Christy

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Guess who showed up.

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Hello again. 

Well, I had a couple of great days. I went to the laser appointment on Monday and it went well. She charged me $125 and will remove all the hair that laser couldn’t get with electrolysis for $35. That includes the back and face and I will probably have the chest/abdomen done as well(for an added cost). As for the pain....ouch! especially the upper lip & chin. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, but I had to take a break every couple of minutes. They don’t use any numbing cream for insurance purposes so that stinks but at least they have the cooling spray. She did say that this was the worst it will get because the the thick course hair is now gone. I guess the face is the most painful. My skin was a little red and sensitive for about 3 hours but not to bad. The hair should start to fall out over the next 2 weeks and then back for more in 5 weeks. It will be interesting to see the difference between laser and electrolysis. The whole process made me feel like I was moving forward with my transition. One more step. One more day. I am still trying to slow myself down a bit but everything keeps falling into place very comfortably so I’m not going to fight it. I felt so good and girly about the prospects of not have a beard that I stopped off at Walgreens. I picked up some makeup, nail polish, deodorant and other things because I was feeling so good. I’m not really nervous about shopping for “girl stuff “ anymore. I got home took a shower and shaved with the intention of getting some work done before lunch but that didn’t happen. After shaving I started to clean my face and then put on moisturizers which made my skin feel really nice. Then I decided to pluck a few eyebrow hairs but that just led to full makeup. Light, but it was the most makeup I have put on in many many years. I loved it, and my eyes got bigger and brighter...I was feeling great. I decided that I was going to keep the makeup on while I did some work. Boy clothes weren’t going to satisfy the girl looking back at me in the mirror, she was pushing forward. So, I put on a pair of my wife’s jeans (fit pretty good), a nice stretchy top that fit perfectly (careful not to get makeup on it, lessen learned) and a cute pair of sandals. I then painted my nails a very light pink. I just couldn’t stop myself. It also taught me that I need more practice. Anyway, I was feeling very happy in a kind of content way but I felt like I wanted something more. Earrings! As I walked into the bathroom looking for that little extra something I glanced at myself in the mirror....I stopped. Turning to the side I sucked in my tummy and arched my back just a bit. With my left hand on my tummy and my right hand on my bum I looked into the mirror. Without meaning too I said out loud in a soft feminine voice “holy crap”. My eyes started to swell up with tears and my knees buckled slightly. As I stood back up into the same pose I said out loud “holy s... I love this....I love you”. I looked better than I expected (HRT must be working) and for the first time ever in my life, I was looking at the real me. I am sure many of you have had this experience yourselves but it’s hard for me to describe the feeling. My bum is fuller and a little jiggly, my breast’s were really visible in the colorful top and my skin looked so soft. My eyes were really bright and at that moment I knew that there was no turning back, I can’t. Not after feeling and seeing my true self. I have been saying to myself that if it becomes to much or to scary that I could stop. Just push it back down like I have in the past. Many times. I’ve done it before so I can do it again kind of thing. This is different. Stronger. Deeper. She finally showed up and I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I stayed as myself for the rest of the day choosing to work from home. No one else was home so I was free to do all the normal things around the house that I would do on any other day. I was even going to take a drive around town but the day flew by and I ran out of time. I slept realllllllllly well last night. In the morning I took care of the kids and some appointments for work. Then I went to Chico’s near my home and bought a pair of jeans and a nice top of my own then I went to see my therapist. I now have my very first outfit. Casual which I think reflects my personality. My therapist and I are working on what I need to do and how I am going to come out. I need to plan for the future. At times this freaks me out and then other times I am ok with whatever happens. We did some role play in therapy which really helped me. I will be taking care of my kids and then myself tonight (I have been doing a facial regime every night) and tomorrow I will be dressed as myself again. The crazy thing is now the roles I’ve been playing (so to speak) have flipped. When I dress as a man now I truly feel like a phony. Don’t get me wrong some of the boy clothes are comfy and nice but it has changed. It doesn’t feel normal anymore and even though I understand it intellectually I’m still a bit confused by the quick shift. I went back and read all my posts searching for some clarity and was amazed again at how far I have come in 47 days. Just astonishing to me. I just kept taking the next step, walking through my fears. Next as far as body changes go I will be looking into ffs and voice. I wouldn’t be where I’m at without the help, guidance, support and compassion you all have shown me. From my heart ❤️ thank you. 

 

Live,love,learn

Christy😍


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Posted

You HAVE come a long way in 47 days. I can see it in your posts. :)  Congrats to you. I hope all continues to go well. There will be bumps so be ready for them. Seems you have good support with your therapist so I think you'll do well. 

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Thank you Lori 😁

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Dear Christy,

If you get makeup on clothes, always have some liquid Tide on hand, put some liquid Tide on the spot for at least a half an hour, and then wash. Often that solves the problem.

Your friend,

Monica

 

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