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LovelyLisa

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Blog Comments posted by LovelyLisa

  1. Monica,

    Thank you! I have been trying to get my wife to go to counseling or support groups for families and spouses and she has thus far resisted.

    I think you are right about being drawn to my "feminine energy". It's interesting, but several ex-girlfriends have said that breaking up with me was their biggest regret. I think many love my sensitive side but sexually need a man, so it just doesn't work out. 

     

    • Like 2
  2. Emma,

    It is good to see that things are going well for you. Life is good, even though at times the experience of coming to terms with our gender and transition are daunting and unsatisfying at times. Life is good when we don't put pressure on ourselves to either conform or to transition.

    It's wonderful that you are getting out, meeting new friends. Support of a good friend or set of friends is so important.

    Please feel free to contact me at anytime.

    --Lisa

    • Like 4
  3. Veronica, thank you for those kind words and your support. I don't want anyone to cry, though. :-)

    I have never loved someone so much that I am willing to let her go and be happy. At times it is upsetting and heartbreaking for me because she has been everything to me. At the same time, I have grown being married to her and in my walk with the Lord. Love is and should be unconditional. Otherwise it is not really love. And I love her unconditionally.

    I really do hope she finds a wonderful guy. And I am hopeful that my children handle it well. Both my transition and the new guy. Whomever that is or will be.

     

    • Like 3
  4. Thank you so much ladies. I did visit with my mom and sister in Ohio after I wrote this and we talked for several hours. I think that they are much better. I think that everyone wants to be able to categorize or describe something in concrete ways, leaving no room for gray areas. My mom and sister are certainly not like that. However there are others who are. I cannot explain to them why I am like this, or how me being transgender came to be. There are a lot of theories and explanations out there. But no one really knows, why I am like this. And no one knows better than I, who I am. That is a fact. This is who I am. It is a part of me the same way that a limb is on a body. Further, I am female, regardless of what people say, because again, that is who I am. And no one know better than I do who I am, what I need to live and survive.

    • Like 1
  5. Eve,

    Great post! One thing that I would like to add is that self-medicating can be extremely dangerous. There are a percentage of people who are risking their lives by doing so because they may be at risk.

    But you make a good point about feminizing. I have known my whole life I was trans*. Though I did not take prescribed drugs to feminize before I started HRT under a doctor's care, I did take supplements for a while. They can work, somewhat, but actually are a big waste of money (I spend much less on Estradiol and Spironalactone $20 / month - Generic pricing via Costco). Anyways, the decision to take hormones or even supplements should not be taken lightly. My goal with the supplements was to try to stay as feminine as possible without transitioning. I did have some breast growth and hip growth with them. But looking back, I had in some small way had already made a decision to transition, without really knowing or understanding what was going on inside of me. I thought I was in control.

    So my advice for anyone considering supplements or "bootleg" Estrogen, they should seek support (here and elsewhere) and therapy, in order to understand what that means and where it is headed. It can be hard for those to take that first step. Because those are tough questions to answer and many "don't want to go there". Anyone who reads this comment, and needs help, please contact me. I can and will help.

    --Lisa

    • Like 4
  6. Thank you everyone for your support!

    Steph, it sounds like you have a more difficult situation than I and have pushed ahead with your life. I agree, I do need to get out more often.

    Karen, I am on the path to transition, starting April 2015, and was planning on going full-time in August / Sept 2017 around my 45th birthday (I thought that it would be appropriate). I wanted to take my time due to expenses, hoping to potentially find a better work situation and to give myself time to adjust and learn what it is to be female. Also, I wanted to get a lot of the laser / electrolysis out of the way before FFS surgery, since technically, I need to stop 2 weeks before and 6 - 8 weeks after. That seems to be going well. I was going at it aggressively, but there were several weeks this summer I didn't go. Most of my face is clear since starting in April. Hoping that by the end of the year / early spring I'll be able to go only once every other week, instead of once a week. I've only been on Estradiol for 5 months. I also want to give my body time for those to work. Further, my mom is planning on moving near me at the end of 2016 / 2017. If there should be any issues with housing, she will be able to help me out at that time. However, after what happened, I may need to do this earlier regardless of all of these well laid plans. What I am afraid of, and this is what I've told my wife, is that this will overwhelm me regardless of whether or not I am on medication. I could end up in the hospital or worse. So, I need to see how things go. I can tell already my meds need to be upped. So that's going to take a couple of months at time to do that.

    • Like 1
  7. Karen, it sounds like you are settling in just fine.

    I've had these kind of pickups every once in a while. Seems to happen to me when I go to Target, for some weird reason or when I get gas. Usually I know how to handle the situation, depending on what is said. There are times I am direct with the person, other times I give them a death stare and walk away. Or other times, I say thank you. Sometimes I am speechless. I had a gentleman say, "hello beautiful". I was speechless. The words "thank you" were murmured from my lips. That was all that he said and he kept walking. In a way, I hate that. Being objectified. Yet, when someone says something like that, it is difficult for me to respond.

    Yet I flirt with people as well. Most people recognize that I am trans and they are either curious or just want to learn more. It doesn't hurt looking good in the process.

    • Like 4
  8. Karen,

    Thank you for posting that picture. You look great and so happy. It stinks that your friend's husband kept her up late. That's ridiculous. I hope he doesn't do that often.

    Good friends are very hard to come by and in this age stay connected to. I think we all have had long gaps where we don't make time for our friends or they are too busy.

    --Lisa

     

    • Like 3
  9. Thank you all for the feedback. I feel much better. I found myself doubting myself again today, but it was very fleeting. It typically is fleeting. I think that a lot of it is triggered by the unknown.

    This will take me time to get used to. Right now my breasts are sore and growing like gangbusters. Lots of changes, mentally and physically. Just trying to take it in stride. What I most like about all of this, is my personality. I am so much more of a humble person now and laid back. Other than those crazy moments, I am the opposite of a drama queen. Very even keeled. Not having the T in my system has overall lowered my anxiety, aggressive behavior. I've always been a gentle person and soul, but I am much more calm and understanding. I really like that! It just suits my personality and I feel like I belong to the human race for the first time in my life.

    • Like 4
  10. Christie, you sound like you are well on your way! I started HRT and feel much better, but it is an adjustment emotionally. If you have any questions or need anyone to talk to, just message me.

    Even though there are a lot of similarities, all of our lives and stories are unique. Choose your path based on the best information available and have no regrets. You are "who you are" and are "where you are" for good reason.

    • Like 4
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