KarenPayne

31 minutes ago, MonicaPz said:

Dear Karen,

Have very limited experience on Facebook, Twitter and other social media, so I hope others will add to your excellent advice!

Thank you for your helpful suggestions.

Your friend,

Monica

Hi Monica,

Your welcome, thought this would be something that needs sharing.

This has me thinking back to whom I came out to after my therapist and doctor. I dated a woman for a year back in 2007 and remained friends with her. I called her, told her about my plans and the first words out of her mouth were something like "oh, now I understand". She said that one night while we were dating she felt like she was sleeping with a female. Another old girlfriend said pretty much the same thing (she is bi-sexual) and had no problem with it. We talked for about two hours. A funny thing she said was "we need to go shopping together and when I see you if you look better than me I will have to kill you".

Thinking of Facebook, a friend whom I've known since eighth grade sent me a message asking "what happened to Kevin" after I had changed my name and picture. Now this comes after I do a message after changing my name and picture announcing that I had gone under the knife a month or two before he sent me the message. He asked me to prove it was me by asking me three questions only he and I would know and once he verified this he was perfectly fine. Think out of 250 plus friends I lost one after coming out but not sure as people come and go on Facebook.

Congrats on your coming out!!! 

​Hi Chrissy, no she was not because she has mental issues that blocks this from happening.

Thanks for the comments Emma, Lori and Monica!!!

​Hi Monica, I agree in regards to living in a place that give you many opportunities.

​I truly believe the average person who goes through surgery and lives life as they should have will (as it did with me) take time to realize these things, it's a great feeling. If nothing else, I get out with a local group of crossdressers once a month and recently been pushing to have them get out of their comfort zone. Why do I mention this? Because when the day comes after your transition if possible it's a decent idea to mentor someone who has walked in your shoes.

​

Thanks Emma! Regarding the Rose City Girls member in the lower right-hand corner of the phot, I don’t know her name, only met her twice before. They are a very active group but I don’t get out with them much simply because they are generally doing things during the week were it’s an hour drive each way for me. Cass the leader of the group comes down to Salem on the third Saturday of each month to join in with a local group in Salem and we have a great time Cass is and great and interesting person who does all of the organization for the group. Last Halloween she opened her home to the group, supplied everything along with allowing anyone to stay overnight so they didn’t have to worry about driving home because of drinking or (as 99 percent are) they are crossdressers that have a hard time sneaking back home.

Regarding electrolysis, if the person performing this on you is not using the blend technique you might ask them about it. For me it was less painful. The kicker is that the blend technique is not the best for every single area of the face. My technician had two machines and would switch between them depending on what part of my face she was working on. What I thought was interesting is that the face is actually more painful then between the legs, at least for me.

Over the past year I’ve had my underarms done (well 90 percent) and going back in May to finish up. Had to stop because of a) shifting job positions at my workplace of 22 years, got disgusted with it and jumped ship to another agency one block away and with that had to put the underarms to the side.

In regards to having GCS, it’s always been my believe that it’s not for everyone.  If my dysphoria was not so bad I would had foregone surgery and breast augmentation and with that placed the money in the bank for retirement yet I could not live life without those surgeries.

Several weeks ago I crossdresser told several of us she was wondering why she even dressed anymore as she believes she is fine not crossdressing after doing so for over ten years.

I know several others who are borderline in regards to GCS and encourage them to take it slow as we all know you can’t reverse the surgery.

Going the route you are sounds like an excellent path.

PS I was wanting to meet you when there for surgery.

In regards to pain of electrolysis, back when I was undergoing treatment I learned that not being well hydrated would cause discomfort. In recent months I've been having facial dermaplaning done which is extremely painful if the technician is not well versed with preparing their patient as what happened to me several years ago when I first underwent the procedure while in recent times the technician uses a completely different numbing agent and no pain is felt for the most part and even when felt is manageable. I would think (knowing that I've had my face done) the same pretty much applies to having facial hair removed. And the dentist numbing for me was a must for my upper lip area.

What we go through to look feminine and even for cisgender females, men have no clue

I'm a firm believer in evaluating clothing. I go through my closet every several months to see what stays, what goes. Usually for what goes (which is never that much as my weight is fairly constant) are items that are not age appropriate e.g. a top that shows skin between the bottom of the top and the top of my pants/leggings/jeans.

On a side note, have not worn anything but dresses in the past three weeks other than shorts for exercising. I've acquired ten ten dresses which prompted purchases of thigh highs and of course several new pairs of heels and earrings (getting to be high maintenance). While starting this new phase I did a valuation of older garments, not much to speak of in the realm of dresses or skirts as in the past two years I wore nothing but jeans and leggings. What is great, people noticed and received compliments at work, a patient at a spa and also in a mall (woman sitting down looks at me, I noticed, she says "you really look elegant") told me. So now my closet is really getting full and see in the near future a purge per-say and when I do so the first on my list are crossdressers who can't afford garments such as the ones I;m tossing from the closet. I tend to purchase in a fugal and sensible manner e.g. high heels tend to be under 60 dollars but when I see that 120 USD pair I can't resist (damn my daughter's best friend for pointing them out to me)  out comes the credit card. Yes I just did that yesterday and these are keepers.

