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Yesterday I went to visit my best female friend who unfortunately lives forty minutes north of me and does not drive. During non-peak hours it's a 20 minute drive. Any ways we were planned on going to the Portland Saturday market but I for some reason went to bed at 6:30PM Friday night and she was up dealing with an inebriated husband till 3AM in the morning. Beings I was up at mid-night and ended up texting with her the end result was no Saturday market as we both needed to take naps and ended up getting to her place around 11AM.

So we went to a great mall five minutes from her place and did typical shopping and trying on clothes. Got to Pandora store (the only one in Oregon) and wanted to find a charm for my bracelet that had butterflies which can be seen in the picture above costing $40. After picking that one out my friend asked the sales person if they had any charms with a knife on it (if you have read my blogs this is about me and teaching edge weapon tactics) but no they did not. Then she says, how about one for best friends. Now I know at this point what she is doing, looking to purchase a charm for my bracelet and keep quite as saying you don't need to do this will not stop her. 

So the third one I say something like, yes that one works for me and by looking at it my brain says "expensive". She says I want to buy this for her. 

Side note, when you tell the sales person you want a charm he or she (dealt with both) will place the charm on the bracelet.

He then takes both our credit cards to ring up the charms.

At this point my friend breaks down in tears and know why, she adores me and has said countless times I am truly her best friend. So we embrace each other for a while then release. I look at her and she at me and we embrace again all the while she has tears flowing down her face. Of course that got me teary eyed too.  I was of course not keeping time on this but was an intense few minutes and the sales person did not try to interrupt us. 

Even though a year ago I had been on hormones for eight months I was not that emotional, I had been a fearsome male who rarely if ever showed emotions and now over the past six months finding this happening more and more

Leaving the store she told me not to tell her husband she had purchased the charm as he would not care for her spending that kind of money on non-family members

We then went to lunch then back to her place where her husband was cooking dinner. Sat and chatted for about an hour then left for home.

If you read this far the thing I wanted to say if nothing else is, it is so wonderful to have good friends. I have many friends but only four that I can say that are really and truly a friend for life. Besides my friend mentioned above I have after thirty years rekindled friendship with my brother's former girlfriend whom he dated in our late teens. I stayed close with her for another five years until she moved 3,000 miles away. We reconnected the week after my gender reassignment surgery for an entire day. Two weeks ago I said I would be purchasing a new sports car in the fall and driving down her way to visit my son. She has invited me to stay for a weekend which will be so wonderful. There are few people that will do this and I am honored to be her friend.



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Dear Karen,

I thought that was adorable, two bff's buying each other bff charms!

There was a recent study of teenagers, one group who had NO friends, another group who had a FEW friends, and the third group that had MANY friends.  The group that had no friends, had many difficulties in life, while the groups that had a few friends and many friends, fared much better, and the group with many friends fared only SLIGHTLY better than the group that had a few friends.  The upshot of all of this was that it was important to have friends, period.  How many does not matter.  

Recently, a neighbor and I sat outside for a half hour, and she picked my brain about my planned move.  A few days later, she caught me at the Subway Sandwich Shop, and she picked my brain further.  I promised I would write down the answers.  She used the restroom first, and I watched her things, and I asked her to do the same for me as she exited the restroom.  When I came out of the restroom, she was gone, without even saying goodbye.  This did not hurt me, as I share information to all who asks, (she asked about a dentist and about Kingston), because I knew she was an acquaintance.

It is important to know the difference between an "Internet friend," "light acquaintance," "good acquaintance," and friend.  An Internet friend can drop out of your life at any time, without explanation, a light acquaintance knows you by sight but not by name, saying "hello," a good acquaintance will sit down with you if they happen to come across you, and know you by name and a friend knows your first, last name, address and telephone number.  Many have a lover with no friends at all.  Realize that it is harder to make friends after graduating post secondary school.  This is true of lovers, also.  But we should not despair, as opportunities to make friends and find lovers do present themselves throughout our lives.  Certain communities are more amenable to making friends and finding lovers, and we should be aware of that.  Have seen people shrivel up and die due to communities that were unfriendly.

Karen, I am glad to see you opening up like a flower!  Feel your best friend's husband should respect her more by being clean and sober, as he should realize how lucky he is to have her!  

Your friend,


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Thank you for posting that picture. You look great and so happy. It stinks that your friend's husband kept her up late. That's ridiculous. I hope he doesn't do that often.

Good friends are very hard to come by and in this age stay connected to. I think we all have had long gaps where we don't make time for our friends or they are too busy.



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Dear Karen,

I thought that was adorable, two bff's buying each other bff charms!


​Monica, actually I did not buy her one, she is not into bracelets, instead she got one for me while I was purchasing one for myself :)  

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Dear Lisa,

Am shocked that my sister in law stated she was "too busy" to make new friends, and that she has too many friends already.  It has been my experience that I always have room to make new friends!

Yours truly,


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