The end of another week. Not too bad. My therapist and I have been working on the gender issue. I feel depressed this week. It's true what they say. When you are seen a certain way long enough, it's hard for others to adjust. What do people think transgender is? Do they think everyone starts out looking as a perfect 10 woman? No, it takes work and not just surgery. I don't think it's an issue that is solved by just taking some hormone pills.
I don't think people really put the time into understanding it because it doesn't concern the majority of the population. It's caused me to reevaluate a lot of things for myself.
Like where do I fit into society? Are my political and religious beliefs I've grown up with still serving me? How have I changed? Where do I see this all going?
My therapist is awesome. She always leaves me with things to think about. Which in turn allows me the ability to grow and make better decisions. To keep moving forward even if it is slow and not to everyone else's expectations.
I am starting to form goals and work towards things and I want to make the right decisions to bring everything together and do things right. I feel like I've reached this point where I've stopped looking back all the time and started to look at what I can accomplish.
I've stopped giving people who don't deserve my attention power over me. I also feel like I'm starting to view my trans issue as not so much of a deal and something I don't need to share with random people on the net.
I don't want to have a horrible life. I don't want to feel worthless and broken. Taking the steps to fix the problem and addressing my own shortcomings so I can change is not easy. Do I see progress? Absolutely.
I look at where I was, where I am now, and where I plan to be. I had always viewed people who go to therapy as lunatics and crazies. The reality is, that if you don't take the help, you will end y being crazy And that's not what I want.
Ive realized a lot of things since then. My own shortcomings and realizations. As well as the reality, that I'm just not going to be able to please everyone. So I'm doing the best I can with this life. Working towards the life I want. I guess that probably a bit much because it's not just a trans issue. It's a human issue. No one wants to feel broken. Sometimes I think that progress is made through removal of things from life, not from adding things.
I used to listen to these audios on audible by Craig Beck. He is one of my favorite to listen to because hes entertaining to listen to. He would say, "a cup is useful because it's empty" or something along those lines. I think I'll listen to that later today.
So, more of the good things.