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Chrissy

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Blog Comments posted by Chrissy

  1. Accusing you of lying was very unprofessional. I'm sorry that you had to experience that. Unfortunately psychiatrists are more medically trained so sometimes they aren't as good at actual therapy.

    I agree with Emma about speaking with the psychiatrist privately but realize that your age and guardianship status might make that impossible. If it's not possible then I just encourage you to remember that you will reach a point when you can act by yourself for yourself! It might seem far off, but it will happen.

    In the meantime at least you have some outlet for personal expression at school and you have this community here 😀

    Xoxo

    Chrissy

    • Like 2
  2. I know you said you can't afford to change, and I don't know all of what your therapy involves, but if there is any way to make a change I would do it. Not respecting your gender and name is simply unacceptable. What kind of professional background does she have? I can't speak to other professions, but if she is a social worker she's violating professional ethics.

    • Like 3
  3. When I did my legal name change last year I had a count of 50+ places that I had to make the update (then I stopped counting, it was too stressful), but you're right, it does keep coming up. I haven't even thought as much about who has records of my gender! (Aside from the obvious ones, drivers license, birth certificate, etc.).

    When I contacted North Carolina State Univ. (where I did my undergrad) to change my name they actually asked if I wanted to update my gender as well - it hadn't occurred to me that they would even have that, but it makes sense. I throw that story in partly to show that even in North Carolina not everyone is transphobic :-)  (Of course my sister lives there now, and she is transphobic, oh well)

    • Like 3
  4. That all sounds great :-)

    I can definitely relate to the fear and exhilaration- personally I didn't consider it to be a line between the two, I just saw it as both things happening at the same time. There is a lot to be excited about, and a lot to be afraid of - but overall living authentically is worth it all!!!

    What is Gender Odyssey?  I'm planning to go to the Trans Health Conference in Philadelphia again this year, this time on the professional track (since i'm a social work student it seemed right)

    • Like 2
  5. I actually had more for my original post - but I was writing it at school and some other people came along so I decided to be social and cut the post off there.

    An observation I made later (after class) was that my initial thought ("I was rejected because I'm transgender") was paired with confusion. It seems like that's a move forward for me in that I think earlier it would have been hurt or anger that would have come up. And those would no doubt come up if this had really happened, but the initial response is confusion. I think that reflects that this has become a part of my identity that I'm more comfortable with, so my response when people reject it is to not understand why they would have a problem with it.

    As a quick follow-up - the professor in that class during the next session gave me contact information for a friend of hers who is prominent in the area of social work with LGBT individuals, particular dealing with trans issues. She's in Albany, so it's a little limited in terms of networking, but it is still a connection, and one that I probably wouldn't have made without coming out (I doubt any professor would risk suggesting that contact if I wasn't open about my gender identity)

    • Like 1
  6. Emma,

    You look so good!  You also look very comfortable with yourself, which is ultimately the important part :-)

    With the wig(s) being hot, I wonder if it's something about the type? I was actually surprised that the ones I've been wearing aren't very warm (which is great in spring/summer, it would be nice in the winter if they were a little).

    And yes, make-up is not easy! I was fortunate to have a good friend/co-worker who loves make-up and was very into helping me figure it out. It's also been nice getting to the point where I wear as little as I can :-)  (ultimately a quick pass with an eyebrow pencil, mascara and lip gloss are the "minimum" that I need to feel ok going out).

    Best of luck as you continue to explore!

    xoxo

    Chrissy

    • Like 2
  7. Emma,

    I wish you all the happiness you can find on this journey! It's not an easy path, but it's well worth it and it seems like you've really thought through a lot and have a good vision of how to get started. Between that and the courage you've already demonstrated I have no doubt you'll find your authentic self.

    I also admire how you managed things with your wife. It was no doubt tempting at times just to leave (I say that from experience, having been married so many years ago), but you stayed and took care of what needed to be done. So add persistence to the strengths mentioned above :-)

    I'm looking forward to hearing about your travels - literal and personal :-)

    Xoxo

    Chrissy

    • Like 2
  8. Emma,

    I know I'm late to the game on this one - but first, I think your response was perfect, I think it's important to point out that there isn't a "choice" involved (except the "choice" to live authentically!).

    I also agree that "tolerance" is definitely NOT the goal. Personally, I think mutual acceptance and respect is what's generally called for in life - "acceptance" feels a little off too, but that's why I put the "mutual" in front of it. It's about accepting that people are different from each other in many, many ways, and we should accept that and respect everyone for who and what they are (within reason of course - I'll never accept or respect Trump).

    I would also consider that you probably have a much more nuanced understanding of what "tolerance" means than your friend - that may well have just been the first word to come to mind, and if they haven't been in a position where they were rejected for some part of their identity they might not fully appreciate the meaning. With friends I've always gone by motivation - as long as I know that they're being supportive, I don't take any incorrect terminology badly from them - though I do correct it!

    Has anything further happened with this friend since February?

    xoxo

    Chrissy
     

    • Like 2
  9. Emma,

    There's a lot packed into this post - let me start by saying that I think everyone should be free to identify as they will (within reason of course, if I tried to identify as black for example I would expect to be challenged or flat-out mocked). 

    I think it changes the conversation a bit to look at identities vs labels - it feels to me a little more substantive and whether we like it or not identity differences do exist and they do matter (they may be social constructs but even a social construct is real). I could, for example, claim that my being white isn't important - but since white is a "privileged" identity I would be wrong.

