Chrissy

That is indeed what it's all about :-)

When you mentioned not wearing foundation every day anymore I thought about my decision last July to stop wearing wigs - it was such a liberating experience. I don't regret having worn them, I think it's what I needed to get where I was going.

But more broadly I like the idea of not everything being about gender - lately more of my activities at school have centered around criminal justice reform, which is a more important issue to me (not that gender isn't important of course), and I like that fact that I get to do those things and feel comfortable doing them as myself - things that I wouldn't have even considered doing back pre-transition

Congrats :-)

It's funny, I came out to my therapist first too - well, I came out to myself first, then the next day to my therapist. We were talking about that in the support group that I facilitate, the idea of coming out in concentric circles to people - starting with those closer, and who you feel will be supportive, and then moving outward from there. So far my sister is the only relationship "casualty" that I've experienced.

xoxo

Chrissy

Was your friend bothered by any of this?

I think we need to clarify a point here though - being trans does not mean that one was "born" a different gender. I was not born a male, I was born a female with some wrong parts.

There are differences of opinion on that fact, but I think it's generally safer not to suggest that trans people were born one gender and "changed" into another.

it'it's definitely true that transitioning doesn't fix everything that might have been "wrong" before, but I think it's also true that living authentically can make it a lot easier to work through those things. I thought back over 2017 myself and realized that where before I just felt "not right" I can now see more clearly what things I need to work on, and also to recognize my strengths, all of which makes me more confident in my ability to grow as a woman and as a person ☺

Happy new year!!!!

Xoxo

Chrissy

Emma,

I'm sorry you're feeling down 😞 I certainly don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, moderator or not. Hopefully sharing helped a little, and it will no doubt help others to see the full range of experiences that we go through in transitioning (and life in general!).

Having a divorce finalized is tough - I went through that awhile back too. In my case the divorce was prompted by my coming out as a gay male, it left me with a lot of guilty feelings.

I hope you're doing ok!

Xoxo

Chrissy

That was the most entertaining drivers license application story ever 😛

Possibly also the only one I've ever heard, but still!!! Well told! Bummer about the full name part though 😞 I hated my middle name growing up too, ironically it's now my first name.

Michelle,

I think it's to be expected that your interest in the chat room - and in other areas - will fluctuate depending on where you are in your own journey, or even how you feel that day.

Earlier this week I went to a bar (gay bar) that I hadn't been to since July. I went because a drag queen who I love so much was back, with a show again. She was the one who used to let me guest perform pretty much whenever I wanted which helped SO much in my "transition." I loved seeing her again, but at the same time felt like being there wasn't right for me anymore. 

As a member of the trans support group I facilitate said yesterday, even good change is an adjustment and can be difficult.

I may have gone away from responding to your point ☺

Xoxo

Chrissy 

You both really do have a lot going on, that can be really taxing (to say the least) - and personally there is very little that I'm happy about at 8:15 a.m. :-)  (unless it's Sunday, then I'm good).

I'm wondering - for both of you - if you have people to talk to? I mean therapy would be great, but difficult if you're going on the road, but even just close friends who you can talk to individually. Working together through all of this is great, but you do both have individual needs as well.

And with HRT, typically they'll do blood work first, so you'd have to wait a little anyway. And my own experience with it was that I did feel it, but it wasn't very disruptive. As I recall I just started noticing that I felt all emotions a little more than I had been (happy, sad, angry, etc., they were all just a little stronger). They also start you slow. I did accidentally double my dosage once - the pharmacy had changed the pills so that they were double what they had been and I kept taking the same number - once I realized (about a week) I went back and realized it had been having a pretty big impact - so the moral of the story is "stick with the correct dosage!"  :-)

I've definitely moved around on that one - from being fine with transgender woman, to trying to ignore the transgender part - where I am now is that I am a woman, and I am transgender. I personally don't want to have the transgender or trans put in front of the woman. To me I think it suggests some "other" type of woman in a way that other modifiers don't do (like talking about someone as "white woman" or a "black woman" is never thought of as suggesting that they aren't women, just a particular intersection - putting "trans" in front feels like it suggests that we are somehow less than a woman - and people like Jenni Murray reinforce that feeling).

