MonicaPz

Dear MichelleLea, Am saddened that Walmart laid off its greeters. Most of them were seniors or disabled. Think Walmart will live to regret it. The store is so large, and when I need to pop in to pick up a couple of items (and a girlfriend of mine is waiting in the parking lot, expecting me to return in 15 minutes), they have been great in telling me where to pick up the items, and in what order! MichelleLea, I bet you're a great greeter, and an excellent asset to your store! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Glad to hear you are doing everything possible to help yourself. Things will get better. Take one day at a time. Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Everybody has rough sledding now and then. Don't give up. Take one day at a time. Please keep in touch. Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Am so glad to hear from you again! Things can only go up from here. Listen to Gunny!! We're here for you . . . Yours truly, Monica

Dear Mike, Tried to PM you an invite to the transgender peer support group, but I am not sure if my e-mail at your profile loaded. Tomorrow, Sunday, at 2 PM EST, there will be a Zoom video/audio transgender peer support group. Here's the link: https://us04web.zoom.us/j/8373426192?pwd=TjNteVdHUVpWZHFpUDMzWjdGL1VQZz09 Hope to see you there! Your friend, Monica

Dear Mike, Emma and Dee, Mike, I live alone, making it easier, as well as I was always in the habit of stocking up and topping off every week. Learned that Scott's toilet paper is superior than Charmin Extra Strong Mega Rolls (virgin forest growth) in that it is not only cheaper (recycled paper), but that a roll of Scott's lasts 5 - 7 days per person, while a roll of Charmin last 2 - 3 days. Mike, have you considered food pantry? Presently, I have deliveries of fruit and vegetables on Wednesdays (because I don't drive). Emma, I have learned that experts think either that COVID-19 will come in waves, and the next wave will be in the Fall, much worse in the first wave that we are in now, or that it will be in diminishing 50% waves over the next 2 years. This all depends on how people cooperate with lockdowns, wearing masks, maintaining a 6' social distance, etc. Dee, in certain places, I notice people don't respect the 6 ' rule, but I try to avoid those places. Also, I try to shop in the early morning to avoid the crowds. Have discovered my local Aldi's supermarket have stepped up in having a dedicated employee scrubbing the shopping carts, giving them one at a time to a customer, and managing the line in front of the store to keep it moving. In the past, I used to buy $20.00 of items per visit, this last time, I have bought $110.00 of items, everything on my list. They are worth a second look, even though in the past they had limited choices. ShopRite has always been a good choice, too. Walmart and ShopRite are allowing customers to order groceries one week in advance. Instead of choosing a slot and then putting together your list, put together your list first, then choose a slot, as they only allow you an hour to put together a list. Check for slots hourly all day long, so that when one opens up, you can input your list, and secure your slot. Of course, I am living in upstate New York. By the Grace of God, I have 2 girlfriends who drive who take me shopping on a regular basis, as I don't drive. How I cope is that I stay in touch with my friends, including those at TGGuide, and I try to focus on the positive changes in our culture and society as a result of COVID-19. Also, I am taking this time to explore my creativity in my art, taking classes, webinars and exploring YouTube. We will get through this together! Your friend, Monica

Dear Jennifer, Must confess that starting May 1st, that the COVID-19 crisis started to get to me. Had gone a month trying to be independent of my 2 friends taking me shopping and I was forced to ask my youngest brother for help (I learned he had not gone to the grocery store for over a month, he orders instead. Thankfully, his wife shared how she does this). Last week, I requested my 2 friends help, and they came through for me. Am accepting help from the food bank, and they have been very kind to me. Have food stamps and money, the problem is I don't drive due to epilepsy. Buses and cabs are shut down. Sadly, with little to distract me, I found myself stewing over my poor relationship with my 3 brothers and half brother. Wish I could give you advice, but what I am doing is that I am taking online courses, webinars and I am on YouTube a lot. Also, I really like the new TGGuide Zoom peer support group. Jennifer, please come back next Sunday. The updated link is on the post. Focus on the people who care for and love you, like your Beloved. Don't drive her away. Ignore the turkeys. Try to have something to look forward to do every day. Am trying to fill up my paper calendar and Google calendar (with reminders), because if it doesn't get written down, it gets forgotten! You have real friends here at TGGuide. We are here for you. Your friend, Monica

Dear Dee and Emma, Being rejected by my family gave me permission to reinvent myself. My homosexuality was the tip of the iceberg in an already toxic family. My true family is the T/LGB family! Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Lived my early life, and much of my middle aged life, as a "people pleaser," so much so, that I was totally out of touch with myself. Had I been more in touch with myself, my life would have been a lot easier. As I have gotten older, I am being more and more my authentic self. Better late than never . . . Your friend, Monica

