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Christy

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About Christy

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 11/15/1976

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  • Gender
    Transgender
  • Location
    Florida
  • Interests
    Tennis, Painting, Shopping, Music, Yoga, Scuba, Golf, Snowboarding, Skiing, Hiking, Motorcycles, Movies

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  1. Also I have had times when I questioned whether or not I could actually do this. At those times I just take a deep breath and then take a step back. I just stop thinking about the future. I focus on the day. It can be so overwhelming at times that I just need a break from my own mind. It seems to help.
  2. I struggle with the same thing and now that divorce is probably going to happen the trans stuff will be used against me. My sister yelled at me and said get out of your house and let it all go! She was right. I’m just going to be myself as much as I can. I will make concessions for my family but getting out more as christa has been very uplifting. Like Jess said take as much Dee with you as you feel comfortable doing. That’s what I am doing and it is scary at times but I just push a little bit and then add more when I’m ready. Also hanging out with my tg friends as me has really helped. As far as the clinic goes, be a little pushy. The squeaky wheel always gets the grease. 😘
  3. Totally awesome 👏🏻. You know how I feel 😘 great pic by the way 😉
  4. Totally awesome 👏🏻. You know how I feel 😘 great pic by the way 😉
  5. I’ve read your posts and understand why you have such a hard time trusting. How could you. You need to protect yourself. Here is the safety and support that stats to break down the fear. I have watched you become less defensive and open up your heart more and more. It’s a beautiful thing to watch and read. I don’t place judgment on others because I have not walked in their shoes. Here we have a common sense of life and that helps us see past the pain. I know you have a good heart and are letting others see that little by little. That’s a great thing and warms my heart. I wish you only the best. 😊
  6. I would definitely tell the technician. Mine always puts a cream on my face after laser or electrolysis. It helps with the inflammation and healing. I’ll ask what it is again. Plus!! Later after I wash my face I put aloe on my face. I have the plant and I cut off a small portion and open it up. Then wipe it all over my face. It’s really good for your skin and is awesome for sunburn. Which is part of laser. This all gets better as time goes on. You hair is thick and your skin is tougher than it will be. So with the thick hair you have more heat and pain. As your hair gets thinner it will be less noticeable but then your skin becomes more sensitive with hrt so the pain goes up. I would definitely get an aloe plant and keep it in a sunny window.
  7. It will get better. I had a rash at the beginning too. It’s normal.
  8. Christy