Thinking of parents, my father instilled in me to dress smartly like always tuck my shirt in at an early age, when seeking out a suit get it custom tailored. My mother (currently 94) has drilled into me I have great fashion sense since transitioning and keeps schooling me on "before tossing something" generally speaking if it still fits now and not in style likely it will be back in style in several years. I remember peeking into her closet at say 10 years old then say at 18 and she still had shoes that where there at 10 years old and sure enough she would not wear them for sometime then years later she would.

Guess I'm just rambling on here and believe it's time to stop here. 

Everyone is different, for instance if you have no hips some dresses will not look right then there are dresses that fit right everywhere but the chest region etc. I've found that for me PattyBoutik items work well for me but someone else they may not. Good example (for me) I just purchased the following which was designed for having some hip, I do so it works for me plus it suits me well overall. 

​In regards to not having access to surgery, point in fact, in Oregon you can use F for a male who identifies as female and M for a female who identifies as male. This is really the reason for the question (and may not have been clear about that). If a female who identifies as male uses M for their gender marker and is in a prison which places them in with men that is not a good situation or must be pat down at an airport etc.

Keep us informed please on how things go

In regards to finding a man, one is out there for you, it's simply a matter of getting out there in the right places. For me finding a female was not that bad but had to change my mindset and of course present myself in the proper fashion.

Sorry to hear this has occurred, must have been done by a weak minded person.  

In regards to keeping in a state of readiness, what happens when you are trained and disciplined is readiness is not in the fore front of one’s mind but is now instinctive in nature. I tend to be more in tune with what’s happening around me from “oh, those flowers are pretty” to “that person is acting in such a manner to be on alert”.

Living both genders provides both a unique insight into how people perceive the opposite gender thinking prey, an easy target to “don’t mess with that person”. In my former life I remember when first beginning as an instructor my demeanor to students was for lack of better terms was “don’t mess with him” while countless times people would ask me if I was FBI, CIA etc. LOL. Then in my current life that pretty much never happens which is kind of cool. For instance my manager at work was talking about self-defense to another co-worker and I found a time to inject myself into the chat with a demonstration to show how I would handle the situation they were talking about. I remember his face, never seen me do this before. He is about thirty pounds more then me and several inches taller and boxes. I had him in a position where I could walk him around without any chance to escape using one hand to control him. Months later his boss joined in on a conversation and I asked for someone to volunteer for a similar demonstration, my boss stepped back and pushed his boss forward (lots of giggles came next).

My point is not to say how good I am but instead to prove a point that a female/cross dresser or transgender can have the upper hand on an attacker because the attacker does not see it coming.

Back in the day when I was training rough and tough military types we would train to the point that afterwards there at times were serious black and blue marks, blood and soreness between the legs (if you catch my meaning). The point here is I believe if a student really wants to be prepared they need to go past the clinical classroom setting to become inoculated to a sudden attack. I did my first such class for non-military and afterwards only a third of the students (all females) were a little disappointed that I did not go harder on them (as I did with military types). I told them that you are the minority and would offer another class to up the force-on-force level but sadly the class didn’t get more than eight people while my normal class would be 15 to 20. I’d hear back from the more dedicated students, not many which is good that they actually had to use the skills I taught than they all reported the force on force made a difference. Heck even my daughter told me this too when she had to fend off a frisky men.

When I think of ingrained, that comes with training outside of the classroom. For one year I offered free follow up training once a month to students. Not many took me up on it but month after month the same six or so people showed up and progressed with their skills. Then there was a fortune 500 company who saw value in continual training and contracted me for a year to ensure employees had a set of skills that would possibly save their lives in a violent situation from various confrontations.

Next week, at work where I’m part of the agency I work for we are putting together life like training for “Active shooter”, oh how this will be fun training 1,000 people. The head of security is former SWAT with an open mind which many law enforcement people are not to civilians and transgenders. 

Seems I got a tad long winded here, my apologies.

To elaborate (thinking about what bluemoon mentioned).

One of the most important things as an instructor to understand is where students are coming from along with what they are willing to do or not do.

