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My Love, My Life

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"My Love, My Life" were the words I had inscribed inside my wife's wedding band. I really meant it. She was and is everything to me. I love her so much.

A few weeks ago, my wife told me she did not want to be with me anymore. She explained that she is not a lesbian. That she tried, but needs to be with a man and wants to start dating. I knew that she was struggling with my transition and our relationship. Many times in the past, she has said that if I transition, that she would not stay with me. Last year she had a change of heart, yet our relationship has changed. We are still loving with each other. She is my best friend. Yet she is not attracted to be anymore. We haven't had sex in 2.5 years. There are a lot of couples that stop having sex. But obviously this was something my wife needs.

She started to cry. I felt so bad for her. I was so sweet with her, I hugged her and told her that it was okay. I told her that I loved her, totally understood why she felt that way and supported her. That she was brave for saying what she said and that I am proud of her. I smiled and showed her so much love, the kind of unconditional love that I promised to give her when I married her. She is really an awesome person and woman. I am so fortunate to have had her in my life and shared so much of my life with her (the last 18 years). I've told her many times, that our marriage was "it" for me. I never want to be married to anyone else. But, there are no guarantees in life. She needs more than what I have to give. And honestly, we have grown apart. I am not the best and smartest spouse in the world. But I am the most kind and loving that she will ever meet.  That does count for a lot and is very important. But that is not enough in our marriage. My attraction to her is still really strong and I told her that, not to make her feel bad but to let her know that I still find her desirable.

Last week, she suggested that I start dating guys. I have never been with or dated a man before. Mostly because I have not been physically attracted to guys and much more attracted to females, my wife specifically. It was a strange conversation. I don't know where it was coming from. Honestly, these next two or three months, I have a lot of things I am trying to tackle and dating is not in my forethought. But realistically, that is what I face in my future. Finding someone else who wants to share their life with me. Being a transwoman, this may be a difficult task. But I am not stressed out about it, because I have a lot of really awesome new friends that I can rely on who are very special and dear to me. I am very thankful for them and everyone who has stuck by me through all of this, especially my wonderful wife who I love and respect dearly.

It is so important to find love and happiness in life. I hope that all of us find what we seek.

Love and Blessings to All on this Special Day!!

--Lisa

 


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Posted

Veronica, thank you for those kind words and your support. I don't want anyone to cry, though. :-)

I have never loved someone so much that I am willing to let her go and be happy. At times it is upsetting and heartbreaking for me because she has been everything to me. At the same time, I have grown being married to her and in my walk with the Lord. Love is and should be unconditional. Otherwise it is not really love. And I love her unconditionally.

I really do hope she finds a wonderful guy. And I am hopeful that my children handle it well. Both my transition and the new guy. Whomever that is or will be.

 

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Posted (edited)

Dear Lisa,

Wow, your post touches on one of my deepest fears. I'm glad for you that you seem to be handling it okay.  That said, I hope you have someone near by that you can talk to and, maybe, grieve with.  

I'm like you in that as a woman I'm very much a lesbian.  I guess that if I was to transition I might explore myself with men but as it is now I cannot imagine it. But I would like to have the door held open for me from time to time. :-)

You have my very best wishes,

Emma

Edited by EmmaSweet
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Posted

Hiya Lisa. I can totally understand where You are in Life. My own Wife, has been cheating on Me, for about 1 1/2 Year's, with other Men, and other Women. I " Came-Out " as a MtoF Transsexual, on 30 the. April, 2015, to My Wife. On 1st. May, 2015, I started Buying and Wearing Female Undies and Clothing, and being " Out " in Public, on the Same Day, as well. Lisa, You are so gracious, in Your attitude towards Your Wife. ( We have 3 Special-Needs-Children, ages 14 ; 11 ; and 10 .  Hence the Only reason, We are still underunder the same roof, but, Our Physical Relationship is long over ! ).  If I were to find another Trans-Woman, who lived fairly close-by, who I were to get in a relationship with, I would be happy enough. It might never happen, but, who knows !  Lisa, I Love Your Gorgeous Photograph's By the way. You are a Very Beautiful, Pretty, Young Lady. Lisa, I Wish You All the Best for the Future Honey. Have a Good Evening. Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Hugs, Stephanie. xx 

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Dear Lovely Lisa,

As a cisgender Lesbian mid-butch, my heart goes out to you.

When I dated (for ten years) the love of my life, a transwoman who identified as a mid-femme Lesbian, the Lesbian community turned against me, saying I was not a Lesbian, but must be a bisexual, and that I was certainly not a butch!  Certainly I know who I am!

The only comment that I would like to make about your situation is that very likely your wife was attracted to your feminine energy and found you "very different than all the men I have dated in the past."

Please allow yourself some time to heal, before dating again, and I would strongly recommend you (and your wife, too), get counseling, even if you feel you don't need it, to be sure of where you stand, before proceeding.

My heart goes out to both of you.

Yours truly,

Monica

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Monica,

Thank you! I have been trying to get my wife to go to counseling or support groups for families and spouses and she has thus far resisted.

I think you are right about being drawn to my "feminine energy". It's interesting, but several ex-girlfriends have said that breaking up with me was their biggest regret. I think many love my sensitive side but sexually need a man, so it just doesn't work out. 

 

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