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Christy

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About Christy

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 11/15/1976

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  • Gender
    Transgender
  • Location
    Florida
  • Interests
    Tennis, Painting, Shopping, Music, Yoga, Scuba, Golf, Snowboarding, Skiing, Hiking, Motorcycles, Movies

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  1. Christy

    SCConference

    That’s great! I would suggest that you reach out and talk to people as much as you can. Try to find people who you can relate too and that have been where you are. They are a tremendous help and resource. Fight the fear. I learned more from talking with others than anticipated. It’s probably the safest place for you to do that. Try not to judge people until you get to know them. I am sure that you will find someone that you can relate to. Go to meals with others. Do not isolate yourself or your experience with suffer. Have a short list of questions ready because it can be distracting presenting female for the first time. I was hyper sensitive about the way I looked and it was hard for me to concentrate on what people were saying. Take notes. Have fun!!! Be comfortable!!!
  2. Christy

    Being misunderstood

    Yeah, I am far more confident when I feel comfortable in the way I look. What ever that might be on any given day. It's just like a sport or a particular task. When I know it well I perform well. If I don't feel truly comfortable with what I'm wearing than I will not be confident out in the world.
  3. Christy

    SCConference

    I was looking forward to going to the conference for weeks but as it got closer I began to get nervous. I went with 2 friend which made it easier for me to go and harder for me to back out. One of my friends freaked out and almost didn't go but he pulled through. The point is that it was an unexpected build up of anxiety. Anyway...The conference was at The Riverside Hotel in Fort Lauderdale, FL and the accommodations were nice overlooking the beach in the distance and the river. The street Las Olas was full of little shops, restaurants and had a hip vibe to it with lots to do. I arrived early in the morning and my room was ready so I went up to change into something nice. I took a shower and shaved my body then picked out what I wanted to wear. My friends arrived shortly after and came up to my room. My friend Rachael was nice enough to lend me some of her makeup and then guide me through what to do. It came out pretty good for my first time ever! I am a tomboy TG girl and will probably never wear heavy makeup anyway. The natural look is for me or at least that's what I think for now. We went down to the conference to checked in and every single person was so nice and helpful. If you needed anything there was someone to help you. We went to whatever seminar was of interest to us individually and also some together. There were Doctor's talking about surgery's top, bottom, FFS, SRS etc., Lawyers talking about the laws and what your rights are, A wonderful women from TSA answering questions about travel, Makeup seminars, Comportment seminars, Wigs, Hair, pretty much everything. I do wish they had some vendor though. Everything was held on the 8th floor of the hotel which had a giant wrap around deck with comfy seating. Great space. There were people from all over and every age. Although I didn't see any youngsters. We broke for lunch and I invited a women I was chatting with to come to lunch with us. She writes a blog called Ronda's Escape but I haven't had time yet to check it out. She is very nice and the restaurant at the hotel was right on the water. We all enjoyed great food while chatting and watching the boats cruse by. (The restaurant is called the Boat House). After lunch we went back in for some more seminars. The first one was a general session and the speaker Marie was from the TSA. Marie's job is to help the TSA understand the transgender community and train the employees. She was full of great knowledge and took many questions regarding travel. There were a ton of things that I never knew about like you can call for a person to escort you through. If you need it. I then went to a seminar on wigs and walking which was pretty good and then the FFS surgeon. After the seminar he gave free consultations! At this point the clock is ringing 5pm and I head up to the wig ladies room for a test fitting (sorry I can't remember her name) and she said she would touch up my makeup too. Great! I have never tried on a wig before so I was a bit nervous. After picking out a wig to wear for the night and her putting on heavy makeup (which I hate) we were ready to go out for the night. We hung at the hotel socializing for a while and then down the street for dinner. This was the first time going out as Christy in public and I enjoyed the night. After dinner we went back to the 8th floor where lots of people were dancing and sing kereoke or just lounging around on the patio. It was nice to just talk with people about their lives and experiences. Then off to bed around midnight.The next day I did a yoga class on the terace and then had a complementary breakfast with everyone. We went to more seminars, lunch and then a fun pool party (what a site that was for the tourists) before I had to leave. Later they had a big fancy dinner but they were sold out. All in all it was a great trip. The room was $150 for an upgrade. $50 for the conference. We ate out 3 times costing about $75 total. I could have done the whole conference for under $200 easily if I wanted. Okay so that is the basics and hear is what I learned about myself on this trip. I love my friends and the support we give to each other is fantastic. I can trust them. It was pretty scary going out on the street at night. I absolutely hated the wig and the heavy makeup. Hated it! It is very important for me to look and feel natural, Comfortable. Getting made up to look like a doll was fun for a night but that is not me. Good to know right? I would rather look androgynous and real then pretty and fake. I am not sure that makes sense but that is me. I like to wear some tight jeans with a nice cotton t-top and sandels. Very little/light makeup and I love to smell good. My skin and nails are done nice but not over the top. Some nice sparkle stud ear rings and a cap or something until my hair grows out. I would have had a better time going out at night if I just dressed the way I wanted too but that's how I learn. The next day I did just that. Also high heels hurt I don't know how people wear them all day. Ridiculous. Why don't you just stick a fork in my foot. LOL The funny thing is yesterday I went to my therapy appointment dressed just like I wanted with no makeup (just did't have time) and people were saying miss and girl. It caught me off guard at first but then I started to expect it. I even added on a couple of extra errands to keep the vibe going. I guess I have changed more than I thought. The whole experience taught me a lot about myself and the transgender community in general. I feel far more confident with myself as well. I will be looking for more events to go to and I might try a Meet Up group. They have groups for everything, Bowling, Running, Dancing, Singing, Art, Beach and more. Live Love Learn Christy😍
  4. Christy

