I can't say that I have had much trans activity this past week. I have just been too pooped at the end of the day along with a lot of follow-up paperwork that needs doing to even think about dressing. The only dress I want to see is my nightie. It's not all bad, really, although it will be better when things finally start to pop. I am making a lot of approaches and setting appointments, but then there are always those that fall through for one reason or another. The two really good ones I have has so far this week won't make a decision for another six months. Nothing happens fast, that's for sure. I have four presentations scheduled for the morning, so maybe one of them wiill come through.
I have been working some with a co-worker, Kathy, whom I have previously mentioned. As I said, she is very sharp and was a big person in IT with American Express making major bucks as she tells it. But she loves to talk, and takes soooo looong to do things, that it does get to me. She also obsesses over her prospects that are not happening and just eating up more of her time. I have to keep moving. If you are serious, fine. If not, I have others to see. Some agents do very well working with a partner. I'm so used to being on my own. My wife used to say that I don't really need anybody. It was a harsh statement. Maybe, it's true. I do enjoy good company, but it's hard to fine people with interests similar to mine, or maybe interesting people period. I will say that I have met interesting and alive people here at this website. I am grateful that it is here.
I have been having difficulty loading this page for some reason, but now I'm back at it. As those who have been following know-namely Monica, Chrissy, and Emma Sweet--this has been a rough summer. In June, I found out that I was losing my job after almost 11 years at PACE Broward. And then, at the end of July, my wife died rather suddenly. She had not been doing well for quite a while, but we always thought there would be more time. The weeks following my wife's death were filled with a crush of friends and retatives offering support and sympathy. We had a final memorial gathering at the house. We had a good turnout and it went well, and then Sunday came and I was truly on my own for the first time in forever.
I don't know what got into me, but I didn't waste any time beginning my transformation into Michelle. I presented as a man for my wife, but thre was no need any more. I would still grieve my loss, but I knew this time was coming, and I already had some ideas about what I would do when I was on my own. Besides, I wasn't returning to my old worksite, so people wouldn't know any better. The first thing to go was the moustache. I had been threatening. Although I am close to 75--November--my hair is still brown. The only part that is gray is my moustache which I had to continually keep dyeing with Just for Men to keep from looking like a pensioner. Even then, it still had streaks of gray that wouldn't be covered. What a pain! My wife did say thought at without a moustache, I didn't look like I had any upper lip. In this, she was absolutely right. My lower lip is full enough; the upper lip, not so much. I have since learned to push it with a lip pencil and lipstick. It is what it is. A plastic surgeon could probably enhance my lips, but I don't see me doing that for many reasons.
Anyway, back to the topic. I had enough of a severance package and paid leave from work to last me a little while, but not for a whole lot longer. I needed to work to supplement my social security check. I went through all the requirements to substitute teach as a fill-in while looking for a full-time job, but school had not yet started and there wouldn't be any demand for subs until it did. I did have several interviews with schools for ESE (special needs) support, but never got called back. I have good experience and great recommendations, but I have a feeling that my age may have eliminate me. I began to widen my search beyond education--I still did not want to be back in the classroom--but that may change. I would even consider anything that I could do that paid at least $15/hour, but that's not minimum wage yet. Last week, I interviewed with AFLAC to sell accident insurance, but haven't heard back from them either.
Then, Ms. Brooks, the ESE Specialist, I worked with from the school district called to tell me that I was expected to sub at the Pompano Youth Treatment Center--a Department of Juvenile Justice detention center for boys--on Friday. Since I had not previously registered with the Broward substitute teaching system, I thought that one had fallen through. Not so. I was told that classes started at 7:15, and I got ready and left the house about 6:20. Even with a major wrong turn on the turnpike, I still was early enough to have to wait in lobby. It turned out to be a pretty easy day. During the first two periods, a chess teacher worked with the boys on their chess.The rest of the morning was taken up with a movie. The boys were respectful. I didn't do a whole lot, but I did get paid for it, so what the hey. Now I find out that I am booked for the next week at a different detention center. I might actually have to do some work for this one. Given the circumstances, I have not ruled out a full-time teaching gig with one of the centers. It actually felt good to be working again, not that I haven't enjoyed or really needed some time off, but it will be a relief not to have to worry about an income.
But, in the meanwhile, Michelle came out and has blossomed and will continue to do so. That is not changing. I will never go back to where I was. This is who I am--so world, get used to it. I have to give a shout-out to Andrea, who has become my mentor and guide in transforming into Michelle. The other girls in the CD chat room have all been supportive and fun just to be with. So that's it for now. We'll see what kind of trouble I can get into tomorrow. Stay tuned.:)
I have been working pretty steadily with AFLAC, but iooks like I will have to work even harder--and smarter--to get off the ground. Most of my appointments for the last two days didn't work out for one reason or another, mostly no-shows which is common enough. I think I can reschedule most of them, however. My boss and I did get one the looks likely to be a buyer as well as being a broker who can make referrals to me for added business. So, we 'll see how that pans out. I still have some things pending, and tomorrow I make some recalls to see if I can catch the owner. I'm going to keep going.
