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  1. Being a moderator just means we have to set an example, as in following the rules... stuff like that.  Doesn't mean we can't hurt, and come looking for someone to lean on.  The way I see it... our hurts and heartache ain't all our fault.  And it never will be until society changes for the better.

    Big hugs to you, Emma.  I'm glad you're feeling better. 

    -Michael

    • Like 5
  2. Hello TransFormation... and welcome to TG Guide.

    I'm usually pretty bad about welcoming new members - thank god the women around here take up the slack in that department.   But on occasion, a new member will come in with something that reels me in.

    This is a very open and welcoming board - mind you, it is not restricted to only those who are transgender or intersex.  Instead, we fly just about every flag imaginable - including the flags that cisgender and gay people walk under.  We include family, friend, ally and on occasion have even tolerated foe if it meant exposing truth, or trying to share enlightenment.  There has even been one member who was not trans, whom we later decided was simply using this board as a testing ground for a novel or something.

    All that said, I have to admit that I don't always read blog entries either.  Once again, I must be humbly and ever so grateful for some of the insatiable readers that roam these halls.  A person has to come up with a pretty catchy blog title for me to put on the brakes and stop in for a while and check things out.  I hope you take no offense as none is intended, but your username and Jackie Gleason-like proclamation caught my eye.

    Now to the meat of my introduction:

    1.  About half your entry is all about making sure we know you will give up no details about the woman of whom you speak.  I commend you on your respect to her status as trans.  I hope you will soon come to learn that respecting one's identity is the number one rule among trans and [and usually] among gay people.  We do not out anyone, and those who do become a kind of pariah.  What one chooses to share with us is wholey up to the individual.  We, of all people, on such a site, need no such castigation.
    2.  Perhaps in time you will learn that it's really not necessary to announce your sexual preference/orientation.  Before reading, "I am heterosexual," I had already assumed as much.  As a rule, the only people who assume they will be perceived as gay are those who harbour homophobic tendancies, and/or do not believe/respect 100% that a trans woman is a woman, or that a trans man is a man.
    3.  In that despite your privileged status as a straight, white man, you apparently ARE subjected to some degree of unacceptance - a Frenchman who is percieved to have turned his back on his people, his culture, his heritage in being English-educated.  Magnify whatever slights you have noted by 1,000 times, and you will then understand the great degree of unacceptance we endure 24/7/365.  I believe if you endured that level of unacceptance, your blog entry would no doubt have a very different tone.  Or at least reason for existence.
    4.  You are either clairvoyant or highly presumptuous in stating that no one here has ever heard of your books let alone read them, or never seen your blog.  I wonder why you believe this.  Do you believe trans people to be less intelligent?  Perhaps we cannot afford your books?  Have you determined what we are or are not interested in?
    5.  I'm not a woman....and I can't help but think I have an idea why she left you - the writing is, on the wall so-to-speak.  Just above, in your blog entry.  The answers are all there the way I see it.  My apologies in advance if I am being presumptuous.  Or wrong.  I've been known to find my own foot in my own mouth.
    6.  Or are you another come here looking for more fodder to fuel the writing juices?  After all, you do so bluntly comment how low readership is on this board.  Makes me wonder why you are REALLY here...

    -Mike

    • Like 3
  3. Hi CTF, and welcome to TGG.

    I was about to toss out a barrage of questions and comments... but the ladies have pretty much covered everything.

    I would add a couple more things for you to consider -  part of your therapist's job is to help you transition into society as the man you identify as.  I would be curious to know how she is being helpful to you, when she herself is not recognizing you as a man.

    It seems to me, based on what you've related, she is just flat ignoring your identity.  I don't know what it means when you say your therapist is a contractural therapist, but I would think there would be some guidelines and ethics she is bound to follow and uphold.

    If your therapist can't start using your preferred pronouns and chosen name... you should definitely find another.  I realize the number of sessions you are allowed is limited, but I would think a limited time with a decent therapist would far out-weigh a full course with one who could potentially be damaging to your self-confidence, self-esteem, and identity by her refusal to respect you.

    -Michael

    • Like 3
  4. Hiya Monica -

    So much great input by two people.  Bree and Emma have said a lot of the things I was thinking and intended to comment on.

    But I gotta add to the "gassy."  Yes, we are all gassy.  As Bree said... it's a by-product of digestion - there's no getting around it.  Well... maybe with a little Gas-X :lol:    But considering we are all four fairly close in age, we each know that such concerns are a result of primarily your mum and other female relatives hammering into your head what nice girls and women do and and don't do.  No doubt one of them made it plainly clear more than once that 'only men do disgusting things like fart.'  This kind of up-bringing applies to and has affected other alleged short-comings a person carries around with them.

