an August 6 appointment with the endocrinologist, which may be (hopefully!) the day I get the prescription. All that is just to lead in to some thoughts

Chrissy

Chrissy

The little things ... in this case, shoes

Today I took a somewhat surprisingly big step, at least it was big in the fact that I hadn't anticipated how nervous it would make me. I've been dressing entirely female for the past few weeks, with only a couple of necessary exceptions (which won't happen again), but my shoes have been relatively obscure.  I'm wearing women's shoes, but typically either sneakers or boots, shoes that don't necessarily read as female. Today I'm wearing a pair of black flats, these very definitely read as female.

Chrissy

Chrissy

Book Project

Hi all, I met on Tuesday with a person who is working on a book project about "transformations." Although not gender-specific, she indicated that most of the people she thinks will be featured will be female. One section of the book will be dedicated to trans-identified people, and it looks like I'm going to be one of them  Each person featured will have a short blurb, something about their story of transformation, and then a few related pictures. I'll write the initial blurb myself - my slant o

Chrissy

Chrissy

My journey...update

Hi everyone, Happy Friday!!! Some follow-up from last week, there was one friend I hadn't heard from after I emailed him last week, I wasn't too worried, but I admit I was a little worried (he doesn't live nearby, so i don't get to see him in person as much). Anyway, I texted him yesterday to see if he had gotten the email, he hadn't (some problem accessing his Yahoo email). He now has seen it and was as supportive and I expected (before getting pointlessly worried because of not getting

Chrissy

Chrissy

Philadelphia Transgender Health Conference - Part I

I arrived in Philadelphia today - the conference starts early tomorrow so I decided to get down here a day early. I got a hotel at a decent rate and it's about 1/2 block from the Convention Center! Anyway - last year I did the free version of the conference, this year I paid for the professional track (for a student it was $85). The tough part is deciding what to go to!  Initially I went through the schedule and just put everything I was interested in on my calendar. Then earlier this week I wen

Chrissy

Chrissy

long time...

It's been awhile since I've written anything here - that was partly (largely) because of school and recovery. My recovery from GRS is going well, I've now been cleared for everything (including tennis and sex!), and I'm down to dilating twice a day (until the end of June). There was some granulated tissue, but that's been taken care of. And I've now had the delightful female experience of having my feet up in the stirrups for a medical exam! It doesn't make you feel at all vulnerable (sarcasm).

Chrissy

Chrissy

Dressing for success!!!!

Much has been said on this website about dressing - obviously! - here was my experience this morning. I'm at my field placement today, which is a social work internship, so it requires a good balance of looking professional, without going too far and creating the appearance of a power imbalance. Add to that mix that I had a dental appointment in the morning before I came here. Usually that wouldn't impact anything, but I go to the NYU Faculty Dental Practice, and the student I go to is really, r

Chrissy

Chrissy

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