BTW, I "just" read that we should try to eliminate using "just" in our speech and writing. The writer said that it adds a note of subservience to our communications, and we are more direct and purposeful without it. Women seem to use it 3-4 times as much as men. I use it a lot which says something about me. I'll try to cut down on using it. My readers can check on me.
Right now I have to finish my course on how to use the writing platform so I can write policies and make some money. That will be nice. I have two trainings next week as well, one all day, and the other half day. On top of that, our region is running a major push next week, so I will definitely be putting some hours in. I'll be working with a go-getter female partner for a good part of the week. I think it will be good for me to work with someone who is a bit more agressive. Maybe the two of us can make a good team.
Anyway, that's it for now. My feminine self is taking a back burner for a while, which is not all bad. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, you know.( I have a really bad joke on that, but I'll save that for another time.) Later.
It's been a few days since I've added anything, so I thought it is time. I have been keeping pretty busy with work and have opened two new accounts this year so far. I have three more ready to go before the end of the month which puts me on track to meet my next milestone. This is a good one since it comes with an $i800 bonus, and I can certainly use the cash. I may have mentioned that my District Coordinator wants me to be the #1 account opener in our market this year--I think I can make it.
Yesterday I had implant surgery. I had an appointment for a consult along with my routine cleaning , and as it turned out the dentist had a cancellation, so I thought I might as well go for it. It will help save three of my back teeth and restore my chewing on that side, so I think it will be worth it. I am lucky to have plenty of bone in my jaw so that no bone grafts were necessary. It was somewhat painful even with the novacaine, but I had little pain afterwards, so I'm happy about that. My next big expense will be my two poodles and their visit to the vet. As you can see, I need to keep working! No more feminine shopping for the time being--Michelle will have to wait. She is not hurting anyway--LOL. Later.
This was one of those days when I got up an hour earlier than I thought--which was damn early--like 3:40 am. I didn't realize this until a little later after I had given the do gs their breakfast and taken them for their walk and did my exercises. Then I saw it was nearly 5--a more normal time for me. Anyway, I was up, so I made coffee and added to my grocery list and tried to read the digital edition of the Miami Herald. I was not making it so the recliner beckoned for a little chair nap, for which I am famous.
Back up at 7:00 still feeling groggy, I had the rest of my now cold coffee--too lazy to even nuke it-and my breakfast cereal and then off to Walmart. My wife and I had a routine to go to Walmart first and then finish up at Publix. But since I did not have a huge list and I'm trying to watch my budget, i thought I could do it all a Walmart, including a few non-grocery, non-typical items like eye liner, foundation, mascara, and nail polish. ( I need eye shadow too, but I forgot to put it on the list. I have to go out tomorrow anyway.) My wife and I shopped at Walmart at roughly the same time each Saturday for the past 10 years or so, and were acquainted with several staff members and customers as well.
So the first person I see is Deepak, who is the checker at the back of the store by the garden shop. We've known Deepak like forever, and he was a special ed teacher so we would chit-chat about our students and how unruly they sometimes could be. He offered his condolences when I told him of my wife's death, and then went on about not being able to start over at my age. His message seemed to be that I had best carry on until the end--what a bummer! (I didn't tell him that.) I just nodded and made my way down the aisle to the cosmetics department with him tagging along. In my head, I was saying, "No, Deepak, go back to the register. I don't need you now." And, "What do you mean I can't start over when I am transforming myself into Michelle Lea, and I'm free to be me and on my own for the first time in my life! Life is just beginning!" (I don't usually use that many exclamation points, but I feel the are justified under the circumstances).
Well, I was finally set to pick up my make up items when I run into another couple we encountered every week and became friendly with. So, I had to let them know, and then I didn't feel like explaining why I was buying cosmetics when I had no wife. I'm still pretty new at this. I am not confident that the people we knew would understand. I did my other shopping with the intention of going back to cosmetics but that didn't work out. Target, here I come. In the end, I did get most of what I wanted and was planning on prettying up tonight for a chat with the girls. But I'm now feeling a little under the weather and just want to go to bed early and try again tomorrow.
But, I did get the lawn mowed, despite frequent showers,and I did visit my neighbor who just had hernia surgery and is a hurting piece of gear and I did finallay catch up with my brother who lives outside of Austin, TX, to see if he and his family are okay after Harvey made landfall.
I did get my toenails polished, not the fingernails yet. One of the shades I bought is almost a non-color and hardly worth the effort. I feel naked now if my toenails aren't polished. I have girly flip-flops I wear around the house. And so there it is for now. Later.