    That said... I see a lot of your concerns as a product of the era in which we were raised.  There were so many things that women weren't supposed to speak of, or even think about.  Men weren't supposed to know certain things about women.  Now, one would think that logically, as a lesbian, a woman wouldn't worry about things like being gassy - she's not trying to keep a man from knowing she farts too.  Both of you are in the Women's Secrets Club.  But because so many that were raised during the mid and late 50s thru the early to mid 70s (commonly known as baby boomers) were continually bombarded with all of what society expected of them...these things that were drilled into us are hard to escape.  And it is some of those things that affect our relationships.

    As far as long- or short-term relationships are concerned and natural human imperfections notwithstanding, I dare say that religion, primarily Christianity, has played a big part in villifying short-term relationships - especially for women.

    I think we can probably all think of reasons why someone else would not want us.  And the list of advantages for short-term relationships makes a little sense.  But I don't think that list should be used to draw a line in the sand.  One of those short-terms could end up being a long-term - if you let it.  You never know where that long-termer will come from.  No matter what age you are.

    -Michael

    • Like 4
  5. TG Guide has been my "home away from home" also.  It's very rare that I don't sign in.  And yes, I feel bonds with people here too.  It is comforting to know that I can come here and read posts and makes post knowing that most everyone here understands most everyone else.  There is little judgementalness, and there is always someone with an encouraging word, or a sympathetic word.

    Ooh... and nail polish does not the woman make.  That's in your heart.  The polish is just so much window dressing  ;)

    -Michael

    • Like 4
  6. Thank you ladies.  Loneliness does indeed touch us all at times...but it's a little easier to shoulder when there are people like you all around.  Maybe if I had been here on TG Guide back then, that poem might never have been written.  I've considered TG Guide like a haven online.  I was "sheltered" so to speak by the woman who invited me here from another transgender site.  Over time, she has faded into the background, but not before I learned from her how to moderate.  She doesn't come around so often anymore...in fact, very rarely.  Over time it's people like you all who have filled the void.  As I'm sure you all know, acceptance means nearly everything, and for the most part, I have always felt accepted as the man that life outside of this forum doesn't even know exists.

    "Never had I seen such a touching poem about loneliness by a man!"  -Monica
    LOL... I guess it doesn't matter if a guy is transgender or cisgender, too many of us have a tendancy to keep things bottled up.  I never realized it, but my g/f has addressed this with me on several occasions, and even my own brother has expressed a concern about it.  But I guess every once in a while if the moon and stars are lined up just right, that bottle gets opened up, and all kinds of stuff comes pouring out. 

    Love all of ya's
    - Michael

    • Like 5
  7. I'm not sure how people see me either.  I can only guess based on how they do or don't look (stare) at me.   I think I've mentioned recently that it seems men don't even notice me for the most part.  I dunno if it's because in passing they just see (or think me to be) another guy, or if they see me as a female that's "not much to look at."

    Women, on the other hand, do notice me.  There is an age group that has no problem in just straight up staring at me in a disapproving manner - the look on their faces bordering on disgust.  But every once in a while, there will be a woman cut me a glance that clearly indicates she likes what she sees.  Most often though, that happens when I am in a vehicle... :lol:

    I did try to be like women.  Make-up, jewelry, curls and smells.  Until I just couldn't do it anymore.  I was always nervous.  And of course being nervous made me sweat more than I already did.  After I started wearing men's clothes from shoes to shirts and everything in between outerwear to underwear, I realized that the female trappings are what caused me to always feel nervous - I was uncomfortable, self-conscious, unsure of myself, never felt like I measured up.  I always felt like people could see my vulnerability.  I'm sure that added to making me nervous.  I hated going to salons, and so I too often cut my own hair.  In salons, I felt naked.  I felt like the women around me were able to visually completely strip me of the facade I presented, and then glare at me because they knew I wasn't supposed to be there, and I was invading one of their sacred places of womanhood.

    As for the binder and STP... I have to agree that those two items might cater to the psychological.  I only know that I feel better in a binder and packing.  When not packing, my jeans don't feel like they fit right.  And then of course, that feeling of something missing is distressing.  That feeling is reminiscent of when I tried to dress and act like women do, and because of that, I rarely go out without it even though I'm the only one knows that it's there.

    -Michael

    • Like 4
  8. After I reached a certain age, it occurred to me that I favoured my dad some.  But it was shortly after my dad died that my mother apparently began to realize that things like my hands and feet resemble my dad's, and some of my mannerisms and body language are like his.  I really never noticed that my hands looked like his until I had made a vid to send to my brother.  In the vid, only the item I was talking about and my hands were in the scene.  When I reviewed the vid before sending it to him, I noticed for the first time that my hands, and the way I use them, do indeed look exactly like my dad's hands.  You would think that something like that would not be a surprise since we all see ourselves in mirrors and reflective surfaces all the time - I can't figure what makes the difference, but try it.  Needless to say, it made me very happy to know that I was more like my dad than like my mother or any other female in the family.

