Kristila95

Some of my guy friends are surprised when I tell them that I talk about sex with my mother. I definitely agree that mothers and daughters talk more freely about it. My mother is my best friend too:)))

I think it's so nice that you and your wife are working so hard on your relationship and that she is working to understand and accept your gender identity. She must be an amazing woman:) Happy for you:)))

I kind of thought the same as Veronica. It's kind of cute pic, but nothing very sexy. I hope you are able to reassure her fears about it:)

Have a fun shopping trip:)

Jennilee, I am now very cautious about what pictures I post on like facebook and other social sites. I used to have a pic of my sister and I in matching Easter dresses when we were little. I thought it was a perfectly innocent and cute picture, but I got some of the creepiest comments from men that I've ever seen, even from a few guys that I thought were really nice. I also stopped posting full body pictures in dresses when a couple ended up on tumblr "she-male" sites. It's a shame that we can't post pictures that other girls would without weird comments or drawing unwanted attention.

Thank you usernameoptional, I haven't had that so far on this site and it's great:)))

Monica, I mean skipping "the talk" by meeting guys that already know that I'm transgender so I won't have to go through it. Like through friends, or guys that know me from the tran-advocacy events that I do sometimes on campus, etc. I have met and dated guys that way and it was so nice not to know that I have to have that awkward discussion. Unfortunately, I haven't met anyone that way lately.

I've tried a couple of the transgender dating sites and spent a lot of time describing myself, what I like and what I'm looking for. It was like the guys that contacted me didn't even bother to read my profile.. I put 20-25 years old for an age range, but like 90% of the men that i heard from were over 40 and many were in their 60's. I also get the impression that a lot of them thing that because I'm trans, that I'm desperate or something. I just want an easier way to meet guys that know upfront. It would be nice to skip the "talk."

One of the members here recently was feeling down (I hope that you feel better today:) and discouraged. One of the things was that men are sending her unwanted friend requests and messages on social sites. This is such an annoyance for transgender women and makes us all to aware how we can be objectified as fetish objects by a certain type of guy who don't really see us as real people, let alone women. Sometimes you just get so fed up with it, and at the wrong time, it can really get to you. They all seem to say and ask the same or similar things which can run the spectrum from ignorant, to insulting, to just so creepy that you feel like you need to take a shower after reading them. I'm thinking why not have some fun at these creep's expense. I'm going to list some of the typical things, usually the opening line from a message that I've gotten. Tell me if it sounds familiar and add some of the ones that you've gotten, ok? Of course, I can't include the more X rated comments that I've gotten. 1. You a tranny? 2. I'm curious and want to "try" a tranny, you want to be my first? 3. Do you Skype? 4. Text me. 555 555 5555. 5. Send me pictures. 6. Send me naked pictures. 7. Do you still have "it?" 8. Is 67 too old? (I'm 19) 9. Give me your number. (like I'm going to give a complete stranger my phone#!) 10. Give me your phone number and I'll send you a picture of my..... 11. What are you wearing? 12. Do you have boobs? 13. How big is your.... 14. Hi, do you like me? 15. I'm on he down low, do you want to be my secret thing? (yeah, I want to be somebody's "thing") There are so many more that are probably worse, and many too creepy to say here on tgguide. These are a few that I've heard over and over. On a dating site that I tried recently, some of the user names tell you right up front what these guys are all about. I also can't write most of those here, but for example, how many girls are looking to meet a guy that calls himself "freakdude69?" It can be so frustrating, I so understand why this gets to other girls. At first i was actually a little flattered that guys were (I thought) interested in me, but I got onto what they were about and really got so sick of it. So girls, are there any particularly weird, clumsy, funny or bizarre things that guys have said to you? At least things that you can say here, but nothing to "graphic." Again, I'm leaving out those that are too creepy, sexually graphic or disgusting....which are most of the comments that girls like us get. La la la:))) KML

Hey Lisa:) Sorry to hear that things have gotten to you today. I had one of those days not too long ago and wrote a long blog entry about it. It's definitely good to get it out. Some people just try to make themselves feel better by making others feel bad. The ones that get really mean have the biggest issues. I had one guy reply to a comment I made on youtube, telling me that he hopes that I will die soon. The sex creeps just seem to be everywhere online. That's the reason I've deleted most of my accounts on transgender social sites. You can limit who can send you messages and friend requests on Facebook, but there's no way to stop all of the unwelcome requests. There's a lot of support out there though, try to focus on friends and our amazing community when it gets bad. Just remember to kill them with a smile:) It's like Taylor Swift says: Cause the players gonna play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake Shake it off, shake it off:))) Also Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Feel better soon! Kristi

So happy that you have supportive friends:) It makes all the difference in the world. Stay strong!