This was a busy week, but lately, aren't they all? AFLAC was running a contest to kick start the quarter, so we were all encouraged to go out there and rack up some good numbers. The ones who reached a certain level would be invited to a fancy downtown bar--Blue Martini--this coming Monday. I was a little handicapped since I had a full day of training on Tuesday, and another hald a day training on Thursday. Additionally, on Monday I worked with someone else which was a little different for me. Kathy has been in the business a little bit longer than me and is just starting to make some headway. She is sharp and has a good approach, although she is much more analytical than I am and is more selective of the businesses she calls on. I may get that way, but right now I don't do much discriminating. Pretty much, if it's got a door, I'll go in. Still, we ended the day with 53 approaches and one appointment set. Wednesday, after my second time through Level 1 sales school, I really pounded the pavement and made 79 approaches and set 7 business appointments and 1 direct sale appointment. As some of you may know, sales is an up and down deal. On Thursday, after my morning training, I went out and made 43 approaches and came up empty-handed. i even went downhill as I lost one of the appointments I had previously set--I wasn't terribly disapponted in this one as it was pretty iffy to start with. My boss gave me some encouraging words last night, and I bounced back with 23 approaches today and 4 appointments set. Kathy also did an employer presentation for me which went well. Hopefully, it will translate into some enrollments and get me on the board.
So, this weekend I will catch my breath and get myself organized the for comng week. I have 10 appointments with employers and Kathy and my boss Rich are going to do them for me. I haven't been to Level 2 training yet, so I don't know enought to do them on my own. I will have a lot more leeway when I can make my own presentations. So, little by little I seem to be getting there. It does take time and there is a lot to learn. In due time. BTW, I am invited to the Blue Martini on Monday. I don't drink anymore, but hopefully the food will be good. I will try to post the picture that was taken at training. I put it on facebook and have gotten a lot of likes and comments.
I had a long chat with Rich, my District Coordinator, this morning over iced-coffee at a Dunkin Donuts in Coconut Creek. It was across the street from the Hyundai dealership where he was having his car serviced for a brake alarm light. We haven’t had the chance to sit down and talk for quite a while due to both of our busy schedules. We hashed out my possible promotion to CIT (Coordinator-in-Training), and in the end we both concluded that now was not the time—if ever. Rich felt—and I totally agreed—that it was more important for me to be selfish right now and make some real money. So, I will be taking more time to do my own prospecting and less time training other agents; however, complications have already arisen. Rich’s wife, Robin, is in the hospital battling a urinary tract infection because of her recent major surgery. Reading between the lines, she is not doing well. I have a bad feeling that she might not make it. Rich is a real man’s man who married late. He also is very emotional and cries readily—something I am unable to do. As his right-hand man, I will continue to fill in and help as best I can. Some things are more important than money. I will be okay. I hope Rich will.
I'm going to ramble tonight which is what I usually do anyway. My 75th birthday on Friday passed quietly as expected. Funny that I got more congratulations from my neighbors and co-workers than my own family. My sister sent me a short text--no card this year; and I didn't even hear from my brother. One daughter texted that a late card was coming--she is always late; the other called a day later. My erstwhile son didn't bother either, but we have only recently re-established communication so maybe that's not surprising. A few congrats and likes on Facebook and Linkedin. Another day in the life.
I did reconnect with my chatroom friends. I haven't been dressing as much and don't feel right about entering the chatroom en homme. Also, it has been late when I finally get finished with all my paperwork and organizing that I'm not up to spending a lot of time there. After a full day, I am ready for bed. (I have been tempted to use "just" so many times. I think I am getting better at eliminating it from my usage.)
As I have mentioned previously, I have several potential account openings this week. The appointments have been set up, and we are ready to open my first business accounts. I have quite a few things in the pipeline now, so I am hopeful that at least some will happen. I am doing this for the money of course--that's why you get into sales, after all--but even more importantly for me, I am trying to prove to myself that I can do it. I have tried numerous times before, and while I have not been a total failure, I have not set the world on fire either. This feels different in that I am able to give it my all, and even more importantly, I am not desperate for the money--eventually, maybe--but not for quite a while. So, what will be, will be as the song says. My expectations are moderate. I think my sales coordinator is more optimistic. He is now counting on my to make his district quota for new account openings.
Then with that, I have to get my dogs to the groomer on Tuesday morning. I have my monthly eye injection on Wednesday afternoon followed my the Comcast tech coming to install a new internet for me. Friday, I've been invited to a Thanksgiving lunch at my previous employer, PACE Center of Girls. Busy indeed.
BTW, I did get dressed tonight for a short visit--skirt and blouse and a pearl necklace. Simple.
My mentor, Rich, and I have been spending a lot of time together lately doing employer presentations on the appointments I have set. Admittedly, it has been a little disappointing. Those who looked to be good prospects have been playing hard to get and unwilling to commit. We can only do so much, and you do reach a point where it is time to move on. Then last week, on a whim, I stopped in again at the barber shop in our local strip center and finally caught the owner. I made an appointment with him and yesterday, Rich and I made our pitch. He talked to his barbers that day, and when I called him later that afternoon, we were a go for this morning. As the morning progressed, we were able to see all five in the shop and they all bought at least one policy. It wasn't a huge account, but a really successful one. The four guys and one gal were really nice, and the owner couldn't have been more accommodating. So, it goes to show that you never really know how things will work out. I also have a new place to get my hair cut.
We had our office holiday party at Rosie's Bar and Grill in downtown Wilton Manors. It started at 5:00, but I didn't get there until a little after 6. I wanted to feed and walk the dogs before going and then I ran into construction traffic. It also took me a while to find it. I don't see really well at night, especially when it comes to reading address numbers and street signs. It turned out to be okay. I am getting to know everyone pretty well, and I can usually keep up my end of the conversation. We had a white elephant gift exchange. I have the worst luck with these things, but I always feel obliged to participate. I will make use of the Starbucks gift card, though.
