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Cold hard facts moving forward with reassignment surgery

KarenPayne

Entry posted by KarenPayne

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I at no time in my life contemplated suicide which I have learned recently through more than one source (on example came from a video I mention here) that 41 percent of people going under the knife will attempt suicide. Never would I had thought that there were many who actually regretted going under the knife as told in this web site.

I would think that one reason for this is that a person with regret may very well had a ill equipped therapist that was not qualified to access transgender (or maybe they are not transgender at all) to be a candidate for gender reassignment surgery. Perhaps another reason might be that the person seeking gender reassignment surgery was able to fool a therapist into a diagnosing them as suitable candidates for  gender reassignment surgery. Thinking about it I can see that it would be easy to get away with fooling a therapist but wonder what those people think will happen by doing this?

When I made the commitment to change gender I first spent time sitting alone questioning myself, self-evaluating myself to no end until I thought back that there were no in decisions, it was not about having sex as a female and knew full well this could very well be an journey that might spiral out of control with no return ticket to reverse the process. As stated in the letter of consent just prior to surgery the signature I penned says this is irreversible, no going back. For me, this was the green light I was looking for while others who realize after the fact they must of had blinders on. Was there do diligence done as I did?

Bottom line is gender reassignment surgery is not for everyone even though some go to bed at night wishing they would wake up in the gender they believe they should had been at birth but were denied. There is a reason why there are classifications such as in the image below that a truly qualified therapist will classify a client in and not just mark them all as a true transsexual.

You would think that after spending one year in the gender you think you should be that with every day that passes you would know if you can make it in that gender. One has that entire year to forge forward or retreat back to whence they came from a birth. 

At the very least, sit down in a quiet place as I did and be true to yourself and afterwards take the test and if you land in in a category that says you are a true transsexual find a therapist that has experience with working with transgender people. Most likely you will then begin hormones prior to the therapist recommendation which is yet another check-point to move forward or backwards. Once the therapist approves you we are at the another point of decision, move forward or move backwards and remember, between the time you start with a therapist and finish with a therapist you are living live in the gender you want to be "forever" and forever is a long time to enjoy or learn to hate depending on your age.

Choose wisely.

 

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MonicaPz

Karen,

Looked at the website and feel that there is a great need for opposing points of view.  Am concerned that the writer is an ultra conservative.

In my opinion, I knew 400 transgender people casually (met them once or twice) and about a hundred well (met them at least four times a year, many of whom I met weekly), and only two "changed their mind."  One (MTF) changed their mind because they could not cope with losing male privilege.  The person was an engineer and experienced great prejudice as a female engineer, despite passing beautifully in voice and looks. Reassured them I would give them my support no matter their choice; telling them to take their time.  The person had HRT but no surgery.  They had to have reversal surgery in that their breasts had to be removed.

The other, also a MTF, had HRT and SRS, and had to have reversal surgery.  This person experienced great trauma, very similar to the man in the video.

In short, changing one's gender should NOT be taken lightly.  In my opinion, I feel a person should get a good two full years of counseling BEFORE HRT or SRS, as well as living full-time during the same two years. Realize it is tough living full time before HRT, but it is very hard to reverse even HRT alone.

Transgender support groups should NEVER pressure anyone to proceed with their transition, and should make a point of giving support whether a person decides to proceed or to back out.

Strongly recommend EVERYONE to look at the website, video and links CAREFULLY, and study the above chart.  

By the way, my beloved, with whom I had a ten year relationship, was a "Group 2, Type lV" Transsexual, who did not have HRT or SRS.  Did not pressure her to have HRT or any procedures done.  

Please note, significant others, do not pressure your beloved in either direction, but encourage them to take their time as transitioning is irreversible!

Monica

 

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KarenPayne

I agree with you Monica in that that web site is one sided and used it only to show an extreme case of regret. It would be interesting to learn the percentage of people who transitioned had different levels of regret along with (as I am sure there are) people in this group who overcame these regrets.

Thinking about going from one year to two years, if you had suggested this before I transitioned I would think that was over the top because my mind just wanted to move forward. After transitioning I still see it (for me) over the top. Now I am just one person and can see how a two year length of time would be in order for those who are not sure. So perhaps a therapist would have the power to say to a client, "you need more than one year to be absolutely sure this is right for you". At the same time there could be people who may be done in less time but that would be a rare case.

All I know since I am not a professional is and I think many can agree on this is that you can never go back, the body has changed, your social circle, family and friends have changed over what you have done.

When done right the pieces will fall into place. Pieces that make up doing it right may be very difficult to complete like moving to a trans friendly community, changing one's job and like Monica mentioned, two years living life in the other gender. 

Thinking of moving to a trans friendly community, I did that but did it for another reason then later realized this was great for me transitioning. So there are hard choices to be made for some of us while others medium changes and rarely light changes.

I also agree with no pressure should be placed on significant others. Think of grabbing a child's hand and forcing them to move with you vs gently taking their hand and speaking in a soft voice. Significant others need time to digest and we must understand there is a lot they are going through just as we are too.

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Chrissy

Karen,

Thank you for this wonderful post!  I had seen the chart before, you may have put it in a reply to one of my earlier blog entries - I'm too lazy at the moment to go look :D.  As best as I can tell, I'm somewhere between Type V and Type VI (I think currently Type V, but increasing drifting over to Type VI).

Speaking as someone who is pre HRT and GRS I can definitely say that I understand the desire to rush into it, but I am very much trying to take my time (turning 49 in July doesn't make it easy for me to "take my time" about things).  There was a point when I would agree completely with the idea that trying to live as a woman for a year before doing anything made no sense, after all how can I just live as a woman like I am?  I need some help, at least hormones, right?

For me the revelation was about passing as female (I know there is much dissent about the idea of "passing" and I'd like to believe that I'm courageous enough to just present as I am without worrying about it, but I'm not there yet).  Back when i was cross-dressing (before "coming out" as TG), I thought that I still needed more work, like I wasn't sufficiently passing even when cross-dressed.  So when i started thinking about living full-time as a woman I thought I still had far to go.  But recently, since I've been doing smaller things, I realized that i'm much closer than I thought.  When cross-dressing I was not trying for natural, now that I'm trying to go more natural, i see that it kind of works.  I'm not totally there yet, but pretty close.

xoxo

Christie

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KarenPayne

Christie, I think many don't see the beauty of being natural as it allows us to blend in, many times to the point that you will tell someone you once were male and their jaw will drop where the beauty there is you thought that they knew which helps us eliminate self-doubt. It is work at first which after a while turns into simply being you.

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Chrissy

Last week when I had to proctor an exam I found myself for a few minutes just looking around at everyone and thinking, "what is the difference in appearance between the men and women in the room?"  The only "universal" (not totally, but generally) was that women seem "smoother" or less rough.  So that's when i decided electrolysis for my face is necessary, the 5 o'clock shadow has to go :)

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MonicaPz

Dear Karen and Christie,

What I meant was that I was addressing significant others, to be supportive of their transgender partner, in whatever decision they choose to make.

Your friend,

Monica

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