Chantel

Where to begin? Well like so many of my sister's my first awareness of my dysphoria was at the age of five. I had started school and all of a sudden there was a choice of things to play with. I was instantly attracted to the Wendy house with its box of dolls, tea sets and the like. I was in wonderland having a dolls tea party.

After a while I began to realise I was with the girls. I remember feeling unsure but it felt right and it was what I wanted to do. No one stopped me or tried to dissuade me and so I made friends with the girls.  This continued until junior school which was a boys only school where I didn't really fit in so I had to learn how to be a boy. My dysphoria next surfaced when I was about nine or ten. I began to realise that I didn't feel comfortable as boy. I felt I was a girl and I was being pushed into being a boy. I was very confused and started to experiment wearing my sister's clothes. I had guilty feelings knowing this wasn't the norm and kept my feelings secret. This secrecy was further re-enforced when a classmate was humiliated in front of the class by a teacher. He had been caught stealing knickers. 

My belief that I was a girl inside a boys body continued to grow and I began to cross dress whenever I could.  These were joyous times but they carried deep guilt feelings.  I progressed with my life keeping my secret and doing my best to be a man.

I was always on the edge with my femininity dressing androgynous and crossdressing whenever possible. Now as I am becoming older I feel unable to contain my dysphoria and have come out to my spouse. This is a recent event and I am hoping things will work out. I am having some counselling support from a lovely lady counsellor, I have started to have Electrolysis and I am dressing most of the time. I feel quite euphoric but anxious about the present future because at last I am starting to transition but the cost in relationships is as yet unknowr. I also have some feelings of shame which has controlled me all my life.

Well I am feeling quite emotional after that last statement so time to leave for the moment except to say hi, my name is Chantel and I hope to find some friends. X