MichelleLea

Thanks as always, Monica. I am in a good place and at peace with myself. The best is yet to come.

BTW, I enjoyed your writing. Keep it up. 

I am coming late to this conversation, but I can add my perspective from the other side of the aisle. I work at Meijer, a regional grocery super center like Walmart but a little more upscale,as a greeter. I remember it started the day after the  World Health Organization (WHO) declared the spread of the novel coronavirus, as it was then called, a pandemic. It was a bit overwhelming to see the hoards of bewildered people such as yourself coming up empty-handed. That first day, I think it was a Wednesday  or Thursday, my team leader came to me around 6:00 to tell me that the store's quota for the day was $80,000, and the store was already at $160,000. There were no small shopping carts. They were all piled high and deep. I must say though that people by and large were pretty decent. It was definitely an experience and still is. We had a dedicated team member sanitizing carts for a while. Lately, however it is just another part of the greeter's job as well as counting heads so that we stay under the maximum allowed. (we have a very generous allowance. We will never come close on the busiest of days). And we are supposed to help stop thieves from robbing us blind, and of course greet customers. I have to say though that I really like the job and am happy to be able to have a job. But i am a shopper too and I feel your pain. 

Thanks Monica, I can always count on you--me, not so much. I am doing well despite my Calamity Jane lifestyle. I will add to the story by and by. ❤️

Thanks for your sage wisdom as always. Yes. I am aware of the dangers and am not even sure at this point if it will work out. At the same token, I am ready for a change and am heading west. I have a son not that far away in California, and yes, if I do settle in Eugene as I plan, we will get together.

Thanks, as always, Monica. You are a champion.

My crossdressing pretty much ended any intimacy my wife and I had. She too thought that it could be gotten rid of through therapy and also confused it with being gay. She became petty closed-minded and then had too much invested in her way of thinking to change. As I have read, "conversion therapy" is very psychologically damaging. Even with all the difficulties, I am happy to be who I am and finally being able to be true to myself as you al are.

Let me just add, anunitu, that you bring another dimension to this blog. You are certainly more prolific than many of us-- I speak for myself. Maybe that springs from isolation, Emily Dickinson comes to mind. BTW, in case I missed it, what part of the world do you live in?

wow! you write beautifully. I also have had periods of my life where my dreams at night were the best part of my day--the most interesting anyway. At 76, I am feeling more at peace, or maybe I just have a "whatever" attitude. So far, I am in reasonably good health which helps. I am on the verge of exploring some new avenues in my life. More on that later. In the meanwhile,  I will try to visit this site more often and post my thoughts as you are. All the best.

Wow! Jess. You are making great strides. It all sounds so exciting, and it also sounds like you are in a good place with good providers. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

All good comments. It does take some practice to do it yourself for sure. I think it's worth it. I love my painted toenails.

Christy, I think you are right on. "Being me" is the lifelong goal. As Renee Reyes put it, someone will always be prettier, faster, richer, smarter, or whatever. We only need to be our best selves. And, as you said, we can use envy to our advantage to emulate the qualities that we admire. As for me, I don't "present." I wear the clothes I feel comfortable in and often they are quite feminine. I like the look and feel. So there!

Good point, Monica. Although I am all woman, my body is what it is. I don't need to say anymore.

Hi Jess,

As a former Minnesotan, I remember it well. I never did get a snow blower myself and have done my share of shoveling--I think my back is finally getting healed. It's a cool 44 here this morning and my winter jacket felt good when I walked the dogs. I am a real Floridian now. I do miss having all the fun colder weather women's wear though. You have more options where you live. For now, I stuck here in sunny Florida. LOL. Good luck with clearing out.

Jess, I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a big hole in your heart. All I can say is that time does help. I'm glad you have so many good memories. Like you, when my wife died, it did free me to go more to my feminine side. Still mostly in the closet myself, but that may change slowly but surely.

Thanks for the info. I actually found more glue-on nails as well as polish strips. I knew I saved all that stuff for a reason. I'll have another go at it this weekend. Here was my last endeavor.

Jess,

My nails were my wife's and were meant for a smaller hand than mine. They were the stick on kind and held up well except when doing heavy housework. Also, they made my nails a little sore for some reason. Still loved the look, though. Anxious to hear of your experience. I am going to look for a larger size in different colors.

My New Year's resolution is to get my butt to the groups. I am doing fine this year, so don't worry. I put on some press-on French nails. Love them. I feel more feminine with them on and am even learning to type with them. Now I want some more in different colors. i am going to hate to take them off for work. Ugh!

It is what it is, and we are who we are. For me, also in the closet, for the most part, I get away with what I can without drawing too much attention to myself. But I've always done that anyway--I'm not exactly what you would call flamboyant. It's not the same. but I didn't think weed would become so open and accepted in my lifetime. Emma is right, though; the genie is out of the bottle. Progress does not go in a straight line--pun intended.

I'm sure we'll all have a lot more to add after the holidays. Looking forward to it.

Great thoughts and comments all of you. It appears that most of us have had our experiences being bullied, and, shamefully in my case, being a bully at times myself. It is never acceptable and does lasting harm. In the Broward District schools and at PACE Center for Girls where I worked for many years, we had a zero-tolerance policy. We took any bullying behavior very seriously. Sadly, it persists, and our current political climate is not helping. We will continue the fight.

I'll have more to talk about after Saturday when I go to my first sewing class. I really think that I need to let Cynthia the owner and instructor know that I want to learn how to sew ladies clothing that will fit my male body. If she doesn't think that will work, there is always YouTube. I just don't want to have to keep explaining myself and making up stories. I want this to be fun,  and if it's not, well, I'm outta here.

May I add my welcome. As the above comments indicate, this is a warm and supportive place. I'm glad you found it.

First night. Great. Love it. Gives me the back support I've been missing. My last mattress. 

Believe me, I do it in a pinch. LOL