Transgender Guide Message Board: amie - Viewing Profile

My first love is music and taking old songs and putting my own personality and style into them by performing. I am a natural entertainer but I often get nervous before a performance. My profession is within the arts and helping others to preserve their memories in the digital communications industry. I am well trained in public speaking and would enjoy participating in more support programs. I enjoy Bicycling for exercise but would really love a ballet class as well as ballroom dancing in the ladies apparel of course. I love the outdoors when the weather is perfect. Writing and Home improvement are actually hobbies for me though recently I have wanted to learn more about sewing to possibly design some of my own clothing. I recently found out that I am one of those intellectually gifted people who could supposedly do anything they wanted in life if they set their mind to it. I am college educated and highly skilled in many areas. I am currently below the income I am worthy of and I have been treated similar financially in ways women are in the workforce even though it is obvious I am a man. I have often been put down and many creative ideas have been often taken from me. In order to fully express myself the way I need to I have run my own business for 10 years full time. I love having control over the final product and the customers we have come back year after year. Though wanting acceptance as transgender preoccupies my thoughts, being a man has always limited me internally because I never was able to pursue some of the more feminine areas of interest. I am well known as a man but I accept myself as in between, desperately wanting peace of mind. I am a deeply spiritual person and I go to church every week but I know God cannot be confined to a building. I have reached a point where my faith is internalized and I truly see God in others. If churches didn't exist anymore I would still know that there is a higher power taking care of me and wanting me to practice real love for others. I am attracted to men as well as women but I have found comfort in my family and being married to my wife. Other than my wife, my closest life long friends know nothing of my feelings and the thought that they wouldn't understand makes me want to redefine my social circle. I also have more than a few children with the same person and yet I feel alone. I am longing for a friend who has had a similar experience to me whom I could identify with. I love my wife and she knows everything about me but she realizes that I need to have a friend like myself to identify with. I love to socialize and have a interest in a wide variety of topics. I have identified with females since before I could walk, yet I was forced to grow up as a man because I thought I was the only one who felt this way. When I got married, losing my other female friends caused me to become depressed and withdrawn. Knowing a few men that have similar experience as me or woman who would accept someone like me as a friend might help me get through this life a little better. I have been slowly transitioning in public. I wear woman's clothes all of the time, but most people would not know. The clothes are conservative enough (more unisex) that people never know for sure and usually identify me clearly as a man. I would say that I am halfway there with Longer hair, earrings, cleanly shaven and the soft feminine style. No one has ever questioned me though once I finish electrolysis I will have some social decisions to make I am sure.