    Weird Sensation

    The answer is yes. Mine are very sensitive and hurt most of the time. Not bad just kind of like ouch. Some days more so than others. They are now a place that is far more stimulating especially as the Ariola’s grow in size. They also seem to have a mind of their own sometimes lol. One day my boobs feel and look like they are huge and then a couple of days later I’m like hey what the heck happened to them? Are they shrinking? Lol
  9. Yes you will love the feeling of no facial hair 😊. After a couple of months I was completely clear except for the light color stragglers but it was very easy to manage. I thought wow I must be one of the lucky ones because the hair just fell out. Then the second wave came in and it started to grow again so we cleared that up. This happened a third time and then it was pretty much gone but there are tiny stubborn ones that pop up. When the other waves come in it’s not like you get a beard again it’s just kind of disappointing to see some growth but no big deal. Now I am 98% clear with just a few lighter ones left but you can’t see them. I can feel them a tiny bit if I don’t shave for a week. At the beginning of this it didn’t hurt that much but as hrt has changed my skin it started to hurt more especially around my mouth. My skin is more sensitive now. I had my whole upper body done about 4 or 5 times and that didn’t really hurt but that’s totally gone now. She has also done my butt and around my private area. The butt hurts when she gets right in there lol but it’s pretty much gone now. As far as legs and arms I just shaved them 2 and it hasn’t really grown back. Just really slowly and much finer but that’s HRT working. Lasers have come a long way in the past year and they are always developing new products. The one thing they she does every 2weeks when I go for electrolysis is quickly zap any stubborn hair with the laser for free. I pay 50-70$ for each appointment now but I’m pretty clear so the time needed is less and less. At the beginning of this it was 350$ each time for an hour +. She also guarantee me that the laser she uses is permanent and will clear anything that she might have missed at no charge. I may have to have a touch up once a year she said because everyone is different. I haven’t gotten into the delicate areas needed for gcs yet but I can say that from the scrotum down doesn’t really grow anymore. Just fine hairs. Up top of that is normal but she zaps around that a bit to keep it shaped nice. That’s just my experience and everyone is different so I hope it works well for ya. Oh, she also has different size lasers tips and she also does around my eyes to help shape the eyebrows but you need a different set of special eye protection for that. They are like tanning booth ones but completely solid to protect your eyes. The other thing is that where my hair was slightly receding up in the corners of my hair line the hair is growing back. It’s very fine blonde hair but it’s getting longer. 😊. So you never know.
  10. Yeah once you get started with eating more veggies then you can eat as much as you want at any time. Then you have to come up with ways to make it tastier. I go to a vegan restaurant and they give me tip for at home. Laser hurts and electrolysis is no picnic either. I have pain pills that I take an hour before. It helps. Also I put Aloe plant on my face after which helps. Luckily in Florida we have aloe everywhere. My tech said she would not use the 2 lasers you mentioned on me and she explained why. She uses a Candela Gentlelase which is an alexandrite. It’s a 755.
  11. Lol. Yeah but he wasn’t an old guy he was 30ish and fairly good looking. I’m not interested in guys but it was flattering 😊. Yes that article is really a small part of the book. The book goes into far more detail. So if it rang some bells then I recommend you read the book. It truly gave me a better understanding of how and why I felt the way I did and do. thats pretty cool that your sister has a mtf friend. Yes your face will change on hrt. I think there are 29 different muscles in the face and they like the rest of the body with shrink. Plus a bit of fat changes. I just have frozen veggies at night and add some spice. Broccoli or collieflower or a mix. Throw it in the microwave and done. This way I am not hungry and don’t snack on sweets or chips. I do yoga because it’s great for shaping the body but I walk a lot and through in some running as I go. I hate running because my boobs bounce so I need a compression shirt which I don’t always wear. I don’t really have to shave any more because the face is clear and only needs a touch up every couple of days (3-4) the body hair is gone except for fine hairs that don’t bother me. I do have to trim the genital area every so often just to keep it tidy. I have them laser around that area but since my levels are in the female range things grow differently. Like a regular girl. I just have them laser so there is no razor rash. I also changed my clothes to brighter colors and most of my boy clothes are androgynous that I wear around town. I do still have guy stuff for work though. Suits and jeans and shoes. Ugh.
  12. How are you doing. Are you enjoying some freedom at least ?
  13. Columbo that’s funny! I get those looks all the time. Peoples heads cock to one side not knowing what to think. I always say something to them if it’s possible or I just relish in the moment. One time there was a guy who was just staring at me in line trying to figure me out so I put my elbows on the counter and wiggled my butt just slightly. Fun stuff. The book is called “The gendered self” by Anne Vital. She is a psychologist who transitionined many years ago. It was published in 2010. Her website has a lot of information too. She chooses to describe it as GEDAD (gender expression deprivation anxiety disorder) because she feels it’s more accurate. What she says makes a lot of sense to me. 30 years of experience as a psychologist treating people and being mtf herself is a valuable thing. There are few people on the planet that have her perspective. Haha! I figured you would say no. I would have said the same thing when I was at your stage of Discovery. I only did it because hrt was changing my body and mind so I needed to be sure. You actually answered the question in 2 seconds but there may come a time down the road (probably after you start hrt) when your brain is getting the right stuff and you aren’t constantly thinking about transgender issues. Plus you have your kids and divorce to deal with so that’s going to create turbulence in the mind. As far as tg groups go you can go as the guy. You don’t have to dress as Dee. Just go and talk to others. If you want to dress cool if you are scared cool. Everyone will understand. I personally go as both it just depends on how I feel. No one is going to care. It’s very helpful to meet others who are going through the same thing. You don’t even need to tell people that you are doing the experiment. Just do it. It’s a healthy exercise but if you are on hrt at the time then tell your doctors. They need to know what is going on. i sit 95% of the time but yeah public restrooms are disgusting. The woman’s restrooms are so much nicer and roomier. But still disgusting ugh. So having the option is nice. 