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Blog Comments posted by UsernameOptional

  1. "Now that I understand you are paying rent, then she is your LANDLADY, and she is being very unprofessional."  -- Monica

    If this is actually an agreement - she asked for rent and named the amount, then the space in her house that is not considered common area is yours, and she cannot enter your space unannounced when you are not there unless there is an emergency.  Otherwise, any entry must be scheduled and you must be notified in advance.

    This means that if you attempt to "put your foot down" concerning her treatment of you, she can't just kick you out - she has to evict you, and that requires a thirty day notice.

    Don't wanna cause any stress between you and your boyfriend since that is his mother, but these are things to consider if it is indeed a landlord/tenant situation, no matter how "laid back" or informal it is.  In most places, as soon as money is handed over in exchange for living accomodations, it becomes a rental situation, and even if it's month-to-month, she can't just walk in tomorrow and tell you to pack your things and leave.  Therefore, as Monica indicated, work hard at finding a job first... then look for a place of your own.  It'll be tough...but just try to stay away from her.

    -Michael

    • Like 2
  2. It's her house.  She can call the shots.  And if she is not going to call you Ren or Warren, and interact with you as she would with any other male, you can put your foot thru the floor and it won't change anything.  I agree that it sounds like she is intentionally referring to you as female in every way possible.

    I agree that in whatever way you plan on confronting her, you should be ready for the worst, which could possibly mean being kicked out.  If you're not in a position to take that chance yet, I think I would do everything I could to avoid her whenever possible to limit your exposure to her disrespect.

    When you do have to be in her presense, and since you have legal documents to back you up, stop responding to her when she calls you by your former name.  Pretend you don't even hear her.  But again, you have to determine whether you are ready to be kicked out if she would go so far.

    Good luck with the interview.  It would be nice if you could:  1) Get a job that you really would like to have, and 2) A job will help you get your own place.

    -Michael

    • Like 2
  3. I decided to give this show another chance as I mentioned in my previous comment.  I watched the first two episodes using the links above.  I figured this would give me incentive to tune in to the third episode - which I did.

    The show is pretty good at showing how different people deal with a transgender person.  Of course in this show, the main character's biological father is a trans woman, and ironically, so is the biological father of his girlfriend.  Though the girlfriend's parent is not quite full-time, both the daughter and the wife (they are still married and still together) are very supportive of her.

    On the other hand, while the main character, Ben, refers to his parent with female pronouns and calls her by her female name, he is upset that he is losing his "father," and has so far refused to call Carly, "mom."  Ben's friends all think that Carly is cool - they like her, and they have even gone to bowl with her and Ben and out to eat.  Ben's mother and Carly are divorced.  Though the mother keeps up a relationship with Carly because of their children - especially Ben since he is still a minor - the mother seems to be very bitter about the whole thing.

    I've seen enough of the show now that there are some things I would like to see through:  Carly wants gender confirming surgery.  Ben and Carly discussed why Carly does not want to be called "Dad."  Ben's sister is about to get married - will Carly be at the wedding?  I have this feeling that if it were left up to Ben's mother, she would not.  And, Ben's best friend's girlfriend's brother reminds Carly of Charlie before Charlie was Carly... (:lol:  Did ya get all that?)  Might Lathan be trans in some form?

    NOTE:  Becoming Us is to be run on ABCFamilies' sister cable networks - check the thread "Becoming Us" as soon as possible for details.

    NOTE:  It now appears that there are full episodes on YouTube.

    • Like 1
  4. Here's the synopsis as seen on abcfamily.go.com:
    "Ben, an ordinary Midwestern teenager, going through a unique situation. After his parents’ recent divorce, Ben learned that his dad is transitioning into a woman, Carly. In the series’ opener, “#WelcomeToMyWorld,” Ben is struggling in school, and his parents, Suzy and Carly, are not happy about it. Ben’s girlfriend, Danielle, would like to introduce Carly to her father, who is also transgender, leading to an awkward shopping trip for the four of them. And Ben’s sister, Sutton, returns home to Evanston to plan her upcoming wedding."

    I tuned into the first episode.  I didn't know it was going to be another reality show, so that might have hurt the show's chances with me right off the bat - I was expecting a documentary, and expecting it to be all (only) about the trans people involved.  It seemed to me that the first episode had too much "other" stuff in it besides what was going on with the trans characters.   I'd rather watch a documentary, or a regular [scripted] program.