Hi Warren, I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties with your family. Support is so important and so many don't get enough from the people in their lives that matter most. I hope that you won't give up on your family, sometimes acceptance and support take time. On the bright side, I'm happy for you that work is going well. KML

Thank you Emma:) I do know of Brynn Tannenhill and saw her speech. I think it was called "I Am Real." It was so inspiring and helped reinforce my attitude about facing critics with understanding, patience and education. I remember one things she said, "If you wrestle with pigs, you get dirty and the pigs like it."

Lately the trans community has had some wonderful representation in television, movies and the media. These women are strong, successful, talented and articulate. Pretty much everyone knows of Janet Mock, Laverne Cox, Andreja Pejic, etc, or Jazz Jennings...a 14 yr old that was named one of Time Magazine's 25 most influential teens of 2014. These women weren't the first to be successful, but they have increased awareness and put us in the spotlight in a favorable way. Transwomen have been leading successful lives for a long time, but more quietly and in the shadows than now. We are doctors, lawyers, athletes, politicians, soldiers, authors, top students , etc. I think the first words I keyed into a search engine were something like "boys who are really girls." I didn't really know where to start. I was just trying to learn about myself and if there were others that had the same feelings that I did. At first, I discovered a few older girls like the woman from England that had transitioned and found success as a model and even appeared in a movie at one time, but she did it in stealth mode and was later outed. As far as I know, that was pretty much the end of her career as an actress and there didn't seem to be much more information about her. I think she did write a book later though. When I was 13, I came across a Canadian girl who made Youtube videos and called herself Gregory Gorgeous. She seemed to identify as gay then, but was feminine and usually presented herself as a girl, doing a lot of makeup and fashion tutorials. A couple of years ago she came out as trans and is now well into her physical transition as Gigi. About the same time, I found out about Kim Petras, a 16 yr old girl from Germany who became the youngest to have GRS. I was so happy to find these girls I found so much inspiration and through them, I found the courage to come out when I started high school, However, the woman that became my most important roll model is a doctor here in Philadelphia, and who I admire very much, Dr Christine McGinn. I first saw her on Oprah about four years ago and I more or less idolized her from the moment I saw her. She was everything I aspire to be as a woman. Not only is she beautiful, super intelligent, extremely well spoken, but she has devoted her practice to gender reassignment surgery, donates "pro bono" services for the trans-community and has won awards for trans-advocacy and awareness. These are just a few of the many trans-people that helped me feel "not so alone" when I was growing up. Now, there are so many amazing women in the media, the internet and...everywhere:) I'd like to hear from some of you girls, about who helped or inspire you to be who you are. Was there anyone that you admired or inspired you, or just helped you feel like you weren't the only one that felt different from everyone else on the planet? Dr Christine McGinn

She sounds amazing Emma. It sounds like you found a good therapist. Good luck:)

I don't know where you're from, but there are often LGBT centers in big cities that can help you. These places are probably the best places to look for therapists that have experience with GID. You can search for transgender resources for you area. I'm glad that you have someone that you can talk to in person too.

How long was it before the first two weren't as uncomfortable Karen? Stay strong, you are almost there:)

Great post Emma:) I liked the 6 steps too. They should be memorized and repeated everyday!

Have you considered counseling? Possibly through an LGBT center in your area? I've heard from a lot of people that are feeling the same as you are now. You are far from alone. Unfortunately, the stigma of being transgender or even somewhere along the spectrum, makes people afraid to talk about it and leads to feelings of isolation. Writing about what you are going through can be therapeutic too:) There really is a lot of support out there. Keep us posted and good luck:) KML

I agree Karen. I have tried many other sites, social, forums, chat rooms, etc. I never felt like I fit in on any of them them. Rarely were actual issues and experiences discussed, it was usually small talk or people asking if you want to snap chat. TGGuide is different.

Karen, I'm not surprised that you got many hits from guys. You are a beautiful women. I am curious if you have ever felt like you have been fetishized by a woman. I would think that it's possible, but not as likely as with men. Thank you for your input:) KM

Thank you so much Monica:))) I will check that out and will never give up. <3 KM

I think that being transgender is how you feel inside, your mind, heart and soul. People can express their femininity outward to what ever extent they choose, or not at all.