    Congrats on the "T"
    -Michael

    • Like 2
  9. Ya know... I can't help but wonder why they are calling your top surgery as a male, cosmetic.  Do they turn down genetic males with gynocomastia, classifying it as cosmetic?  Are genetic males being forced to live with female-like baggage on their chests?  If not, then you might have an argument.   But then... if you have to be female to get even a reduction, why didn't they approve it before?  Or did they not approve it because they had perhaps already gotten wind of it being trans-related?  That thought came to mind some time back when you said you had once again been turned down.

    -Mike

    • Like 2
  10. Ya know... sometimes, I can't help but wonder if the GIC intentionally drags out these initial appointment dates.  For one thing, there is nothing that I'm aware of in the SOC that indicate a person must endure a one or two year RL test BEFORE they can even get on hormones - which from my understanding, that is what will happen once you do get in and get evaluated.  It's almost as if the system there has formulated their own rules intended to make it as difficult as possible for the person, which seem to be about as inhumane and barbaric as the SOC were 50 or so years ago.  The GIC can't be seeing THAT many trans people - after all, we are allegedly such a minority.  And a minuscule one, at that.  And I realize that the SOC are simply intended to be a guideline for care, but I fail to understand why they can't follow those guidelines a little more closely rather than making patients suffer.

    It's disheartening that you had to deal with the insensatively intrusive questionaire, but hopefully going with a private doctor will turn out to be the better of the two evils.  And a quicker route to where you need to be.

    -Michael

    • Like 2
  11. I don't mean to exacerbate the seriousness of this issue, but I think perhaps you should not take it so lightly.

    You said, "... I'm open about my gender and was expecting death threats, not rape threats.  Now that is indicative to me that I'm sexy and they know and want me but are scared of what people around them might say."

    Rape has nothing to do with whether or not a person is sexy - rape victims come in all ages, sizes, colours, rich, poor, pretty, not so pretty, skinny, fat, and any- and everything in between.  Rape is about power.  It is meant to show the victim who has the power, who is in charge.  It is meant to dehumanize and degrade the victim.

    If a male officer had it in mind to rape you, and sees you as a woman, it is to show you that you are less than he is - not that you are sexy.   If he sees you as gay, or as a "man who wants to be a woman," it would more than likely be to show you "what it's like to be a woman" in his sick, and male-entitled mind.

    I would be just as wary of those who spout "sexual threats" as those who might spout threats of other physical harm.  

    -Michael

    • Like 3
  12. I would think that if your g/f felt the need to tell you that she would accept you, and remain with you, perhaps any time that you are ready to tell her would be okay.  But that is just a supposition, and none of us really knows how any person will react when we come out to them.

    I told no one until I was 47.  One of the people I told was my brother.  Chances are, I could have told him MANY years before, as his response to me was, "you never felt like a sister to me."  Turns out that while he had no name for it, or understanding of it when we were young, he was aware that I was different from "other girls."  We were always very close, and after coming out to him, he said it always seemed that I was more like a brother would be. 

    -Michael

    • Like 6
  13. Sorry to hear about your cat, Briannah.  Ya know... sometimes I think losing a pet is worse than losing a family member or friend... unless that family member happens to be a child.  'Cause we all know (we pet lovers, that is)... our pets are sorta like our kids.  Plus, it's tough when you lose something that is so completely non-judgemental, loves you with all your flaws and imperfections, greets you everyday like you've been gone for a week, and trusts you with their very lives.

    {{{{ Big hugs }}}}
    -Michael

    • Like 2
  14. Congrats, Brigsby.

    In your previous blog entry, you mentioned that you had wanted the inverted "T" method.  I've been too lazy to google it and wondered, is there a benefit in getting the inverted "T," or does it have anything to do with cost (perhaps not as expensive), or what?  I'm wondering if the inverted "T" method is why you don't have any drains - this is the first time I've heard of anyone having top surgery and not having to deal with drains.

    -Michael

    • Like 2
  15. Congrats on the top surgery - no doubt it is a great feeling.  Sorry you still weren't able to share this with your family.   Maybe one day.....

    If you need more help on uploading pix... let anyone of us know.  The new process is a little tricky at first... I think because it's so simple.  Once you do it, you'll ask yourself why you didn't figure it out before... :lol:

    -Mike

  16. "I should not even write this here. After all, I'm a mod; mods don't cry." --Emma

    Yes, even mods cry.  I don't like to cry.  Don't like to admit that I do.  I've denied it when I've been caught.  I fight it when the urge to do so hits me.  Crying gives me a headache.  Maybe 'cause I fight it.  But sometimes... we have to have an outlet.  And sometimes...the only outlet, is to cry.

    -Michael

    • Like 4
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