Anyway, I have a chance to open another account tomorrow with a dentist's office. We are still on. We'll see how it goes.
Hello everyone. It's been a while. I've been waiting to hit my next goal before writing, but with one week to go, I'm not sure I can make it. It is rather unlikely, but I haven't given up. Anyway, this place is the only place I know to tell my story and have an appreciative audience. A while back after my wife died, I let my hair down, so to speak, and began dressing in earnest as I was unable to do so previously. I was a regular member of the Cross-Dressing chat room, and I received many helpful tips from the girls--one of which was making good use of thrift stores to build a wardrobe. And so I went to our local Goodwill store and bought several dresses including a somewhat outrageous (at least to me) leopard print dress. It quickly became one of my favorites, and I actually received some nice comments from the pictures I shared. Fast forward to the present in which I recently opened an account with a Private Investigator/bail bond agency. The owner and his wife are African-American and have taken me under their wing and have become friends and are trying to help me with my business. Greg, the owner, belongs to an exclusive downtown club, The Tower Club, (maybe you've heard of it), and invited me to a mixer there so that I could make some more contacts. Well, when I arrived, I was greeted by Sandie, his wife, wearing you know, almost the identical leopard print dress that I have in my closet. I have to admit that it looks better on her that on me, but I think it is so funny. Anyway, that is my story. I will let you all know how my next week ends. Wish me luck.
I did my usual dusting and vacuuming and bathroom cleaning this morning. I also made a hamburger helper dish with the pound of hambuger that was in the freezer. I am trying to work my way through all the food we have on hand. My wife was a great one for stocking up. I can eat for a while on what we have on hand. My foray into cooking is going well enough. HH is not that big a deal. I didn't have any milk on hand so I substituted Eagle Brand Sweetened condensed milk which made the dish somewhat richer and heavier. I do need to keep a few things on hand, or at least read the directions before going shopping.
My manager gave me a homework assignment for tomorrow to make some lists of people I know and businesses I deal with. So, I worked on that. This afternoon, I called on several of my neighbors to fill in some of the blanks. It was hit or miss, but I actually did get one positive response from a neigbor I don't know well who wants to look at my policies. So, you never know.
I'm in meetings most of tomorrow and I will be doing coursework for AFLAC for the rest of the week. Back out to do follow-up and more prospecting after that. I'm just taking it easy tonight. I did start a new book, a P.J.Parrish crime fiction novel. So far, so good. I'llcheck in with the girls. It has been quiet there lately. We'll see what happens tonight.
I was thinking (always a dangerous thing) yesterday as I wandered around my backyard about my life as it stands now. I obviously have spent my whole life getting to this point, and as the Grateful Dead sing: What a long, strange trip it's been.Being truly on my own for the first time--ever--is an amazing experience, and I have the opportunity to live out my remaining years as I choose. It's all on me now. I find that refreshing. So far, I have not felt any overwhelming loneliness--which I understand can kill you as bad a smoking. I am so used to working on my own whether it be around the house or on the job. I don't seem to have a lot of spare time, but I am going to make sure I carve out time for me. My wife has not been gone that long, and I do have some down times, but I am able to snap out of it. Maybe I'm just cut out to be alone. There are advantages such as no one telling you what to do or that you did it wrong--like Chrissie Hynde sings in her song. You can tell that I get a lot of my life's philosophy from songs. I have no interest in dating at this point nor do I foresee that ever happening. I have no room in my house now for another person--there is very little closet space. As you know, being a crossdresser takes a lot of room since I have two wardrobes. So, all in all, life isn't bad. My body is still functioning although my age is beginning to show and my eyesight is not as good as it once was. I'll keep barreling ahead as long as I can. We'll see what the new year brings.
We're under our standard flood warning here in Broward County which happens just about everytime it rains. In this case, the whole state is involved as TS Alberto chugs its way through the Gulf toward the panhandle. Although we won't take a direct hit, we will still get our share of heavy rain and wind. Fortunately, I just had my roof repaired--again--and I am staying dry. But I wasn't able to get my usual yard work done today and have had a pretty relaxing day. A girl needs one of those on occasion, don't you think? So now I am nestled in my den with my two poodles and en femme for the evening. I just read a long article in New York magazine (I think) about Caitlyn Jenner. The reporter was trans, so the piece was sympathetic. Caitlyn's views and politics have brought her a lot of controversy from the trans community as you know. Even though I don't agree with her, I still have to admire her courage for coming out and being her true self. She sure brought transgender to the forefront, at least for a while. We seem to be going backwards again. I watched Fahrenheit 451 on HBO last night. I hadn't read the book, but the movie got a decent review. It was good, and I could relate as an old English teacher how out-of-fashion reading is getting--at least as far as books are concerned. If we as a society become illiterate, we are more susceptible to demagogues, and I think we are seeing that right now in our country. I am hopeful we can pull ourselves out of it. Anyway, I also read an article in Inc. Magazine about 10 things we should do every day to become smarter and one of them was to write 400 words a day. I don't know how many this is, but it's a start. Hope all is well. More tomorrow.
