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Life as I know it, or at least how I think I know my life

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I have been on this site for awhile now, and have met some great people and a very supportive group. Just a little about my self, I am an MtF crossdresser/transgender, not totally sure where I fit in there, I have been doing a lot of soul searching these past couple of weeks and am still not sure where I am going with this side of my life. I go to work in boy mode, dressed for the most part androgynous, as that is how I feel comfortable. Always underdressed with a bra (padded) and panties on, cause I can get away with it for the most part un-noticed. I am looking into finding a therapist to explore this further, as some times I really feel like this is what I should be, and others I'm not sure. I have had this side looked in a closet for more yrs then I would care to count, and am now finally able to express it. Sometimes I wish that I could full time, at work I have to catch myself at times when going to the restroom not going in the wrong one, or wanting to stop at the mirror to check my makeup, as I typically wear eyeshadow. It's one of the little things that I can get away with it at work, since it's not really noticed with my glasses on.

I have come out to some people out side of my friends on line that I know and the meetup group that I belong to, and for the most part they are very supportive of me. I even came out to my ex wife, and she was surprisingly very supportive and understanding when I told her that I really need some time to myself on a weekend, so have been cut back to getting my kids every other weekend, which gave me a lot of time to think about what I want for myself and where I am going in my life. I haven't really come out to my younger 2 boys (ages 4 and 7), but I have talked to my oldest son (13), and of course he had the hardest question to answer of "why?" I tried to explain to him some of the reasons why that I did know.


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I definitely can't relate to all your family issues but I am startng to be able to relate to what you are going through. I didn't keep it "locked away" like you did....I didn't even know, until it just hit me all of a sudden a few days ago. I can't get away with any of what you are able to at work....maybe some panties, but we'll see once they get delivered soon! I am really looking forward to no longer wearing male underwear! i have never worn anything feminine, no panties, skirts, heels, nothing! But when I started putting on my clothes for work today, I was completely disgusted. It felt like I was lying to myself. That was the first time I had felt like that...or at least the first time I noticed it.

Sorry that i can't be of more help...

Amber

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