    I might tune in again, and give it another chance now that I know what to expect.

    I found episode #1 on hulu...  perhaps you can view it there...   http://www.hulu.com/watch/799388
    I also found it on sidereel.com...  you must accept cookies, and it appears you have to register on the site...     http://www.sidereel.com/becoming_us/season-1/episode-1
    It appears that both episodes #1 and #2 can be found on streamtuner.me - this site also requires registration... http://streamtuner.me/watch-becoming-us-online-streaming/
    I also found links to YouTube, but once on Youtube, you are redirected to hulu

    I do not know how long these episodes will be available on these sites - I did not go so far as to check that info

    -Michael

    • Like 1
  5. Glad ya got it in writing... I was pretty sure you didn't HAVE to be on HRT, let alone a year, before you could get top surgery.  There are still too many in the medical world who, for whatever reasons, feel the need to put their own [biased] spin on when and how a person can transition.

    -Mike

    • Like 3
  6. Very nice find, Monica... thanks for sharing it with us.

    "Lesbians have NOT been erased; we have been mainstreamed!  Isn't that what most of us wanted - to be treated the same as Straight folks, with the same rights and opportunities?""

    This to me, says it all - being "mainstreamed" does not mean losing your identity.  It means becoming a respected human being.  It means you no longer have to fight for the right(s) that you shouldn't have been denied to begin with.  Being respected, and having rights does not mean you no longer exist.  If anything...it means your existence and all that comes with it, is finally validated.

    -Michael

    • Like 1
  7. I too cannot begrudge Caitlyn her financial ability to transition.  It's only her politics that I have issue with.  But now that she's out, hopefully she will use her celebrity status to be more involved, and maybe her politics will change.

    "That being said, some of the Vanity Fair shots were highly sexualized. Maybe I am sensitive to it because I am trans* or because Caitlyn (and I) am older. I just worry for other older trans* women, like myself, that the "bar" has been set high. I am a very self-critical person, but I worry that I and others will be measured by cisgender people who see this. We don't have infinite amounts of money or free time to look that good. (Lol! Don't we wish!) So it is somewhat a false reality. Though, it is no different then the reality that women face who see advertising "pump out" sexualized images on a daily basis."   -- Lisa

    One of the first things I thought when I saw the first VF image was, I hope they didn't photo-shop her too much.  It's bad enough that it has become "par for the course" when it comes to cisgender women.  And no doubt many will judge other trans women by they way they see people like Caitlyn Jenner, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock in the media - age notwithstanding.

    With the right tecniques and tools, anyone can be made to look glamourous.  But as you said Lisa, not everyone has the money for that.

    -Michael

    • Like 3
  8. Ya know... here's something that some of these ignorant, inconsiderate people should consider --

    I worked with a guy who's LEGAL name was an obviously female name.  His mother did not read or write very well, and she spelled the name she wanted to give her son the best she could.  Just turned out that her misspelling was not only a real name, that name was spelled correctly, and it was a name for a girl.

    On the flip side of that coin, I met a woman who's father had wanted a boy so bad, that she ended up bestowed with the name her father had chosen for his son before she was born.  Apparently, his word was rule and her mum had no say in the matter even though the much wanted son ended up being a girl.

    I have no idea how often these things happen, but it's proof that we are not the only ones that don't always have the gendered name that people expect us to have.  Unless there is reason to believe there is illegal activity occurring, people need to learn how to respect people, and stop taking it upon themselves to try "educate" a person about his/her name.

    Anywhoooooooooo, years ago, I ran across something online where a lawyer somewhere had pretty much destroyed the traditional stand by courts to deny a person a change to a name that did not match their gender - I wished I had saved it.  But no matter, to the best of my knowledge, no court can any longer deny a person a change to the name of their choice as long as the reason is not for any illegal purpose.

    Warren has recently legally changed his name and he has not begun any medical transition.  You might want to check out three of his blogs about his name change (if you haven't already seen them).  Perhaps he will even share with you the steps he took.  Process may be a little different where you live, but the information might still be helpful.

    Frustrated but hopeful
    Chaos has Swallowed me whole
    MISSION SUCCESSFUL!!!