    Anyway, being trans is obviously different (since there is no such thing as "trans privilege") so I agree that we are each free to incorporate it into own lives as we want. Personally I've gone from highlighting it ("trans woman") to burying it ("woman") to pushing it back ("woman who is transgender") - and I generally only mention it to people as we get closer.

    One other thing - to one of Monica's points - to me being transgender is part of me body, mind, and soul - for some it may be primarily in the mind, but I don't think that's universal by any means.

    Xoxo

    Chrissy

    • Like 2
  10. Karen,

    Thanks for sharing this!  I've thought a lot about assimilation in the past few months as I've basically been trying to do it myself.  Ultimately I agree with you that it's important to be available to help others as we can - for me it was (is?) driven by a desire to adjust my social life - for about 20 years of living as a gay man I had built a social life around that, so it was important to me to shift that now that I'm (authentically) living as a straight woman.  Especially since I would very much like to be in a relationship (that would be hard to come by at gay bars).

    Having said all that, I'm definitely not trying to leave behind the LGBTQ community  :-)

    xoxo 

    Chrissy

    • Like 2
  11. Thanks for that information!  The timing matches up pretty well with mine - surgery is scheduled for Tuesday morning, I was told to be at the hospital at 10:30 (originally 6 a.m., but it got moved).  Then I should be out on Friday, with a follow-up appointment with Dr. Rumer next Tuesday, then home on Wednesday.  They suggested staying overnight after the visit to make sure there are no issues with dilation.

    I'll be staying at Homes2 Suite (or Home 2 Suites) tomorrow night and then after the surgery - the rooms all have kitchen facilities and it's pretty close to the hospital (an 8 minute walk - obviously I won't be walking back, but I can walk to the hospital on Tuesday).

    I got some unscented feminine wipes, but they didn't mention the KY - that is something I should probably get, and the donut pillow is a great idea!  I'll try to get one in Philly when I get down there tomorrow.  My train ride back next week is about 2 hours, that's probably comparable to what you had in terms of your return flight?

    I don't know if I ever mentioned that I saw Marci Bowers speak when I went to the Transgender Health Conference last year?  It was a full room and a good presentation!  The fullness of the room was partly because they only gave her 1 time slot this year, not the usual 2, so she had to cover M2F and F2M in the same session.

    • Like 1
  12. I'll make every effort :-)  My surgery is Tuesday and I'm in Philly until the following Wednesday morning - hopefully I'll have the appetite by then!

    If I can ask, did you have to stay in the hospital for any period of time after surgery?  I'll be in for 3 days which is probably the thing that makes me the most nervous as I've never had to stay in a hospital (past surgeries were all outpatient).  Just wondering what your experience was like?

    It is sometimes an awkward fit - the "T" in the "LGBTQ" - particularly if you're transgender and straight (I have some bisexual inclinations, but in terms of an actual relationship I could only see that happening with a man).  For lesbian, gay and bi individuals (cis or trans) the community represents political, social, and relationship connections.  Being straight and trans I feel the political connection, but I know that if I want a relationship (and I do), I need to be outside of that.  I'm certainly not cutting all ties - right now I'm probably focusing more on straight things, but that's to compensate for years of being away from that.

    • Like 1
  13. Karen,

    As always thank you for your feedback!  I totally agree that the journey is ongoing, I'm just saying that as far as how I'm defining my own journey - my own experience - I no longer consider it transitioning after GRS is done (I realize my body will continue to change - but I won't be making affirmative decisions about making physical changes anymore).  I guess for me it's a matter of shifting focus from physical (transitioning) to mental, emotional and spiritual (evolution) (not that evolution hasn't been happening all along of course, it's just a matter of giving it more attention now).

    I actually grew up with family (my favorite aunt and her family) in the Philly area, but almost never went into the city (just once when I was considering going to Temple University, my uncle worked there and brought me in to look around).  Unfortunately when I go down tomorrow I'll be on a "clear diet," I doubt that cheese steaks fit that :-(  But I will be staying for a week, perhaps at some point I'll feel up to ordering in :-)

    xoxo

    Chrissy

    • Like 1
  14. Emma,

    I know I'm late to this conversation - but I wanted to thank you for sharing all of that!  It can be pretty overwhelming, and it doesn't help that there isn't really (yet) a scientific way of establishing that someone is transgender.

    I spent a lot of time going through similar thought processes to what you describe above - looking back at my childhood to look for clues, etc. Then as I started transitioning I just started noticing that it felt right.  Ultimately I think it has to be a mix of rational and emotional thought - the rational part is the objective information that we can gather, but there's a limit to that, and that's where emotional thought has to take over.

    Recently I wrote a letter to my sister (who hasn't been dealing well with this) to try to explain everything that I wish she would have given me a chance to say on the phone - including "how I know this is right for me" - I won't go into the detail, but I lead off with a simple "I know it's right for me because I know it's right for me."  :-)

    I'm not sure where you are with your process at this point - but just keep at it, an answer will eventually come!  :-)

    xoxo

    Chrissy

    • Like 2
  15. Karen,

    Congrats on doing that!  It sounds like a really good event.

    I guess I'm not too surprised that people didn't ask questions - I feel like we're still at a point where people know so little about being transgender that they don't even know what questions to ask - or for those who are supportive, they might be afraid of asking the wrong questions.  In closer relationships if people express curiosity I usually try to make them more comfortable by saying that nothing they ask me will offend me - if it's something that is objectively offensive I'll just tell them that, but I won't take it personally (if the person is supportive, then I know they aren't trying to offend) - but that wouldn't work in a larger group setting, I would never give an entire audience the option of being offensive :-)

    xoxo

    Chrissy

    • Like 1
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