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A life lived, a life to live

I was born a woman in a mans body. I've known this since my earliest memory but growing up during the 70s and 80s in Southern California and being raised by two very conservative parents made life heartbreaking and filled with pain.

I wasn't strong enough to go against my parents and now at the young age of 50 it's still difficult.

"But I have finally taken control of MY life."

 I think about how different my life will become and it excites me to think that one day I'll be able to transform into the woman I've always hidden from the public. It's going to take a lot of work—surgical and hormonal— but the end result for me will be liberating and glorious. 

When I was younger I would wear my sisters dresses as often as I could. One day in my sophomore year of high school my mother caught me in a dress. I spent the next two years in counseling being told it was unacceptable to feel the way I did. In 1986 when I graduated from high school I was forced by my parents to enlist in the United States Army in order to make me a man. I retired after serving 25 years.
During my career I fought the urge to be who I was inside. I married three times but that never lasted. I was always jealous of my wives. I wanted to be a wife too. 
I've begun the necessary steps to happiness. Will it be easy? Absolutely not but anything this important shouldn't be an easy process to traverse. I have several roadblocks ahead of me; weight loss, the looks I'll get when coming out in public for the first time (I'm 6'3" 250 lbs) but I even though I know tough times are ahead I'm still driven to become the woman I was born to be. 
​I quit my job and moved 1,400 miles to Seattle with the hopes of finding a job where I can transition and continue on with becoming Olivia.
This will be the first of many blogs depicting my journey.
I hope you'll join me by following in on this new grand adventure. 

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Posted

Hi Olivia,

Welcome to TGG. Although I’m a dozen years older I am going through much the same as you. Just today my doctor increased my estradiol to a more typical introductory level. I am also going to therapy, voice coaching, and electrolysis. It’s quite a burden but exciting nonetheless given how many decades I’ve suppressed my authentic self. I say this not to make this about me but to assure you that you’re among friends.

Emma

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Posted

Thank you Emma. 

It's enlightening to know I'm not the only one going through this. My journey will be similar to yours I'm sure and if you ever just want to talk offline let me know. 

Liv

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Posted

Welcome to TGGuide!  I can't wait to read your blog entries :P

My own experience - I've transitioned over the past 2-3 years (depending on what I consider the starting point) - is that it is both amazing and terrifying - often at the same time. But either way is better than settling for a life that isn't right for you!

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Chrissy, 

Thank you so much for that. I've met some of the most amazing women on this blog site. It is extremely terrifying and amazing but I'm looking forward to just living my life as me and if people don't accept me for who I am then that's their loss. 

Ciao for now. 

Liv 

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