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Chrissy

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Everything posted by Chrissy

  1. Monica and Emma, Thank you both for your comments and ongoing support! I'm sure there will be difficult periods ahead, but so far it's been mostly a fun "process." The conversation with my sister didn't go that well, but it was about what I expected (not horrible, she's just a bit thoughtless at times - in this case it wasn't even comments specifically about me being TG, it was more general). Further reason that my friends are more important to me than family :-) I got my latest order from Kohl's today, including several items of women's "business" clothing - so next week promises to be another week of pushing it! xoxo Christie
  2. First, if any of you haven't heard the Junior Vaquez remix of Whitney Houston's "Step by Step" - you should check it out This has been a productive week in terms of coming out for me. I've now told all of my closest friends (in person or in writing) that I am transgender. In most cases it wasn't a surprise to them, and the support has been universal. My favorite light-hearted response was from my friend Chris (who is my closest friend among the group) who said "Woo hoo! Does that mean I'm hip?" (he does magic, so I leave it to each of you to decide if it's possible for him to be "hip"). The most substantive positive response was "This is celebratory news. Please let me know how I can be a friend/supporter/ally/whatever you need. I know there's lots swirling around, and if you need to chat/bounce things off anyone, you've got an ear and a hug in me;) Truly. Thanks for sharing, and as you continue, please let me know how best to support. There are lots of feelings around pronouns/language. I'm adaptable to whatever works for you. I love you as the person you are and am grateful we are friends." Followed by an offer to start calling me "Christie" if I wanted (I don't do that in my day-to-day life yet, I don't feel like my external presentation matches that - but the fact that it's now come up probably means it will happen soon, at least in my personal life). I've also told both of my supervisors at work, and a co-worker with whom I'm fairly close (and found out from her that another person was picking up some hints already - and was positive about it, which was very good considering she is over my 2 direct supervisors). On the personal side, productivity came in the form of not trying to figure out "an answer" - my initial reaction (to many things) is to think that if I just think about it for awhile, and ask the right questions, I can come up with an answer right away. Well that's not going to happen here, the only way I'm giong to find an "answer" is to keep taking steps until I reach whatever destination is out there for me (or not, there might not really be a destination - as I write this I realize there probably isn't!). So my approach now is to just look for steps that I can take - take them - see if they feel comfortable - then take another step - repeat... There was a negative event at work, but one that lead to positive. I overheard several students (overheard is an overstatement, they were talking loud enough that one could think they were trying to talk to me from a distance), they were joking about the idea of a male (I couldn't tell who they were talking about beyond that) wearing a dress to a student event that night. It wasn't something I could directly address (I'm staff at the school), but I did mention it to my boss, who apparently brought it up with her boss (the one I mentioned earlier), who suggested that they should probably incorporate sensitivity training into student orientation (and I believe she's sincere, she's not the type to just talk about it). So that was good - but the really good part is that it inspired me to try to take more steps to be out at work. It would be inappropriate for me to address the students directly about the issue, but if they ultimately get the point that I am TG it might make them think more about what they're saying. Well, that's all for now - oh, tonight I'm telling my sister, first family member... xoxo Christie
  3. Emma, That's very thoughtful and detailed! I can't imagine what it's like being in a relationship going through this, it's quite difficult enough being single. I guess I have the flip-side issue, not knowing what kind of relationship I'll end up wanting, or knowing if I'll ever know for sure (I thought of that when you wrote I can imagine myself on this treadmill of trying to achieve one more step toward being female but never achieving the unknowable). I hope it goes well tomorrow! xoxo Christie
  4. Chrissy

    "True Selves"