I attended my first "Chamber Chat" s yesterday morning. I was held at a local Jewish Center for disabled children, and about 40 people showed up--a decent number in my estimation. As expected, everyone was very friendly and welcoming, and I was able to visit at some length with at least six. I did meet a few more in passing. This is just one of the events that take place o a monthly basis, and I think it will not only eventually be good for my business, I think it will be good for me personally to be a little more social. On the suggestion of one of my fellow agents, I have been reading Endless Referrals by Bob Burg where I got the idea to join the Chamber in the first place. His approach is very low-key. Be interested in the other person and let them do the talking. Then follow up with a personalized thank you note which offers to refer business their way as able. I think this is the rapport building phase. It will take time, but I enjoyed the gathering. BTW, one of the members gave a tour of their facility. JAFCO is doing amazing work with disabled children and their families. I was impressed.
On the other hand, my neighbor, Chris, invited me over tonight as I was out walking my dogs. He does invite me from time to time, and I was tempted to stop in for a few minutes. But it turned out to be a HUGE gathering, and I chickened out at the last minute. I am not feeling that great tonight, and besides, I think I would be a little overwhelmed and out of place. I don't think I'll be missed. And with that, I am going to take my two puppies and go to bed. And to all a good night!
In the midst of getting ready for the onslaught of Hurricane Irma and getting used to working again, lo and behold, my four inch pumps arrived. I had ordered them ages ago, and it seemed as if they would never arrive, but they did, and I'm thrilled. The size 13 fits perfectly, and they look gorgeous--white patent leather. I am getting used to walking in them, but I have to laugh. I look like the teenage girls I used to teach when they were wearing heels for their first times--a little teeter-tottery. But with practice, I should be fine. Well, you can't have new shoes without stockings, and my thigh high black sheers arrived today--Amazon is much faster. They are so sexy, and the two together are a knockout. I have bought thight highs before, but have never been able to wear them as freely as now. I am loving it. Now I need a black, sexy bra. That will be next on the list. So the transformation continues. A little effort and expense, but so worth it.
I mean, I really wasn't going to get dressed tonight--well, maybe some lounging clothes--but nothing serious. As I mentioned previously, some nights this week, I have not even bothered with that and have gone straight from my dog-walking clothes to my nightie for bed. I have also been avoiding the CD Chatroom for several reasons, mainly because being dressed is de rigueur for being in the chatroom--I do approve of this unwritten rule, by the way. Also, it has become rather boring and one note, I'm afraid. For me, I can only talk about what we are all wearing and how feminine we are for so long. I go along with it, and I have made some good friends there, but it's usually the quietest chatroom. Very few go there.
But anyway, after working in the yard, I definitely needed a bath, and I needed to do some shaving, and then I put on some panties and a bra with breast forms--haven't done that in a while. Then I dug out a long skirt and and a blouse to go with it and a little jewelry, and voila! Here I am. So there. I will probably visit the chatroom later. I haven't watched a movie in like forever, so maybe I'll see what I can find.It's nice out tonight, so I might just sit on the porch with my dog and watch the stars.
One last thing, this is funny. I actually got asked out on a sort of date today. It was one of the cashiers at Walmart that my wife and I have known for at least 10 years. She is Mexican and is my age--she told me--and as it turns out, her son has the same birthday as I do--November 10, next Friday. So, she thought that we should have a joint celebration, and we exchanged phone numbers. i don't know if i will even happen, but she is a nice lady, and it wouldn't hurt. I am certainly not looking for any relationship myself, and I don't see her as a fit in any case, but I don't want to let her down either. We'll see.
So, I just now finished reading a rather lengthy article by Alex Mar in Wired, courtesy of my Flipboard app, called "Love in the Time of Robots." It's about Professor Hiroshi Ishiguro, who builds beautiful androids, humanoids if you will. It gets deep fast as we delve into what it is to be human and how we relate to each other. Now, after a day of doing weekend chores--shopping, mowing, setting up a new laptop, doing my social obligations, and having dinner of the lasagna that my neighbor brought me the other night--fortunately I was dressed normally, and not in some of the get-up i usually wear later in the evening--I find myself in a somewhat pensive mood. (Boy, that was a long sentence.)
My earliest remembrances as a child were about what am I actually. At a very early age, and being brought up Catholic, I could attach a label, "child of God." But, it never ended there and I'm still trying to figure out life--a heavy duty trip, a friend of mine once told me. I am a fan of Eric Barker and his blog, "Barking Up the Wrong Tree." He writes about of lot of life and living based on neuroscience and influenced by the teachings of the Stoics. His contention is that we are not only our thoughts. In other words, our thoughts are not who we are. I have to agree. i have long held the view that the mind and the body are one, and that who we are is as much a matter of our physicality as our thinking. When I was in the seminary in college, a friend and I contended that every encounter had an element of sexuality involved. It drove our priest-professors nuts. Maybe that was the idea.