    Growing up and out.

    That’s a good idea to check on the meds. I found that anti-depression medication just wasn’t helpful for me to be on long term. I had to find another way. For me it was just like sticking a finger in a dam to stop the leak. It really didn’t solve the problems it just masked them. It also threw off my natural system. I do have meds to get me through REALLY tough times but I only take it as a last resort. Therapy has been one of the best things I’ve done. It allows me to talk through the issues and solve the problems that I am confronted with. Huge help. This allows me to be me with out the baggage of my brain or the past. The human body is an amazing machine but if we don’t take steps to oil it and maintain it. Well........it starts to break down. I’m sorry you’re feeling bad but remember that won’t last forever and before you know it you’ll be up again. 😊
  5. Christy

    Being misunderstood

    All through my relationship with my wife I have made a daily goal to at least do one thing. Make her have a belly laugh at least once a day. I’m not able to do it every day but it’s still a goal that I meditate on every morning.
  6. Christy

    Being misunderstood

    This this is happening to me in my own house. Before I came out to my wife I was displaying almost all the same feminine manners that I do now. I may be a bit more feminine at times but my kids don’t know yet so I’m not truly free to be me. I don’t even know if it would make a difference in how I act if they knew. I feel like I’m under a microscope in my own home as my wife constantly focuses on what I’m doing and saying. She is now hypersensitive to everything. She even told me that the way I see it and cross my legs or stand at the kitchen counter is bothering her. I know that this is all fear-based but I didn’t realize how much stress this is putting on me until she went away on a trip. I felt better about myself and the way I looked. My therapist help me with this big time because I just couldn’t see it. It really effected my self image. It caused me to question my transition and mental status. Now with this knowledge I am able to address this in a more productive manner. I was able to talk with her about it and even got her to giggle about it. Barely. It turns out that she doesn’t really mind all these things. it just causes her to look into the future and project what might be, also it makes her afraid the kids might notice something and ask questions that she’s not ready to answer. When people are afraid they start to project. This is completely normal and a survival mechanism that is natural. So for me the key is to alleviate the fear if possible. Just like anything this takes practice to be able to do it in a way that is non-threatening. Humor works really well and I guess I’m lucky because I’m able to laugh at myself pretty easily.
  7. Christy

    Being misunderstood

    I agree many people are afraid of transgender people. It must be difficult for you. For me personally I just tone down my appearance to where I’m androgynous ish. I also go in boy mode still for work and other things. I actually like the androgynous look because it’s fun, people just don’t know what to make of me. I dress appropriately for the situation as best I can. This mitigates the back lash out in public. I also stay confident in myself and that is really important.
  8. Christy

    Growing up and out.

