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The Well of Loneliness



Now, I suppose the title of this post may sound like I'm having a bad time but no, just the opposite.  I came across these book covers recently - aren't they cool?  I just love them.  They bring up all kinds of thoughts and feelings for me. I'm going to look around eBay and elsewhere and see if I can get my hands on them.  (Postscript: It's on Amazon for $2 (Kindle version. Yay!)

But really, my life is going pretty well recently.  I never thought I'd say this but the SSRI medication that the psychiatrist prescribed actually seems to be working.  I was promised that "we have new ones" that would work better with fewer side effects.  I wasn't a believer by any stretch having gone through so many trials and errors in the past.  I've been on the medication for about four weeks and wow, I can tell that I'm much better than I was. It's a subtle thing - most of the time I don't even think about it, which is good.  I don't want to even be aware of it.  

My wife and I are doing very well together, too.  I'm sure we'll still have our ups and downs but maybe with the med I'll not go into a crashing end-it-all depression whenever she makes some comment that I misinterpret or can't deal with.  It's seemed that way thus far so my confidence is building.  

Work.  Well, not for much longer!  We had a 1/3 of the company layoff two weeks ago and they asked me to stay for another four weeks to transition my responsibilities to others.  Why not?  An extra four weeks of pay.  But really, it kinda sucks given that they don't know who to transition my work to, and the others in the company know I'm Dead Woman Walking.  (Well, I guess they'd not refer to me as a woman but hey, it's MY blog!) Lest you be worried about my losing my job, please don't.  I will likely just go into full time retirement.  Which is kind of scary in that I've spent the last four decades using the busy-ness of work and my rather strong work-ethic (thanks Dad!) to avoid some things and to feel needed.  As an old friend once said many years ago, I get a lot of emotional groceries by staying busy.  A lot of satisfaction too.  

But I have some things to look forward to.  I recently looked on Amazon for Julia Cameron's book "The Artist's Way" which I was thinking about re-reading.  If you haven't read it and are looking for any kind of inspiration - it's a gem.  Really.  But you know what?  Just one month ago she published a new book:  "It's Never Too Late to Begin Again: Discovering Creativity and Meaning at Midlife and Beyond."  How cool is that?  I'm hoping off buying it until I'm truly unemployed.  I don't want to spoil the treat.

I also signed up for a one-day class at Stanford, "Happiness: Gumption, Gratitude, and Grace" which my therapist suggested.  Looks like it will be interesting.  Who knows what lies there or what will come up?  I am looking forward to exploring further.  

There's more, of course. My wife wants me to build a tiny house for her in our backyard as a kind of retreat space.  Not that we have a very large lot... pretty much no one does in the Bay Area.  I was initially concerned that she plans on moving into that little house but no, she doesn't.  Heck, maybe we can have sleepovers.  That'd be fun.

So it's all good, my friends. 


The Well of Loneliness.jpg

The Path Between.jpg


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I want a tiny house for my yard too, would make a great 'hotel' room for guests and/or changing house for the pool when we have a large cookout.  But so many other things around here need done it's unlikely.  Send me pictures if you build one!  I love them.

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Just finished reading The Well of Loneliness, and I would like to report that the book could have been written yesterday.  It describes the Lesbian community of the 1920's and today to a 'T.'


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Emma: I am really glad to hear that you have found a medicine that works for you.:)

I have a lot of problems finding medicines that work for me too. some time ago I was diagnosed with narcolepsy, but all the stimulants that they tried for me would work for  a short few weeks and then loose effectiveness, but a couple of months ago she finally prescribed one that works pretty well. At first it caused my mind and body to go super fast. I would just keep busy, busy,busy and wouldn't stop to eat or drink. -_- Finally it leveled out and I'm on a ,somewhat, normal schedule.;) A lot of medicines don't work the same way for me as for others. Now they just recently started using some sort of genetic coding to help them find medicines that work better with my body. :unsure: I hope it goes well.

Also I hope that your retirement goes well. Just be sure to keep busy. I heard that some people that retire go down hill fast.:unsure:

:wub: Bree  

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@Monica: I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed The Well of Loneliness.  I'm looking forward to reading it myself!

@Bree: I'm sorry to hear about your narcolepsy. I can't imagine how tough it must be to have that to deal with, but I'm wishing you the best in finding a medication that helps you with it.  Indeed, about retirement and keeping busy: that's a concern of my wife's.  I've also heard about this and I promise that I will try.  I think a key is to stay engaged with others and feeling some level of productivity, of being challenged, and getting things accomplished.  That's relatively easy at a job because we have to, and harder when we're home alone.  It takes a level of personal commitment, I think.  I'm sure it will take a change in mindset, and I'm a little intimidated!

Take care,


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Do you believe in serendipity?  Today I experienced it, at one of those small kiosks where people put books they no longer want for others to peruse, pick up, and donate.  I had passed this one a couple of times before, and noticing that its little door was open (and thinking that I'd at least close it to protect the books, took a look inside.  And what did I find?  "The Well of Loneliness"!  A paperback edition, printed in 1951, and priced at $0.35.  But there's more.

It was originally copyrighted in 1928 with a Commentary (which I assume we'd call a Forward) at the front of the book by Havelock Ellis:

"I HAVE read The Well of Loneliness with great interest because - apart from its fine qualities as a novel by a writer of accomplished art - it possesses a notable psychological and sociological significance. So far as I know, it is the first English novel which presents, in a completely faithful and uncompromising form, one particular aspect of sexual life as it exists among us to-day. The relation of certain people - who, while different from their fellow human beings, are sometimes of the highest character and the finest aptitudes - to the often hostile society in which they move, presents difficult and still unsolved problems. The poignant situations which thus arise are here set forth so vividly, and yet with such complete absence of offense, that we must place Radclyffe Hall's book on a high level of distinction."

So, almost 100 years ago here is not only a novel that explores transgender lives it also provides a glimpse into the concerns they faced then which are likely reduced but the same that we face today.  

Who the heck is (was) Havelock Ellis?  According to Wikipedia:

"Henry Havelock Ellis, known as Havelock Ellis (2 February 1859 – 8 July 1939), was an English physician, writer, progressive intellectual and social reformer who studied human sexuality. He was co-author of the first medical textbook in English on homosexuality in 1897, and also published works on a variety of sexual practices and inclinations, as well as transgender psychology. He is credited with introducing the notions of narcissism and autoeroticism, later adopted by psychoanalysis. He served as president of the Galton Institute and, like many intellectuals of his era, supported eugenics."

Very very interesting, and clearly a groundbreaker.  That said, though, his support of eugenics (which is the idea that, by preventing births of people with certain traits or "faults" would generally raise the quality of the population is notable. However as I read up on it (thank goodness for Wikipedia) I found that he (and others such as H.G. Wells) abandoned eugenics when it seems that sterilization (probably forced) was becoming popular among its supporters. 

Edited by EmmaSweet

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