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"Just a new girl in the world?"

Cyrsti

Entry posted by Cyrsti

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Following a surprise encounter with a guy in a very straight sports/bar restaurant the other night, I sought advice from a female bartender I know. I was very unsure of how I handled the situation.

He caught me with an approach and a comment that most females probably encounter at the age of 14 (or less). I was with a GG friend and she left. He started quickly and aggressively with questions about her and then moved in on me.

So quickly, I didn't have much time to make much of a value judgment of his personality. First came the drink offer and "why was I so shy?" He was reasonably attractive and well dressed but something just didn't seem right about him.

My regular bartender wasn't there that night. The two of us have developed some really effective non verbal communication with our eyes. Information that would have told me a lot.

Not having that resource and low on my drink, I didn't take a chance with him and took off.

What a quick journey that night to the other side of the curtain! Following major soul searching about the experience, I labeled myself inexperienced, naive and ignorant.

Inexperienced because I don't have the life experiences from a girl's side of the fence. I was never forward enough as a guy to make the approach he did so I had no point of reference from either gender.

I was naive to think I could project as a relatively attractive single female in that arena and not get some sort of reaction. After all, where had I been my whole life...well not in that situation!

Finally, ignorance is always not stupidity. I had never encountered that experience so I was ignorant in how to handle it.

As my friend's knowledge of the situation grew (she probably had the same conversation about guys with girlfriends a thousand times over the years) She told me one solution for the next time. Always use the cell phone as a prop and tell him I'm waiting for my partner and SHE will be here shortly!

I did feel better when she told me she knew who I was talking about and she thought he was a creep.

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Guest tesk22

Guest tesk22

Posted

Hi Cyrsti,

I read your blog and most definitely you are upset on how to handle such situations. Myself being straight I can understand your delemma. I think when a man approaches you in the future and is "agressive" you can count on trouble either there or if you choose to leave with him. Those are the type that take advantage of their prey, ignorant,have no respect for women and abusive. I am sure of that because I have seen that type many times before. You are at a disadvantage because you were shy in your previous gender.

You must beware of your surroundings at all times and even when you leave an establishment. Always take notice to the unexpected and be safe at all times. Maybe a good idea to stay with a friend at all times till you become totally in charge of yourself. I mean that in a positve way! Be thankful he had not known you were a transgender person or this person could have made a scene that would be an awful memory for you. I hope I have helped and be safe out there ok! John

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Cyrsti

Thanks John, I have been VERY lucky to have learned the hard way about being in the wrong places at the wrong times. ALMOST

Thank God, I have not been hurt. I'm knocking on my head (wood) because it could have happened. In fact I'm adding "Mace" to the contents of my purse.

In regards to my "friend" he was a learning experience that all girls experience. So I learned. I do rely heavily on my bartender friends in those circumstances.

On the other hand, I used to be one of those who would put on her profile "not interested in men". That was until I met a guy one night I desperately wish I had not rejected so quickly. I have the story written down and I will try to get it on my blog posts as it is quite lengthy.

The moral to the story was he rode a classic Triumph and I would have left with him. But I didn't. He knew I was TG.

I found you can't stereotype again a couple days ago.

Tuesday night this week was completely different in my usual sports bar because I spent almost the whole evening conversing with guys.

One I've known for almost a year from there and the second was introduced to me by the first. The third is just a casual exchange of chat or sports. They all know of me.

I never take any conversation farther than I believe they want it to go and approach them as a woman. NEVER any sexual statements. My conversation is all about them. What do they do, how do they do it and how about their family.

The bottom line is (I guess) they know I'm not a girl, but I kind of look like one and maybe act like one a little better. It obviously doesn't bother them to be seen with me in a crowded bar so I must be doing something right.

Wow! How did I get so wordy with all of this? Sorry! Thanks again for your concern!

Cyrsti

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