    Mikaylajane I think everybody goes through that whether they are transgender or not. It’s pretty common for people to question their body and not feel happy about the way they look at different times in their lives. Especially for us. I remember even when my body was in peak physical condition as a male and girls/gay guys where hitting on me all the time there were moments when I wasn’t happy with my body. Dysphoria aside. Don’t get me wrong I loved the attention and it allowed me to get close to a lot of girls but I always thought I could do more. I guess being transgender had a lot to do with that though I didn’t know it at the time. In all reality I’m still like that I guess always tweaking. Lol 😂. I think it’s great that you are dressing more often and brave enough to go out. Kudos to you! I think you’re also very lucky in the fact that you’re changing without HRT. Another plus!😀 Friends will come and go so get used to that it happens to everyone trans or not. Going to a group is huge and I think you’ll find some new friends there. At least people that you can relate too and know what you’re going through. Great support! I had to search far and wide and go long distances to find the right groups for me. Some of the groups I just couldn’t relate to anyone in the group on that day. But the make up of the group usually changes depending on who shows up obviously. Ask questions. Speak up. You will not do yourself any good just sitting there and try to talk with the people who are just sitting there because they usually need to talk to someone. That’s what I found anyways. In time I found groups really close to my home and one that I love that’s about an hour away that meets once a week which is great. I would suggest looking for an LGBT/pride center as they usually offer a lot of different types of meetings. They are also a fantastic place to find the resources that you need. Many times they have free therapy! Also look at meet ups. I have not done that yet because I promised my wife I would wait but they seem to have a lot of fun doing things. All the best 😍 Christy
  9. Christy

    Growing up and out.

    I am so sorry to hear that Emma. I can only imagine the sadness you feel and my thoughts are with you. I have been worried about the same thing. I have come so far but what if they stop my hormones? Then what? I work really hard to keep my diet on track to reduce the chance of blood clots but every time I get a blood test I am on pins and needles until the doctor says I’m ok. I have been working on changing my hrt from pills to injections to reduce the chance of blood clots but my endo is pushing back on that and I couldn’t understand why until Wednesday. I went to a new Pflag group that is fairly new and really close to my home. It was a great meeting and my parents will join me in the future. 😊 I met a girl named Jessie who is also married and about the same age which is cool. I’m hoping to get more information from them about how they are getting through this but time will tell. Anyway Jessie used to go to the same endo that I go to but stopped. She tried to get on injections and the endo said that she had never prescribed them before! The endo did prescribe the injections. There were some really bad things that happened to Jesse after that that I won’t get into. She now travels really far for a good endo. So now I’m concerned whether or not she knows what she’s doing. I’m going to set up an appointment with her to talk about all my concerns and then make a decision after that. I have also started looking for another Endo. Emma do you think that switching to injections or patches will help? Maybe you already did. Once again I’m so sorry to hear this news for you. When things like this happen to me I always think of the saying. “ everything that I perceive as a problem is actually an opportunity in disguise” sometimes it takes time to figure out what that actually means but in my experience it usually comes full circle at some point. I wish you all the best.
  10. Christy

    Live Love Learn

    Live Learn and Love....you pick the order. As life rolls on I learn more about myself, the world and everything becomes just a bit clearer. Now I have been through a bunch of ups and downs lately that have really tested my resolve but just as the tide comes in I know it will go out. I choose to ride each wave as best I can and even though I will never catch them all I keep trying. When my body is spent and trying to ride another wave is pointless I rest and reflect on all the one's I caught and lost. Learning from others can help me catch the next one by watch, talking and by them pointing out my mistakes. This is the foundation of life for me. The foundation needs to be strong otherwise the home will be weak and fall or more appropriately get knocked over by someone else, sometime by accident and sometimes on purpose. My wife and I are surviving but not living not loving each other. The silents in the house on the matter of me being trans is so loud that I can hardly breath at times. This causes me to panic, search for an answer or relief but I know from a life time of searching that the dark hallway is nowhere I want to be. So, I open my mouth and start to speak, I force the conversation just so I can breath but what I really feel like doing is running. As my wife and I talk about this Transgender dilemma we find just a bit of peace. She has said "yes I will go to therapy with you" and a weight was lifted but my body is still carrying far more weight than my soul can handle. We have been getting alone but she is distant and I don't feel any love or respect from her. She has told me that she will not be able to handle me becoming a women. I don't blame her for making that statement as I have asked myself if she was to become a man how would I feel? I guess I would try and see how it goes. I'm not sure where our lives would go. So, how can I ask her to give it a shot without understanding the big picture. My mom has felt the need to run to her side and make the "well being of the kids" the priority. What ever we do the kids my come first. Of course mom and wife. My wife and mother are terrified that I will throw on a dress and start running around town. LOL. This is an exploration of my gender Identity with one goal at hand. To find out what and where I can just be me without the pain and suffering that I have haunted my soul for a lifetime. That is exactly it, MY SOUL and it is finally time to breath. I don't know if we will stay together or divorce but I do know that I will try my best to be the type of human being my family can be proud of. I actually feel like I should let her go so she can be free. Am I holding on out of fear of being alone? Is she trying to hold on out of guilt or shame? Does she want to be free of me? Do I want to be free of her? There are pros and cons on both sides of the list. Do I want to look closely at that list? The last thing I want to do is harm anyone including myself. We will hopefully hash some of this out at the therapy meeting but I know this is going to take time. Somedays I am happy and content to go slow and basically be me as I am now. Other days I am running for the door to transform like Wonder Women spinning around. What is up with that? My GP put me on some non addictive antidepressants to help with the extreme levels of anxiety that I would get once in a while. I felt like a zombie, no real emotions and that was a bummer so I got off them. Plus I just don't like taking pills (yes that is ironic). He gave me something else just to get through the really tough times but I have had no need for them yet. Before I made the commitment to explore my gender farther I had to get to a place in my mind and accept that I will probably lose everything in my life that I love. Or close to it. "If you love something set it free and if it comes back to you it was meant to be". I guess I am going to set her free and give her the freedom to choose without the guilt of me hanging on. Anyway that's the plan and we will see what happens. I am living, I am learning, Am I loving?????? Sometimes it's hard for me to tell what's going on. Christy lets be free.
  11. Christy