    Lisa, I'm definitely taking a "one step at a time" approach - although earlier I was in more of a "I want an answer now!" state of mind. Now I'm just challenging myself to take the next step and see how it feels, and see if it makes me want to take another step after that. At some point I'll reach a place where I'm comfortable and don't need or want to take another step - who knows where that will be though! xoxo Christie
  5. Now it's time to turn towards being more out at work - I just ordered a blazer and a couple of pairs of women's dress pants from Kohl's :)
  6. Michele, So that was so great of you to step in, both in the case of the individual and by proposing a broader "resolution"! That clearly took some courage, and I have to say I'd think it could be hard to be in a situation like that which would generate anger but still keep your head in the game and make a rational proposal. I hope it all goes well! xoxo Christie
  7. Good morning everyone! My desire to go tech-free this weekend didn't work out so well, but I reduced my usage substantially, which was nice. I just wanted to get an entry out to start my week with some random things from this past weekend. Saturday night I "pushed myself" a little. I was going to see a drag show (Jackie Beat, my all time favorite drag queen!) and decided it was the perfect opportunity to gender-bend in terms of my presentation. I wore a grey woman's t-shirt from Kohl's (says "Bloom where you're planted"), black Jennifer Lopez pants (with bedazzling of sorts), pink & black tennis shoes, a pink hoodie, and of course my favorite JLo bag. A touch of mascara as well - I had wanted to do my nails but forgot about it until shortly before I had to leave, so I had to abandon that. Being at the show I knew would be a "safe" environment, it is a drag show after all. The greatest danger was that somehow I would draw her attention and she'd "target" me during one of her audience interaction periods. She didn't. (I'm a little disappointed by that.) The bigger challenge was getting there. I live in Jersey City, so I had to get to the PATH train, and then walk through Times Square to get to the show. Any anxiety about how I looked faded once I was in Times Square, replaced by the anxiety that I always have just by being there. Fast forward to Sunday night. I was watching "The Music in Me" on UPTV, featuring Debbie Gibson. If I haven't mentioned this before, I love Debbie! (The "G" that I use as my last initial is in homage to her.) It was a little cheesy, but fun. And Debbie was live-tweeting during the show. There were a couple of times that she replied to one of my tweets - that was a weird experience, here I am watching her on TV and meanwhile having a twitter chat with her. I kinda like Twitter. She debuted a new song called "Promises" in the movie. It's about the importance of making and keeping promises, especially the ones we make to ourselves. I've recently been pretty goal-oriented (accomplishment is another question), but that prompted me to think in terms of making a promise to myself, rather than just setting goals. The promise I made to myself last night was "I promise to care about me." I think if I can sincerely keep this promise the other goals I have will fall into place, or it won't matter as much if they don't. (And obviously I don't mean to care about me to the exclusion of others! I think in fact that it's vital to care about yourself in order to care about other people.) My final take-away from the weekend is again about Debbie Gibson. I recently took a solo show class in which over the course of 7 weeks I wrote and prepared to perform a 6-minute solo show piece about my first experience of doing drag. We then had a class show. Early in the piece I refer to a signed picture of Debbie Gibson that says "Dear Christie, Luv ya sista! xo Debbie" - and then I refer to her as my "femme role model." First, I really do have that picture. Second, I don't think I realized even then how she really is my femme role model - I thought last night that she is the woman I want to be. Not that I want to be her, I don't want to be another person, I want to be myself. But I want to emulate the things about her that make me love her so much. Mainly that she knows what she loves doing and she does it. Her music career is obviously not what it was in the late 80s/early 90s, but she's still doing it! And she is an endless happy, positive person! (she wouldn't even trash Donald Trump after she got screwed on Celebrity Apprentice! Ok, I have to work on the "positive" part). That's all I have for now - love to everyone! Christie
  8. Interesting - one of my wolf tattoos, on my leg, is a wolf drawn around the Cherokee word for wolf (My friend dre it). Sorry to hear about losing your father at such a young age, that has to be really difficult
  9. That sounds like a great idea for a tattoo! I have 4 tattoos already, I want another but i'm waiting until i'm done with laser hair removal. Mine are all wolf themed
  10. The circle of life, you move away from the name and I move towards it! It was actually my middle name by birth, so it seemed a natural choice (it was my mother's maiden name) that is a great quote - it would make for a big tattoo :)
  11. RenRen, I'm pretty new here and don't really know you, but I read your post and i'm really sorry that your going through such difficulties that seems totally useless to say, but I doubt there's anything I could say that would help much. It is encouraging to see that you have help and are trying things - and that you're able to maintain some humor through it! If the "thoughts you aren't proud of" are what i'm thinking, then I do know a little about that, i'be had them too, a couple of times just in the last few weeks. I do manage to remember when they happen that as long as i'm here I still have a chance to be happy. If i'm wrong about what you meant then disregard what I just said Xoxo Christie
  12. Karen, Best of luck in your other ventures! I've enjoyed reading your posts and have learned a lot from you (and I plan to keep working backwards and reading more). xoxo Christie