There is also the notion--and I'm thinking this as I write--that our brains are physical too. Eric Barker says that when we learn, our brain structure actually changes. We are constantly forging new pathways and new neural connections--that is, if we continue to learn. If we stay stuck in our patterns of thinking, the rut keeps getting deeper. I think some people have a hard time changing because they have invested so much into one way of thinking. They don't want to lose all that effort they put into building the structure, even if it doesn't work.
So, anyway, I had dinner, and finished reading my article, and had a little chair nap. I then brushed my teeth and had my shower, and then what. I wasn't feeling particularly feminine or playful or girly, but our of habit, I put on a pair of panties and a bra, and then I thought maybe I'll wear my new metallic pants but with a red VS top, then my fake pearl necklaces and bracelet. That is what I'm wearing now. So, how does that change my thinking and my mood? Tonight, not too much. Other times, a whole different personality. Usually, I feel different depending on what I'm wearing whether it be a sharp men's suit or a dress. Brain change--maybe. Basically, at this time of the day, I just put on whatever, because I can. My boss told me to de-AFLAC over the weekend, so that's what I'm doing.
But, getting back to who we are. Some say that we are our choices. I think also maybe our values. Maybe we should just be. Zorba says to his English boss. "You think too much." Or as Kipling says, to think and not make thoughts our aim. And with that, enough thinking for the evening. I'll see of there are any other girls to chat with. Bye.
Here it is, Saturday night, a party night for some, and I sit in my den typing on the computer, my two dogs with me, asleep as usual. I am fairly dressed up. I am wearing pantyhose, which I don't do as often as I should. They feel and look good on me, but often I'm just too lazy to make the effort, or they aren't right for what else I'm wearing. With the animal print dress, they are just right. And for now, I have overcome the need for a strapless bra by just tucking in the straps-duh. I could cut them off, I suppose, but I don't want to ruin the bra. It's an inheritance from my wife. She wore a 36C for most of her life, and now they fit me, even without an extender. I used to be a 40 long in a suit coat, then 38, and now my chest is down to 36. The incredible shrinking man. I have lost about 10 pounds since Sue died. I am eating, but not a lot of heavy food for the most part. I am vain enough to want to keep my girlish figure, but I don't want to be too thin either-- not healthy and doesn't look good. (Talk about random thoughts--more like meandering thoughts.I really need to meditate on a regular schedule.) So, anyway, with all that said, I'm good. You'd think that now that I'm on my own and can do whatever I please, I would get out more, but I really don't have any desire, and I don't have anyone to go out with anyway. This is better. I go down the street every afternoon around 4 with my two puppies to give them their afternoon outing and stop at old friends of ours, Dave and Jeanie. Dave is a retired stone mason of almost 83 and Jeanie his wife is a few years younger. Both are pretty conservative to say the least, but for some reason, both Sue and I became good friends with Dave. He has his shortcomings--don't we all--but he has always been good to us, and he is easy to talk to. Jeanie is a bit of a constant complainer, which does get a litle wearing, but she means well, and is always ready to help. That is the extent of my social life except of course for here and the chat room. And with that said, I think I'll head that way. I'm sure Andrea is waiting for me, and we'll see who else shows up tonight. One never knows.
I was hoping to come back with a splash, but that will have to wait. For the record, I did hit my Fireball award--which came with a nice bonus--and I am now aiming for Super Fireball and an even nicer bonus. I am continuing to do what I do and try new things too. Nothing earth-shattering yet. I still feel confident that I will make my next goal. When I do, my boss wants me to take a leadership position on our team which means having a small team of my own along with a quota that goes with it. I'm not quite ready yet, but it is a nice vote of confidence. I have led teams before so I know how to do it. I won't mind the extra money that comes with it too. Aside from that, life goes on about the same. I pretty much work, eat, sleep, and do some dressing when I'm home. I am doing okay. I hope everyone else here is doing well.
Saturday in the past has been typically a day for grocery shopping, lawn mowing, and other general yard and garden chores. I have been trying to stick to this routine because I expect to be working full-time again in the near future. Today, we added the additional tasks of resetting the house after the return of power last night. For some reason, my generator stopped running in the middle of the night. I did get it going again, but it was running really rough. That was going to be a can kicked down the road, however. I didn't have time to fool with it, so I put it away as is. I also had to put my window ac unit away. I forgot how much water those things accumulate, so that was another mess. I cut my hand in the process of manhandling it back into its container--nothing life-threatening. I also broke one of the slats on my bedroom blind--the middle one no less. Nobody said it would be easy.
After lunch, I had just settled in for a little nappy-poo, when the doorbell rang. I hurriedly put my shorts back on, but it was just the UPS guy who left a couple of packages for me. Yeah! I had ordered a tripod, so that I could take pictures in different settings. I had also ordered a skirt and top outfit and more panthose. Unfortunately,the skirt and top are way too small; they will have to go back. Can't win them all. Skirt was cute too.
Well, I did get my other chores done, and now it's evening. I had my first hot bath in a week, and did that feel good. I am getting accomplished in putting on my bra now, and was anxious to try the pantyhose. I bought good and was it worth it. They look great and feel even better. I put on my blue floral romper which seems to require some figuring each time I wear it, and set out to take some pictures. With the tripod, i can shoot anywhere, and the living room seemed like a good place to start. I have an old little Olympus digital which also takes some figuring, but I did get it to work. I took a lot of nice pictures of the sofa until I got the timer under control. This is also a work in progress--learning how to be both photgrapher and model. I'm working on it.