When I was younger, I was happy to find that some guys are attracted to transgender girls. After all, there are guys that like cis girls, guys that like guys, etc, so I just reasoned that it's just as natural for some guys to like transgender girls. I've had my crushes throughout school just like anyone else does. I thought how nice it would be if someone felt the same way about me. One of my friends told me "there's somebody for everybody, right?" She didn't realize that many things are more complicated for #girlslikeus. It didn't take me long to realize that many of the guys that I seemed to attract were different somehow. Not all, but most didn't seem to be interested in me as a person or really want to get to know me as a person. I sadly started to realize that these particular guys weren't seeing me as a romantic partner, not a girl to take ice skating, dance with, watch movies together, spend quite time side by side on the couch with, or exchange Valentine's cards with. I was fairly young when I started hearing from older girlfriends about how transgender women are seen as fetish objects to a lot of men. I already knew that woman are often objectified as sex objects and thought it was the same thing, sort of. I told myself that was just a few creeps, so just stay away from them...not a big deal. The right boy will come along. I later came to see these creeps as predators. They will tell you what you want to hear and treat you just good enough to get what they think they're going to get. This threatens me, my womanhood, my self worth as a human being. I still think he is out there, but after years of contact with guys....ones that swear they just want love, a relationship, a soul mate, only for them to turn out to be one of "those." I am letting some bad experiences influence my interaction with guys that I meet. Without even knowing them, I often judge them as one of the creeps. I have dated a couple (exactly three) amazing guys, two in highschool and one after starting college, so my dreams are still alive. However, years of interaction with the predators, in person, on social sites, forums and chat rooms have gotten to me, not that I would ever meet anyone from online. Not a chance. It's just the idea...the reality of it all. This is one of the reasons that I am here on TGGuide, which has been a very positive experience for me. I feel like here, I can discuss issues, interact with other girls, and talk about my feelings and experiences without someone asking me for pictures in my underwear. Yay! The "fetish" aspect is one of the complications of dating for #girlslikeus, but there are others. It's not the most heartbreaking. The social stigma attached to dating a girl that was born (and especially if she still is) anatomically male is another big thing. It's a lot of pressure for guys, no matter how good their intentions. I have lost a couple good relationships to their fear of what people will think and that is what probably stops some nice guys from approaching us in the first place. I will fully transition when I graduate from college. I don't want to give the wrong impression, I'm not doing it to find love and a husband. I need to do this for me, no one else and it is what I've been moving toward my whole life. I do think though, that the chances of romantic happiness and love are better for those that have fully transitioned. Post op women do get married and are living the dream. Janet Mock has an amazing guy and will soon be married as many other have. So, i'm interested in what others think on the subject, and you're experiences are with dating and love. Do you think it's likely to find love as a transwoman? What have your experiences been with men? Are so many men as just creepy as I think they are? I'm also curious to hear from those that Identify as "trans-lesbians." I sometimes think that it would be easier to be attracted to girls. It's hard to see cis-women as being the kind of creepy that some men are,or as likely to fetishize and, devalue another person, or as worried of what people would think of them. Thanks for reading <3 KM

Jennifer, this is an interesting topic. I don't know how much you've looked into this or have practiced. You may know more about it than I do. I've read that everyone's voice can deepen somewhat as they age, so it is something that I am concerned about and I try to do voice exercises as much as possible. Some of the exercises are fun too...like singing:) I noticed that there are links to voice training articles and videos here on TGGuide. If you are interested, I could also share links to some of my favorites videos also. So, just in case you haven't yet taken the step to voice feminization, here are some of the basics as I know them. There are a lot of ways to feminize the voice, pitch is just one part of it. There are many things that together make a voice sound believably feminine...resonance, tone, etc. Woman also have a beautiful kind of singing voice quality and vary pitch and emphasis more within words from syllable to syllable. Basically, women talk more in their mouth and head than their throat or chest. They even move their mouths differently while speaking. I've read that it is easier for the deaf to read women's lips than men's because of this. As for seeing the opposite gender in the mirror, does that mean everyone, or transgenders? I can say that there is truth to that, at least for me. I can't say though if it was just me subconsciously focusing on characteristics that are feminine and ignoring anything that might be considered masculine or something else. Maybe I am just seeing how I want to be seen, or the way that I feel inside.