  13. Hello all! I just looked back to see when I did my first blog posting, for some reason I thought it was just earlier this week but it was actually early last week. It simultaneously seems shorter and longer than that. Anyway, I'll get to the point of the subject line of this entry - "mountains and valleys." It's a reference to a line from a Debbie Gibson song that I love ("Over the Wall") - "mountains and valleys are better than nothing at all." It might not have been her original thought, but I really do love the song (it also contains the line "What do you think about when every day is over and done?" which I wrote on a note that I keep by my bed so that I see it at the start of each day). This week was a good example of mountains and valleys for me - the valley would be what I wrote about in "A Cloudy Day," and the mountain was obviously the incredibly sweet gesture by a random stranger that I wrote about yesterday. Collectively it drives home the point that this journey will have a lot of mountains, and a lot of valleys, and I'm sure they'll be far more extreme on both ends than anything that's happened so far. I really wanted to write today to thank everyone on this site who has written to me or commented to my blog entries! I'm so happy, and very lucky that I came across this website, it won't cover every need that will come up, but it's such an incredibly great resource to have, especially the connection to all of you! My other big, personal take-away from the past couple of weeks is about my place on the transsexual spectrum. When I first told people that I am transgender (and even before that when I told them about my cross-dressing), some would ask if I was transsexual (they actually asked if I was going to get "the surgery") and at that time I would tell them that I was 99% sure that I wouldn't. Since then my journey has taken me where I didn't necessarily expect I was going to to. As I take each new step and it feels right, and it feels good, I take another step. The bottom line for me (sorry, I know I already used "take-away") is that my answer to their question now will be "possibly," and "I'll need some time to ask questions and explore." I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I'm going to try to go as tech-free as possible (I'm getting a little too addicted to my phone). XOXO Christie
  14. Oh Emma, you definitely need to find and watch Futurama! It's one of the greatest all-time animated series, and (in my opinion) Bender was the best part of it!
  15. That's wonderful! Finding a good support group is a great thing, and to connect with someone from your past through it must be especially nice. So much of this can feel (and I say this as a "newbie," but I'm already getting the impression) like you're leaving so much behind, that to actually connect with someone from the past through it has to feel a little stabilizing (maybe a different adjective?). Like you I have a number of friends who know what I'm starting here, but none are transgender and I think that would be a great presence in my life right now. Best of luck! I look forward to hearing more about your journey :-) xoxo Christie
  16. Dear Lisa, I can only imagine what you're going through, but it's so great and inspiring that you're carrying through! I've gone on the PATH train (a "subway" that links Jersey City and NYC) as a woman, so I do have some idea of how that is, but obviously in those cases I was just cross-dressing for the evening, it wasn't at all what you were doing, so congrats on taking that big step! Hopefully you'll find that each time you do it the anxiety level drops a little, or that through therapy and medication you can successfully address it. Christie
  17. Bender does indeed rock! Benders always do ;-)
  18. Emma, That's wonderful! And I really enjoy the fact that our stories both involve people from places that are usually characterized as nasty (New York and Paris). I spent 6 weeks in Paris while I was in school and really found that Parisians were generally very nice (had an experience a bit like yours, I was at the train station at the airport, clearly looking confused, and a random person came up and asked if he could help).
  19. Veronica, I recently bought this pair from Kohl's (hoping the link works) http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1873288/nike-classic-cortez-womens-tennis-shoes.jsp?ci_mcc=ci&utm_campaign=WOMENS%20ATHLETIC%20SHOE&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=bing&CID=shopping20&srccode=cii_328768002&cpncode=42-47636223-2
  20. Good morning everyone, I've many times heard the suggestion about doing a random act of kindness for a stranger and this morning I learned from the recipient end what a wonderful suggestion it really is! I was on the PATH train coming in to work (I had amazingly gotten a seat!) and I was reading "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism." A few minutes in, the woman sitting next to me handed me a note, it read: "I saw title of your book. I think your courage to be who you want to be is amazing!!" I don't think I need to add anything to the story, needless to say my mood just soared. I thanked her (right then and then again as we were getting off the train), but it felt in sufficient. XOXO Christie (as a side note - I haven't experienced this particular opinion on this website at all, but this seems like an appropriate moment to again challenge the notion of New Yorkers being nasty - we're not, and we are even capable of incredible sweetness, even to strangers!)
  21. Thank you! And thank you for being such a positive presence here The only downside to wearing the shorts this morning was that it was rather cold out, I should factor the weather into my decisions to be bold! Fortunately it's not a long walk from home to the gym.
  22. I use the Flash-n-go myself. I have been using it everywhere except my face, but started doing that as well in the past month. It's too soon to know how effective it is on my face, but everywhere else it's been pretty effective. (I had started electrolysis previously, but that was too expensive after a few sessions)
  23. I had a brief email exchange with one of my bosses yesterday, it started off with me distinguishing between "shopping" and "buying" (I won't go into the boring details of how that came up), and I said - "If only the people in the mailroom knew what was in the many packages I get delivered hereā€¦" Her response (she knows about my cross-dressing, but not that I'm TG) - "Ha ha. They'd think you were surprising your girlfriend I bet. You really don't tip off the layperson." I honestly found that her comment bothered me - I wasn't upset at her at all, it just made me wish that I "really DID" tip off the layperson more. This isn't a big deal at all, she only sees me at work and I know I'll have to further along in my journey before I push the envelope too much at work. The point of this is that it did give me the little extra motivation I needed this morning to go to the gym in the new cute pair of shorts that I got recently. Those, along with the t-shirt and running shoes I wore, created a pretty decidedly female look :)
  24. Chrissy

    "True Selves"

    "True Selves" by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley
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