With that I refrain from teaching firearms as a self-defense tool for this class but instead focus on

• Awareness OODA loop as a foundation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loop
• Color codes https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeff_Cooper
• Verbal Judo http://verbaljudo.com/
• Empty hand techniques to stop and attack
• Empty hand techniques to control an attack
• Impact tools (flashlights for instance) to assist with larger attackers
• Dealing with bystanders
• Dealing with law enforcement

I have lots of experience (including teaching firearms ranging from handguns to shotguns)

https://karenpayneblog.com/2016/09/18/defensive-tactics/

I do understand those not willing to participate but at the same time many walked through the doors where I taught with either or physical or mental scars who would tell us they were the type not to take these classes but after an attack that changed everything.

A wonderful feeling, is it not

I’m 61, post twenties I lived with someone in a relationship and in marriage for a total of 30 years with twenty years in marriage. From there I dated for 15 years then stopped any long-term relationship for the past three years starting one year before my surgery. It was difficult for one year prior to surgery because I was in limbo per-say. The years since surgery I’ve dated a lot but have not found anyone I desire to be with in a long-term relationship yet happy 95 percent of the time.

There is a good deal to be said for short term relationships (for me) and they suit me for the most part as my gender conflicts never fully allowed me to be perfectly happy which if (and have no clue) I had been cisgender without gender conflicts I may very well had been content but will never know.

Thinking of the future I can see myself in a relationship with a partner but if I wait too long seeking a long-term relationship would be more of a long-term friendship.

What suits me in either one a long-term relationship or a long-term friendship but more likely will be a long-term friendship as the female side of my family tend to outlive others close to them. My mother is 95 who for the most part has no friends because there is nobody in her area at her age that are ambulatory. My grandmother and great grand mother lived close to ninety. All three in their later years only had family, all friends long dead.

I’m sure my genes are the same as them. When I tell people my age they will say I appear to be in my early fifties. Now, no signs of slowing down.

The way I see things is humans were meant to be together for the most part but sadly not everyone will find a true partner, that is a rare and precious thing.

Monica, what I get from your post is you have placed everything in perspective where there are no surprises. Sounds like the main obstacle is financing which at this stage of life is a huge barrier that is hard to overcome and sorry to hear this. Your finance barrier is no different from by gender issues.

Anyways that is my input, it is what it is.

I've belong to a group of preppers since 2005. No tinfoil,just ready for anything from natural disasters to social disorder and anything in between. We have people with all the skills to survive most incidents. I'm also part of my cities CERT team.

Good to hear you are doing well. Take care of yourself over the next few weeks and do get out and take short walks.

So happy all went well other then the bed (it sounds like). Expect to sleep a lot for the next week or so which is normal and eat healthy along with drinking more water than you would normal.

Thinking about dilation, most surgeons will provide three dilators, in my case the first two sizes were a breeze while the third as extremely painful. So when at the larger size I would first use the medium size  one for the first five minutes then move to the larger size, still was painful for the first several days but much more manageable then not starting with the medium size one. 

What I really like is Trojan lubricants H2O lube, more expensive then KY but well worth it and less messy.

In regards to stay in the hospital, surgery was on a Tuesday, 6 AM in the morning, I left the hospital on Friday afternoon of the same week. Went in for post op appointment the following Monday morning. Macri Bowers suggest staying close by for one week so I did and made sure I got the best hotel possible which included a full kitchen, living room and bedroom. I spent time on the computer and television between Friday and Sunday then started venturing out after my Monday appointment, went shopping, got my nails done and socialized with a member from this site and a old friend from 30 years ago.

They week stay is optional but felt if was a good idea too yet there were no problems other than me sleeping more than usual.

I was very happy that I purchased a good donut seat which was very handy on the flight back to Oregon.

BTW not sure what you were told but it's good to have plenty of wet wipes and sanitary pads for the first few weeks and KY jelly.

Hi Chrissy,

I think it's wonderful that you are defining your path now, we are all different and unique so why should any of us approach life the same way.

Indeed I know about the clear diet, was thinking you could try cheese steaks the second week post surgery. I was back to my regular eating habits on week two. For week one I was eating solid food four days after surgery but not much of an appetite prior to that.

In regards to after surgery the journey is how one changes overall with society and not physical. I've noticed many changes in my mannerism without even trying at this point and that also goes for emotions and slightly different thinking patterns.

Thinking about moving more towards cisgender community, that is me at this point the majority of the time but have not disassociated myself completely from the LGBT community either. Where I work I'm seen as a cisgender female, the majority of friends are cisgender. Now with relationships I favor woman and the best place to meet them is in LGBT clubs. During the past year or so I've been very fortunate with dating females while have dated a few men they don't really give me pleasure or feelings like woman do. 

Best wishes on your upcoming transformation. In regards to GRS marks the end of your transition, from my experience this is just another step in the journey as post-op brings with it for lack of better words more changes that are for the most part fabulous.

If you never been to Philly, you might consider getting a cheese steak as they are the best in the world (I lived there for 40 years and know they are great).