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Is this freaked out, elation, flabbergasted, working for me???


Michele800226

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Hi all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not that many days have past since I gave my last update.

 

Being doing the fitness boot camp as I said, and on Thursday got certificates for attendance.  Wasn't weird that completed it, but then I got the best improved on burpees, lol that was hilarious.  Sat there and thought it was over and here I get called up for another thing.

 

Well, I had on this confused face and all.  Got up and went in because I somehow without knowing it became a couch as well.  And my surprise is, there were people that have been part of the fitness group for months longer then myself and they still just there.

 

I know the dumbstruck look doesnt become me, and I should've reacted with a smile, so I went in for a pose to stay, biatches I did it.

 

What astounds me is the fact it all happened so fast and now my arms are more toned.  By biceps aren't making bulges when relaxed, but I got this girly amount of upper arms.  My abs are also feeling tighter, but not as tight as it was before.  My legs are the same and lucky for me, not sticks.

 

Emotionally I'm definitely doing better, seeing that all the dates I despise are gone now.  Still miss my rock (dad) to bits and pieces.  Still avoiding the scolding eyes and voice of my mom, who decided she needs to try and call me to wish me.  Madam you know better then that.

 

I could also see that my oldest sister felt like crap for not being invited to my younger sister's 40th birthday party.  Do I care that I wasn't invited, not the least.  Seeing that she is part of the entourage that doesn't want me to transition at all and that include the other Ice Queen (mother) and her followers my sister and brother in the center.  My brother is trying to accept it, but only because his wife and in laws are giving him crap about it.  And probably when he tells me danger, I'm the first to appear at his doorstep.  Or it might be my personality.  Then my mom is the youngest from her siblings, and constantly get chowed by her sisters, seeing that her gay brother is gone and they somehow had to learn understanding as children, but is it because I'm defiant, well I don't care that much as I cut myself off when she couldn't handle comforting me when she sneaked in and perused my diary to find out I tried to fight off an attacker (well there is always someone stronger then you) that raped and tried to kill me on my 16th birthday.  Yes, 20 years back and the only thing she could think of was to ground me.  As if I listened and continued on my merry way. (Pity definitely not wanted, it was 20 years ago and I can't think of how I'd be if that never happened.  Yes funny how and ordeal can change a persons perspective on life, or just enhance it that you feel even more obligated to believe in your beliefs, and stand for what you always stood.

 

I regret not starting earlier, because my doctors weren't as helpful as they could be, even though my ex GP confessed that he knew ever since I came there for my first checkup as a teenager.  But he didn't feel it was his place, because my mother is so conservative and seeing that she is his patient, which almost stung.  But hey I could see her supporter group growing, and mine dwindling until I stepped out and said F(bleeeeeeeeeeeeep)ck my world and the pricks living in it, because I'm part of the trans movement.  I'm a strong woman as my dad would see me.

 

Now, my strength can't be taken away from me, because I'm the ruler of my domain.

 

I need to run and cut this short, seeing that I have a meeting.  Yes, it's with a guy, and no!!! It's not a romantic date.

 

Cheer for now.

Michele

 

PS. Some pics of me dying my hair, 2 with lip gloss and without.  Enjoy

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3 Comments


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Hi Michele,

You look lovely! I wish I could look so pretty. It's good to hear from you, on your progress, and your life. I'm sure that dealing with people who love you like family is harder. They really care and want the best for you. But only you know the direction of your North Star. It's your journey to take. It takes courage and strength and I can tell from your writing that you have it within you.

Hugs,

Emma

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Hi Emma Thank you for the compliments. For me I look like the girl next door, not that pretty girl on the hill that every man want. I'm grateful that my North Star is in my core, but when my North Star plays hide and seek I'm in tears and also appreciate that I can have that time to release all the negative energy I picked up along the way. Yes, I kick myself when I'm emotionally weakened by what life throws at me, and luckily it doesn't happen to often. Much love Michele

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Hi Veronica

 

It's an honor to be compared to remarkable people, and your daughter sounds like a strong remarkable lady.  That is probably the reason why I will always fight for wat I believe and need in my life.

 

Being a role model is luckily not a singular persons job, and in my life is so many role models that I even look up to them or guidance when I'm stumbling and need direction.

 

Be safe and watch the world.

 

Love

Michele

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