😉. Most women Hover anyway without touching anything. lol. My wife does. I don’t know how she does it but maybe someday I’ll know haha! How is your face changing if you are not on hrt? Laser I guess. You will be astounded once you get on hrt how much your skin changes and then the muscles in your face diminish a bit. Plus you get more fat in your face that smooths things out. People say I look at least 10 years younger or more. Not sure if that’s true but hell I’ll take the compliment 😊. I think my wife is jealous that I have a body that she wishes she could have (except for my belly fat) but she won’t say anything about it. I think we all attempt to distract ourselves with life but that only lasts so long. Then we have to admit it. I think it’s great to get out into the world as Dee because over time it will become normal. I often go to star bucks and read or post online as me a tomboy looking person. At first it was awkward but now it’s normal and I don’t dress for it I just go how ever I like. Usually Jeans and a t-top with sandals just like most girls. So get out there and explore! Also replace the chocolate with vegetables snacks. Lol. The black dress? Yep. I have some things that I just can’t pull off yet so I save them for later. That’s what every girl goes through. Lol. It’s great that you can get feedback from your sisters but remember that their view is tainted only because they have known you for ever.
  14. For me personally I don’t think anyone would have known before hrt. She said “I felt the same way “ until she came out. Then after a while people started to admit that they knew something was going on. I think it’s because I am changing so much. I have boobs and my butt is a girl butt. My face has changed. We were also talking about how people that I haven’t seen for a while don’t even recognize me. Even when I say hello! That’s kind of weird to me or was. Now I expect it. The other stuff aside from physical changes is small. Some people will say oh well I always wondered why you did this or that or liked this over that. But now it makes sense. I don’t know if you read the book I mentioned but it explains why some people need to transition early and some don’t know until they are older. I never really wanted my penis gone I just wished it was a V. I never looked at my body as disgusting and still don’t. To be honest my stuff has shrunk so much that I don’t have to tuck to feel feminine. It’s not really in the way and everything still works so...I like being able to pee standing up if I want. 😂. Especially if I have to use a public bathroom or I’m in a rush! The first time I used a gender neutral bathroom at a TG group meeting there were only stalls and I didn’t know if I should sit because I was presenting female. Now I just go and don’t think about it. Anyway back to you. I agree with almost everything that you said. My suicide was because I fought so hard against this and then add lots of alcohol on top of that. I was a mess and there was no forums for me to express myself. I was alone in my head. Like you though I have had a fantastic life. I did always want to be a girl though. I had all the day dreams and everything else. My sister is much younger than me so I never really had that outlet. If she was older things might have been different. That’s why that book makes so much sense to me. I didn’t have a way of expressing myself and Christa didn’t start to kick the doors down until I was 40+. She just woke up or got stronger. Plus for me I went in the macho direction to fool the world and it had its perks. So it was an extreme lack of expression. Here is an experiment that I did when I was confused by the question of “what is really me” guy with a fetish or transgender. Don’t allow Dee to exist for a month. No transgender stuff at all. No internet research or anything. No laser, just postpone the appointment. Just be the guy again and live that way completely. Then see what happens. Don’t purge anything just put them away in a bin out of reach. Stop yourself from expressing the girl. Dee is gone. That’s what I did almost a year ago. I stopped hrt after 3 months, before things become permanent(boobs). I needed to be sure. At first I was fine and actually liked not having to think about transgender issues and I was having fun being the macho guy again. It was freeing up my brain but then it started to come back and she was starting to scream 😱. I hiked for a week thinking it through and decided I wanted to go forward. I had to be honest about it. I would guess that after that you will have your answers. You are probably saying right now “oh crap I can’t be Dee this weekend!” That sucks. Lol. I’m right aren’t I. 😉. But try it, no release, no gender expression at all for Dee. Then look in the mirror and ask yourself what do I want. You might see a guy or a possibility of a girl. I used to look in the mirror and say ugh I will always look like a guy trying to be a girl. Who am I kidding. No one is ever going to see me as a female unless I have a ton of surgeries and I don’t want to be that crazy guy down the road. But that’s not the truth, that’s just fear and ignorance. Totally normal by the way. Now after a year on hrt I can see the girl and she looks good. I see a female and just get glimpses of the male. I will probably get FFS as my first surgery and maybe vocals but that’s only because I don’t like putting on a lot of makeup. It’s a hassle and $$$. Just the eyes and something lite. The voice is a work in progress, who knows if I will really get it. So just try that cost effective experiment and see how you feel. That should give you some answers. Oh and when I was drinking I never let anything out of the bag😉. I was very cautious. I also have had no issues with alcohol since I started transitioning. Zero. PM me if you want the book or just download it. 😘
  15. Yes that’s hard but things will get better.
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