I don't think it matters how well you pass. There's one helluva lot of genetic women who don't "pass" too good out where I live. So much so that I do okay without making any attempt to do so.
I'm told that used to be some counselors did consider how much reasonable chance for success there was for a given client in a new gender but passing was only a part of the arithmetic that they used to figure. [Most of the figuring seemed to be based on whether the client could be expected find a job and make a living in in the new gender.]
Wouldn't have been surprised at something like what you experienced happening to you at a non-counselor led support group but I am kinda surprised at such happening at a counselor-led support group. Sounds like the counselor kinda lost control of the group. Or maybe she never really had control of the group since you say this Pamela woman has a reputation for acting this way.
I don't think I'd have gone out to eat with this outfit afterwards though, least not if this Pamela woman was going too. But then I'm kinda particular who I break bread with. Sounds to me like this Pamela's been getting away with this sort of thing for a long time which makes me think again that maybe the group could be moderated a tad more tightly.
I'm glad that your counselors are not pushing you to present more obviously femme in your outward appearance. I've heard that some counselors do that. I read in a book someplace that Christine Jorgensen never wore a dress in public until after she had her sex-change surgery. [i heard she actually made the dress herself too!]
