Many of us on this journey have a future that's not clear, we know in our minds the destination we want but between here and there the path is twisted, indistinct with numerous blockages put there by both ourselves (doubt and fear being big ones) and by others, doctors, loved ones, work etc.
Yesterday, my future came more into focus with my first sign-off for surgery from the gender clinic. The meeting with the doctor was scheduled for 45 minutes, it lasted just 20 minutes. At the end of it I was asked to make an appointment to see the other doctor who is looking after my case and also to see the resident surgical nurse for genital assessment for electrolysis. He also said he could not think of a good reason why I would not get the second approval.
I nearly hugged him there and then, I was so full of joy.
The next appointment is January 2012, which although is some 5 months away, is fine by me as I am still working through my divorce which should be complete by then.
So reasonably I can expect to have my surgery somewhere between May at the earliest to August 2012, and that really brought it into sharp focus - just one more year at the most to put up with the annoyance of jeans that don't lay right, with worrying about women's changing rooms for the swimming pool (I long to get back to swimming) and to feeling incomplete in front of my lover.
Last Monday (9th August), my lovely friend Karen had her SRS, I visited her on Thursday after work and was met with such a happy, calm and contented face. She wrote on her FaceBook page the day after the operation that she had no "what have I done?" thoughts at all when she looked down on the result for the first time, she just felt 'right' for the very first time in her life.
Caroline x x x x