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No, I'm not Dead


WarrenG

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Good afternoon/morning/evening/Saturday? TGG friends,

Yes, It's me again. No I havent died and no, nothing super dramatic has happened. I've just taken a lot of time to sort myself out and try and get my head straight.

You'll be glad to know that I have been 'clean' or 'sober' of self harm for several weeks, and I am so far really loving my job. So far, I have not had a single day of dreading a workday aside from merely just being exhausted, getting used to 3rd shift. But it's getting easier. Speaking of, this'll be short since I'm on my way back to sleep.

 

I've decided to cease communication (temporarily, I think.....) with a dear friend/sister of mine I met a year ago due to added stress and frustration. Seemed like every single time we talked, we fought. And I really just couldnt deal with it anymore. I've gotten a bit better with the silence and feel slightly better, though not 100% yet. But at least it's something.

On another note, the cutting. I forced myself to stay away from it in attempts to keep that section of my bicep clean of open wounds...because I was going to cut myself off from it for good. How you might ask? Well, the pictures will explain.

12039512_1500782906882394_27802245938385 12087995_1500782880215730_33737723680344

 

"We are not defined by how hard we fall"

It took about four hours to do the outlining, and I go back in a few weeks to do the shadowing and detail work. My dear cousin and awesome tattoo artist Tim in Montpilier VT did everything freehand for me to make sure it were unique and custom, and I thank him greatly for it. It were insanely painful to deal with at times, especially around the top of the shoulder and back of the armpit area. But with something like this to look at every time I want to cut into that area, I know it'll stop me. Why would I destroy something I worked so hard for? Something I went through so much pain to accomplish? It's the theory anyway, and I'm staking a lot on that theory.

Besides, the bf will strangle me if I cut up this tattoo. By the time it's done, it would have costed me about 800$ including tip. Out of my surgery funds I've saved myself. 800$ is not 10,000$, which is what I need for my surgery. So why not use it for something that might help me? Hurts to use my hard saved money that was reserved for my surgery, but I dont see myself getting it any time soon.....if at all. But....yeah. So now you all know what I've been up to.

 

All my thoughts with you,

Warren

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Hiya Warren. The tattoo is Amazing, Young Man. When it is shadowed and detailed, it Will be a Work Of Art, that You - Warren, Will be able to be Very Proud of.  Now that I look forward to seeing Completed.  Warren, I Am very Glad that other thing's are going better for You as well, and cutting Yourself off, communications wise, with someone who just wants to fight and argue with You All the time, I can understand, as II did that with a lot of Family, and Family-Friend's, nearly 20 Year's ago. I will Not ever have contact with them again !  Warren, it is always Great to hear from You in Your blogs, and may everything go from strength to strength for You. Warren, Take Care, and My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxo 

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Dear Warren,

I've not been around here much lately myself. Been traveling on business and just too whipped to check in. I'm happy to see you're happy. Love your upcoming tat, too.

Regarding spending $800 for the tattoo: it's important to realize that, just like dieting, we all have to eat. We have to allow ourselves to have some fun while we strive for the larger goal. If, for example, you didn't spend anything on yourself for a year, it's likely that you'd fall off the wagon and find yourself splurging everything, snd then really feeling horrible. It's better to allow yourself some fun, my friend.

Rome, and Warren, wasn't built in a day,

Emma

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In regards to the money spent on the tat, if this makes you happy then it's worth well over the cost for having it done and there is always time to begin to save again as you are still young.

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Warren,

First, great tattoo :)  I have 4 myself, I had been planning a full back tattoo, but i'm worries that the hormones might make it too painful.

Sometimes it becomes necessary to cut off communications, it can certainly be tough, but ultimately can bring some peace.  About 3 weeks ago I emailed my sister saying that if she can't accept who I am, or at least show she is moving in that direction, I won't have any communication with her. Nothing since then, while I still hope she'll come around. I have to accept she might not, and that's really more her loss.

Anyway, glad to hear that things seem reasonably ok for you and the job seems to be going well for you :)

 

Xoxoxoxo

Christie

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