Dear Dee, On occasion, a MTF transgender person who was attracted to females as a man, is attracted to men after they have transitioned. By the way, this is not homosexuality, as your sexual orientation is determined by your true gender (the gender you identify as) and the gender of the other person. Ultimately, this question is resolved after you have transitioned. As you progress in your transition, you will have more and more dreams as a woman, and fewer and fewer as a man. Your friend, Monica

Dear Black Angel, Am disabled myself, (ambulatory, on a cane), but I have many friends who are severely disabled. Trying to find purpose in helping others and allowing others to help me. Ultimately, we are all damaged people, including you and I. The important thing is to overcome our defects to be there for each other. Yours in Sisterhood, Monica

Dear Emily, Realize that COVID-19 has thrown a wrench into everyone's lives. Normally, I would suggest gender support groups and gender conferences as an adjunct to professional counseling and group therapy. Until this COVID-19 thing blows over, may I recommend you stay in touch with TGGuide and please check out this resource: Trans Lifeline Tel: 877-565-8860 Hope this helps. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Dee, Am sheltering in place, only going out once a week to shop. Lots of empty shelves, especially paper products, soap and hand sanitizer. All restaurants, movie theaters/playhouses/concert and sporting venues are closed. Have rescheduled all my doctor's appointments three months into the future. Yet, I caught my 85 year old neighbor hugging and kissing (on the cheek) her neighbor last Sunday, after being told to maintain a 6 foot "social distance." Warned her again how serious this is, and also not to shake hands or do fist bumps. Instead, we are encouraged to do "Namaste," and the Japanese bow. This is in upstate New York. Everyone, please stay safe and healthy. Your friend, Monica

Dear Dee, Still stand by my advice that you need to learn all you can about sociopathy. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is considered a sociopathic personality disorder. Yes, your mother may have had a bad childhood, but many people survive abusive childhoods without becoming sociopaths. This is not about hating your mother or seeing her as a "bad guy," but about protecting yourself from her personality disorder, which can be very destructive to everyone around her. Hope this clarifies my position. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Dee, Am going to say something that might not be popular. You say that your mother, or other family members imply that you may be mentally ill. This is often a favorite control mechanism for sociopaths. May be right, or I may be wrong. Please research sociopathy: https://www.LoveFraud.com Over 10 percent of the world's population is sociopathic. Your mother and other loved ones have a right not to approve of transgender people, but not to accuse them of mental illness. You may never gain the approval of your family. Yet, over time they may come to accept you as a transgender person. Perhaps, as you explore if you are really transgender or not, you may have to put some distance between yourself and your family. Many of us here at TGGuide did reconcile with their family, but there are many others who have had to accept that they have had to build families of choice. Your friend, Monica

Dear Briannah, Congratulations 🎉❣️👏 on your 21st wedding anniversary! Agree that a marriage has to be built every day, like a garden has to be tended to every day. A marriage can not run itself on autopilot, just like a car can not be expected to run itself (ok, at least not until very recently!) Briannah, I live you open and honest dialogue! Love the "Blooming Onion" at the Outback Steakhouse! Again, congratulations on your wedding anniversary, and may you and Nikki have many more! Your friend, Monica

Dear Dee, Your goals are always moving . . . that is a sign of growth. Every ten years, every cell in your body is replaced at least once. You literally are not the same person you were ten years ago. Looking back, I find I am very different than I was six months ago, a year ago, two years ago, etc. That explains when I reread an article I wrote six months ago, that I was actually proud of, and I find myself saying, "I can't believe I wrote that!" Am sure if you look back, you will notice you have been making amazing progress! Your friend, Monica

Dear Briannah, Will look at the DASH diet again! Thanks!! Your friend, Monica

Dear Briannah, Friend of mine who had been both shot and stabbed told me that was nothing compared to his gall bladder going bad. My blood pressure is 130/92, and I know I have to do something about it. Also, my blood sugar is on the high end of normal. Problem is I love to eat! Your friend, Monica