    • Like 2
  9. My biggest weight gain came after I retired.  I was in a job that could be physically demanding, so I stayed in pretty good shape.  Over the years I gained a few pounds here and there, but always remained pretty muscular.  In my early 20s, I wore a size 31 jeans (despite not being over-weight, I've always had a bit of a belly), later a 33.  I found, at least where I live, the only places I could find odd, or "in-between" sized jeans when I needed them were in western apparel stores.

    As for soda and cake...well, I don't drink much soda at all other than an occasion ginger ale.  I never did like Coka-Cola even when I was a kid, and when ever I do drink soda, I usually water it down.  I enjoy cake if it's there, but I don't go out of my way to bake them or seek them out at buffets.  My biggest problem:   GOOD FOOD!  At buffets, I get a variety of foods for my meal - including veggies.  For desert, I get more food.

    And then of course, I don't exactly get much exercise anymore.  ::: sigh :::

    I really can't offer any good dieting advice 'cause I really never had to diet.  And now that I need to...I hate it.  It's torture.  All I think about is food.  As a result... my attempts go bust within days.. :(

    Good luck with your weight loss... I hope you can do better than I have done.

    • Like 3
  10. Yeah...try not to let that woman's attitude get ya down.  If she's like that to everyone... she needs to find another job somewhere else.  Trans people don't need that kind of treatment.  Way too many of us already have esteem issues  That kinda crap certainly doesn't help things.

    And that business about being on HRT a year before you can get surgery has got to be bull... perhaps a requirement by the particular surgeon.  I know of guys who have gotten top surgery within 6 months of being on HRT.   And what about a person who can't do HRT for medical reasons?  That mean a guy can't get top surgery at all?   The way I look at it if a guy wants top surgery, he should be able to have it.  If women can get boob jobs without having their heads shrunk, we should be able to get un-boob jobs!   And like you... I want them gone BEFORE starting hormones, or before the hormones start making any changes.  Besides... from what I understand, they make you go off HRT for surgery.

    Anyway... sorry to hear that the plan for the beach went down the drain.  But hey... ya have the rest of the summer to make other trips to the beach.  ;)

    -Michael

    • Like 3
  11. "She called me by my birth name over text (because she doesn't like to hear the truth when she asks my opinion, apparently). I corrected her, and her response was, "well it's not official yet!""
    While I'm sure this probably stung, maybe it's not as bad as it seems.  I questioned my brother's actions a few years ago, but members helped me pretty much see that he most likely really didn't mean anything.  I think the biggest problem was that I called him on something, and he became defensive.  That could be where your sister's comment, "well it's not official yet," came from.  That doesn't excuse it, but it might explain it.

    "This is the most shocking because she has actually had diversity and sensitivity training with her job, which included an LGBTQ section and focused on transgender discrimination."
    Now that I've somewhat defended her... I will say this much about employer-mandated sensativity training:  such training is not going to change someone who doesn't want to be changed.  And really, I'm pretty sure that sending employees to sensativity training is just a company's way of covering it's rear, to make sure their employees treat "anyone different" respectfully.  It's to cut down on grievances and possible lawsuits.  Sensativity training normally is not elective.  Too often, many people don't like being forced to go to them.   And most of them see it as a challenge to their [sorry] character.

    Hopefully she'll come around.
    -Michael

    • Like 2
  12. "...these days I am always wearing a nightgown and panties to sleep in. It feels good, right, comfortable. It eases my dysphoria, makes me feel better. It’s not erotic at all."

    Is it at all possible that somewhere in the back of "Marie's" mind, festers implanted misconceptions she's learned, picked up, heard, or been told in the past about crossdressers? And if so, if she was to learn and be able to allow reality to over-write all the bad she's heard, maybe she could be more supportive?

    "On previous occasions she has expressed her dismay and disapproval. And there’s no doubt in my mind that I would appear pretty odd to her when dressed in anything feminine."

    I've found that those who are in total support, and accept me as I am, have no issue with how I present myself. A good example would be my brother. He knows I wear a binder, he knows I pack, and he knows my packer doubles as a "stand-to-pee," but he treats me no different than he ever has.

    My Mum, on the other hand, does not particularly care for the way I dress, she has issue with my hair, and I think she has wondered what's up with my chest. She's not really one to bite her tongue, so I'm not quite sure why she's not asked me what up, except that perhaps she doesn't want to hear what she doesn't wanna hear.