Well, the good news is that I (we) opened another account yesterday. This makes two for the week, three total so far. My "boss," Rich, is amazing. He can turn a no into a yes. I need to keep learning from him. We certainly don't get them all, and we have had our share of disappointments over that past several weeks. On a whim, after one such disappointment, he decided to try one more time on a prospect we had just about given up on. As luck would have it, we ran into the brother who is a partner in the business, and he has agreed to see us again on Monday. I'll bet we get another one.
So, the result is that after about two and a half months, I'm finally seeing some money coming in. Even though these new accounts don't become effective until January 1, and AFLAC doesn't get any payment until February 15, I get paid immediately. We open the account one day, and the next day my commission is in the bank. Nice. I get most of it up front, and then the balance as the account does make monthly payments. I will also get residuals from the account as long as it is open. I need to keep doing this.
As it stands, if I had gotten a "regular" job, after I had gotten laid off from my last job, I would have been much further ahead financially. To date, I don't think I'm even making minimum wage although that seems to be changing. On the other hand, I wasn't getting hired in education, and I wasn't getting any inteviews for other jobs. This was at least something. I also have to say that at my life stage, I like the fact that I don't set an alarm clock, and for the most part, I can set my own schedule. I also have control over where I work which means I'm not driving to hell and gone to get to work. Often, I can come home for lunch and let my puppies out--my neighbor does when I can't make it home--and still get my work done.
All in all, I think I'm good where I'm at. I keep le
Today, we are going on a week without power since Hurricane Irma. It wouldn't be quite so frustrating if everybody around us was also without power. But no, just our side of the street. Chris, my neighbor, was over last night as my generator was sputtering out of gas. Chris means well, and he is pretty smart. On the other hand, he does always have to get the last word in, and whatever I am doing is not quite good enough. I mean, I've been filling my generator with gas for a week, and now he is giving me a lecture on how I should be doing it. He did put the fear of god in me about changing the oil, though, which I had completely forgotten about.
I dragged out the owner's manual this morning, and it said to change the oil after the first five hours and then after every 50 hours. I was long overdue. So, on the way back from taking my dogs to the groomer, I stopped at Advance Auto for a quart of oil--Chris insisted on non-detergent 30W. He also insisted that he help me change the oil.I couldn't wait a few weeks for him to fit me in though. So I opted for a synthetic blend which was recommended by the manual and the guy in the store. It was pretty easy in the end, and the machine is running smoothly.
I got the boys from the groomer. They look so much better as they were beginning to look pretty shaggy. When I got home, I got the notion to clean up the foilage from the downed tree in my backyard. I am probably going to have to get my tree guy to take the whole thing down, but the palm fronds from the top were covering my grass and I have to mow tomorrow. Also, I was hoping to save a couple of bucks for doing the tree. So, I started with a saw and a pruning sheers, and after lunch went with an ax and a hatchet. It made quick work of it. The hardest part was hauling everything from the back out to the street for bulk pick-up. Another day of hard labor. Usual.
Then, I had to wait for the insurance adjuster to come and look at my roof leak. It turns out I'm not covered for it, and I'll end up withdrawing the claim. But the adjuster did point out what needs fixing, and recommended that I hire a pro to do the job. This I have now done. It has actually been a problem for some time, and I need to get it fixed. The joys of home ownership.
I took the dogs out for their afternoon stroll, and my other neighbor, Peter, tells me that the power is back on. Yeah! i unhook my power cord from my generator to my house, and go to my main switch and turn it on again. I then turn all my circuits on and hit the lights--nothing! I check to make sure I am doing it right, but Peter comes back to tell me that the power is out again. I do not believe it! I wait a little while in the vain hope that it will come back soon. Eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with chips for supper. Wait a little more, and then hook up the generator again.
I have another cold shower, so at least I'm clean and get a lttle girlied up for the evening. While I'm working on the computer, there is a pounding on the door. It's Chris again telling me that the power is back on. I tell him that I can't come to the door--well, I have the girls on over a tight t-shirt, and I don't know how he would take it. I tell him that I am going to let things be for the night and change back in the morning. Jeanie, another neighbor down the street, (I have a lot of neighbors checking on me) called to tell me power was on and that it was on to stay. I also told her that I don't trust the power company, and am going to leave my generator run tonight. I am done playing with the power company, and the neighbors for that matter, for the evening. So, there. Time to chat with the girls.
My life as an AFLAC agent has been a struggle lately. I am still closing accounts, but they are small ones and don't amount to much. So, I have started to look at other employment opportunities. I don't need to make a lot which is a good thing. I am going to be talking to my District manager soon and see if he has any ideas. I had planned to stay in the house a while longer, but I could always sell it and move into something more affordable--like a trailer. I can't bear the thought of giving up my two poodles so I don't think an apartment would work. I wonder if there are mobile home parks for trans people. I have thought that it would be so cool to have a little community where we could all just be ourselves without society judging us. Maybe I could find a trans woman to share with. Who knows? We'll see what I can do in the coming month. Maybe make some money.