Realize that Ellen already wrote a book review on the book, The Sky Turned Green & The Grass Turned Blue: Diane's Story by Diana Kelly, about her personal journey as the significant other to a M2F transsexual. Feel very strongly that not only significant others, but also transgender people themselves and therapists should read this book. The most important lesson I took away from this book was that serious personality disorders can afflict transgender people, as they can anyone else. Don't want to revisit the old days when horror/crime movies/books would feature a bad guy dressing up as a woman as part of their fetish. That is not what I am talking about. The reality was that two friends who knew the author's, Diane's lover, "J," before Diane got involved with J, but she did not listen, because they had their own agenda. It was sad that this information did not come from somebody that Diane trusted. Realize the importance of judging a person's character for ourselves, but had Diane been warned by people she really trusted, she probably would have looked a little harder and longer. This book has so many lessons to teach, I had to read it several times to absorb it all. J's being transgender and involved in SM/BD is very much secondary to her personality disorder. However, when members of J's SM/BD club did not respect their own rules and their boundaries repeatedly, I feel that Diane and J should have quit the club, and when J refused to do so at Diane's request, this showed that J did not respect Diane. The most important lesson in this book was J's pathological lying, and when she was caught in lies and constant excuses, being transgender was one of them. J used being transgender as her "whipping boy" as the perennial excuse of telling one line after another. The final straw was J cheating on Diane, with her covering her infidelity with one lie after another. There are some boundaries that there should be zero tolerance. Lying and cheating are two of them. Perhaps, may I add, broken promises. One promise after another was broken by J. If a person is a bad person, transitioning will not make them a good person. A person's character will not change by transitioning. What can be learned by reading this book? Be aware of your loneliness and neediness. Everyone is lonely and/or needy on occasion. Take extra care of yourself when you are lonely or needy. Diane was a divorced woman with several children, raising them alone, and was hoping for marriage to the knight in shining armor. This is fully understandable. Diane was working long hours supporting her family, so she dated and made most of her friends from only one source, at her work. Be self-aware when you are a walking open wound, as we all are times. When we are lonely and needy, people with serious personality disorders will be attracted to us. Do not confuse career success (J was a good looking and apparently successful doctor, although I think she was running away from problems at her previous workplace) with being a well-rounded individual. Asking the reader to be aware the culture has changed greatly since Diane was involved with J, and that their affair lasted 10 years, where J showed her true colors over time. People with serious personality disorders can hide their true colors over a long period of time. When a lover looks too good to be true, chances that alone is a red flag. Also, when Diane was involved with J, we were just learning about serious personality disorders. This book is a heads up for all of us, as this could happen to any of us!

Dear Briannah, Had my gall bladder removed, too. Was in so much pain, I was glad when I had it removed! Was 40 years old when I had it removed. At 19 years old, I had my 4 wisdom teeth removed. Had it done under IV sedation, which I highly recommend. Thankfully, I always had excellent doctors and dentists. Recommend you thoroughly research and vet all your doctors and dentists, as well as hospitals, in advance. A good website for this is: https://www.HealthGrades.com Seems throughout your life, they take some things out and put some things in! Looked at the DASH diet, but I felt I probably could not adhere to it. Am on a "Greens and Beans" diet, where I eat 25 percent meat and 75 percent vegetables. Be well, my friend! Your friend, Monica

Dear Emily, Like any other woman, you will have your ups and downs. Keep up reading all you can on TGGuide (you won't be able to do it in a day - there's a lot to read!), going to support groups and see where the nearest gender conference to your home is. Sign up for their newsletter. Have you considered counseling with a gender therapist? Or trying gender group therapy? Keep reading and learning all you can. Your friend, Monica

Dear Mike, Thank you for your patience in teaching me how to set up my images on my Blog. You can be sure I will pass it on. Would be grateful if you would put this information in the Forums, as I know many others would welcome this information. Have myself referred to transgender people as "transgenders," in the not too distant past, and to Gay people as "gays," as well. The reality is that language changes through the years. Mike, what counts is intention although I hope everyone would welcome correction, so they can keep their use of language up to date. Love learning and passing it on. Yes, we learn for a lifetime! Gratefully yours, Monica

Dear Emily, Love that you not only want to be a woman, but live the day by day life of a woman! In Sisterhood, Monica

Dear Jessica and Emma, As a post menopausal Lesbian, I would like to comment on the aging vagina. First, two transwomen friends of mine showed me (non-sexually) their post op vaginas, and, for the life of me, looking 18 inches away, I literally could not tell their vaginas from a cisgender woman's vagina! Had a radical hysterectomy for uterine cancer, at age 42 (presently I am 62) and, at first I was put on estrogen pills, and when I couldn't tolerate that, progesterone. Next came the patch, then the cream, which I also couldn't tolerate. Through the years, my sex drive gradually went away, and my vagina and urethra (where you pee) became thin, dry, and eventually atrophied. Can no longer even put my baby finger in there. Also, I can no longer tolerate a gynecological exam. No only that, I have urinary incontinence as a result. What I am trying to say is, that although many older women enjoy sexual relations, there are also many like me who enjoy companionship only. In my case, I do not miss romantic relationships and sexual intercourse. There is a website that I highly recommend for Lesbians and other women who love women (transgender women are warmly welcome) called Conscious Girlfriend: https://www.ConsciousGirlfriend.com Wishing the both of you the best in your journey! Yours in Sisterhood, Monica