    __________________________________________________

    LOL... you worked that word 'redacted' in there. You go, girl!! ;)

    -Mikey

    • Like 2
  13. I agree...it would be cool if you could get those suckers classified as medically detrimental. I just hope that if so, they will shave 'em all the way down. Too often, the most they will do is a "reduction." A shame the patient can't dictate how far to reduce.

    I guess if they reduce them enough though... then a good binder will work wonders. As far as that goes, a neoprene waist trimmer would work, and be a heck of a lot cooler.

    -Michael

    • Like 2
  14. "Sounds like the counselor kinda lost control of the group. Or maybe she never really had control of the group since you say this Pamela woman has a reputation for acting this way." -- Daniella

    I had a similar thought... hopefully, the counselor has made amends by not only discussing this with Emma, but also by making sure dear Pamela doesn't assualt anyone like that again.

    -Mike

    • Like 2
  15. Emma -

    I think you had every right to feel like you were being interrogated, belittled, and discredited. And it's certainly understandable how she brought back feelings and emotions of a time that was not so happy.

    Pamela sounds very much to me like the type who believes that if you're not about to kill yourself, or castrate yourself, you are neither serious nor truly transsexual.

    She also reminds me of the type that believe there is no such thing as a different path for each of us - if you are trans, you will do everything within your power yesterday to transition.

    Pamela is just one person in the group. No matter where we go...there's always that one person. That one bully. Or that one butthead. It sounds like at the moment, you are the "youngest" of the group (not in age, but in experience), the vulnerable one, the kind she likes to prey on. Sounds like she's damn good at it too.

    I think maybe you have allies in other members of the group, and hopefully in the therapist. And of course, as Christie pointed out, you have TGG, too.

    -Mike

    • Like 4
  16. "And even though I know it’s something I’m supposed to fully understand, I’ve yet to uncover that fine line between transGENDER and transSEXUAL."

    Transgender is simply a "catch-all" term that puts transsexuals, crossdressers, and anyone else with any kind of gender differences or non-conformity into one big happy family.

    A transsexual is anyone who who has "demonstrated at least two years of continuous interest in removing their sexual anatomy and transforming their bodies and social roles," and unless things have changed, such a diagnoses does not hinge on whether one transitions or not, or is able to or not. In other words, just because someone has transitioned to include genital surgery, does not make him/her transsexual, and you "only transgender." The two terms are not meant to differentiate between one who has transitioned and one who has not (or cannot).

    I think a good majority of the people here (not including crossdressers and those who identify as both male and female, or neither male or female - just to simplify things), have had feelings of being "in the wrong body," or have identified with the opposite gender from a very young age. That in and of itself, makes us transsexual.

    You are a transsexual member of the transgender community.

    "I don’t feel like answering questions about my sex life regarding my transgender “lifestyle”. That’s like me walking up to a complete stranger and going “Hey, hows it going? You have blonde hair, cool! That’s so fascinating! Tell me, how exactly do you **** your boy/girlfriend?"

    I've never thought of this before, but it came to mind reading this blog entry. This just might stop people in their tracks. The next time somone starts questioning you, tell them, "I'll tell you all about mine, if you tell me all about your." :D Might work. Perhaps it will shock them to the point of not knowing what to say, and maybe cause them to be embarassed, too.

    -Michael

    • Like 4
  17. Hey Art...

    Sorry to hear that it sounds like your Mum will not be accepting of your true identity as a young man.

    For now it appears she may be unaccepting, but some people change after being smacked in the face with the news that someone close to them is trans. It is much easier to have someone come around to accepting you, than it is to feel accepted in the beginning, and then have that person turn his/her back on you later.

    If your Mum doesn't come around, at least it will have been no surprise. You said she's rejected you and doesn't even know it, but I can't help but wonder why she felt the need to mention to you the trans character in her soap opera. Do the two of you often discuss what goes on in this program?

    -Michael

    • Like 3
  18. Pansexual

    P.S. If people on farcebook are gonna go all broke-brain at the possibility that a person might be bisexual... the heck with them. Why do they even need to know that you are, or might be, pansexual. Or for that matter... any sexuality. If none of them are attracted to you, and you are attracted to none of them, and there's no chance of any intimate relationships... it's none of their business.

    • Like 4
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