Yesterday, I made a good start on rearranging the house since my wife died. I am keeping her old room as a guest room for the rare times that I do have guests. Maybe that will change. Anyway, I had my desk in my b bedroom along with everything else a nd it was a bit cramped to say the least. As I wrote previously, my motivation for changing everything now was so that I could put a small window unit ac in my room so that the dogs and I wiould be cool for sleeping. We are not due to have power on until the end of the weekend, and I have been getting tired of being hot and sticky when I'm trying to sleep. Ugh! I am spoiled. In order to do that, I had to move the desk and a side table which entailed taking apart the bed so that I could get it out. Nothing is easy, especially for me who only has the vaguest notion of what I am doing.
So now the house is coolish again, and I plan on spending the day going through files and closets and just sorting out. I have had offers of help from family and friends to help me go through my wife's things which is a sad experience. But, I have been through this before with my second wife, and I am going to claim the things that work for Michelle before someone else does or throws them away. As it turns out, I can wear all of her panties--many of which are still in the wrapper--and her bras work too. A lot of her pants fit as d o her swim suit bottoms, some tops work as well. I fugure this will help since it will be less for me to buy right now. Eventually, I will want to get new things just for Michelle, but I'm trying--well, sort of trying--to watch my budget while still part-time employed. Irma has made a dent in my income as schools are still closed until Monday at the earliest.
So, that's where I am now. I made it through the storm in good shape. The house does not have any damage. I will have to pay my tree guy to remove one big tree that came down--that will cost me. I do have to get a roofer to fix a leaky attic air vent--another pretty good expense. Oh yeah, then I have to keep buying gas for the generator which soaks it up like a sponge, another $30 today just to get me through until tomorrow. Hurricanes are expensive as is home ownership. There, I'm complaining again. My bad. I did pick up a soft ladies T-shirt at Walmart today this morning while buying milk and fruit, so I'm not hurting that bad. I'm going to read the paper and get to work. Later.
Here are some more tales from your blogging road warrior. Anyone who has been in sales knows that it is a roller coaster with highs and lows coming almost hourly. This week was no different.
I started early Monday morning before our 9:00 meeting and set one appointment right away. It was to be my last of the week. I struggled Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday doing follow-ups and breaking new territory--for me anyway. Nada. I can't say it was a total loss because I did uncover some promising businesses that will warrant a call back next week. But for the most part, it was heavy slogging either not being able to see the decision maker, or getting a flat out no, or finding out that the company already had AFLAC or a competitor. (Note: We don't replace existing policies. We provide coverage where none exists) So it was a matter of carrying on believing that it would work out eventually.
As I mentioned previously, I had four appointments on Thursday to open accounts. The first one went very well, and the owner we dealt with ending up buying just about every policy we presented to her. Unfortunately, her husband was not present. More on that later. The next stop, not quite as well. Our owner here is getting married this month and has a lot on her mind besides opening an account with AFLAC. Still my District Service Coordinator (DSC) persevered and we did establish a group for the company. Enrollments will wait until the middle of December, after the wedding. Our next one required some more deliberation and consultation with outside partners, so no group set up. I think it will still fly eventually. And there was a glitch in our last meeting in that Rich (DSC) had arranged for a Spanish speaker to give a presentation to employees of a pre-school, but he bailed at the last moment, and no replacement was available. Addtionally, the owner of the pre-school was not available so we wouldn't be able to move forward anyway. We'll reschedule. Rich does not have high hopes for this one. We met with one other potential client later that afternoon, however, and that shows some promise.
So, here it is Friday morning, and Rich is up early and wants to meet me to wrap up the first client. Our owner, Sophia, is a real gem. She is sharp and a straight shooter. But, the husband wanted to be involved, so we had to wait for him to show up which took most of the morning. Rich had to re-sell everything again, but in the end it was a go with two polices yet to be decided. It was still a good sale, especially for a small company, and the owners made smart choices on their coverage. Rich and I came back to my house to work on the computer. We finally got the other employees enrolled and the account was transmitted to AFLAC. It was a little messy, but we got her done. Rich says you always remember the first one. So it ended well, and I'll get a nice commission check by Tuesday plus an additional $150 bonus for making my fast start level and I also get free business cards now. Now that was fun. I have an ambitious goal to open 10 new accounts by the end of the year. With what I have in the pipeline, that is not out of the question. We'll see. I don't want to get overly excited or optimistic, but I also want to enjoy the moment. I did work for it after all.
More and more, I think my involvement with TG Guide is going to be right here. As I have previously alluded to, the chatroom has gotten to be more of a chore for me. I hate to say that and maybe I'm being selfish, but the conversations have gotten so repetitive, and sometimes it's difficult to even get anyone to say anything. I still like to dress, and I am glad there are places where you can go and be yourself, but it's not where my head is at right now. I don't need to be told what I need to do to be feminine. I can do that well on my own, thank you. What I would like is stimulating conversation on a variety of topics. Not really into tweeting though; that seems to get nasty at times. So I'll just hang out here. This works for me Until next time...