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Ho-hum

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I guess everything is finally catching up with me. I have been pretty much in a whirlwind since my wife died in July what with one thing and another. I have kept myself super busy  while at the same time trying to make room for some social life which consists of daily visits to my friends down the block and chats with the girls. I have not minded being alone for the most part, I have to admit. I have enjoyed the freedom to be able to dress when at home and wear whatever feels right at the time. Otherwise, my life hasn't changed a whole lot. I am a homebody for the most part, and anyone who has a house knows, THEY ARE A LOT OF WORK! Most of which I don't mind doing--I like it when the place looks good, and I like being outside. Even when Sue was alive, I spent a good part of my day doing household chores. 

Today, I got my new checks in the mail with only my name on them. Maybe that brought home the fact that I am truly on my own now. I'm not going to apoligize for feeling a litte down or sad. I think I'm entitled to some of that and I don't want anyone who reads this to feel that I need a lot of sympathy--well, a little maybe, but I'm basically okay. I read recently that it's not even healthy to try to be super positive, rah-rah, all the time. It's not natural. We all have our rhythms, and this is part of mine. I must say that it feels better just to write about it and put my thoughts and feeling on paper. 

i did make the effort to get cleaned up tonight, and that felt good. I am dressed pretty casually, still in girl clothes but simply. I think I need something fun to read. I haven't read a good book in a while. I'm missing that. I say hi to the girls and crawl in bed with something good. Nght all. 


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Posted

I can recommend many books. Tell me what you like and I’ll send titles! 

It’s to be expected that you’re feeling down. Sure, it’s fun and all to be on your own, to dress when and how you like. But longer term you’re without your wife and that is sad. Give yourself the patience, caring, and support you need to work it out. It may take quite a while, there is no certain path or timeline. 

I wish you well, sleep tight,

Emma

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You never need to apologize for feeling sad or down. Grieving isn't a predictable or linear process, it's completely natural to feel it for almost any length of time. I can imagine how getting checks with just your name could trigger it.

It's good to hear that writing about it helps. Keep writing! It's also perfectly normal to want or need some sympathy - so don't hesitate to say when you're feeling down.

Xoxo

Chrissy

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Thanks, guys. It's a comfort to know you are there for me. I hold you in my heart.

 

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Emma, I'll take any book suggestion you have. I am a non-discriminatory reader. My time is somewhat limited now, but I always like fo have a good book going.

 

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Dear MichelleLea, Emma and Chrissy,

When my mother lost my father due to heart disease, she joined an organization called, "Widow to Widow," which was free, run by a woman psychologist.  My mother got a lot out of it, but the greatest thing she got out of it was that the grieving period should last no more than two years.  This is the point that the widow should clear out and give to charity the unusable property of the deceased partner.  The psychologist said it was unhealthy to grieve beyond two years, and that the survivor should get counseling.

Hope this helps.

Your friend,

Monica

 

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Monica,

That seems like it might have been a little while ago? From what I've learned there aren't any time limits. What matters is how much, if at all, the grieving process is interfering with daily living. It can certainly go beyond 2 years (my parents died 13 years ago and I still have moments of grieving)

Chrissy

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Dear Chrissy,

Think Widow to Widow was referring to INCAPACITATING grief.

Still have moments of grief over losing my parents.

Your friend,

Monica

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