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I Don't Look It, I Don't Sound It, But I Sure Feel It

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As I come out among other fellow trans people, I'm finding out just how large the "umbrella" really is. There's such a wide variety. I used to think you had to have hormones and surgery in order to be transgender, but I know that's not the case, necessarily. Everybody's different. I'm too poor to afford hormones and surgery, and I don't like pain. I do not cross dress, and I'm not criticizing anybody who does. If you saw me, you'd see a perfectly masculine body, and my voice is likewise male. Okay? What's so transwoman about you? It's my innermost feelings. Couple that with the fact that I like the sound of girls' names more than guys' names, and I've always wanted to be called by a female name. Additionally, I find myself, more and more, as I get older, wishing I could use the ladies' restroom, never mind my parts. I cannot pretend to be against the thought of lawmakers trying to make it legal to choose the bathroom you'd be most comfortable using. I am through with pretending, and yet I tremble at the thought of the backlash I'd receive. I mean, I find myself wishing I could be justified in using the ladies' room, simply because I sit... Also, I get my strongest inner woman feelings around guys. I virtually always feel like a girl amidst guys. I can't explain myself. Other than that, I like my short hair and other male features, though I sometimes wish my voice was higher. This is why I consider myself a transgender female, though I don't look or sound the part. This is why I love this website. I can leave my real name out of it and identify as a girl, never mind the features. My inner man is a woman.


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Posted

Hi Jenny,

Good to see your blog post. I imagine it's hard for you to do but I hope to read more from you. I agree with you that it does seem at times that the transgender scale leans toward hormones and surgery but, like you, I'm more likely at the opposite end!

Emma

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There is a new term out, trans* where the asterisk denotes what suits you best, so this can mean in your case "your version of transgender" which is great and my version is different from you and Emma is different from me and you. What is common is unity and special to what we are to the world.

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Posted

ohmy I must agree

I literally have no choice but t go as womanly as possible in irl situations... which is pretty butch cuz bio-region

strong internal drive to come out more & more

scared excited at the same times

Swan

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Sweetie, this is your journey and what it means to you may will be different from others. You don't need to be taking hormones or have surgery to be transgender or feel female. You also don't have to transition full-time, unless you feel you need to.

I'm so glad that you do feel welcome here and can share. Hang in there!

Lisa

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"Also, I get my strongest inner woman feelings around guys. I virtually always feel like a girl amidst guys. I can't explain myself." -Jennifer

No need to try to explain. When I was working, I always felt more like myself, like a man, whenever I was dealing with a woman. More so than when I am alone. Some of them made it even easier, because they often made no attempt to look specifically for bio males if they needed help with something. If I was handy, they had me doing whatever grunt task they needed done. Sometimes, it actually felt like they made no distinction between me and the rest of the bio male workforce - I was just another one of the guys.

"I agree with you that it does seem at times that the transgender scale leans toward hormones and surgery...." -Emma

That scale isn't leaning -- there are those who are continually pushing on it, believing they can tilt the scales in their favour, dismissing those who don't or can't transition and thereby making themselves "legitimate" and labelling everyone else "pretenders."

-Michael

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Posted

I think that being transgender is how you feel inside, your mind, heart and soul. People can express their femininity outward to what ever extent they choose, or not at all.

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