My Saturday, August 8th, 2015....Shopping with Isabelle...
It seems that every time I go out I get a little more gutsy... The first Friday of every month I attend a group meeting here in Gatineau with fellow MTF's and FTM's. Since I already started buying a new female wardrobe, this Friday was the first time I would attend wearing my new clothes...nothing too obvious. I wore jeans, sneakers, a nice American Eagle tee with pink writing and a long beige cardigan...on the bus! I don't really care what other people think and yes I did get a few strange looks but let's just say it blended well with the Guns N' Roses playing in my headphones lol!
These meetings are awesome as they are a tremendous help with my dysphoria which is quite intense these days. I have not yet started hormones but am getting a referral to an Endocrinologist from my GP this Wednesday as he has approved my letter from my psychologist. I want to add I DO see a psychologist every two weeks and highly recommend this along with group meetings as the most important steps in self discovery. If you cannot afford therapy, groups are usually free and the help found there is phenomenal!
Now for the shopping... Isabelle and I went the this popular shopping center downtown Ottawa. At first I wasn't sure what to buy but knew I wanted something more feminine than what I have so far which consists mostly of various tops and of course socks and underwear. We went to Nordstrom (yikes! $$), Pink, Victoria's Secret and I still wasn't sure what to get. Isabelle then had a really good suggestion... Since my body is still quite masculine...at 6', I weigh in at 220 (lost 80 lbs since last October and still losing) and have typical male love handles, very little butt, man boobs from teenage gynecomastia, she suggested I buy a maxi dress that fits and take a couple of pictures. We could then see the gradual effects of hormones by taking a picture wearing the same dress about once a month. Then as I drop the weight even more, buy another "goal" dress which is a little more snug and so on..
We went to a store called Sirens and with the fall clothes being out, there were very few XL size summer maxi dresses. We then went to Forever21 and there I found the perfect dress for this little experiment...a long blue pattern summer maxi which fits very well length wise but of course I do not fill it in quite correctly in a couple of areas.. We got home and I immediately put it on!. Wow is it ever comfortable...I know now that dresses will take up a huge part of my future wardrobe and can't wait to start wearing them more and more.
My next purchase will be shoes and sandals and for this I will have to go to a tall girl store which we have in downtown Ottawa as I am probably around a size 13 wide in women's shoes. In the meantime, I dress in my feminine clothes all the time when not at work and practice makeup every chance I get...I love that stuff!
All the above is far from being a "cure all" for my level of dysphoria as my psychologist rates my transsexualism as pretty extreme and know I will have to undergo all surgeries (the "bottom" surgery is paid for by health insurance here in Canada), but is does help a little with my intense daily anxiety and along with the therapy and groups, keeps me from completely losing it until I start hormones and go further in my "oh so welcomed" transition.
Now I'm on holidays for this week and the music is creeping back....
Thanks for reading,