    Labels

    I like that. I don't really mind labels, we need them. Could you pass the ??? please. That cisgendermale is a ?????? driver. She is a ?????? queen. I tend to not get caught up in the forcing others to use labels they don't like or don't understand. If I present more male and my voice is lower then fine, sir it is. If I'm out as me and presenting female then fine she it is but if someone makes a mistake I don't let it bother me. Unless it is meant to harm me or someone around me. I do like adding something on that is short but sweet, maybe like "women TG" . na . uhmm. "women gender", "Female gendered" I don't know... but I do like the concept it just needs to be short and sweet.
  12. Christy

    Getting Caught!

    Yes I will post about the convention. I just have not had time yet. Hopefully later today. 😊
  13. Christy

    Getting Caught!

    Only time will tell. I just got back from the convention and the weirdest thing has happened to me. I am finding it hard to put on boy clothes. I was standing in the closet looking for something to wear. I couldn’t find anything. I just didn’t want boys clothes on my body. I was able to dress androgynous but that was just a compromise really. Before I was fine going back and forth. I thought I would be okay with guy clothes for a long time but I didn’t see this shift in needs. So you never know. I am happy about it surprisingly. 😊
  14. Christy

    Sometimes you slide backwards.

    Feeling weirdly naked means you are moving forward towards something more freeing. That’s my experience anyway. At least you are aware of this and that is huge because many people go through life without deep self reflection. What is life really about? What is the real reason I have tension in me? Talking about it with others is important especially if they can relate. It seems to ease my fears and tension. I also have learned that if I get stressed about something it means it’s important to me and that knowledge let me see my life more clearly in a way. Have fun and smile for others, and yourself!😊
  15. Christy

    On again/off again- In and OUT

    Very Good! Enjoy! You will have moments of worry. Everyone does. Trans or not. I am a thinker as well and pride myself on getting things done. Especially when someone says I can't do it, or it can't be done. I held the record for back flips on a trampoline "6" and the only reason I did it was because the guy who held the record of "5" said no way I could do it. Really? (not sure if that holds up still it was with a bunch of stuntmen in 92' ish) I used to say that I didn't suffer over this. Until I really started taking a deep look at my life. There were so many things that I suppressed or just didn't see the impact it had on me. I was so used to being under a stress load that it became normal. I didn't even think of it as stressful. My mind and body adapted so that I couldn't recognize it for what it was, until I went through things with my therapist and on my own. The human body is an amazing thing. So I have to ask myself...uhmmm what else am I missing or what else do I need to look at. Now that I am aware of my tolerance to stress I can stop holding it in. Letting things out is the scary part and can take me down a bad road if I have no one to share it with. Suicide starts to enter the area. (don't worry i'm not going to end it, just a thought. being honest) Anyway I have to take my time and be ready for the mental gymnastics that are sure to come. 😍 Enjoy the journey!😘 Christy
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