I think that's reinforced by the idea that - as opposed to "white woman" or "black woman," you don't hear people talking about being a "cisgender woman" (I mean you do hear the term, but few people would just randomly say it).

I was actually going to use that very point in response to her comments too - the fact that I don't want to be referred to as a "transgender woman" doesn't mean that I'll object to an organization using that term where it's appropriate - I might ask them not to refer to me that way, but I understand that it is an accepted term.

One of the better responses in our discussion to JM's complaint about language - and this applies to other (usually conservative) people who complain about new terms, is that "that's what language does! It evolves!" Which is so very true, language changes and adapts to new situations or new ways of thinking, and that's a very good thing, even if it gets a little confusing sometimes :-)

Emma,

I have to say I disagree in part about Jenni Murray. I don't disagree about her specific point about the language, but she was being a little deceptive with what she was doing. The point started with talking about the BMA using "pregnant people" instead of "pregnant women," and she made it sound like she was being expected to refer to herself that way, but that simply wasn't the case. The BMA was trying to find language that would cover everyone they were working with, they were mandating that all pregnant people be referred to that way. So at best her point was simply stupid, at worst is demagogic in that she probably very well knew what she was doing right there.

I agree as far as the vicar, she might very well have been in an early stage of transition in which - some/many - of us do focus a lot on clothing and make-up. Her thoughts on women's place in the church were really unrelated to her own gender identity - which is true of anyone, the fact that I'm a woman doesn't mean that I now understand every issue relevant to women.

A bigger take-away for me, in watching the Jenni Murray video and then immediately the little girl (Tuesday was the first time I actually watched them back-to-back) was thinking about how happy the girl is now and how JM would want to take that away from her. Beyond any specific thing she said that makes her overall commentary very cruel.

xoxo

Chrissy

I was going to say, I know I work much harder now than I did in my 20s :-)  Because I actually care about what I'm doing

Monica,

That seems like it might have been a little while ago? From what I've learned there aren't any time limits. What matters is how much, if at all, the grieving process is interfering with daily living. It can certainly go beyond 2 years (my parents died 13 years ago and I still have moments of grieving)

Chrissy

I like my "homebound" Sundays . It's a nice mental break from the week

You never need to apologize for feeling sad or down. Grieving isn't a predictable or linear process, it's completely natural to feel it for almost any length of time. I can imagine how getting checks with just your name could trigger it.

It's good to hear that writing about it helps. Keep writing! It's also perfectly normal to want or need some sympathy - so don't hesitate to say when you're feeling down.

Xoxo

Chrissy

um, a live duck?

Good luck Michelle!!!

Emma,

Enjoy the talk!  I have to admit I wasn't thrilled by her new book, but I loved the first one and have loved her every time I've heard her speak (never in person, just on TV).

On the topic of community - I think for me it was important to (finally) realize that I could shift my social priorities away from the trans community without cutting myself off from the people and issues of the community. So I keep doing the support group, and I work with some trans identified clients at my internship and on a volunteer basis, etc.

xoxo

Chrissy

"It's tight enough--breathing is an issue--but it definitely makes you feel womanly."

Exactly   Comfort doesn't seem to be a top priority in women's attire.

Congrats on passing the exam!!!

Xoxo

Chrissy

Happy anniversary!!! 

yup 

I assume you meant this for Monica 😛 I have no impending social plans 

Just a quick thought on your comment about moving things around for awhile to get it right - that was something I needed (perhaps still need?) to learn, I would go into organizational projects like that expecting that I could make it perfect the 1st time around - that rarely happens, so I had to learn that I was going to make an effort and see how it works, then make other changes until I felt good about it (ok, I think that just turned into a comment about living in general)

I love closet remodeling!  Good luck with that!!! I don't have a walk-in closet, but I have a bigger closet that was very simple when I moved in. I added a section of shelves down the middle (not quite the middle) for shorts, t-shirts, etc. and then a single rod on one side for longer things and 2 rods on the other for shorter. I don't wear many dresses, so I didn't as much room on the single-rod side.

Welcome to TGGuide!  I can't wait to read your blog entries 

My own experience - I've transitioned over the past 2-3 years (depending on what I consider the starting point) - is that it is both amazing and terrifying - often at the same time. But either way is better than settling for a life that isn't right for you!